Chapter Fifty-Four // {jordan's pov}
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I sat down at the table across from Beth and Maggie. We decided to eat lunch together and kind of catch up. I was going out tomorrow with everyone to move the thousands of walkers in the chasm.
I raised the glass of water to my mouth and took a sip before placing it back on the table.
"How are you and Glenn, aye?" I questioned, smirking at Maggie. Heat rushed to her cheeks, turning them a pretty shade of pink.
"Good. What about you and Rick?" she shot back.
"You can't do that, I want a proper answer!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air, playfully glaring at her. Beth watched in amusement.
"Fine then. Glenn and I are doing really well," she answered sarcastically, making me frown at her, "how are you and Rick?"
I decided to be honest, "we're steady. He hates me leaving this place or just going anywhere besides being next to him, in general."
"Glenn is the same. I bet Rick is probably more 'leader-like' when he tells you that though," Maggie answered, showing quotation marks with her hands when she said leader-like. I rolled my eyes. She wasn't wrong.
"I'm pretty sure it's a police officer trait," I replied, taking another sip of my water.
"Isn't it weird that you ended up with another police officer though?" Beth asked, turning her head slightly. I nodded thoughtfully.
"Sort of. I don't think about it much, I am just grateful for having him. Beth, what about you and Daryl, huh?" I asked, smirking. Maggie bursted out laughing at my question. She knew.
Beth blushed a rosy pink, "what about us?"
"You both clearly fancy each other!" Maggie exclaimed, trying to calm herself down. I chuckled, smiling at the sisters.
"No way, he's gross," she said in a way that made both Maggie and I completely not believe her. I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Oh, really? Gross? That's all you could think of? I'll tell him that," I replied, smiling innocently at her.
"No! Jordan, you can't do that! He'll hate me even more," she said, standing up from her seat in panic.
Maggie and I started laughing really loudly again.
"What the fuck?" a gruff voice spoke from behind me. Beth blushed even more, letting me know it was Daryl. I turned around grinning.
"Did you know Beth thinks that you're gross?" I informed him, grinning still. He furrowed his eyebrows and grumbled something before leaving the room.
"Jordan!" Beth exclaimed loudly.
"Shut up!" Abraham yelled from the living room, causing Maggie and I to laugh even more. I grinned brightly at the red-faced Beth.
"It's not funny! I wouldn't do that youse!" she exclaimed, frowning at us.
I stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Okay, true, I would but still! You can't just do that!" Beth said, pointing her finger at me.
"So, it's okay for you to do it, but not us?" her sister, Maggie asked, giggling. Beth huffed and crossed her arms, pouting.
"I can't believe this," she grumbled as Glenn came into the room. Maggie's eyes lit up as she saw him.
"Glenn, can you get rid of her and get Rick to take away Jordan because they're basically bullying me?" Beth explained to Glenn who furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"Rick isn't here," Glenn replied, glancing sideways towards me. I raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean by 'isn't here?' I questioned, standing up and pushing the chair towards the table.
"Himself, Daryl and some others left to go scout out the area before tomorrow, just a few minutes ago," he replied, acting as if there's nothing wrong with that.
"Glenn!" Maggie yelled, hitting his arm.
"What?" he questioned, glaring at her before he came to realisation. Before anyone realised, I left the room and stormed up to Rick's bedroom. I opened the door with enough strength, making it hit the wall behind it. I noticed his colt python lying on the bedside table. I glared at it before picking it up.
"Jordan!" Glenn's rushed voice came from behind me. I whipped around, holstering the weapon.
"What?" I asked cluelessly.
"You can't go! He won't expect you to be there and if you tu-" I cut him off.
"I don't care, he didn't even tell me! What if something happened here and I couldn't find him? Do you know how fucking hard that'd be? Imagine if Maggie did that to you.." I argued, turning back around to find a knife or something of the sort.
I heard Glenn sigh from behind me.
"I'll come with you."
"Absolutely not. You're staying here to hold this shit down, if anything happens, you need to be here. Don't leave your wife the way my boyfriend left me here," I answered, rummaging through a draw. Under a stack of white shirts a machete was hidden underneath. I smiled to myself before whipping it out of the draw and holstering it.
"Please be safe and take a car. I can draw you a map too," he said. I turned around and smiled softly at him.
"That'd be great, thank you," I thanked him, making him leave and go downstairs. I rolled my shoulders back before following him.
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"Be safe, alright?" Beth whispered to me through the window. I smiled at her.
