(The popular girl, that's me... And I hate every minute of it)
"Hi Imogen" I said, feeling cold inside. I swear I could go out in the skimpiest of skirts, wearing the lowest cut shortest crop top and feel no colder than if I was wearing eight layers including a hat and scarf, maybe being cold inside does that to you; internally icy.
"Hi Sophie. How are things going, how was your Summer?" Six weeks, they say time flies when your having fun but I think time flies when your heart is ripped to shreds by the person you love and trust, before being spat out, hit by a truck and carried along the motorway for forty miles before being slowly eaten by scrounging animals. Yeah, that's how good I was feeling.
"It was really good thank you" I was famous at this school for my politeness, it was strange to be considered the prettiest and happiest girl when inside you felt like you were betraying your true nature for being perceived this way. Especially seeing as the 'popular' girl is the secretly bitchy, 'in your face' girl, who back-stabs and rules through terror.
"So I hear you and Riley finally hooked up then?" Riley was my best friend, he had been ever since we were little, going up through school together from the age of three. I had always told him everything, gone to him when things got too much, hugged and cherished everything he had ever given me. His many valentines and birthday cards were in a scrapbook back at my house and the bracelet he got me for our month anniversary hung off my wall on a small hook above my head when I slept, I loved the little charm of a dream catcher. And I loved him dearly, but when I had finally 'hooked up' with him at a party this Summer, it was mostly due to the alcohol. The party had been the night my mum decided to drop that bombshell on me, I had needed something to take the numbness and pain away, to make my head think of something other than that. The alcohol did the trick, and made me lose something I had always held so dear. Riley knew it meant a lot to me, he was gentle and careful. But my heart hadn't been in it.
And now I was talk of the town, texts and messages ever since had been swarming my blackberry telling how I was so lucky, some were more graphic, how big was it? Was he good? Did he go hard or slow?
I deleted them without a reply.
I didn't give in to idle gossip. Especially when most of it came from my stupid followers who pretend to be all sweet and innocent and pretend to like me when I could see the resentment hidden deep behind their eyes, and occasionally not even that deep. It was like they didn't care that I could see, see the way that none of them actually cared if I was hurting, as long as I ruled the school things like 'real' friends were hard to.
I didn't care that they didn't care whether I was hurting, it didn't hurt; not really. I was still numb, still unfeeling, still ripped to pieces inside. Pain.
"Yeah, it was really special and romantic too. It really meant something to me" My heart wasn't in the pretence, I had loved Riley, but now... I felt too alone to truly love him anymore. It was like he had been the only other person who would listen when I said I wanted to find my Dad, he had paid for my account on family-finder.net and had made me believe I would one day see him. He had faith, and he'd made me confident, but now I knew no amount of confidence would bring my Dad back. And even though it was horrible to say, it was like everything that Riley did for me wasn't quite enough, like I had been using him. But I hadn't meant to hurt him, and there was something deep within me that cared about him.
But was that love?
At least I said what I knew would make him happy, I would never do anything to hurt him. And I wouldn't belittle the fact that he had been my first time, it hadn't been the perfect location but he'd been really gentle and careful and he had told me he loved me and how beautiful he thought I was, and at that moment I had meant it when I told him that I loved him, and I did. But did I love him enough?
Imogen's high pitched screech pulled me back to reality hard making my ears yell in protest before they started ringing. I smiled as a reflex and blushed when I heard what she said,
"So was it all it's cracked up to be, I mean obviously Riley would be really attentive, he's crazy about you and everyone knows it, you can just see it in his eyes. When your together it radiates of of you, it's so cute" Is that how it seemed when we were together, I put it down to the fact that I could actually smile when he was there, that I would genuinely find him funny and laugh at his jokes, that when he kissed me I blushed because it felt good. Maybe I did love him. I could also see how Imogen looked really pissed off about the whole affair, like it was a personal affront to her.
