Jay's POV
Jay: "Was it something I did or said to him? I mean. I try so hard to make him happy but he always seems so melancholy. He always seemed so down and upset. He never smiles anymore. He use to smile all the time. I'm scared I've done something to him or something has happened and he won't tell me. Surely I haven't hurt him have I? I don't know what I would do if I did."
Lachlan: "Jay. Mate.First of all. Calm the fuck down. It is 3 in the morning."
Jay: "But he's awake I know he is. I'm scared to talk to him."
Lachlan: "Have you thought about maybe sleeping? You know that thing where you close your eyes and shut the fuck up and lay comatose in the same position without moving for about 8 hours?"
Jay: "Lachlan I'm serious. Your my best friend and I'm freaking out."
Lachlan: "I know I'm your best friend. I have been for a long time. But he's changed you.Your not as happy as you use to be and we all notice it. Even Preston and Jerome asked me if you were ok. You weren't very happy in your last video man. Your scaring us."
Jay: "I'm scaring you guys? What the hell. Lachlan I'm freaking the fuck out. And I have been for over three weeks now. Every single day I'll talk to him and it's like he doesn't care. I see him at school and it's like he just doesn't know how to smile anymore. And I feel like it was something I did because I was the last person he spoke to before we got to school and he just."
Lachlan: "Jay. If you know he is still up we both know what he is doing. Why don't you hop into his stream on a false account or something? See if you can lurk or something. I don't know. I just need to get some sleep. I have to get up in fucking 5 hours dude. I told you yesterday I'm flying over to see Preston and Landon."
Jay: "You mean Preston and your boyfriend."
Lachlan: "Shut up Jay or I'll out you to him."
I put my phone on the desk next to me. No one knew I was gay. It was a complete secret. I don't even think my parents knew. But I had been in a relationship with Henry for about 4 months now. But over the past couple of weeks. He's been so sad. He almost doesn't talk to me unless I message him first. And whenever I do. It's usually a one worded answer. I keep trying to make him talk. I even invited him over to my place for tonight but he stayed at home saying he was sick. But I know he isn't because I got the notification that he was streaming. Maybe Lachlan was onto something with a false account. I made a false account with some stupid name. I jumped into his stream and waited for the Ad to finish before I could start watching.
Henry:...But yeah I'm feeling a lot better now Chloe thanks for asking. Sorry I'm a bit late."
Chloe:"Nah it's fine man. I'm glad your better. Was it just a bug maybe?"
Harry:"Nope. Migraines. They have been hitting hard over the past couple of weeks and it sucks. I try to ignore them while at school but they fucking kill. Mum gave me some Nurofen so I should be ok. Lucky it's a Saturday so I can stay up and play."
Chloe:"Where's your mum?"
Henry:"At work. She set up a mattress in the Office for her if she ever had to do a night then a day shift. It sucks because each Saturday to Sunday she isn't home and I do miss her but we both know work comes first."
Chloe:"Oh honey that is tragic."
Henry:"Oi nah fuck off stealing my lines now."
I heard them both laugh to each other. Chloe and Henry had been friends for a few months now. Since Henry started streaming at stupid times for us. He has made a lot more friends over seas. It was great. I wish we were finished with school already. Or were able to just leave. Then we could go with Lachlan when he traveled for YouTube. I will never understand why he is able to do all that travelling. He never seems to be short on money.
Hell2Pay: That sucks about your mum dude.
Henry:"Hey Hell. Yeah it does but you get use to it after a while. And I get to play games with my friends and for you guys so it makes me happy and I can forget about it and just do what I love."
Hell2Pay has followed you
Henry: "Holy shit Hell thank you so much I really appreciate it. Welcome to the land of Ping."
He was so funny with his little catchphrase. He was always on the fly with his humour. And it appealed to a wide audience quite well. I've also noticed that he would sometimes slip into another accent unknowingly. Like for example he would start sounding like Vikk if he was playing with Chloe and his other British friends for an extended period of time. I thought it was adorable. It was like he was losing his Australian accent and just become International.
