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Song seems fitting so I have included it. It actually kind of makes me cry sometimes, and I know it's not something maybe any of you guys would usually listen to, but you should try it... I just think it's one of those songs good to cry too. I probably sound stupid, but yeah...
Shut up.
-Beth's POV-
I didn't know what to do.
The sight of Gerard with tears rolling slowly down his cheeks had stunned me.
I bit my lip because Gerard scared me in general, but I'd never seen him cry, and if he was crying now, I felt like I should be terrified.
"You can't keep doing this to me." I said slowly after some thought, looking into his sad hazel eyes.
"Doing what?" He said back, never breaking eye contact the entire time.
"This. This whole 'if I'm angry or sad or frustrated or anything I'm just going to kiss you' thing." I reached both my hands up slowly and placed him on his face as glared at me. I used my thumbs to wipe away the tears from his cheeks. "It's just not fair to me Gerard. I get that that's your thing ok? I get that you like having a different girl by your side every week, but I'm sorry; I'm just not going to be her."
More tears snuck their way out of the corners of Gerard's eyes, and I continued to wipe them away.
"Why are you still here?" He said after a moment of silence.
"What do you mean?"
"Why, after everything I've done to you, have you continued to put up with my shit?"
I smiled sadly. "You want the truth Gerard? The truth is that no matter what you do, I--" I could feel my cheeks go red, "-I like being around you. Before I met you, I was a pathetic person who thought I could solve all my problems by slicing my wrists open or never leaving the house."
He tightened his jaw, staring at me seriously.
"And then-and then I met you. You're an angry, dangerous, jerk Gerard, but if I've learned anything from being around you, it's that holding your pain in wont make it go away. So all I'm asking now, is that you don't go back on what you said to me. I don't know what's eating at you, but I can see it in your eyes; you're holding it all back. And I don't exactly know what you're hiding, but you can't that to yourself. People are scared of you, remember Gerard? Make sure they have something to be scared of."
I realized that about halfway through that speech, that the words weren't entirely for Gerard, and that scared me. What was I trying to say?
Gerard stared at me with stormy eyes before Leaning in again. This time he leaned in very close, putting his lips next to my ear.
"You really are something else, aren't you Beth?" He whispered before moving his lips to kiss my neck. It felt so good and I didn't want to stop him, I really didn't, but I had to.
"G-Gerard--" I stuttered out, putting both my hands on his chest. "Stop--."
He stopped and brought his face back up to mine. "Oh but you really don't want me to, do you? You need to stop fucking fighting it Bethany, you and I are two of a kind. I mean, look at what you just said to me. You're getting it now."
I breathed out. "I said those things so you would get it."
He brought his lips within inches of mine again. "You think I don't fucking get it? I'm the one that opened your damn eyes!"
"Yes..." I whispered, trying to focus, "But somehow, yours still seem closed."
"Then why don't you help me open them?" He leaned back in again, but I turned away, keeping my hands on his chest.
"Gerard..." I whispered so not wanting him to stop, but this somehow didn't feel right. Atleast not now. "We can't stand in the middle of the road forever..."
He sighed before looking back into my eyes. "When are you going to stop resisting princess?
I looked away and he chuckled. "You know, you're right. We should go. We've got a party to get to." He winked.
I hesitated before speaking. "I uh... I'm not really in the mood to go to a party anymore... Can you, you know, drop me off at the house or something before you go?" I just couldn't be around Gerard right now, especially at a party where I was bound not to know anyone and end up standing alone anyway. There were still a lot of unanswered questions, and if I was being completely honest with myself, he scared the hell out of me.
He pursed his lips. "Beth darling," he grabbed one of my wrists, "you're coming to the damn party with me whether you like it or not."
I bit my lip and decided to make the unwise choice of trying again. "I'd really rather not, please---"
He gripped my wrist harder and I winced. "I don't give a damn what you want Beth." He leaned in until his lips were next to my ear agin. "Remember that this is what you wanted Beth. I can let out my anger if that's what you want, but can you really handle it?"
His ominous whisper made me shudder. I didn't understand how he could do it. He hit me five minutes ago, kissed me right after that, and now he was threatening me. I didn't understand him.
"Now." He leaned back, so that we were looking into eachothers eyes again. "I'd say we're fashionably late at this point, so we better get going." From the time in his voice, I could tell that I really didn't have a choice.
So we got back in the car.
And drive the rest of the way to this party in silence.
I had plenty to say, but I was too scared to say it.
We eventually parked across the street from a large house with lights and music blaring. And I looked at the mass of cars already parked in front of the house, I thought one thing; this isn't going to end well. When we got out of the car, he came and put his arm around me, causing me to tense up.
"Oh come on, I think you'll have fun." He said as he practically had to drag me across the street. I didn't respond, I just turned my head so I wouldn't have to look at him. I decided that I would find the most secluded room in the house, lock the door, and wait until Gerard would get to drunk to notice if I ever left. I wasn't a party scene person. I wasn't even a person person.
When we finally made it to the door, the music was practically deafening and I could feel my stomach steadily begin to drop.