"Always am!" I answered.
"That's debatable," Glenn grumbled, from behind her. I glared at him as he came over and gave me the map. I studied it briefly and placed it on the passenger seat, along with my backpack with a few supplies.
"Thank you Glenn. Keep things in order here, okay?" I grinned at him. He smiled back and nodded. I quickly buckled up my seat belt and crept forward up to the gate, waiting for Eugene to open it.
I watched as Eugene pulled open the gate and waved to me as I went through.
I was actually driving -- alone. It was the first time in a little while where I actually drove somewhere. I hadn't driven in ages. I used to love driving, especially when I was involved in a high speed chase. I just loved the adrenaline associated with operating a machine such as a car. I used to want to be a pilot when I was really young for that reason and when I say young, I meant like 3 years old. I used to pretend I was a plane too, it's kinda embarrassing now that I think about it.
I had all the windows down, making my hair fly around in the wind. I felt free... or as free as I could get at the end of the world. I glanced at the map, knowing that there was a side road coming up soon that I had to go down before a last left turn. That's where Rick and the others supposedly had parked up. I looked at the upcoming road sign, realising it was the correct one.
'Rory Street'
I slowed down and turned onto the street. Leaves littered the road, making them fly up as I drove past. I knew the first left turn was the road I needed to take. I slowed up again as the road drew closer. I turned and almost immediately recognised the cars parked up in trees.
I was trained to notice the small things -- like cars hidden on the side of the roads. In some car chases, people would attempt to pull off and hide their cars in the forest.
One thing that I hadn't seen was walkers. I don't know if it was just me or were there not as many anymore? Did we kill that many that they're becoming extinct? I chuckled to myself. Of course not.
I pulled over and parked up behind the white car. I shut off the engine and jumped out of the car. I took the keys and put them in my back pocket.
I went to the passenger side and opened the door to grab my backpack and the map. I folded up the map and also put in my back pocket of my black jeans. I took a deep breath before following a gravel path which Glenn told me to follow when I got there.
It was short path and it was weirdly quiet. No walkers. No humans. As I was walking I used my extra hair tie to tie my hair up in a bun which I never usually did but, it was weirdly hot for this time of the year today. I finished tying it up and jogged to the end of the path which opened up to the bottom of a massive chasm. I noticed the group further ahead, studying the thousands of walkers. My eyes widened at the sight..
"This was why Rick didn't want me here..." I mumbled to myself. I went to step forward but a growl came from behind me. Suddenly, I was on the ground. I yelp came from my mouth. A silenced gunshot went off at the same time as I hit the ground.
"Fuck," I cursed, pushing the walker off of me, standing up.
I stood up, coming face to face with a gun in my face.
"What the fuck," Daryl repeated, just like earlier.
"Get this gun out of my face," I growled, pushing down Daryl's gun. I noticed the group storming up behind Daryl.
"This was not how this was supposed to happen..." I mumbled, biting my lip.
"Ye aren't supposed to be here, period," Daryl glared at me. I rolled my eyes. Rick pushed past Daryl and instantly set his glare on me. It softened a little before hardening again.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Jordan?" Rick growled, glaring at me.
"I should be asking that," I replied smartly. He glared at me even more if that was possible. He can't be pissed when he left me.
"If you two are going to argue, it can wait. We need to get out of here!" Rosita yelled out from behind Rick. Rick glanced away from me, nodding in agreement. The group started leaving up the path I came from, leaving Daryl with me.
"Good job, Jordan," he smirked at me.
"He can't just leave without saying goodbye.. what if he died?" I furrowed my eyebrows, sudden emotions filling me up. My eyes teared up, making me try blink them away, but they fell anyway. Daryl looked concerned, but unsure of what to do. I shook my head.
"I'm okay. I don't know why I'm emotional," I sighed, turning to follow the rest of the group. Daryl followed me, saying nothing. We caught up to everyone else. Everyone filed into their cars, Daryl hopped in mine. Rick didn't even glance at me. As soon as I hopped into the car. Tears blurred my vision. I rested my head on the steering wheel.
"C'mon, I'll drive, alrigh'?" Daryl stated, looking at me with a worried expression. I nodded softly before getting out again. We swapped seats and as I got into the car, I could feel eyes on my back, but I ignored it.
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We pulled up to Alexandria, making me nervous. I felt sick to my stomach. I went in this angry and ... kind of in a smartass mood. I left full of mixed emotions. I made Daryl pull over because I vomited. I was just a wreck and I just didn't know why. We were last back because of me. Daryl flashed his lights, making Eugene open the gate for us. We parked up behind the other cars. I noticed everyone was waiting for us.