Hell2Pay: So your Australian? Isn't it like 3 Am for you right now?
Henry: "Yeah it's about 3:18 right now. But I'm wide awake now that my migraine has gone. So I thought I'd jump in and play a game."
He was beautiful. He had his webcam on and you could see his happiness as he played. He was doing some Pixelmon right now and I couldn't help myself but giggle seeing him so happy.
Hell2Pay: Australians are the hottest. Your accent is so fucking cool. I bet your girlfriend loves it ;)
As soon as I sent the message I waited again for him to read it out loud. He started to laugh and so did Chloe.
Henry: "I think someone missed the Memo."
He started laughing again before he took a moment to stop.
Henry: "Let's get one thing straight... I'm not."
I couldn't help myself but giggle at his joke. He was great at that. Making fun of his own sexuality. I've seen it before when he was getting hate from people in his chat while he played.They would call him horrible things like Fat and low life. Faggot,Dick head. Wanker. All sorts of horrible things and yet all he did was laugh. He just laughed at them. Baiting them. Telling them to."Tell him something he didn't know." Or my personal favourite."If your going to insult me at least be fucking creative about it.You get bored of hearing the same monotonous shit every day."
Henry: "I actually have a boyfriend as well but."
But. Why did he say But?
Chloe: "Are you ok Henry? What's happened? Do I have to fly over there and slap Jay?"
Henry: "No it's just. He doesn't understand. No one really does. He's so happy and amazing and everything I could have ever wished for in a guy. He's always trying to talk to me. Always trying to make me smile. On Friday he even spent the whole day just holding me. He found out I skipped school and walked out himself. He came over, Afraid that I was sick and because he knew mum wouldn't be here he came over to try and cheer me up. We ended up lying down in bed watching Akame Ga Kill again because he hadn't seen it."
Chloe: "Oh my god literal fucking life goals right there."
Henry: "Shut up haha. But like. He doesn't."
What? What don't I get please say something.
Chloe: "He doesn't understand your depression and Anxiety I assume?"
I broke. Hearing her words.
Henry: "Yeah. It's hard to explain to him so I just keep quiet about it. I already have enough trouble explaining it normally. I know a lot of people go through it. But like..."
Hell2Pay: How is it different? Isn't Depression and Anxiety just Mental obstacles to get over?
I waited for the stream to catch up.
Henry: "Technically speaking on a mental level. Yeah it's all in your head. It's kind of like that. An obstacle to get over. Like an invisible wall stopping you. But I feel like I've gotten to a point where it's worse then that. When I'm at outside at school or just in general. I feel like everyone is judging me.Everyone get's too close. I don't feel safe outside my home and I don't want to be around anyone except for Jay. He helps me cope with it because he's always with me. He's like a shining knight. But when I'm on my own. It all starts to bury me in. When I wake up every morning I almost wish I was dead sometimes. Just to get a day without the feeling of having to try and impress everyone every day. I try so hard to prove I'm not useless but I fail so much. In everything I try to do. I get scared because I don't want to let people down. But no one really understands because it's so hard to explain. I feel like.I'm lost all the time. And then when society starts to oppress and condition you to just "suck it up." It's not that easy to be honest. All I want to do is this. Play games for people. Have fun and be happy. And this is what makes me happy. But I'm constantly trying to get forced into work or find something I have to study next year once I finish school. And it's hard. Because it's not an easy thing to do. When your struggling to get out of bed every day and the only thing that makes you happy is your boyfriend. It makes it hard to do normal shit."
The stream was quiet. There were a few other people talking to him and Chloe would regularly repeat something said to heron her stream. But it was quiet. I needed to do something. I couldn't leave him by himself. I pulled my phone out of my pocket.
Jay:"I'm coming over. I can't sleep and I feel terrible knowing your feeling ill and I can't be there to help you. I shouldn't have invited you here. I should have come to you."
I opened his stream up on my phone and let it buffer again. I shut off my computer while grabbing my keys and wallet and things. I wrote a note for my parents and left it on my door with some blue tack. That way when they wake up they won't freak out that I'm not at home. I walked outside and hopped into my car. Starting it up and driving myself out of the drive way.
