Disclaimer: This was written over 10 years ago, and the author no longer agrees with many of the concepts found in this story. Some of the content will be cringey and/or problematic. Please remember this is entirely fictional and does not represent the author's beliefs.
Twitter: dazzleizzy
Copyright © 2012-2023
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Zayn's POV
It's already Tuesday, my birthday. It's my twenty-third birthday, and I could not feel any shittier than I do today.
I haven't talked to Abigail since the day after she dropped the bleach on herself, and it's driving me fucking crazy. I wanted to hold her again, to touch her, to feel her. I wanted to go back to my parent's house, where it was just me and her, and no one else. One on one. Without outside interruptions. Without Caleb, and without fucking Sebastian.
I'd managed to avoid her all week, even though it was driving me crazy. I felt like she wanted space, and so I gave her it.
Either that, or I was just too much of a wimp to go talk to her.
I'd even not gone to any of the meals after that. I just had everything brought to me upstairs, and I'd eat alone. By myself.
I hated it. I hated it so fucking much.
And I was itching to talk to her.
That's it, Zayn. You've given her enough space. Go talk to her, I tell myself.
The thing was, was that I did need to talk to her. And maybe even...as much as it makes me cringe, I needed to apologize. Maybe. I don't know.
I know that if I do, I'll feel better..more relaxed.
We'll get past this, I convince myself, I know we will.
I close my eyes, and exhale deeply. Ok, I will. I'll go talk to her.
What's the worst that can happen, right? Everything will be okay.
Little did I know, nothing would turn out the way I'd hoped for it to be.
--
Amber's POV
When my eyes caught sight of him, my stomach turned. It was wrong, so wrong to feel this way about Niall. The only thing I was supposed to feel towards him was love - pure, unconditional, irrevocable love - but I couldn't help but feel dread as I made my way over to him.
His back was to me, and he couldn't see me.
He'd been avoiding me for too long, and I can't take it anymore.
The entire security room was deserted except for Niall, who sat in a chair, slumped forward in front of the large camera screens.
When I take a few steps closer, I noticed that his head was rested on his arms, and that he was asleep.
Poor baby, I thought. He must be so tired.
"Niall?" I speak softly, shaking his shoulder. "Niall? Wake up, babe."
He lets out a soft groan, and his eyes flutter open. "Mmm?"
"Niall, let's go back to your room. You need to rest."
He shakes his head, closing his eyes. "No...can't. I have to...keep watch." His voice is slow and thick with sleep.
I sigh, and then tenderly brush a stray hair out of his eyes. Turning around at a noise, I see that a security guard has walked in on us.
"What are you doing in here?" He asks suspiciously.
Instead of answering him, I ask him a question of my own. "Is it okay if I take Niall back to his room and you keep watch? He needs to rest."
The man nods. "Of course. I'll keep watch."
I thank him, and pull Niall up and out of his chair. "C'mon, babe. Let's go."
Niall stands up groggily, turning to the man. "Carl, you'll be okay? I swear, I just need an hour-"
"Don't worry about it. I got it. Go get yourself some rest." The man, Carl, assures Niall.
I reach for Niall's hand, but he pulls his away. I try to mask the hurt on my features, but it's hard, so I look away. "Let's go back to your room."
When we walk back to Niall's room, he immediately slumps onto the bed, not bothering to change.
"Niall, at least take off your jeans. You're not going to be comfortable." I plead, stepping to his bedside.
"Unnghh." He groans, and kicks his feet over the edge of the bed. He sleepily pulls off his jeans, and throws them onto the floor. He pulls the duvet up and over him, and closes his eyes.
Something sinks inside me, and I close my eyes, holding back tears. I had no clue what was wrong with Niall, what I did, what I said. But I feel horrible, and I just want to cry.
A bring my hands up to my face and cover my mouth before I let out a cry. A muted sob comes out, and I turn away.
Please, please, just let us be okay.
"Amber?" His voice comes out thick with sleep.
I look down at him cautiously, and he opens his eyes slightly, red from lack of sleep. "Yes?"
His arms reach up and around me, pulling me downwards into his arms. his body shifts backwards so that there's room for me on his mattress, and he lazily snuggles his face into my hair as he throws a leg around my body. "Sleep with me."
