warnings: rape is going to be mentioned in this chapter, nothing too descriptive, but don't read it if you think it'll trigger you.
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[Vic's POV]
It was around 1:30 am when I started heading back to the dorm. I needed space, time to think. Everything about Kellin reminded me so much of Mike, it makes me feel like I need to protect him and make sure nothing happens to him. I've been trying to deny the feelings since he first got here, but I can't. It's been so long since I've cared about anyone, I don't want to get hurt again.
As I entered the dorm, the scene before me made my heart literally break in two. Kellin was in his bed, sleeping, trashing around on his bed, crying and screaming while scratching at his arms. I ran over to him, and pried his hands away from his arms, trying to shake him into consciousness.
"Kellin, wake up, please!" I tried desperately.
"Kellin, you're okay, just wake up!" I shouted to him.
This when on for about 2 more minutes before Kellin finally woke up, with wide eyes. I let go of his arms instantly, and as soon as he saw me he screamed in panic, backed into the corner of his bed and started to sob.
[Kellin's POV]
I backed up into the corner to get away from Vic, I didn't want to be touched right now. I forgot to take my fucking pills and I ended up having another nightmare. This wasn't just any old nightmare, it was personal, and possibly the worst one I've ever had.
I sat there in the corner of my bed, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Vic tried to reach his hand out to me, but I only flinched and moved farther into the corner, if that was possible. Vic looked hurt, but didn't have any time to dwell on my actions, because there was a knock at the door. Vic got up from the bed and walked over to get the door.
"Yes?" He asked in annoyance.
"What the fuck is going on in here, is Kellin okay?" A panicked voice asked, it was Alex. I wanted to get up and tell him that I'm okay, but I couldn't. I was too afraid to move.
"He's fine, he just had a bad dream. Now go away." Vic said coldly and shut the door in his face.
He walked back over to my bed and sat down, his face was softer now compared to when he was at the door. He tried to scoot closer to me, but I whimpered and backed away.
"Kellin, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. It was a bad dream, you're safe now. I promise." Vic told me. Those words calmed me down a lot and I nodded, giving Vic permission to move towards me. Vic moved closer and pulled me into an embrace.
As weird as this sounds I felt safe in his arms, like nothing could hurt me or get to me. I latched onto his shirt, buried my face into his chest and cried, unable to stop. The whole time Vic's hands was running up and down my back while whispering comforting words, in attempt to calm me down. It worked too, because I found myself slipping into an unconscious state for the second time that night.
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When I woke up, I noticed one of two things, it was now light outside, and I was in someone's arms. This took me by shock, and I tried to move away, but their grip on me just tightened. I looked up and saw Vic was the one holding me captive.
May I just say, he looked adorable sleeping. His long eyelashes resting on his cheeks, hair sprawled out on the pillow, mouth barley open, while his eyes are moving around in his eyelids. He looked so peaceful and cute.
Wait, I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I can't develop a crush on Vic, are we even friends? Plus, I don't know if he's gay. I quickly averted my eyes away from his face and closed them again, I might as well try and get some more sleep if he's not going to wake up anytime soon. I snuggled into him more and breathed in his sent, feeling safe and warm under his embrace. I can't deny that I like being in his arms, and that scares me.
As much as I tried to fall asleep again, I couldn't. So instead of sleeping, I took this time to reflect on everything that happened in the past day.
I learned some information about Vic, his brother died. Even worse, he killed himself, like I was going to do, and the kicker is that yesterday was his 1 year death anniversary. I thought back to when he was holding me down on the ground when I tried to jump. He said something like 'this isn't going to happen to me again', was that what he meant when he said that?
My thoughts were interrupted once more when I felt Vic start to stir above me. He woke up and looked down at me, I looked back up and gave a faint smile, and he returned. I let out a sigh of relief, good to know he isn't mad at me. I detached myself from him and sat up, him doing the same.
"Are you okay?" Vic asked, being the first to speak.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't take my pill last night, I forgot." I said. Something then clicked in my mind, when I fell asleep with Vic again, I didn't take a pill that time either. "I think you stopped my nightmares last night. I didn't take a pill before I fell asleep the second time, and I didn't have any nightmares." I told him slowly, shocked. He looked shocked too, I wouldn't blame him though.
"Well is that a good thing?" He asked hesitantly.
"I think so, that's never happened with me before. Not even my Aunt could stop them, you're the only one." I told him, a little smile on my face.
"What was your nightmare about?" He asked, making my smile disappear. I tensed up and I think Vic could tell, because he spoke up again.
"It helps if you talk about them, it'll make you feel better." Vic said, like he was a doctor or something.
"How would you know?" I asked him coldly. He doesn't know anything, he's just making this up.
"Mike used to have chronic nightmares too, and he would talk to me about them." He explained to me.
I felt like shit, guilt washing over me. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." I apologized softly.
"I know you didn't, its fine." I could tell he really wanted to know, but he didn't want to press me on it. I guess I could tell him. Who knows, he might actually be right.
"Okay well," I paused as disturbing flashbacks from my dream entered my mind.
"Please don't do this, please."
I cried to him.
"Shut up and take it like the slut you are." He said evilly, and slammed into me.
I screamed out in pain and agony.
"Just let me go, please.."
I was snapped out of my little day dream to Vic's hand waving in front of my face. I felt liquid on my face and I was shaking, great.
"Hey, I'm here okay? It was just a dream, nothing can get you." Vic told me comfortingly, putting his hand on top of mine and gave it a little squeeze. I looked down, but he kept it there. I looked away from him and started to explain dream.
"In the dream, right. Um, my Uncle flew out here, found me, and raped me." I told him. "He took me to a warehouse, tied me up, and raped me." I continued as a tear rolled down my cheek, with more to follow.
"I was completely helpless and I couldn't do anything. I-"
"Kellin." I heard Vic say, but I couldn't stop.
"I told him to stop, but he didn't listen to me. Why didn't he listen to me Vic?" I said, finally looking into his eyes. Vic pulled me into a hug to calm me down, I was shaking and crying once more.
"Hey, hey, it was just a dream. He can't hurt you, you're with me now. I'm not going to let him hurt you." He whispered to me, while hugging me and running his hand up and down my back, soothingly.
After about a minute or so, I pulled away and looked at him. "I'm sorry." I told him, I felt bad for always crying in front of him.
"Don't you dare apologize, it's not your fault." He said sternly to me. I just nodded and sighed.
"Are you okay?" He asked me, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I feel a little better now though, so yeah." I told him, he was actually right.
"I told you so." He teased.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I said and shooed him away. He just laughed, and it was probably one of the best laughs I've ever heard. No, stop it Kellin. Your gay is showing again. You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.
"Can I ask you something?" Vic questioned, pulling me from my thoughts.
"What do you want to ask me?" I said back nervously. Who knows what's going on in that little head of his.
He looked at me, and started hesitantly, "Do you really want to die?" He asked me. The question took me off guard and I almost choked on my spit.
"Um.. Yes? No? I don't know. Sometimes I feel so helpless, like nothing is ever going to get better. Then there's other times where I'm sure that it's not going to be bad forever. It's confusing." I explained to him the best that I could.
"And it doesn't help when Ronnie and them are constantly saying shit to me, and beating me up." I'm surprised that I told him about Ronnie and them to be honest, but there's just something about him that makes me want to open up to him.
"Well, you don't have to worry about Ronnie and them anymore." He told me.
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to make sure no one ever hurts you again."