"I've never really done this before, so I don't really know what to say." I popped my lips and looked all around me because trying not to cry while looking at all of these sobbing people dressed head to toe in black was nearly impossible. It was morbid and depressing. I wouldn't want my funeral to be like this but then again I wouldn't really wnat people jumping up and down and cheering. I guess, when it comes down to it, the harder people cry, the more you were loved. And god dammit, she was loved. She was loved so much. Finally, I closed my eyes and decided to only focus on the words that I would say. She deserved this to be special, amazing even.
"It's hard to find words to sum up an entire life. It's like writing an incredible story and then leaving someone else to write the very last chapter, so I hope I can do her legacy justice." I let the words flow from my heart, expressing exactly what I was feeling. Or at least as close as I could without completely destroying myself. I wanted to say how I felt not only so that I didn't leave it bottled up inside of me but also because maybe she was here, somewhere in this room. Maybe she could hear every word I was saying. I wanted her to hear, I wanted her to know. I also wanted her to breath but that was a luxury that she just didn't have anymore.
"I loved her with all of my heart. How could I not?" Even though my voice was continually cracking and stuttering, I applauded myself for holding up so strong. "She's the one who taught me how to love. She's the one who taught me how to live and I'll never, ever forgive myself for being the burden that caused her to die." I allowed myself a moment to look into the casket at the always beautiful, yet cold and frail body. My tears started coming slowly but quickly they were streaming down my face so fast that I couldn't even blink them away because the second I did, there were more. I lost it for about the billionth time in the past three days because no matter what I said or did, she was gone and she wasn't ever coming back. That was a thought that I just couldn't live with.
>Liam's POV<
I watched her body shudder and curve over and I knew I was supposed to go up there. That was my job right? To put an arm on her back and let her cry on my shoulder? But then who'd be there for me? Who would be there to tell me that it would be okay and to ignore the black hole in my chest that seemed to be sucking up all of my happiness? The void was breaking me in half. So I didn't go up there, I just watched her suffer. I could barely support myself, let alone someone else.
Tear after tear fell down her beautiful face. I tried to picture the memories going through her head. All of those days and nights that I missed but might've, could've, in a different life, been apart of. I'd be crying right now; just the same as she because I'd understand. They had held onto each other so tightly for all of those years and one just floated away as easily as a piece of paper. I loved her. I loved them both.
Believe me when I say that my heart ached. My heart screamed and flipped and cried and died for my Audrey right now. In fact, I couldn't force myself to tear my eyes away from her frail, pale body lying in the white casket and it filled my heart with so much pain that I honestly didn't know how my own heart could still be beating when the other half was lost forever, but let me tell you something else, watching Delilah look into that same casket with an expression of pure love and grief, it destroyed me. While Audrey didn't deserve to die, Delilah most certainly did not deserve to be left here alone on earth with the broken pieces of her life, wondering how to put them back together. It was all because of me. All because of that stupid song that had once been my absolute favorite. I had lost the love of my life because I was selfish and had felt the need to put one of my daughters above the other. In fact, I couldn't recall a moment where I ever really acted like I was Delilah's father. I kept on watching her and thought of how I had made her feel.
Just like I suspected, a few minutes passed before Delilah pulled herself together. Or at least enough to speak and be understood.
"I can't stop thinking about that one piece. That one little sliver of glass." She wasn't looking at anywhere in particular, just staring off into space. "I had been awake for her last conscious moment and I vaguely remember watching the glass shatter into a million pieces and fall down to the ground." She was picturing it. You could tell by the way she cocked her head to the left side and by the way she spit out her words with disdain. They fluttered shut for a brief moment and one, lone tear silently fell. God, she looked too much like her mother. My own tears dripped to the floor.