I'm overcome by emotion, relieved, but I know it would only last for a short while. But while his arms were around me, I couldn't be worried. All I felt was rejoice, and comfort as I basked in the warmth of his body around mine.
--
Zayn's POV
I knocked on her door, timidly. "Abby?"
Pressing my ear to the door, I hear shuffling on the other side, but she doesn't answer.
"Abby? C'mon, open the door."
I hear a 'hmph' on the other side of the door, and then footsteps away from it.
"Abby. Unlock the door, seriously."
Still no reply.
"Abby, I swear to god-" I stop my words before they come out. Yelling at her wouldn't solve anything. It'd probably just make her more angry at me.
"Abby, please, talk to me." I feel uncomfortable as she continues to ignore me. "Abby."
When she doesn't answer me again, I sigh, and rest my forehead against the door. "Fine, Abigail. But we'll have to talk about this eventually. You know that."
I walk away from the door, with the full intention of tricking her into opening the door. We had to talk about this now. Not eventually.
I make my way out of the corridor, and then lean against the wall where Abby wouldn't be able to see me if she opened the door.
Waiting five, maybe ten minutes, I stood silently. When I decide that I've given her enough time to make sure she won't think it's me at the door, I quietly made my way back to her door.
When I knocked again, I heard footsteps, and the door swung open.
The look of surprise on her face made it clear that she was not expecting me, but someone else.
She immediately attempted to slam the door shut, but I stopped the door from closing with the corner of my shoe.
"Abby, stop avoiding me! We need to talk!" I say, and use my fingers to pry the door ajar.
She struggles to close the door, but I won't have it.
Before long, her arms give out, and I have her door wide open. She's panting, frustrated.
"Abby."
"What do you want?" She snarls, stepping backwards into her room.
I step towards her, closer and closer, so that she walks all the way backwards into her room, and I'm inside as well. With the palm of my hand, I close the door behind us.
"Abby..."
She won't even look into my eyes.
"Abby, I know I shouldn't have pointed the gun-"
"Yeah, you shouldn't have." She finally spits out vehemently.
I don't even care that she's mad, because at least she's finally talking. I reply back to her, my voice cautious. "Okay I know, but I was just trying to protect you-"
She cuts me off again, shrieking. "Protect me? Protect me! Protect me from what, my brother? By pointing a gun to him? And then turning back and putting the same gun to my head?"
"I-"
"Your argument is complete and utter bullshit. You weren't trying to protect me! Why would you even do that?"
"Because!" I yell back at her, exasperated. My hands grip her sides, pressing her up against the wall of her bedroom. "Sebastian left you as a child! He abandoned you! He obviously didn't care enough about you to stay. Haven't you ever thought that I...care about you?"
Her lips part as if she's about to tell me off, but then she stops, and looks away. "Don't lie to me. You don't give a shit about me."
I bring a hand under her chin, pulling her so that she'd have to face me. She still refused to meet my eyes, though.
"I'm not lying to you, Abby." I say, my voice a million times lower than it was just moments ago at my confession.
"Look, Sir, I don't want to fight you right now. I'm exhausted, and I-"
"We don't have to fight. You can forgive me."
She snorts, her satiric attitude back. "Yeah, right. Of course I can. Simple, right?" Her voice is thick with sarcasm.
When I don't reply, she puts a hand to my chest, and pushes me away.
"You really think I'd forgive you after pointing that gun to my head? Pointing at my brother, maybe. But me? You're fucking hilarious if you think it's that easy."
I clench my fists, trying to control the rush of anger that coursed through my veins. "You're not innocent here either, Abby. If you remember clearly, you not only pointed the gun at me, but you also pulled the trigger."
"That was an accident." She says defensively.
"There are no such things as accidents. Everything happens for a reason."
When Abby realizes that she's also at fault here, she attempts to steer the blame away from herself.
"You put the gun to my head."
"It was empty." I backfire.
"What?" Her eyes widen.
I nod. "There were no more fucking bullets in there. There was only one in there. You used it."
When she realizes again that she's run out of things to call me out for, she sputters. "Still."
"Still what?!" I roar. "You've wronged just as much as I have!" My hands grab hold of her arms, pushing her back against the wall and pinning her there once more.
