"What's up, Dean?" Avery asked. It wasn't like him to ask to talk. Usually Avery asked him to.
"I was thinking about what you told me yesterday when I was in her room with the picture and there's something I should have commented on right then and there, but I didn't. I've been letting you walk around thinking something that isn't true and I need you to know the truth." He explained vaguely.
"What are you talking about?" She asked. She had no clue what lie she was supposedly believing.
"You said it's your fault that Jen left me and that you're sorry and wish her jealousy hadn't made her leave me." Dean started. "Before you tell me I'm wrong, listen. It isn't your fault she left. It's mine, and it was more than just she was jealous." He explained.
"It is my fault because I tried to get you to find a girl and I was the person she was jealous of. And what do you mean it was more than just she was jealous?" She asked.
"It's also because I kind of- I kind of ended things before she even left." He explained. Avery looked at him surprised and shocked. "So it was partly all her jealousy but she was telling me I should stop hunting because it was dangerous and that I was getting too reckless on hunts and with the alcohol, and I didn't care enough about her. I told her that she needed to quit being jealous and that it didn't matter if it was dangerous to hunt because I had to and that I wasn't becoming reckless. We argued back and forth before I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't deal with the accusations because I-" he started but was having trouble finishing.
"It's ok. Take your time."
"I knew I was all the things she said but she wasn't trying to help me. She was getting mad at me which wasn't helping at all. I knew I was getting a little reckless on hunts, you even told me that yourself, and I knew hunting was dangerous and I knew that I wasn't spending enough time with her, or any of you for that matter. I was distancing myself for who knows what reason. I told her to quit micromanaging my life and if she was going to keep doing that, then she should just leave already. I was just on edge and didn't mean it but I woke up in the morning and she was gone. I wanted her back but she never answered her phone. I got so mad at myself that I deleted her number and I haven't talked to her since. I've lied to you all these years, Avery, and I've been killing myself over it. I've been killing myself over making her leave but also over lying to you. It's my fault she's gone and she doesn't want me back anyways. She knows it won't work out. She told Audrey that too. Even I know it won't. There are a lot of reasons why I'm glad we're not together despite the fact I want her back. We fought too much to begin with." Dean told Avery, and got worried when she didn't reply. "Avery, say something. Please. I'm sorry. I know you're pissed."
"I'm not mad, Dean. I just don't get why you didn't just tell us. We would have gotten her back for you or if you didn't want us to, we would have let it be. And why didn't you talk to me about what she said, about you feeling reckless and like you weren't spending enough time with us? Why are you still so upset about Jen? You know it won't work out." Avery questioned. She didn't know why, with everything, he didn't at least talk to her about it.
"Because I love her. I still do. I know it won't work but at the same time, life without her isn't the same. I thought you especially would be mad I was the reason she left so I didn't tell you." Dean explained.
"Why me?" She asked, almost offended he would think she would be mad.
"You tried so hard to get me with Jen. You got her to get back together with me. If I had told you that I screwed it up, then you might have been mad. Promise me you won't try to fix this one." He begged.
"I wouldn't have been mad at all. And I won't contact her even though I still have her number. I promise. Do me a favor though. Tell Sam. You don't have to tell Tristan or Audrey, but he deserves to know." Avery urged. Dean nodded, went and told Sam everything other than being reckless, then rejoined Avery a bit later.
"He's not mad either. I'm just sorry I lied to you all these years." He told her as he walked back in.
"It's ok. I get it. But answer this: why didn't you talk to me about feeling reckless and feeling like you weren't spending enough time with us? You were beating yourself up for it but didn't tell me. I thought you could talk to me about anything." She urged him to answer.
"I know I can talk to you. I just didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression." Dean explained.
"What do you mean?" She asked. "Wrong impression of what?" She wondered.
"I didn't want Sam to get word of me feeling like I'm becoming reckless because he might tell me to quit hunting. I didn't want to admit that I was being a horrible person and not spending time with you guys." He explained. "I don't expect you to get it."
"Dean, I get it. Believe me, I do. But how could you think that Sam would ever find out? I would hope you know by now that I would never tell Sam something you don't want him to know. I thought you of all people trusted me more than that. I'll leave you alone about it ok?" Avery replied sadly. He really didn't seem to trust her.
"I trust you. Just in the moment I was worried about Sam finding out, ok? Don't be mad. Please. I just wanted to tell you why I lied all these years and why everything still hits me hard."
