Dan Howell
I didn't see Phil anywhere after our last encounter in the alleyway and it has been two days. He didn't come to the party that night and didn't show up at uni. He is driving me crazy for some reason. I literally fucked four guys in the past two days and for some bullshit reason I couldn't stop imagining what it would be like if Phil was there. I didn't like him, I was just intrigued by him.
Maybe it's the fact that he was one of the few people whom I kissed in daylight and not in a dim lit bedroom with alcohol on my breath. I wonder if he is interested in me? Even if he is, will he sleep with me? He doesn't seem like the guy who would go home with someone for just one night, but it's worth a try isn't it?
"Dan!" I hear my mum's voice and smile almost instantly. I really hope she says that we're going out somewhere because I really need it.
"Yes mum?" I call out, dropping the work I had in hand and peeking my head out the door.
"I'm going with Robert."
"Again? But you just came back two days ago?" I ask her, my smile disappearing, and I watch as she drags a massive suitcase behind her. She isn't coming back for at least a month, I can tell.
"I'll be back soon baby. Just Robert needs some company, he's going to Dubai and I-"
"Why do you even bother honestly?" I sigh. I know she is bullshitting again. She could give a fuck less about me. She honestly does not care even if I object to her relationship. I don't have any problem with the guy but he is being the reason my mother hasn't spoken to me properly in a year and a half. How can someone even change so much? I remember her being at home, in the kitchen whenever I came back from school. She would ask how my day was, force me to do homework, scold me if I scored a C grade. One day it just vanished. One day I came back home to find her gone with a note on the fridge and it has been like that ever since. Now all she cares about is money and good dick. Mother of the year.
"What do you mean?" She asks cluelessly, and I roll my eyes.
"Nothing mom, I thought for at least a week I could see your face when I wake up instead of an empty bed." I spit and bang my door shut. This is exactly why I hate coming home. It is extremely hard to see your relations slipping from your fingers every day. It has been an year and I have never heard two words of love from her mouth. I have forgotten the taste of her home-cooked mashed potatoes and it sucks. Feeling alone in a house where you've got your family is heart breaking.
I would say it is my fault too, as I behave like an asshole sometimes and don't allow people in my personal space but it isn't really my fault. It is hard to trust anyone when your own parents don't give a shit about you. I try really hard to fit in sometimes, but people don't really appreciate that. I have no idea who to call or talk to when I am bored. All I can do is go to parties and drink a lot so I can mask the loneliness by sleeping with someone.
And I really want that someone to be Phil now, because for some reason, he has got me daydreaming about him and I need a relief from this constant nagging and just try and fuck him so I can get out of this dilemma and move on with my life.
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