"You still held the gun at Sebastian. He had nothing to do with anythi-"
I cut her off by smashing my lips against hers, kissing her angrily. Fuck, how I've missed this.
Its been almost two weeks since I'd lasted tasted her lips, so I was so caught up in the thought of the kiss that I hadn't noticed she wasn't kissing me back.
"Kiss me." I growl against her lips, and mold my body into hers.
She doesn't move; she doesn't say anything.
"Abigail, kiss me." I attack her lips one more time, my hands traveling up her sides and back.
No response.
I pull away, frustrated. "Why won't you kiss me? What do I have to do get you to be your normal self again?" My words are loud, but not as loud as I wanted them to be.
She doesn't answer again, her eyes still not meeting mine. They hadn't met my eyes once the entire time I was in her room.
"What? What do you want, Abby? Sebastian? Do I have to bring fucking Sebastian here so that you'll be normal again?"
Her eyes widen in disbelief, meeting mine for the first time tonight, but only for a brief second. "You wouldn't actually do that."
"How would you know what I would and wouldn't do? You don't know anything."
"Because if it's one thing I know about you, is that you're selfish. You don't share. Even if it's just my brother."
She catches me off guard by her words, because they couldn't be any more accurate.
"You don't know anything." I glare at her. "Maybe I will bring him here."
"But I do." She's glaring at me. "And you're just bluffing."
Before I do something stupid, I kiss her again. I bring down my lips onto hers forcefully, overpowering and dominating her once more. I needed this - I needed her, and the sick desire to control her.
But Abby couldn't, and wouldn't be controlled. Abby's personality burned strong, fiery and stubborn as hell. Fuck, her stubbornness was probably worse than mine, and that's why we're so terrible for each other. Terrible, but so goddamn worth it.
She still refused to return my kiss, and it made me only crave her more. But I pulled away, slipped on a cool, stone hard face, acting as if her rejection didn't bother me.
But inside, I was dying.
As I stepped to her door, I turned to her one last time. "So you're not going to come celebrate my birthday at the party with me?"
Her eyes are glued to the floor when she shakes her head solemnly.
Something inside my stomach sinks, and I slowly nod to myself before stepping out of the room and closing her door behind me.
--
Abby's POV
Before he had tricked me into opening the door for him, I had packed a few more things, such as tampons, that I needed.
He used his foot to keep me from slamming the door on him, and then proceeded to pull it open.
I struggled to close it, because the last thing I wanted to do right now was talk to him. If I talked to him, then I'd have the risk of changing my mind, and not escaping. And as much as I had feelings for Zayn, it wouldn't matter.
All he wanted to do was control me, and I couldn't let that happen. Seeing Sebastian for the first time in years was an eye-opener for me; it made me realize that I was totally wasting my time here. My need and desire to be free had been forgotten in the midst of the luxury we lived in here. But now, it's back, and I couldn't talk to Zayn, or he might unknowingly convince me to stay.
"Abby, stop avoiding me! We need to talk!" He says, pulling the door open.
I try my hardest and put all my pressure on the door so that it would close, but without avail. My arms give out, and he pulls the door completely wide open.
"Abby."
"What do you want?" I snarl, and take a step backwards. The look on his face is pained, but I can't give in. Heaven knows I have a soft spot for him, but I need it to harden.
He steps closer to me, and I keep moving backwards. I don't want him to touch me - I am putty under his touch.
"Abby..."
I have to avoid his gaze at all costs. I don't want to look into his eyes and feel guilty for what I'm about to do. I couldn't back out on the escape plan just hours before we carry it out.
"Abby, I know I shouldn't have pointed the gun-"
"Yeah, you shouldn't have." I spit, cutting him off.
His reply almost sounds relieved. "Okay I know, but I was just trying to protect you-"
"Protect me? Protect me! Protect me from what, my brother? By pointing a gun to him? And then turning back and putting the same gun to my head?" While I was screaming at him, I was screaming to myself. I can't forgive him. I can't feel sorry for him. No. I needed to run away.
"I-"
"Your argument is complete and utter bullshit. You weren't trying to protect me! Why would you even do that?" Again, while I'm speaking to him, I'm trying to convince myself as well that it was bullshit, and that he wasn't trying to protect me.
"Because!" He yells at me, his face red with anger. His hands come up and grab my sides, pushing me against the wall. No no no no. He's not supposed to touch me. No.
