I sit in the hospital waiting room staring blankly at the empty wall. On one side my Mum is sitting next, the other sits Alfie.
It's still a shock. Zoe was doing better. She had been feeling better. I was sitting at home watching TV waiting for 5 when I promised to call Caspar. Suddenly my home phone rings and my Mum answers it. I can't hear the conversation but suddenly my Mum is standing in the door to the living room.
"We have to go." She says
"What's wrong?" I say. Getting up from the couch.
"It's Zoe. We have to go to the hospital." She says.
And now we're here. No one had told us anything. Anytime a doctor or nurse walks by I would ask but everyone said be patience. It's been hours. It's almost 1am and I am very tired. I rest my head on Alfies shoulder and close my eyes.
I think of Zoe. My whole life she had been there for me. She was the first person I ever trusted, the first person who I loved. I think of how she sings in the shower, and how she used to fall asleep on the couch every night. How could I live with out her, if anything happens to her... I don't know what I would do.
"I talk to Caspar's sister, she is going to pick him up and bring him here. They should be here soon." Alfie says to me.
"Okay." I whisper.
"Ms.Sugg." A voice calls.
"Yes." My Mum says jumping up from her chair.
I open my eyes and look up at the nurse who is speaking to my Mum,
"How's Zoe?!" My Mum says
"She's not awake currently. She took a sudden turn for the worst. Ms Sugg we don't know if she will make it through the night." She says quietly.
The tears are now streaming down my face. I wrap my arms around Alfie and cry into my shoulder and he does the same.
"No no no." I whisper.
"You can see her." The nurse whispers.
We go to Zoe's room. I stop outside. I take a deep breath. Suddenly I feel a warm hand encases mine. I look up to see Caspars piercing blue eyes. I smile at him and he wipes the tears off my cheeks. He then wraps me up in a warm hug.
"You okay?" He whispers in my ear.
"As okay, as I could be." I say.
Then we open the door and see Zoe laying on the bed. Her eyes are closed and she is curled up in a little ball. She is so skinny and fragile. Her face is pale. Her body shakes each time she breaths.
"Be careful not to wake her." My Mum whispers "she needs rest."
We all settle down. Alfie sits on the bed and rubs her back, my mum sits in a chair next to Zoe and holds her hand, I can't move, I just stand in the corner holding hands with Caspar. I can't do this.
It seems like only a second when a nurse is telling us visiting hours are over.
"Can I have a second alone?" I ask
"Sure." My Mum says.
Alfie gently kisses Zoe's forehead. And whispers something in her ear. He gives me a hug and walks out the door and then my Mum follows.
"You want me to stay?" Caspar asks.
"No Casp. I just need a moment." I say.
He kisses my cheek, squeezes my hand, and leaves.
I walk over to Zoe's bed. I gently raise her hand, sit down, and put her head on my lap.
"Hey Zo," I say softly "so I just wanted to say thank you. I couldn't have asked for a better big sister. You were always there for me. My hand to hold. My best friend. I love you Zoe. I don't want to see you in pain Zozo. So if it hurts Zoe just let go. I love you."
By the end of my speech tears are streaming down my face at an unstoppable rate.
"I love you." I say again. "Good bye Zoe."