hey guys! sorry i haven't updated in a few days, i missed like a week of school and had a lot of makeup work. anyways, here the fifth chapter, enjoy
btw it's sorta short sorry but happy thanksgiving
warnings: triggering thoughts and self-harm
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[Kellin's POV]
When I woke up I noticed I was in my room. The other thing I noticed is everything hurt, especially my head. The memories flooded my brain, I got beat up by Chris. The last thing I remembered was hitting my head off the wall and someone telling him to stop. I wonder how I got back here, did someone carry me? Did I walk back here myself, but just not remember it? I don't know. I was just happy I got away from Chris.
I sat up in my bed and scanned the room, surprised to see Vic in here. He sat at his desk chair and he seemed to be watching me or something. But why? Wasn't he supposed to hate me? He stood up and started walking towards me, then sat on the edge of my bed and spoke.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked me. There was something different about his voice, it was a lot softer and filled with.. Concern? Maybe, but that didn't make any sense.
"Um.. Fine. How did I get back in here?" I asked hesitantly. I was so confused with all of this.
"I brought you back here after I found you. What the fuck happened with you and Chris?" He asked, being his usual nosey self. Why would he bring me back here, or stop Chris from beating me up any farther. Better yet, how did he stop Chris from beating me up any further?
"Why would you do that for me? I thought you hated me.." I trailed off. He seemed a little annoyed with the question but, I needed some answers. He can't just do a complete 180 on me and then expect me not to be confused or have questions.
"That's not important right now. I need to know what happened with you and Chris." He asked again, pressing me on it. It seemed like he wasn't going to leave me alone, or give me any explanation until I told him what happened between Chris and I, so I gave in with a sigh.
"I was just walking," I left out where, because I didn't want him to know about my secret place, "and Chris ran into me and started to beat me up. I guess he found out that I was gay and he felt the need to do so apparently." I explained to him. He looked surprised for a split second, but then masked it again.
"You're gay?" He questioned. Shit, I forgot he didn't know about that. I really hope he isn't like Chris or the others, that's the last thing I need.
"Um yeah.. Is that a problem?" I asked timidly. I really hope he didn't have a problem with it, I don't even know what I would do.
"No, it's fine, I just didn't know. Anyways, you should stay away from him before he actually does some damage to you." He told me, his bossy and demanding ways showing.
"No shit Sherlock, don't you think I already know that. It's not like I meant to run into him or anything, I already know what he does." I told him, my sassy ways taking control. He seemed unamused, but kept his composure anyways.
"You don't need to worry about him or his posy. Just stay away from them and I'll make sure they stay away from you." He said. His voice sounded cocky, like he was gloating or something.
"What do you mean you'll make sure they stay away? Do you have some kind of special power or something?" I was just getting more and more irritated with this whole situation. Not to mention my head still hurt like a bitch, with the rest of my limbs.
"Calm down, I'm going to tell them to stop. They'll listen to me. I'm not going to let anyone touch you anymore." He said softly. This shouldn't have pissed me off, but it did. I don't like when people control things in my life. In fact, I fucking hate it, so I snapped on him.
"Don't think for one second that you can start calling the shots with me, it doesn't work that way. Maybe you're used to it with everyone else, but with me it's not happening. I don't need you to start looking out for me, I can handle my own self. I don't need nor want you to protect me, so don't assume that you can! Just leave me alone." I exploded on him. By this time his whole mood was changed. I could tell just by the way he was looking at me. The air was masked with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. We were both steaming and at this point anything could happen.
"How about some fucking gratitude?! I didn't have to have Chris stop, I could've just walked on by and let you probably get killed! I didn't have to bandage up your head or carry you back to the room so you would be okay, but I did. An-"
"Who said I wanted your help in the first place?!" I interrupted him.
"Listen here you little shit," Now he was standing up screaming in my face. "If that's the way you want it, then you'll get it! I was trying to be nice, which never happens, but since you want to be an asshole about it, I'll make sure you fucking hate it here. By the time I'm done with you you'll wish you never even came to this fucking school in the first place!" And with that, he stormed out of the room, slamming door behind him.