I close my eyes for a second. Don't give in to his touch. Don't give in.
"Sebastian left you as a child! He abandoned you! He obviously didn't care enough about you to stay. Haven't you ever thought that I...care about you?"
Something inside me flutters, and I struggle to push it away.
Lies. I chant in my head. They're all lies. He doesn't mean them.
"Don't lie to me. You don't give a shit about me." Somehow, these words taste sour on my tongue.
He pulls my chin up so that I'd have to look at him, but I keep my eyes averted. I don't want to look into those eyes. I don't want to be convinced.
"I'm not lying to you, Abby." His voice is soft.
No no no no no. My insides are screaming, and I'm fighting a battle with my emotions. They want to believe him, but I know that I can't.
"Look, Sir, I don't want to fight you right now. I'm exhausted, and I-"
"We don't have to fight. You can forgive me."
I snort, my words now holding a deep sarcasm."Yeah, right. Of course I can. Simple, right?"
My sarcasm was the only way I knew to get him angry. I needed for him to be angry. I was used to his anger. I could deal with that.
But I couldn't cope with his soft words and his raw confessions. They would only make running away harder.
I use my hand to push him away, and surprisingly, he lets go.
Good. I try to convince myself. Good. I don't want him to touch me, anyways.
My emotions continue to battle with my conscious, and I know that's not really what I wanted. But I had to try and convince myself.
They say if you repeat something enough times, you'll begin to believe it. And so in my head, that's what I chanted.
"You really think I'd forgive you after pointing that gun to my head? Pointing at my brother, maybe. But me? You're fucking hilarious if you think it's that easy." My words are venomous, trying to push him away. If I said them, then maybe he'd leave.
He visibly shakes in anger. "You're not innocent here either, Abby. If you remember clearly, you not only pointed the gun at me, but you also pulled the trigger."
"That was an accident." I shoot back. I know that I'm just as bad as him, but I'm too stubborn to admit it. This way, it'd be easier to keep myself convinced that I had to leave.
"There are no such things as accidents. Everything happens for a reason." He fires.
"You put the gun to my head." I point out. I needed something, anything to keep me believing that Zayn was the only one wrong here.
"It was empty." He admits.
"What?" I'm surprised by the information he's given me, and for some reason, I know that he is not lying.
Zayn nods, his uncut hair falling down across his eyes. "There were no more fucking bullets in there. There was only one in there. You used it."
I've run out of things to blame him for. "Still."
"Still what?!" He roars. "You've wronged just as much as I have!"
His hands grab hold of me harshly again, pushing me back against the wall, pinning my hands above my head.
In the process of him pushing me, a stray hair fell across my face, and I blew it out of my way before answering him. "You still held the gun at Sebastian. He had nothing to do with anythi-"
A small gasp escapes my lips when he presses his mouth down on mine angrily. I'm caught off guard, but recover quickly.
No, you can't kiss him back. You can't. Push him away. Tell him to stop.
When I realize that I can't push him away because my hands are pinned, I freeze. It took every fiber of my being to not kiss him back, but I had to. I just remained still, unmoving, as I closed my eyes.
"Kiss me." He growls against my lips, and presses his body against mine. My heart is pounding, and I have to control my breathing so that he couldn't notice when it hitches. I still refuse to move, and refuse to kiss him back, but I can't hold back any more. I'm almost close to giving in to him.
"Abigail, kiss me." His hands begin roaming my body, and I struggle to not curve my body into his touch. I'm on the verge of breaking, and I know that of he keeps this going for a few seconds longer, I'd surely kiss him back.
He finally pulls away, frustrated. "Why won't you kiss me? What do I have to do get you to be your normal self again?"
I don't answer, simply because I don't know. I won't be normal, ever, until somehow he pulls me into his arms and tells me that everything will be okay. That he apologizes. That he'd let me see Sebastian. But that would never happen. This isn't a fairy tale, this is real life and life doesn't just give you the things you want on a silver platter.
"What? What do you want, Abby? Sebastian? Do I have to bring fucking Sebastian here so that you'll be normal again?"
My eyes widen in disbelief, meeting his for the first time tonight, but only for a brief second, just to see if he was serious. "You wouldn't actually do that."