As soon as we got out, questions were thrown at us.
"Where were you?"
"What happened?"
"Why the hell are you late?"
Daryl spoke up, "took a wrong turn, calm yer shit." I glanced at Daryl gratefully before wandering back to my house when no one was looking.
Footsteps appeared next to me.
"Holy shit, you look like shit," Beth exclaimed.
I scoffed, trying to hide the fact I felt like I was going to breakdown at any moment.
The feeling you get in your throat when you try to not cry was horrible. I just wanted to get in my house and have a shower.
"Are you okay though? I'm sorry if that offended you.." she apologised.
"I'm... fine," I almost choked up.
"What happened out there? You weren't gone for very long."
"Nothing. It was just time to leave," I answered, walking up the steps of my porch. I turned around, noticing she was studying my actions.
"We're having a dinner tonight, Carl's going to try cook, he invited Enid over," she informed me, smiling again.
I nodded, "I'll see if I'm hungry."
She nodded and skipped away. I turned almost immediately and pushed open my door. I slammed the door shut behind me, I went upstairs and straight to the bathroom.
I unholstered Rick's gun and the machete and placed them on the benchtop. I pulled off my clothes, which now had blood on from that walker. I threw them to the ground and turned on the shower, waiting for it go hot. I didn't bother with the cold tap.
I stood in it, back first, immediately stepping back out. I yelped out in pain.
I carefully put my hand to my left shoulder. I pulled it out in front of me and noticed the blood dripping off my hand. I felt as if my stomach just dropped. I fell to the ground in front of the toilet and emptied out whatever was left in my stomach. My head swayed as I thought of what could be causing the bleeding on my shoulder. I pushed myself up off of the ground and flushed the toilet.
I picked up a handheld mirror and stood so my back was facing the broken wall mirror. Bits and pieces were missing but I could still use it. I used the handheld mirror to see the reflection.
A large red cut bled on my left shoulder.
I dropped the handheld mirror, making it clatter as it hit the ground. I held my hand up to my mouth in shock, I was shaking like a leaf in the wind. Tears automatically started falling down my cheeks. I sobbed as I realised this was the end.
The end of the fighting.
The end of the pain.
It was actually the end.
A single scratch will be the death of me.
Tears blurred my vision as I picked up some rubbing alcohol from the benchtop and opened up the bottle. I carelessly put some on a paper towel and pushed it onto my shoulder where the cut was. I bit down on my lip, the stinging of alcohol going onto a fresh wound hurt like a bitch.
After cleaning it, I found a bandage in the draw. I carefully bandaged up the cut, hiding it from view. It had stopped bleeding awhile ago. I crept out of the bathroom and went to the closet in my bedroom. The past nights, I was at Rick's house but I wasn't going there tonight.
Thinking of Rick hurt. Almost physically hurt. I was dying and he doesn't know.
I chose a green and black flannel and put it on over the undergarments I left in the bathroom from before. I grabbed a pair of light jeans and grabbed a pair of black socks. I quickly tied my hair up in a bun again. I walked over to the door, where I had left my combat boots. I shoved them on and quickly laced them up.
I stood up to my full height, taking in a deep breathe before releasing it.
I was dying.
It was the only thought I had in my mind. I had to make things right with everyone. I wanted them to have good memories. I wanted to leave on a good note with everyone.. I bit my lip before heading downstairs.
As I reached my front door, it swung open, startling me. Rick stood there, studying me.
"Why didn't you say goodbye?" I mumbled, looking directly at him. He looked away briefly before looking back at me.
"I wasn't going to be out long, Daryl told me you, Beth and Maggie were gossiping," he replied while scratching the back of his head.
"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you died out there," I said in a monotone voice.
"You'd be fine," Rick said while keeping his eyes trained on the ground
I stepped forward, making him look up at me, "no! I wouldn't be! You don't get it.. Imagine if I did that to you, you'd be fucking pissed at me. I'm dying, Rick.. I don't want to fight with you anymore..."
His blue eyes snapped to mine. All the colour drained from his face.
"Dying?" he questioned, "do you mean that in a literal way?"
I turned around and pulled my sleeve down, showing the bandage. I felt his presence behind me. Rick pulled off the bandage, revealing the cut.
"I mean it in a literal way," I whispered.
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a/n: rip