I don't know if it was because I just got screamed at, or I just got the crap beat out of me, but I busted into tears the second he left. Why does this always happen to me? Everywhere I go there's always a problem, it follows me. I don't even know why I'm so upset, I should be used to it by now. Plus, I deserve everything that I got, I'm a horrible person.
I got up to take a shower. I grabbed my towel, and a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. When I got in there I noticed that there we a bandage wrapped around my head. I didn't know Vic bandaged my head up, and I also didn't know how I didn't feel it on my head in the first place. I took it off and decided that I would wash my hair from my blood and clean my cut. It would hurt like a bitch, but I didn't care. I liked the pain. And speaking of pain..
I decided that there was no other way to take this out than to cut, it was the only way to let out my frustrations and anger.
Some people say it's stupid to cut, that it solves nothing. But what they don't understand is that when you're so desperate to feel something other than internal pain, sometimes causing physical pain is the best way.
In a way I guess they're right, it's not like it makes all your problems go away forever, but those few minutes of painful bliss is addicting. It's sickening, honestly. I'm looking at this cold blade in my fingertips and the sight is comforting, it's calming and relaxing. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I take the blade in my hands and step into the shower, letting the warm water relax my tense muscles.
I needed to be quick incase Vic came back so I sat down and got to work on my leg.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm a horrible person.
I deserve this.
That's all that went through my head each time I ran the blade over my thighs, drawing blood and letting sobs come out of my mouth. I felt pathetic, empty. I was ready to end it all right then and there, and I think I would've if I didn't hear the door open and close.
Shit, Vic is home. I got myself together and stood up off the ground, letting the water sting my new cuts. I watched as my blood drained from my cuts, vanishing down the drain. I put my blade down on the ledge and started washing myself.
I got out of the shower, and dried myself off, avoiding my fresh cuts. I sat down, cleaned my cuts and bandaged them as fast as I could, so nothing seemed suspicious as to why I was in there for so long
After I cleaned my cuts and got dressed, I put everything back in my black box and walked out. As soon as I walked out, Vic jumped up and came to the door.
"Fucking finally, I've has to piss for the past 20 minutes you've been in there. What were you doing, masturbating?" Vic teased, bumping past me as he walked through the door.
"Shut up." I shot back and turned around just in time to see Vic looking at my black box. Shit, I forgot to lock it again and put it away. I ran over to him and grabbed the box before he could get to it.
"Don't touch this, ever." I commanded. Vic just looked at it in wonder, curious as to what's in it.
"Why? Is that where you keep you vibrators and other gay shit at?" He teased. Silly of me to think he wouldn't say anything about me being gay.
"I bet you would want to know wouldn't you?" I said as I walked out and shut the door, with the box in my hand.
"Fuck you." I heard him say through the door. I just rolled my eyes in return.
I took the key from around my neck, locked my box, and hid it in my bedside table. Right then, Vic walked out of the bathroom and picked up his computer.
After that I took my pill and put my dirty clothes in my hamper that I picked up on Wednesday, and crawled into bed. I saw that my phone was in my bed, it wasn't in my jeans when I woke up so I think Vic touched it. This angered me. And me being me, I don't think before I speak so I couldn't help what came out of my mouth next.
"Did you touch my phone too? Listen, I appreciate that you carried me back to the room and wrapped my head up, but don't ever touch my phone." I said to Vic. He looked up from his computer and his face told me that he was annoyed.
"I only took it out of your pocket because you would've been lying on it. I'm so fucking sorry I was trying to make you feel as comfortable as you could. Fucking douche bag." He spat at me. I felt bad, he was only trying to be nice and I guess I was acting like a douche.
"Thank you for doing everything you did for me today. I appreciate it, and I'm sorry for being so rude. My head hurts like a bitch and it wasn't nice of me to take it out on you." I apologized. I may be hardheaded, but I know when I'm in the wrong, and this is one of this times.
"Oh so now you apologize, what happened, did your conscious finally catch up with you? Yeah, well you should've thought of that earlier. Now shut up and leave me alone." Vic scoffed at me. I was taken back, but I guess I can see why he would be so mad. I was a major jerk to him.
I just nodded and pulled the covers over me, letting darkness engulf me and sleep consume my tired and worn-out body. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today was.