"How would you know what I would and wouldn't do? You don't know anything."
"Because if it's one thing I know about you, is that you're selfish. You don't share. Even if it's just my brother." I reply calmly.
He glares at me. "You don't know anything. Maybe I will bring him here."
"But I do. And you're just bluffing."
He brings his lips down on mine once more, this time, more forcefully. More forcefully, as if trying to elicit a reaction from me. He easily dominated me - and I let him - because I still refused to return his kiss. I would not give him the satisfaction of him knowing that he could make me give in.
Never.
It felt like an eternity went by until he pulled away. I knew it could have only been a few seconds, but time goes by slow when you're trying to refuse a kiss you so desperately want.
His features were cool and distant when he pulled away, and let go of my hands. He turned around, making his way to the door.
I rest my hands on my knees, exhaling in relief.
His voice comes out cool, distant when he turns around. "So you're not going to come celebrate my birthday at the party with me?"
I feel as if someone had punched me in the gut, and knocked out all the air from my lungs. It was his birthday. Fuck, I forgot. I mean, I knew that the escape plan was on his birthday...I just didn't give a second thought to the idea of it.
I shake my head, because I can't speak. I can't even look at him, because suddenly I felt disgusted with the whole escape plan.
How cruel of a birthday gift.
My emotions are all over the place, but I have to get my intentions straight. I had to go. He left me no other choice.
He doesn't say anything when he walks out of my room, and I can't help but look up as he walked out. His shoulders were slumped, his steps slow.
As he walked out of my bedroom and into the hallway, I realized that this would probably be the last time I ever saw him.
I slowly shut my door, breathing in, and then out again before sliding to the floor, my entire body numb.
I had won. I had won, and I didn't give in.
I should be happy, but all I could feel was the emptiness inside me.
--
Harry's POV
Louis spreads out a small map of the City onto my desk, and studies it for a bit before tracing his finger across it.
His finger stops at a certain point, marking his place, and then he looks up and reaches for a red pen.
He draws a small circle around the area he pointed to, and then picked the map up and handed it to me. "There it is, Harry. She lives somewhere around that block. I don't know exactly where, but somewhere within a block radius."
I nod slowly, taking the map from him and studying it. "And she's okay with us crashing there for a bit?"
"One night, maybe two nights at the most. Don't overdo it though, she won't hesitate to kick your asses out. She has her own child to take care of." He chuckles.
I give him a quick nod. "We won't."
He crosses his arms, and steps back from the desk. "You have to be careful, Harry. You not only are responsible for yourself, but you have Abby on your hands as well."
"I know." I reply, closing my eyes. There was so much weight on my shoulders, so much tension. I was worried about how this would all turn out, but also, excited. Anxious would be a better way to describe it. "Is there anything you want me to do for you before you leave?"
Louis bites the inside of his cheek, thinking. "Yes, actually. Two things."
"Go ahead."
"Well, after you see my nephew, try to get in contact with me. If you can. I only saw him once before coming here, and he was only a week old. Tell me how he's doing."
I nod, and Louis continues. "And take care of yourself. Be careful. Okay?"
"Alright, Lou. I'll try." I smile.
He surprises me by throwing his arms around me in a quick hug, and I laugh and hug him back.
"M'gonna miss you, Hazz." He says when he pulls away.
"You should come with us." I suggest. "It would take a few minor adjustments to the plan, but that's easily done."
He shakes his head. "I can't...it's not my time. That, and I have Elle here. She'd be devastated if I just left."
His mention of Elle brings Perrie to my mind, and suddenly, I felt guilty.
Fuck, I had to tell her. But I couldn't. But I had to.
She deserved to know.
I shake the thoughts from my head, and give Louis one more smile. "Okay, thank you again. I have to go do a few more things. Meet me in front of the kitchen at nine p.m. alright? We'll take off from there."
"Got it."
"Thanks, Lou, for everything. I honestly couldn't have done it without you."
"Anytime, Hazz. See you then."
He stalks out of my room, shutting the door behind him. When he does, I carefully take the map he's given me and roll it up carefully before stuffing it into my backpack.
Fuck, I needed to talk to Liam before I leave. I owed him some sort of a goodbye.
And Perrie.
Fuck, these goodbyes are going to be hard.
~~