"I'm not mad, Dean. This is just my two cents, but if you said something to Jen that made her leave and haven't tried to get her number from me or anywhere else all this time, then maybe it's for the better. You don't have to deal with her jealousy, you get to spend time with the kids a lot more, you get to spend time with Sam and I a lot more than you would otherwise. I'm not trying to be mean because I know you were so happy and in love with her. I just think maybe things worked out for the better. You deserve to be happy though. If Jen makes you happier than anything else, then you should contact her again. I hate seeing you upset." Avery consoled.
"That wasn't mean. I know what you're saying and maybe you're right about it ending being a good thing. I don't totally know. I'm kind of overwhelmed with everything that's been happening. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." Dean stated in his last explanation.
"It's ok, Dean. I'm not saying you need to know how you feel about what happened right now. You don't ever have to know or even tell me once you do. I told you I'm not mad about you lying. Just know that you can talk to me any time about Jen or anything at all. I'm still right here." She replied. Dean nodded and they parted ways to bed. "Hey babe." She stated as she walked in to Sam.
"Hey. Dean's really taking everything hard." Sam replied.
"I know. I almost can't believe he's really been keeping it up for so long. I feel bad for him. It must be super hard to hold all that in for so long." She added.
"Yeah." Sam replied. "How are you holding up?"
"Fine. Why?" She asked.
"I heard you talking to Dean when he was upset about the picture yesterday. You said it was your fault and basically that you're sorry you were the reason she left him and that you were sorry her jealousy made her leave." Sam explained. "I know you feel responsible but you're not."
"Sam, I know now that it's not totally my fault. I just wish things had worked out differently for him. I know there's no way he's getting back with her, but I hope he can somehow be happy." Avery replied. "You don't need to worry about how I'm doing. I'm ok."
"Good. I'm just making sure." He replied. The next day they all hung out and just played with the kids. It was a nice break for everyone.
"Mommy, I have a question." Audrey spoke up when Avery put her to bed.
"What is it?"
"Daddy's birthday is tomorrow. I made him something a while ago and I was wondering, can you tell me if you think it will make him mad?" She asked.
"Sure kiddo. I can't believe you knew when Dean's birthday was. You didn't even know each other a couple days ago." Avery replied happily.
"My mom mentioned it every year because she was always extra sad on his birthday and I always remembered the date." She dug to the bottom of her bag and pulled out a piece of thick paper about the size of a quarter of a poster board. She showed it to Avery. It was a bright red poster covered in little kid stickers. In the middle, it had a picture of Dean and Jen plus she had glued a picture of herself below them. "I made it a while back because I had always hoped he would come back and we'd all be together. I didn't know I'd end up here and without my mom. I don't want to make him mad though." She added.
"I think you should give it to him. I don't think he'll be mad about it. It's cute." Avery replied. "Tomorrow morning, I'll distract Dean and you can put it on his bed. Then he'll see it when he goes in there." She suggested.
"Ok. I will." She laid down to go to sleep and Avery left. The next morning made Audrey nervous. She was excited to give Dean his present but was worried he would be mad. She walked in and placed the poster on his pillow. She let a smile cross her face. As she turned to walk out, her elbow hit a picture frame on his bedside table and it fell on the floor, cracking and shattering the glass in a loud clatter. She froze. Dean and Avery went running in seconds later.
"What the hell are you doing in my room?" He asked, not noticing the fact he just cussed in front of his daughter.
"I just- I-" she couldn't formulate a sentence she was so scared. Dean had such anger in his eyes but became so much scarier once he saw the picture on the floor.
"Audrey, get out of my room." He stated harshly. She didn't move out of fear. "Now. Get out." She cautiously walked around him and ran to her room. Avery joined Audrey in her room and got the little shards of glass out of her ankle.
"He's not mad about your present. I doubt he even noticed. He's mad that the picture broke. I'm sorry I suggested you put it on his bed. I didn't think about him freaking that you were in his room." Avery spoke up.
"It's ok. You didn't know. I should have been more careful." She replied. No one said anything for a while. They just waited for Dean to talk to them or do something.
