"Why, why... Why, why, why, why, why?" Everything in the store makes me look fat, ugly, ridiculous.
In the dressing room I sit on the stool and tears stream down my face. I never thought it would be this hard, when Hunter called and asked if I would like to hear some jazz music I never dreamed it was for a date, I guess that was stupid on my part.
Usually I have Maggie or Tiffany forcing me to try on stuff... Well not last shopping trip, but then I was feeling confident and bold.
My first instinct is to call Hunter but I don't know if I should. I don't want to tell the girls about the "date" I'm not ready to own up to it, even with my closest friends.
With shaky fingers I punch speed dial 8 and hold the phone up to my ear. "Hi Hunter."
He sounds excited to hear from me even though we just texted this morning. He's out on the road and I won't see him until Friday. The night he's picking me up.. The reason I'm in this state of panic. "What's wrong?"
I didn't have to say anything he knew from the tone of my voice. "I'm not so sure this is a good idea. I don't know if-"
"Leah, calm down. It's all going to be okay, like we talked about... It's just 2 friends going to listen to some music. If anything comes out of it then that's awesome but if not, we'll figure it out. I'm not going to lose you, and I'm not going anywhere."
"Okay."
"Was there anything else?"
I can tell he's busy, I can hear people in the background and I feel guilty for calling. "You're awesome." I say lamely, it's the truth but I don't know if that was the appropriate response.
"Oh I know." He sounds cocky.
"Shut up." I am laughing now and Hunter joins in.
"I'll talk to you later, and stop stressing alright?"
"Got it, chill. I can do that." When I hang up I look in the mirror and see my tears have dried up and I can't wipe the goofy grin off of my face. I take a deep breath and look at the dozen or so hangers that hold dresses around me. None of them work, they are all too much. An idea flashes through my mind and I get up, unzipping the peach colored monster I was trying not to get lost in.
After returning the dresses to the floor I stop by the jewelry counter and find an amber colored gemstone on a gold chain. I'll base my necklace off of this, I know just what to do with it.
-----
"Max please stop jumping." I lift the hem of my skirt as he tries again to leap for my arms. I want to hold him or cuddle with him on the couch but I don't want to get his fur all over me, I doubt even his hair would blend in with my dark brown dress. The stupid curls that I tried to put in kept falling out and so finally I tied it back in a high ponytail and called it good.
Maxwell stops and just looks at me with a dejected look in his eyes before wandering off to sleep next to his food bowl. When I hear a whimper I look over and laugh, "you've eaten already, don't even try."
Waiting is definitely painful, I can't stop pacing in the entryway, checking my makeup to make sure it looks just right. I don't understand why I'm so nervous, it's just Hunter.
Still the knock on the door sends my pulse into a high speed pounding and I feel slightly faint. Cautiously and slowly I open the door and he stands there smiling wide, black suit, black bow tie, classic men's symphony attire.
Without thinking I embrace him and after a shocked second he returns the hug. I guess I can't blame him, I've never been the one to initiate contact. It's just that I've missed him so much, and the thought terrifies me.
"Well it's nice to see you too." He chuckles as we pull apart, he holds onto my hands as he looks at my dress.
"I'm sorry it's so plain, with the unfamiliarity of this whole thing I just thought-"
"You look beautiful. Like a dandelion growing in the middle of a yard."
I know he's talking about my yellow hair and that he's complimenting me. Still, I blush and glance down, fingering the scoop neckline and run my hand down the side of my skirt that trails all the way to the floor. It's sleeveless and without sparkle or frill, it was my mothers. I've never worn it before and was surprised when I tried it on that it actually fit. She always seemed so much larger than life I guess, so beautiful. I never thought I looked like her.
When I look back up I catch him smiling as he looks at me. "What?"
"Nothing... Nothing."
"What?" I'm slightly irritated, his smile is unnerving and making my hands shake.
"It's just nice to see you."
"Whatever, let's get going." I snag my heavy dress coat off of the hat rack by the door and usher Hunter out ahead of me.
In the car he keeps looking at me and smiling or rather holding back laughter.
"Okay, either tell me what is so funny or I'm getting out and walking." I'm done feeling like he's laughing at me.
"I just can't believe you're here."
"Oh..." I am not sure what else to say.
"And I'm just so happy about it."
"Thanks."
Hunter reaches into the center console and pulls out 2 tickets. "Here." I'm dropping you off at the door and I will find you at the seat."
"I- I haven't been here for 8 years." I get flustered, I can't help it. It's an unfamiliar situation that seems to be dragging a memory out of my subconscious.
"You'll be fine, it's on the floor... Half way up, left."
"Okay." I'm stuck in the memory of the last time I attended a concert. I wore a deep blue dress, I was 16, it was the last time I saw my parents truly happy together.
I can't remember who we saw or what we heard but I do remember sitting off to the side and watching my dad whisper something to my mom and she tried to contain her laughter as their fingers laced together. He reached over and kissed her cheek and she smiled so lovingly at her my heart just melted.
My eyes drift up to the ceiling as I step into the hall, the entry was packed and I couldn't stand it. My nerves are jangling and I'm trying to hold my composure. Finally the corresponding row shows itself and I take my seat, it's 2 seats on the end and I am grateful. Ducking my head as I wait for Hunter I don't dare look around.
The lights dim and I have to allow several people to slip past me. As I settle in for the final time I feel a hard shoulder against my own. "Good you got your coat checked. I almost forgot, sorry." Hunter whispers in my ear. I almost can't hear him over the orchestra's final tune up.
"Where were you?" I hiss back, he's been gone at least 20 minutes beyond what I had thought he would be.
"You want to do this and keep it quiet, this is one of the things I'll have to do. During intermission go up the stairs on the right and make an immediate turn at the landing, I'll be there."
I'm about to ask him what he's talking about when the music starts and I am pulled into the world of fast tempos and a jumpin' beat. I close my eyes to listen and take it in when someone starts singing. My hand jumps out of my lap and clamps down on Hunter's, it's instinct.
"You never told me Michael Bublé was going to be here tonight." I can't help from whispering as 'On The Street Where You Live' streams into my ears.
"You never asked."
When I look over at Hunter I see him holding back laughter. I shove him a little as he lets a single chuckle out and tries to pass it off as a cough.
After that I don't care where I am, or what I'm wearing, or who I'm sitting next to, or even what I'm doing here. I used to love this and I guess I never lost my appreciation for it.
As the last song of the first half ends I feel shifting and look over, Hunter is gone. I look back at the stage and applaud with the audience.
Before people can start milling around I sweep out of my seat and try to remember what Hunter said. As I climb the stairs I look back nervously and make sure no one is watching. People haven't started their decent from the balconies but I can hear them approaching.
I round the corner and see what Hunter is talking about, it's an empty booth that overlooks the floor. Hunter stands at the edge looking down, it's rather dark and a perfect quiet spot in a chaotic situation.
"I borrow this from a friend. Seems like such a shame... He barely ever comes." Hunter must have heard me, he turns and holds out one of the wine flutes he is holding in his hands.
"Did you bring her here?" I want to bite back the question as soon as I ask it, his face twitches just the smallest amount.
I take the seat nearest to me and put my head in my hand. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to come to terms with all of this."
"What do you mean?"
"That I'm here... With you. When you could be with any other girl, anyone more interesting or fun... But you're stuck with me."
"Leah," Hunter sits next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder, I can't stop from looking at him, "there's no one else I would rather be here with." His eyes are locked with mine, a moment of clarity in a sea of confusion.