you guys are so cute with your comments omg you make my day
anyways here's the next chapter okay bye
--
[Kellin's POV]
Two weeks. It's been two fucking weeks since I kissed Vic, and he's still avoiding me like I'm the Black Plague. You know it's really hard to stick to this new positive and optimistic point of view when the person you want the most wants nothing to do with you.
The thing I don't get is why he kissed me back. If he doesn't want to be with me, then why would he kiss me back? And why didn't he push me away? I mean he told me that he's too afraid to get into another relationship, but why? I don't have any details about what happened or why he's so afraid, so it's hard to wrap my mind around the concept. I just wish he didn't ignore me like he's been doing. I get it, he's afraid of a relationship, but that doesn't mean he has to ignore me and avoid me all the time. He could at least be game enough to come home instead of hiding away at Jaime and Tony's dorm all the time.
I have to stop thinking about this so much, it's literally driving me to the brink of insanity. I can't concentrate on anything other than what he said to me and what could've possibly happened to make him so terrified. I would ask him, but he won't give me the time of day for two damn seconds so I can try and talk to him about it. I'm starting to realize just how much of a coward he really his. He acts all tough and brave on the outside, but on the inside he's just like everyone else. Venerable and scared just like the rest of us, maybe even a bit more than some people. But something had to happen to make him this way, and dammit I'll find out even if it kills me.
I thought all of this on my way to work, I've been putting in a little extra time for my trip to see Jesse, it's in like two weeks and I'm so excited. I've missed him and the boys so much I can't wait to finally see them again. With all this extra overtime that means I have about $900 total for the trip, which is way more than I need but whatever. It added up fast seeing as I've been working for about a month and a half now, and I don't have any bills to pay. I'm not gonna use all of it though, only what I need, because I'm saving up for that car.
The plane ticket there and back will cost me about $250, so that leaves me with more than enough money to spend down there. I don't even have to be working overtime, but I'm doing it just in case I have to end up staying at a hotel while I'm down there. I'm supposed to be staying at Jesse's, but if something does happen then I want to be prepared.
I walked into work for that day, making my way to the back room so I can clock in. When I got in there I was taken back at what I saw. There, up against the wall was Ronnie, being pushed up against it by none other than Vic. Neither of them had seen me so I backed up out of the room and eased dropped on their conversation. It wasn't the right thing to do, but I didn't really care.
"I want you to stay away from him you, got it? I already told you what would happen if you didn't." Vic threatened.
"Why do you even care if I pick on the little fag boy or not? What are you two secret lovers or something?" Ronnie shot back. Were they talking about me? My nickname for Ronnie is fag boy, so it could be a possibility. But why would Vic be protecting me right now? I thought he wanted nothing to do with me.
Vic must've had enough of Ronnie's bullshit because I next thing I heard was Ronnie crying out in agony, indicating that Vic probably punched him. And when I rounded the corner to stop anything else that could happen, I was proven right as I saw Ronnie's nose gushing out blood.
Vic had a mix of a satisfaction and annoyance on his face, but it changed to one of shock when he saw me standing in the door way.
"What the actual fuck are you doing?" I yelled before he had a chance to speak.
I don't know if it was because he's been ignoring me lately, but something in me snapped and I was suddenly pissed off a Vic and his actions. He can't say that he doesn't want to try to form a relationship with me and ignore me, then go around pulling shit like this.
"What are you doing here?" Vic asked. Trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why he's protecting me, but I don't know if there is one anymore.
"You know I could ask you the same thing. What's your deal? You can't just ignore and avoid me and then go and try protecting me. It doesn't work like that." I ranted, letting out my frustrations, not caring anymore that Ronnie could hear everything that was going on.
"How about some fucking gratitude?!" He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off before he could speak his next sentence.