Dean bent down and cleaned up the glass and picked up the frame. He looked once again at the picture and felt the sting of tears in the back of his eyes. He looked down at him as a kid and his mom. Oh how he wanted to go back to that time, when things were more normal, his mom was alive, and things were going well. He was relieved to notice that the picture itself wasn't ruined, just the frame. Then he saw it; there was a poster on his bed he hadn't noticed before. On top was a letter scribbled on notebook paper. He chuckled slightly at the bad spelling and not perfect grammar, but could still follow her 9 year old handwriting.
(I wrote this in normal English so it actually makes sense but picture sloppy 9 year old handwriting with bad grammar and spelling.)
Dad,
I know today is your birthday. My mom told me when your birthday was once because she always got really sad on that day. I always remembered when it was. I made you this a while ago before I knew I was going to be here. I always planned on giving it to you once we were all a family again, but that didn't happen. I hope this doesn't make you mad.
-Audrey
He flipped the poster over and saw what his daughter made him. He saw his favorite picture of him and Jen and an adorable one of Audrey. He chuckled at the large amount of stickers covering the poster ranging from unicorns to footballs. He saw how she wrote 'I love you' at the top and couldn't help but smile. His face lit up at what the little 9 year old created all because she loved him and had longed to meet him someday. That got him thinking of what he did to Audrey a bit ago. He was still pissed she did that to his picture, but he scared her. He hoped her leg was ok, he hoped she wasn't crying her eyes out, he hoped he didn't screw it all up. He got up and walked to her room.
"Audrey, can I talk to you?" He asked the crying kid. She nodded. Avery left the room, leaving them alone.
"Are you gonna hurt me? I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me for it." She asked in fear.
"No. No. I wouldn't dream of it. I'm never gonna hurt you. Listen. I'm still mad, but I never should have yelled at you." He started.
"Did you see my present?" She asked.
"Yes. I did. It's adorable and I love it. It didn't make me mad. Thanks for making it. How's your leg?" He asked.
"It's fine. Avery got the glass out." She replied quietly. There was a pause. "Daddy, I'm so sorry. I wasn't being careful and I bumped the picture. I wasn't trying to break it. I don't even know what it was a picture of. I really didn't mean to. I was just trying to surprise you with your present. I'm just sorry." She added before crying harder.
"Audrey. Honey, calm down. I know you're sorry. I know you didn't mean to break it. Listen, I got mad because there's stuff that Sam and I have dealt with from hunting that we don't want you to know about and we don't want you to have to deal with. I just don't want you stumbling across anything in my room without me knowing about it. I know why you were in there now and it's ok. I just have to get a new frame." He replied.
"What was the picture?" She asked. That's when he realized it was still in his hand. He joined her on the bed. "It's a picture of me when I was little with my mom. She died when I was a kid and Sammy was only 6 months old. It's one of very few pictures I have of her."
"Do you miss her?" She asked.
"All the time kiddo. Every day. I know Sam does too sometimes even though he never really knew her."
"I'm sorry she died. I miss my mommy too." She added sadly.
"I know. At least you have us though. We love you."
"I love you guys too. I'm glad you liked your present." She replied.
"Of course. It's super cute. I love that picture of Jen and I and the use of stickers made it even better." He said with a chuckle. "Now, let's head out and join everyone else." He suggested.
"Wait. I have something else for you." She stated. He had no clue what it would be. She opened the drawer to her bedside table and pulled out a picture frame. "It's the one for my picture with my mom. Use it for your picture. It's my fault it broke so use this one."
"Audrey, I'll just get a new frame. It's ok. I'm not mad at you." He replied. He didn't want to take it away from her when he loved to see her smile looking at her mom and her.
"No. Take it. Please." He nodded.
"Ok. Now, let's go out to the main room with everyone else." He replied
"Can you send uncle Sammy in first?" She asked. He nodded and got Sam. Sam walked in with a confused look on his face.
"What's up, kiddo?" He asked.
"I don't know if mommy told you, but I made daddy a birthday present and when I was putting it in his room, I broke the picture on his bedside table. He told me about your mom. I just wanted to say I'm sorry she died and I'm sure you miss her." She stated. "I miss my mommy so I'm sure you miss yours more."
"It's ok, kiddo. We couldn't control that she died. I was a baby."
"How did she die? I'm just curious."
"One of the types of creatures we hunt broke into my nursery and killed her and set our house on fire while she was in there. It's hard to explain without scaring you to death." Sam replied.
"Oh. I'm sorry." She added.
"Don't apologize. It's ok." He replied. They got up and went out to everyone else.