Henry: "Fucking. I love this man so much."
Chloe: "What's up?"
Henry: "Jay just messaged me. Saying he felt bad that I was ill and that he couldn't be here to help. He said he couldn't sleep and said that he shouldn't have invited me to go to him. And that he should have come to me in the first place. So He's coming over now."
Chloe: "Isn't it like 3:30 for you now?"
Henry: "Yeah but I don't care. I'm by myself and as happy as I am to be playing games. It is kind of scary when your on your own."
He was 20 minutes away but I feel like I was speeding. I got there in 14 minutes and I felt so bad for leaving him on his own.If he had just told me. Or tried to explain it to me. I would always be with him. I would never leave him. I didn't want him to feel like shit all the time.
Henry: "It's like I'm always paranoid about anything to do with him. Like. Even though he does everything that he does for me. I can never stop myself from thinking about how he maybe doesn't want me. And he just feels sorry for a broken man."
Chloe: "Henry I can promise you that if he is willing to drive to your house. At 4 in the morning because he can't sleep and he feels bad for leaving you on your own. Then I can also promise you that he fucking loves you. And It's literally the most adorable thing I have ever seen. I wish I could find someone like that."
Henry: "Shut up your engaged. I'm sure he would do the same for you."
Chloe: "Maybe. I'll test it out tonight at about 3."
Henry: "I wouldn't put it past you."
I parked in his drive way and turned my phone off. I didn't want him to know I had basically been watching him the whole time. Everything he said made my heart break for him. It was like he didn't trust me enough to tell me. Or he didn't want me to worry. But no matter what I was always going to worry about him. I got out of my car and pulled my phone out of my pocket again. Why I put it in there I don't know.
Jay:"Hey I'm outside. Can you let me in please? I miss you."
After I messaged him I waited a minute before I heard foot steps coming from inside. I saw the door open to find him standing in front of me wearing a Black and grey T-shirt with Black Tracky dacks. His hair was a mess with curls going everywhere and his hair not staying flat. He rubbed his eyes once before he let out a yawn. His wireless Headset still sat lopsided on his head.
Jay: "You are so beautiful."
Henry: "You have to say that."
He didn't sound happy like he was just a moment ago. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. I took my shoes off and turned to see him smiling slightly. It was almost like he was forcing himself to be happy.
Jay: "Please don't force a smile. It doesn't look anywhere near as beautiful as your real one. Henry I'm so sorry I left you here on your own. I shouldn't have asked you to stay with me and I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop worrying about you. You haven't been yourself lately and I got scared it was my fault. I couldn't live with myself knowing you aren't happy.Please tell me what's wrong baby. I love you so much and I don't care if we are going to just lay down in bed all day and watch Anime or play games. I don't care if you want to go out and go bowling or something. Just please don't leave me. I'm sorry for anything I have said or done. Or If I have missed something. Please tell me."
I felt a tear at the edge of my eye. I didn't realise knowing what he was going through would have this much of an effect on me. He was so beautiful, So perfect and yet so fractured. I will never not be able to love this man. He stepped forward and slowly placed his hands on the side of my hips. He pressed himself against me before lifting his arms up and wrapping himself around my chest. I made sure to keep his head set one while I cradled him. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head. He looked up at me and raised himself on his toes. Kissing me softly. After a moment he pulled away. He grabbed my hand and we walked up to his room. He pulled me in front of his camera.
Henry: "Everyone. This is Jay."
He turned one of his ear pieces to the side so I could hear what his friends were talking about.
Chloe: "Holy fuck that Jay. I watch his channel all the time that's so cool. Why didn't you ever do a video with him if your seeing him."
Jay: "He wouldn't let me. I wanted to get him on camera with me but he always told me every single time that he didn't want to. That he was scared that everyone would think he was using me for his own gain."
Chloe: "Henry is way too good for you Jay."
I looked down and saw him blushing like mad. I put my hand under his chin and turned him slowly to face me. Before kissing him slowly.
Jay: "I know he is."