"Let me tell you, that window was decently big and there were millions, maybe even billions of pieces of glass, all different sizes, shapes and textures and they had cut her. Some on her arms, some her face, some her hands. She bled and bled but out of all that glass, she survived. But then there had to be that one tiny piece. Just one out of billions that went right through her head, directly through her skull and into her brain." Chills. I actually shivered as I resisted the urge to reach out and try to touch Audrey’s too far hand. “I guess it’s a little bit like life. You’re gonna get cut over and over again but sometimes even the biggest shard of glass isn’t the one to tear you apart. But one small piece has the power to kill. That’s also how the last few months have been for me.” She didn’t say that my performance was that piece of glass that broke her but she didn’t have to, I knew and I would never let myself forget. Delilah looked down at her feet and swallowed hard. Hard enough for the mic to pick it up so that it echoed through the room. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life thinking about that one piece.” So would I, I thought. I’d also spend the rest of my life wondering why I hadn’t been smart enough to reach out and pull her back from that damned window. There were a lot of things that I’d never forget. So I drowned out Delilah’s voice and actually the entire world for that matter and allowed myself to stare at the love of my life for one of the very last times. I’d never forget her brown hair, how soft it was on my neck when her head was pressed to me; her now light lips that used to be so full of color and always seemed to suck me in as if they were begging me to kiss her; how she’d throw her head back and laugh and it wasn’t perfect but it was cute nonetheless; how her smile was always crooked; the flowery smell of her perfume that was always strong but never too muc;, that very first day I met her, when I tapped her on the shoulder and she faced me and Danielle left my mind in 2 seconds; how she gave up her life for me after only knowing me for 2 weeks; that sparkle in her eye as we drove through London for the first time and it was all so new to her; the way she stood by my side no matter how much it hurt her, she stood right by my side until she thought it was hurting me and then she left and gave up her entire life for me for the second. My eyes drifted down from her still face to the ring that would forever remain on her finger. More tears spilled because I would have given anything to see that girl walk down the aisle to me. Absolutely anything.
“I love you, mommy.” Delilah finished, tears in her eyes. I took a breath as my eyes met hers and for once, we finally saw eye to eye. That feeling when you lose someone you said you couldn’t live without, we shared that now.
>Roman’s POV<
It was kind of quiet. I guess I wasn’t really expecting it to be loud, especially considering we had just buried Audrey’s body, but our group was never quiet. Now even the little ones understood and silently stood to the side with their arms crossed in front of them. They all looked so mature in their suits and dresses, I couldn't help but notice how fast time had flown lately. Audrey was an inspiration to me, as cheesy as it sounds. I don’t think there was ever a moment where she wasn’t smiling and that’s a beautiful thing considering everything she went through. Liam seemed to be holding up alright but he was also very good at hiding his emotions. Eleanor and Louis were pretty silent, I had no idea what was going through their heads but I imagine it was something like guilt. My eyes moved on to Erika and my mom, who it seemed hadn’t let go of each others hands since Audrey took her last breath. Growing up, she had been their best friend and I tend to forget that. Niall stood beside Zayn and they seemed to be trying to make small talk but no one was really in a mood to talk so we just let the silence absorb us. I turned my attention to Harry, Cara, and their daughter. They were happy, clearly, and no one blamed them for that. It wasn’t exactly like they were smiling from ear to ear but they just had that glow that lately we’d all been missing. Last, my eyes trailed over Danielle and her kids. She had one hand on each of her sons shoulders as they stood in front of her. I didn’t bother looking at Delilah, her very presence was starting to disgust me. I almost lost my girlfriend and because of her the very last words I spoke to her would have been yelling for something she didn’t even do. The thought of the one missing person made me turn and search.
Even though everyone was wearing black and swarming around the church’s large entryway, she seemed to glow in her plain black dress with her hair in a very messy bun. She still managed to take my breath away even with her defeated looking body just plain sitting on a bench in the adjoining hallway. She took a breath and closed her darkly-lined eyes. I felt for her. I really, really did. Not just because I was her boyfriend and not just the usual sympathetic feeling, I felt for her as a human being. It broke my heart just imagining the thoughts going through her head. That moment when she finally woke up, I’d never forget that. Seeing her face as the doctors told her and looking around at everyone else’s crying and shaking bodies to confirm her worst fear… Yeah, I’d never forget it.
