Fox
[Excuse any errors.]
"Aye yo, chill out nigga!" Red yelled over the crowd's hype as he and CJ held me back from snapping this scrawny ass nigga's neck in two. I swear these muhfuckers be testing a nigga up in this bitch.
Leh me let y'all in on this:
So me and babygirl making our way to class after lunch, right? We good, laughing and shit, just minding our own business. Then this clown gotta go on and open his mouth, coming at Nala sideways with some " She prolly was just fucking with Chris from the get go." What the fuck?
"Yo Fox, chill out bruh. Roberts come out here you know he goin kick yo ass out nigga." CJ reasoned. I calmed ma shit down and broke free of their hold on me. My eyes searched for Nala and I caught her being escorted by Gabi into the ladies room.
I decided to take this time to wash my face in the guys room too.
I came out again and went over to Brit Lit class. The teacher was frontin bout me coming to class late buh I ain't here for that bullshit. Nala and em were already there so I took ma seat next to babygirl. I could tell she was mad cause she ain't even acknowledge a nigga. What she was mad about, I don't know.
I was also in my own vibe so I wasn't about to ask what was up cause I know it's about some bullshit, and we just got to a good place a week ago. I ain't about to jinx that shit.
Class went by and we were switching to Maths naw. We packed our shit in silence and I waited for her to finish when I was done with ma shit. I swear she was being extra slow today buh I wasn't goin anywhere and I wasn't goin say shit bout it.
She finally finished and she made for the door which I followed her to. Once in the hallway, she folded her arms across her chest to block me from holding her hand. Is that right?
"Nala, come with me for a sec." I more so told her than asked.
"I've got class." she said, still walking and not looking at me. What? I got class too buh I wanna talk tah ya.
"Hey," I pulled her to the side so she could face me buh she still avoided looking at me, "What I do now, huh? You ain't said a word to me since lunch."
"It's nothing." she simply stated. I stared at her with my brow raised. Know what, I ain't about this shit.
"Okay. Ya can go to ya class." I moved away from her way. She frowned looking up at me.
"What? You ain't coming with me?" she quizzed and I blew out a sigh.
"Nah, Imma head out for a sec. I'll come by to pick y'all up after school, aiight?" I asked and she nodded her head reluctantly. I could tell she was worried buh shit, you can't get worried naw.
I went over to Mrs Denver so she could get a nigga outta this place. They went through the process of calling Al and ma nigga told em to let me go.
First off, I needed a blunt.
On ma drive to the house I couldn't help buh think of all the stress a nigga been getting in these past months. I mean shit, ma life wasn't exactly roses and daisys back in L.A, shit it was nowhere near that shit, buh I've had ma fair share of drama while I been here. When does this shit end cuh?
It seems like with me and Nala... we always go through the same shit - we go through some real shit, we get over it, we get to a good place, then one of us starts some bullshit and we start all over again. Man that shit gettin old bruh.
A nigga tired of fighting and fussing.
I huffed as I pulled up to ma driveway. I took a minute to myself 'fo getting out. I decided against walking through the house to ma crib, to avoid Lollipops. I went by the back and played some Tyler the Creator on ma system then got to rollin.
(It's this girl)
She lives next door
To the store that I loiter at
We talk every night, she cry to me about her guy
And if we text, I get pissed when I get no reply
(It's this girl)
I know that she's the key to love
She is who I'm thinking of when I am beating richard up
The mental images her face looked
The closest that I got was when I'm poking her on facebook
The minute that shit sank into ma lungs, it felt like a whole lotta dead weight was lifted offa me. Damn...
I didn't realize how bad shit had gotten between me and babygirl. Yeah we good for now buh I ain't feenin to have her just for the present. I'm talking bout some futuristic shit cuh. And the way we are heading naw, I don't think we'll make it.
I was so deep in ma thoughts, I didn't realize Lollipops was now in the room.
"Oh shit!" I tried tah put it out, " Ma bad, Lollipops. I didn't see you there."
"Oh it's okay. I should have knocked anyways, sorry... Al told me the school sent you home cause you weren't feeling well." she sat next to me on the couch as I had ma elbows propped on ma knees, "You alright?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm good. " I cleared ma throat as I could see she saw past that bullshit.
"Fox, you know talking about it goin make you feel better, right?" she egged on. I took a minute to think about this, then decided on putting it out there.
"It's Bianca - I mean it's both of us. Our relationship is just..." I let out a sigh sitting back on the couch, staring mindlessly at the blank TV, "I don't know what's wrong with us, man. It's like every time we get to a good place, some shi- something gotta happen to pull us apart... I don't know what to do no mo."
"Something happened at school?"
"Nah, not really. I got into a fight and-"
"You what?!" she yelled, with her eyes bulged.
"He was saying some shit bout Nala. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and do nothing?" I looked to her for what I should've done.
"Mind your language and tell me what happened." she simply said, making me sigh.
"He said something about her, we got into it, and next thing I know, she don't wanna talk to me." I shrugged. I needed to spark ma shit again. All this talking was killing ma high.
"What was she so mad bout?" she quizzed, confused. I simply shrugged and she raised an eyebrow at me, " You sure you didn't do anything else to upset her?"