Gerard didn't even knock, he just opened the door, and immediately we were thrown into neon, flashing lights. I almost couldn't even decipher what was gapping at first because the only light came from lasers and strobes everywhere, and there were people packed together everywhere. The house was big, but as impossible as it had seemed a minute ago, the crowd was bigger. There were people dancing, grinding, and making out in every corner that I could see just by standing by the front door. You could smell the alcohol in the air, and I began to get anxious.
Without even realizing it, I saw a guy with black hair approach us. "GERARD, YOU MADE IT!" The boy smiled stupidly as he tried to tell over the music and you could just tell he was on something. His eyes shifted from him to me though. "DAMN! AND WHO IS THIS?" He looked me up and down once before looking at Gerard who seemed to have a proud smirk on his face.
Gerard laughed. "WENTZ, MEET BETH- THE MOST GODDAMN STUBBORN BITCH IVE EVER MET!"
'Wentz' laughed with him. "WELL YOU ALWAYS LIKED THE ONES THAT PLAYED HARD TO GET!"
My face was burning at this point, and I clenched my fists.
"DAMN SWEETHEART--" Wentz stepped closer, "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?"
I could feel Gerard's fingers dig into my shoulder as a warning sign; don't say anything. I bit my lip. I didn't know exactly what my face looked like, but now I was self conscious about it.
"DUMB ASS TRIPPED DOWN THE STAIRS EARLIER AND JUST SMACKED HER FACE ON THE GROUND!" Gerard replied and the other boy laughed. He just laughed.
"HOW ABOUT WE GET YOU TWO SOMETHING TO DRINK THEN?!" He raised his eyes, and Gerard smirked.
"THAT WOULD BE FUCKING GREAT!" He replied before looking down at me. He leaned in close again, touching his lips to my ear again. "Let loose some princess. I've seen you angry, but I don't think I've ever seen you angry and drunk. It can be quite the fun combination." I could just hear the ego in his voice as I glared straight ahead, not letting my eyes meet it.
So Gerard dragged me with him as we followed the other boy into a different room, or atleast what I believe was a different room. It was kind of hard to tell with all the black and neon lights flashing constantly. I felt like I was on LSD just looking at everything it was so hard to tell what was going on.
I'm pretty sure I felt atleast ten people grab or touch my butt as we walked and I continued to chew on my lip to contain myself. Finally, I was able to make out a kitchen area with just bitters of various alcohols all over the place. Beer bottles also covered what I assumed was a table.
The Wentz guy handed Gerard a beer before turning to me.
"YOU KNOW WHAT?" I spat out suddenly, "DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHERE A BATHROOM IS?" I asked, trying the first thing that came to me to get away.
"WELL IM GUESSING MOST ARE UM--OCCUPIED!" He laughed. "BUT ID TRY GOING TO FIND ONE UPSTAIRS! THERES BOUND TO BE ONE THATS FREE!"
I nodded quickly before shoving Gerard's arm off from around me, not giving him time to react before I pushed into the mass of people, hoping they'd hide me so he wouldn't follow, or atleast couldn't.
I'm not a tall person, and I wasn't wearing heels, so trying to find the supposed stairs the boy had been talking about was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Add a dark room with constantly flashing lights and insanely loud music packed to the brim with drunk dancing college students, and it seemed practically impossible.
I did eventually find the massive staircase pleasing upstairs. You'd think it would have been easy to find since it was one of those marble, curving things, but it wasn't. I pushed my way up feeling more and more like I couldn't breathe. I made my way to the top and just immediately turned into the closest hallway. There were multiple doors along this one but I ran to the one at the very end, praying that it was a room and that it was empty.
I opened the door, expecting no such luck, but nearly laughed with relief as I looked at an empty bedroom. I took a step forward and let out a breath, finally feeling like I could breathe.
"Hey, are you lost?" I jumped as I heard a voice behind me, turning around quickly. There stood a pretty attractive guy in the doorway holding a beer in one hand with the other in his jeans pocket.
I bit my lip. "No-, I mean- yes, I was just- uh- looking for the bathroom?" My attempted explanation came out as more of a question and I internally punched myself.
The guy chuckled though, making me feel like less of an idiot. "Hey it's okay, it's a big place and kind of hard to get around when you can see a damn thing through all the people."
I gave a nervous laugh myself before speaking. "Yeah..."
The boy took a step closer. "It's nice though to be able to get away though from all that noise for a moment."
I didn't really know what he was talking about, but I nevertheless nodded my head.
He took another step closer. "And it's also nice to know that no one can you, they're too lost down there to really care what's going on up here."
Hm.
Well.
This didn't seem right.
I laughed nervously again as the boy stood next to me at this point. "Ya know, I really do have to go find that bathroom... So I'm uh just going to go now-" I smiled weakly before turning around and reaching the door way.
Right as I did though, the door slammed shut before I was able to get through it. I gasped as I felt a hand turn me around and push me against the door.
"Aw but sweetheart-" the boy smirked evilly as he kept one the hand he used to to slam the door against it and put the other one in my hair--
"I don't want you to."
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Everything sucks.
*sigh*
There's my philosophy for the day.
STAY FABULOUS!
---Fabbyulous1