My feet moved in Delilah’s direction before I even told them to and I found myself sitting down beside her. She didn’t move an inch when I sat but instead just kept on staring straight ahead at the boring, light blue wall in front of us.
“You know why they named her Audrey?” I asked her, looking for a conversation starter. Her eyes instantly flashed over to the smiling baby in Cara’s arms that had stolen Audrey's name.
“Why?” Her voice cracked and she looked at me with those big, blue eyes. They were wet but she wasn’t actually crying just yet. They were filled with heartbreak and expectation. It was as if she were begging me with her eyes to save her and believe me, I wanted to. I hoped I could.
>Delilah’s POV<
“Harry told me it was because they wanted to name her after the strongest person they’d ever met.” He said it with a smile, like it was a good thing. I looked at that new little baby and I wondered if I’d always be envious of her and bitter towards her. Eventually I guess I’d get used to her, but for now all I could think about was what the nurse had said when she was born, the words that had pushed my mom over the edge of insanity.
“A life for a life.” I repeated as I began to cry, silently again. I was sick of crying, but I just couldn't stop.
“Delilah.. It’s going to be okay.” I shook my head. Even his words wouldn’t soothe me. “Has anyone told you what happened after you left the X Factor?”
“No.” The memory stung.
“They stopped the show. Just kind of cut it off.” I just nodded, it was the least of my worries. I knew he was trying to distract me but nothing he said could make me forget. “They’ve decided to get rid of the person who had the lowest number of votes from the public.” I remembered then that Megan and I had been in the bottom two. I looked around for her until I spotted her in a group with some of the other contestants who had come to support me. She already had her eyes on me with a sad look on her face. “and that was Megan." Roman informed me, "You’re still in that competition, babe.” I turned back to the wall.
“Megan can have it.” I told him.
“Wh-what?” He asked.
“She can have my spot.”
“Why?” I turned to him again as I brushed a tear away.
“Roman, I don’t even know how I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning. Let alone how I’m going to win an international singing competition.” He just kind of stared at me, surprised probably that I was giving up on my dreams so easily. Liam came over and interrupted us.
“Can I talk to Delilah?” He asked of Roman, who nodded and got up. Liam took his spot and stared at me for a few moments. “Delilah-”
“Liam,” I cut him off, still not calling him dad. “I think I’m going to stay with Louis and Eleanor.” He didn’t look too surprised and I probably didn’t need to explain any further, but I did. “You have a family, apart from me and I need a full family who will be there for me 100% of the time.” He didn’t say anything but I just kind of knew. I knew it was for the best. I finally got up off that bench and decided to continue on with my life. I walked over to the large group and walked right up to El and Lou.
“Eleanor?” I asked.
“Yes?” She was definitely taken aback.
“I could really use a mother right now.” I burst into tears as she opened her arms up for me. I didn’t know how, but I forced myself to believe that it would all be okay. My mom hadn’t gone through everything that she did for it to all not turn out okay in the end. She lived and she died for something, I guess I was that something.
........................The End....................
--------------Final Author's Note-----------------
Oh my gosh.... This feels weird... It's over, guys. Well I really hope you guys enjoyed this story and also Not The Same. I know this has taken a long time to get up but I was having issues. Anyways, after a lot of deliberation I have decided to take a break from wattpad. I won't be starting New York Skyline anymore but maybe sometime in the future I will start it again. I love you guys so so so so so so so so so much and I'm so thankful to have the oppertunity to get to know some of you on a personal level. Thank you for supporting me and being a part of all of this <3 I really hope you enjoyed(:
xx, Ashley.