"What could I have possibly done to upset her at that point? I was defending her! And she goin turn around not fucking talk to a nigga? Man, I'm sick of that bullshit. Every time, every muhfucking time we good, she goin be mad at me or not talk to me or break up with a nigga over some bullshit. I got enough shit that I gotta deal with and I ain't come all the way here to add more stress and mo bullshit to ma life. I know she just got through some real shit buh damn... I don't know if I can do this shit no mo..."
"Woah, what do you mean by that?" she sat on the edge of her seat and I shrugged, propping ma elbows on ma knees, "Look Fox, I don't know what it is that you went through or are going through, and most probably, Bianca doesn't either. I've seen y'all together and it seems like she is the one who's open in y'alls relationship and you, you just keep all of this to yourself and that's not how relationships work, Fox. You need to communicate what you are feeling too, and not let her do all the talking... Or maybe you're just afraid-"
"Afraid of what?" I snapped ma head in her direction. She was looking me square in the eyes and I had to look away.
"You love her, don't you?"
"Man, get outta here." I got up to get myself a drink and she followed me to the bar.
"You're falling for her and you don't know how to deal with it. No alcohol." she dismissed as I was reaching for a beer, I sucked ma teeth and took out a can Sprite instead, "What are you afraid of?"
"I don't know what you on about." I told her, walking back to the couch as she followed behind me.
"You're in denial of your own feelings, Fox. You want to link all the problems you're having to Bianca so you can have a reason not open yourself up to her... You're afraid she might break your heart." she spoke softly and I looked to her to see if she was being real. Deep down, in a dusty corner somewhere, I knew what she was saying was real buh I ain't about to tell her that shit.
"I need to smoke." I informed her and she shrugged, giving me the go ahead, "You ain't leaving?" I raised an eyebrow at her.
"It's been a while since I sparked one." she smirked and my other brow went up.
"Hell nah! Pops would kill me, nah ah. No ways, ma'am." I leaned back on the couch, deciding against blazing now. If Al crazy ass found out I had his wife high, he'd kill ma crazy ass.
"Good. You need to stay offa that shit anyways. Naw imma leave you to think on everything I said, aiight? And don't make any stupid decisions, Fox. Follow your heart." she got up and left me thinking.
Follow your heart. Follow ma heart? What fuck nigga shit is that?
"She trippin." I grabbed ma shit, blazed it and took a long drag. Damn...
***
"Ma nigga!" I hollered, walking into ma boy Mike's room, "Ya looking good fo a nigga who was dead for two months cuh." I dapped him up as he laughed.
"Hey, don't say that." Gabi hit ma arm, appearing from behind me with Nala to hug Mike, " Baby, how you doin?" she kissed him.
"I'm good babe." his eyes went to Nala and she flashed him a smile which he also returned, "You finally decided to fit a brother into yo busy schedule, huh?"
"Shut up Mickey." she laughed off before giving him a hug, " How you been?"
"I'm good, B. How you doin?" he asked with a serious face on. If there was any other nigga who loved the girls like me, it was this nigga rightchea.
"Better. How's hospital life?" she asked and he sucked his teeth, making us all burst out in laughter. One thing I learnt while here is that Mike loves his soul food. And we all know the shit they be fed at hospitals.
"Y'all ain't brought no food with y'all. A nigga is starving up in here, shit. " he fussed aa he looked at us for any sign of food.
"I told your girl she need to bring you something but nooo, everything I say is horses shit." I shrugged with ma hands up in defense as I sat in the chair next to him, as the girls sucked their teeth simultaneously.
"Horses shit? Ha! That's the understatement of the year big bro. B, let's go." Gabi stormed out the room with Nala to prolly get him something to eat as he was left here dying.
" Ya need to stop messing with the girls cuh. Wooow!" he exclaimed tryna catch his breath as I shook my head chuckling.
He started asking me shit bout school and the niggas and shit, till we fell into a silence. Which was new to us cause we always had shit to say.
"So, ya goin tell me what's goin on with ya and B?" he broke the silence.
"What about us?" I frowned and he held his hands up in defense.
"Hey, don't give me that crazy look bruh. I'm just saying B barely said two sentences since y'all got here and you just ain't yoself today. Wassup nigga?" he probbed.
"Man, I don't know what the fuck wrong with us. Its always gotta be some bullshit with us cuh." I shook my head already sick of discussing this shit over and over, "And I ain't here for no fucking speeches so ya can keep that shit ta yaself bruh."
"I'm still goin say what the fuck I wanna say tho. Ya gotta get shit right with ma girl bruh. She done been through a whole lot in these past few weeks and she might act like she all good and shit, buh what ya think she be thinking bout when she in her room alone? I know Bianca. She wanna be strong and shit when she really hurting and you ain't even making it better which yo foul ass attitude. All I'm saying is I seen y'all happy together, and y'all ain't that right now. Get yo shit together cuh." he spoke out as the girls came back in.
"What shit has he been feeding you baby?" Gabi came to sit next to him on the bed as I offered Nala ma seat and took another in the far corner.
"Ya keep forgetting who you goin home with. And it ain't yo nigga." I chuckled and she rolled her eyes.
Everything Mike and Lollipops had said was real - we wasn't happy, and I needed to fix it ASAP.
***