It was actually a hard decision for me to make. Here I'd get to move on and see my family again. But to go back, what was life going to be like? Dean hated me, I mean he killed me. Sam and Bobby would probably be okay with me. But Cas. What as the
point of going back to him in a world that was so painful? There would always be demons, and fighting. And how I absolutely disliked fighting. But there was Cas. He was worth every ounce of trouble. Losing memories, killing the last of my clan, even dying. I was glad to do all of it. I wouldn't have changed a thing. So what to do, stay here in peace or go back to that mess on Earth?
"Alright, I have made up my mind, but there's one thing I would really like to do. Before I go back," I answered with a smile.
"For all that you've done, just name it," Chuck replied.
Three years had passed on Earth. It barely felt like any time had passed at all in heaven. Coming back was a little painful, but I got to keep my memories this time. I found myself standing in a small town. I wasn't quite sure where I was. There was a diner nearby. I could use some food. And new clothes these were pretty beat up. I found an ATM and looked around before touching the pin pad. It immediately spat out some cash. I grabbed it and went to the nearest clothing shop. There wasn't much I really cared for. But I found a pair of jeans and a shirt that fit my taste. I paid and took the bag of clothes. Before anything I needed a shower. A young man directed me to a nearby motel. I paid with cash and gave a fake name. It was the same routine as when I was out looking for a way to get Cas' memories back. Right back into the game as soon as I get back. I stripped off the clothes I was wearing. My hand turned the nozzle and waited a moment for the water to warm up. I jumped under the water and felt the warmth run down my body. The grime washed from my body. My hand touched the spot in which Dean had landed the killing blow on me. My skin was smooth as if nothing had cut through me there. It was weird. I washed off, got out of the shower and pulled on my new outfit. Now that I had cleaned up it was time to get some food. I walked out of the motel room. It was beautiful weather today. By the judge of the foliage around it was late spring. There was a small newspaper box by the main office. I looked at the date and gulped.
"I have been gone three years?!" I exclaimed, "I have no idea what I am supposed to do now."
My hands ran through my hair as I started down the street. It was a half mile walk to get back to the diner I saw earlier. I pushed the door to the diner open as I was immediately hit with the aroma of breakfast. I was practically drooling over myself. I sat down and looked over the menu. The waitress just stared as I ordered almost everything on the menu. It wasn't really that much, but a lot to warrant an odd look from her. I took a sip of the coffee I ordered. The bell on the door jingled as it opened. Shivers ran down my spine as I heard the pair of voices that came in. I couldn't bear to look over I already knew who it was. And just my luck they were sat behind me. I kept my head down hoping they wouldn't notice me.
"Dean," I heard Sam say, "we have been everywhere. If he doesn't want to be found he won't be."
"But he came when you called him, not me. He's just being petty now."
"You killed _____, what did you expect? He really cared for her."
"I told you. I don't know why I did it. My mind wasn't right. I felt like I was in the passenger seat and-"
"Now Crowley has freed that thing. And everything is a complete mess. The only person who could stop it is-"
"Whatever. I'm heading to the bathroom get me the special."
Dean stood up as Sam took another look at the menu. I turned around he looked worn down. Maybe they had been on the road a bit longer than normal. I don't know what was happening.
"You know. I could help you," I said.
"Huh?" Sam asked looking up, his jaw dropped as I waved my hand slightly.
"I don't really want to see Dean. There's a motel up the street. I'm in room 210. Come alone. I think there's a lot to catch up on, huh?"
"How are you here?"
"Just come by. We can talk later. Don't tell Dean."
I threw down more than enough money on the table and disappeared in a flash. I was right back in my room. My hands shook while my heart was racing. I didn't even get to eat. I paced around the room for a few hours. It was almost nightfall when there was a knock on my door. I peered out the window seeing just Sam there. I unlocked the door and let him inside. The door shut as I quickly locked it again. Before I could say any thing to him, I was pulled into a tight hug. Sam was shaking as he held onto me.
"It's really you, right?" he asked.
"Yeah, I, uh, was offered a second chance at this. You know, brought back to do what I was put here for," I explained, "but in exchange I had to give up the chance to go to my afterlife. I won't get to see my family the next time I die."
"Why would you give that up?"
"Because Cas. I love that stupid angel. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to be with my family. But I wanted to be with Cas more. How is he?"
"We haven't seen him in awhile. He won't answer Dean anymore. I got him to come to me once, but that was about seven months ago."
"So, the Caoranach, is free I take it?"
"Yeah, it's been an absolute mess out there. Things we haven't seen before coming out of the woodwork."
"Yeah, I'm sure you haven't. Listen, just tell me what you're looking at I can try to help. On one condition."
"Which is?"
"Call Cas here. I don't think he'd believe me if he heard me."
"I'll try, but I'm not making any promises," Sam replied closing his eyes awkwardly. Neither him or Dean were really good at praying to him, "Uh, Cas, it's been awhile. And Dean isn't here right now, but I could really use you here right now. So, come on down?"
I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh. All he really had to say was Cas I need you, or something. He opened his eyes and shrugged at me. A familiar flapping sound resonated behind me.
"What do you need, Sam?" Castiel's voice asked plainly, "and who is this?"
"Have you forgotten me already?" I asked turning around.
His blue eyes widened. He stared at me not saying a word. His trench-coat was torn and stained with blood. Like Sam he looked completely worn out. He moved suddenly pulling me into him. His arms held tightly onto me and wasn't letting me go.
"Um, Cas, I was going to help Sam-" I started.
"You can talk while I hug you, correct?"
"I guess."
"Maybe I will go back to our room, Dean is probably growing concerned," Sam laughed.
He turned to open the door and there was Dean. Cas looked up immediately putting himself between Dean and I. Dean looked hurt that we were all here without him.
"Look, I-" he began.
"Dean, just go back to the room," Sam said.
"No, come on its been three years. Don't I get to say anything."
"You've done enough, Dean," Cas snarled.
"What do you want to say, Dean?" I said, peering from behind Cas.
"That I am sorry. It wasn't me when I..." his eyes started to water up, "I have regretted all of it. What I said to you...and what I did. It wasn't what I wanted to do. But the more I held that knife the deeper I dove into wanting you dead."
"You should know better than to accept a gift from a demon," I chuckled.
Cas turned his head not understanding why I found that amusing. But I knew better. That knife was cursed. Dean wasn't able to stop. And though the idea of being around him still made me feel uneasy, it was not his decision to kill me. He was far too corrupted to stop himself by the point he did that. I stepped from behind Cas.
"So. How do you really feel about me?" I asked.
"You were never a burden. I am sorry. To you, all of you. I didn't want you to…you're a part of our family whether you like it or not."
"Guess that's why I'm back. Not really a true Winchester if you don't come back from the dead, right?"
They all looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders. I was trying to lighten the mood, but I guess it didn't work. Cas looked at me like I was nuts. I walked past him, and Sam, until I stood in front of Dean.
"Life is too short to hold grudges. Just trust me the next time I ask you to, Dean," I said with a smile.
"Alright," he sighed.
His arms wrapped around me. Today was a day for big hugs. It was nice to know I made the right choice. I had another family here that needed me more than my real one. Dean let go of me as I looked around at all of them.
"It's good to see you all again," I said.
"You too," Sam said.
Dean nodded and Cas was looking slightly past me. It was making me feel a bit uncomfortable. I wrapped my arm around Dean and rubbed my closed fist in his hair.
"So. Let's clean up this mess, huh?"