"Gratitude?! Are you fucking kidding me?! Vic it's been two weeks. Two fucking weeks since I kissed you, and you've been avoiding me like I have the world’s most deadly disease ever since. And you know damn well you have been too. Do you know how frustrating it is to be ignored by the person you want attention from the most?" I probably should've stopped there, but I couldn't, my mouth was on over drive and I didn't have any control in what I was saying anymore.
"I've tried to be patient with you because I thought you needed time, I understood that you were scared and I respected that. But you can't say one thing and do another. You can't treat me like I don't exist and then fight off my bullies for me. It's confusing, it's so damn confusing, and every time I think I have you figured out, you go and pull shit like this and I'm right back to square one. I need for you to make up your mind and stick to it, because your mood swings are giving me major whiplash." And with that, I turned around and walked out. Not really caring what the consequences would be for skipping work. I needed time to think about things.
[Vic's POV]
I stood there in shock as I tried to process all that was just said to me. I know I've been avoiding him, I'll admit that, but with good reason. A reason that he wouldn't understand. I thought about going after him, but I had other things to worry about. And when I say things, I mean Ronnie. He was still sitting on the ground, probably just as shocked as I was, maybe even a little more. I turned around to face the asshole, and as soon as we made eye contact the bastard grinned at me.
"Man Fuentes, did you fuck up." He said, an amused look lacing his disgusting features. I fucking hate this guy.
I kicked him in the shin, and bent over to grab a fist full of his hair, not giving him any time to recover from the blow to the leg. I got in his face so we were merely inches away.
"I want you to listen to me, and listen well. If you tell a single soul about what just happened, I'll make sure it's the last thing you ever do here. I can promise you." I finished my threat, and slammed his head against the floor. Leaving him hurting all over.
I decided that I should probably go and talk to Kellin. I honestly didn't realize how frustrating all this must be for him, and he deserves some answers. Some.
You see, the thing that he doesn't get is that I have a past. It's not necessarily a bright one either. It was one filled with hurting and pain, abuse even. I don't like talking about it, it took me years to open up to tell Tone and Hime about it, and I've known them since I was nine. I believe that what's in the past should stay in the past, it doesn't need to be brought up again because it's not important. But if it will ease Kellin's mind a little bit, then so be it. I'll tell him why I'm so hesitant about being in a relationship with him.
I knew exactly where he was too. You see the thing with Kellin, I have a slight infatuation with this boy. I don't know why, but he's interesting to me and I feel the dire need to know every little thing about him. The thought scared me at first, because I've secluded and protected myself from getting involved with anyone new, but as time pasted I just accepted it. I accepted it because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stay away from the little shit. I tried being an asshole, telling myself that hated him even when I knew I didn't. I tried ignoring him, much like I'm doing now, but I always found myself coming into his work when it's his shift or taking the same routes he does, hoping that I would bump into him. Even now I follow him around sometimes to make sure he's doing okay, as creepy as that sounds. I can't stay away from him and that scares me and frustrates me both, because this has never happened before. There's something about the skinny, pale boy that makes me want to take care of him and protect him, and I don't know whether to act on that instinct or not. I've told myself in the past that I was going to get over my fears and start treating him the way I've been wanting to so badly, but I just can't. I'm still restricted and scarred from my past and all that's happened, it's constantly getting in the way of every chance I have at a relationship. I wish I could move on, but I'm so fucking terrified and I hate that. I hate that I shut people out, I hate that I'm scared, I just hate the way I've become.
My time for thinking was cut short when I rounded the corner that led to the entrance way to the beach. I walked over and slipped through the crack, and sure enough there was Kellin sitting pretty under the tree like he usually is.
I walked over and sat down next to him, taking note of how his breath caught in his throat and he tensed up a little. I stared out over the ocean trying to muster up enough courage to talk. Because even though I don't act like it, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of letting people in again with the chance of me getting hurt. It's always been my first instinct and judgment to lock someone out and distance myself, but with Kellin I didn't want to do that, not anymore.
"Kell," I said, finally looking over at the beautiful boy with the diamond blue eyes, "we need to talk."