"He made it the most special night of my life, everything was perfect. I mean it was sweet, he told me everything he loved about me in this great long list and it was everything I thought it would be and more" I wasn't lying, I thought that sex would be just that. No emotional involvement and just a physical interaction. But it was special, like everyone said it should be.
"You two are actually the cutest couple ever!" She then descended into hushed tones "But I feel really silly asking this, but well... I urm... Did it hurt?" I smiled, more genuinely than I usually would. She leaned in and I out my lips near her ear.
"Like you wouldn't know" I smiled mischievously and headed to my classroom. Thing is Imogen played the innocent virgin to me, but I knew she was most certainly not innocent. I carried on walking. Imogen followed behind like she had some kind of big news she had to tell me.
I walked into my classroom and as if on cue, everyone's heads turned to look at me. I remember the first time this had happened, when I was the new girl, just after I hit puberty and moved here from my old school down the road with a set of boobs to rest the moon on and a waist that rivalled Marilyn Monroe. Ever since then I had been swamped, I was surprised how much my social standing had changed in just six short weeks, from my old school to here I had gone from social outcast to social royalty.
I was interrogated for a few minutes with questions like 'Is it true?' and 'Did you really?' and then the most annoying was all the potty girls going 'why didn't you tell me?' followed by all the male half of the population saying 'what the hell, looks like he's won'. I wondered what the hell had Riley won by nailing me this summer, in the crude way that all the boys were describing it as, 'nailing' someone. I mean what was it with men and making private matters something to do with tools, screwing and nailing; I mean please.
I could see Riley sat in the corner at the back surrounded by a gaggle of girls and hot boys, obviously none as hot as him though, and I smiled as I danced over to my perfect boy. He pulled the plugs out of his ears quickly to grab my collar forcefully. I raised my eyebrows and wiggled them, I hadn't seen him since the party but I had spoken to him every night since and he'd called to just say goodnight and that he loved me.
"My sunshine came at last, I have been waiting for you since eight forty five it is now nine ten, do you know the undying agony I have been going through?" I laughed like he had said something undeniably funny, and everyone laughed along with me. I found it funny that Riley had this amazing affinity to maintain his coolness when being all soppy.
"Oh I am sorry that I have kept you waiting an entire twenty five minutes for me, but come on Riles don't you think I'm worth waiting for?" I batted my eyelashes at Riley using my pet name for him that made my girl 'friends' snicker playfully. They all wished they were the ones that got to call him by a pet name.
"I know for a fact he had to wait at least three months" Some boy near the back of the class said, he was the loudest most annoying of all of Riley's friends and had me blushing profusely, I could see the tensing in Riley's arms. I loved Riley but he was quite quick to fly off the handle, he enjoyed the idea of protecting me even though it drove me insane.
"It's the first day back and if I wanted to listen to that I would have gone to a bar and talked to another desperate layabout but I didn't, so I suggest you shut up" And that's why I didn't like Riley being all macho and possessive over me, I was more than capable of handling myself.
Half the class yelled at the tip of their voice, "Burn!" and then the teacher walked in.
English was truly the best lesson to start the day with.
Because, as well as Riley, writing stories was the only thing that made me happy. And most of my stories entailed a girl who was searching for something that she wasn't sure existed, but she had to keep searching anyway. Like me, and my long term search for my Dad which had been going for sixteen years...
AUTHORS POV
Hiya all, well I'm guessing your getting into the mood of the story if you are still reading, YAY! :D I reall like where this story is going, and I really appreciate your comments and votes, and your reads!! So if your reading this you have given me another little number to add to my reads, which is awesome!!! I love seeing my reads go up daily, its such a confidence burst, and I'd love to get more comments if possible.
What do you think of Sophie?
Do you think that her Dad should really be dead, or do you think she should 'bump' into him at some point? Hmmm... you'll have to read on and find out which I decided...
Ta all love Samantha xxx