Chapter Twenty: Thanksgiving
During the reception, I'm in need to unite with Periwinkle and Jessie privately. In need to know why they are here, I turn to Errik with a guilty smile on my face. "What is it that ya want?" he asks, his eyebrows arching upwards with a half smirk on his lips.
"I need to talk to my friends quickly, so can I trust you to be alone for a few minutes?" I question as if he's a mere child who always gets into mischief if not watched.
He puts his hands on my shoulders, gawking into my eyes like he's trying to convince me to do something. "I’m not a child, so yes. Ya can trust me," he says in the most compelling way.
With a chuckle, I leave to find Periwinkle and Jessie at a small table drinking champagne. They both have blank faces, not entirely readable either. It's as if they are angry or displeased with me, but in a calm matter.
Sitting down on a chair on the left side of Jessie whereas Periwinkle is on her right, I shake my head in dismay. "What are you both doing here?" I inquire, my eyes shifting to each of them every few seconds. "You both don't stand up for me in front of Freddy and you so happen to come here to my own mother's wedding?"
"We were invited," Periwinkle states sternly. My breaths remain calm, but become unsteady for a few moments as I breathe out from my nostrils.
"Yeah, you were invited, but why the hell didn't you stand up for me?" I snap. I can feel my eyes widen in anger, and at the same time, disappointment. "You both are my best friends, so how can you not––" I pause while clearing my throat, trying to look for the right words to say, "––help me in the time of need when Freddy just goes off and tells me that I shouldn't hang around a person who he doesn't even know. I did what you guys asked; I'm trying my best to recover and when I'm around Errik, I feel like I already have been."
Jessie brushes a small lock of hair in the back of her ear. "And we're grateful for that, but what if Freddy is right? Maybe Errik isn't such a good person," she announces while her greenish-blue eyes shimmer in the sunlight as the sun beats down on her face.
My eyebrows furrow and my eyes narrow down onto her. "You have the nerve to say that to me when you only met him for a few moments? You haven't hung around him long enough to even know who he is, so don't come to me and say that crap. You're the one who doesn't like me being 'depressed,' so do yourself a favor, Jessie, and shut the hell up."
Glancing around to check if anyone is staring at us, which there isn't due to the lack of hearing out here from the music, I then add, "Stop butting into my life. I thought you all would be happy for me that I'm finally coming out of my shell, but I guess I'm wrong. The first person I meet and actually like that gets me out of this depressed shell I'm stuck in and then you all have to judge him by his character. Why can't you stick around to get to know him, then you'll probably think differently than what you assumed. Maybe we're not friends after all." I stand and walk away, heading back to Errik who is sitting down at the bride and groom’s table, drinking a beer.
*~*~*~*~*
Shutting the car door behind me, I walk up the two steps in the garage and push the button to allow the garage door to close. I pace my way up the stairs and into my bedroom where I collapse onto the bed and throw my shoes onto the carpet. I feel the need to cry, but no sobs shed down my broken heart; the only thing keeping me from crying is the thought of hope.
Maybe faith, hope, and God are real. Maybe God is doing this to me because he knows everything will be all right. Who am I kidding? I think. He took away Kenton, He took away dad, and He doesn't want me to be friends with Periwinkle, Freddy, and Jessie. He's allowing me to be broken, bruised, and depressed. How can God be real if my life is in ruins? There is no hope, there is no faith, and there is no God.
As I think deeper into the thought, I'm more persuaded with the realism of life. There's no God, there can't be a man in the sky with magical powers. If there is, why did he kill my fiancé? Why did he kill my father? Why is he making my life a living hell?
My palms come towards my face to hide the tears escaping the dread that I'm left in. I don't see why there should be a God, when all He does is cause trouble, cause hurt to those around everyone.
*~*~*~*~*
My doorbell rings and I walk away from the stove to the sink area to wipe off my hands from the grease rubbed into my skin. Afterwards, I stroll to the front door and as I get halfway there, I call, "Coming!"
When I open it, I see my mother's smile big and bright and shift my eyes to the twenty pound turkey hanging from her grasp. Behind her is none other than Lipchits with a shy grin and his hands full from turkey pans and grocery bags. I open the ingress wider to allow them inside. "We're having a nice Thanksgiving dinner," she states.
"Wait, what?" I close it as I catch up to them as they're already in the kitchen. "Aren't you two supposed to be on your honeymoon?" Helping them unload the food inside the fridge and around the counter, I lean against the sink and look into my mother's beautiful bright brown eyes.
She turns to Lipchits. "Sweetheart, can you please get our bags?" He nods and leaves out the door. "We had our honeymoon when we got engaged; we went to the Bahamas. Besides, we're both old people who already been on many vacations. Especially him; he's been married three times, well make it four to include myself."
"But what are you doing here?" I inquire, feeling confused.
She puts her hand on mine and says, "I've missed six years of my own daughter's life without being connected to her while she's on the other side of the country. I'm not going to miss a Thanksgiving with you sweetie." With that, she walks away into the hallway and spins around to find the guest bedroom.
"It's inside that small entry with the open bathroom door, mom!" I place my hand on my forehead in frustration and grab a glass to put some water it in it.
"Ah, thank you!" The front entrance opens and I hear the sound of wheels on the tile floor rolling through the house. "Lipchits, it's over here," I hear my mother call as the sound fades away, probably now being wheeled onto the carpet. Lauren's black heels hit the floor as I listen to them getting louder and louder as she comes closer to me. "Don't worry, darling. We're only staying throughout Thanksgiving weekend, and then we're heading to California."
"Wait, so where were you living all this time?" I question, taking a sip of the water in my hands as I lean against the counter again.
"I was staying with Lipchits; he has a house up here in New York and now he's selling it to live with me." As she says that, Lipchits comes inside the kitchen area and claps his hands together.
"We're moved in." He smiles, then pointing behind me. "Your food is burning," he says.
"Oh," I say, running to the pan of meat, turning the knob to shut it off but the knob gets unscrewed and the pan bursts out into flames. I can't hear anything over the sound of the smoke detector, but once I see the cloud of whiteness, my head turns to the side and notices Lipchits in a defensive position while holding a fire-distinguisher.
When he's done, his eyes meet mine. "I think you need to take a cooking class," he says with the most sarcastic tone he probably has. A laugh from my mother, he continues, "Literally, you're mother has told me what a terrible cook you are and from what I see . . . I have to agree with her."
Rolling my eyes, I cross my arms and say, "You've got to be kidding me?"
She continues to chuckle, the smile I haven't seen in a very long time appears and my mind is set on it. It's kind of weird that she storms into my own home and judges me, then she becomes nice, and now she's a completely different person than I remember six years ago.
She wasn't all mean; as I grew up with her, she was one of the best mom's anyone could ask for. But once my father left when I was seventeen, all she was was a judgmental freak and a mean person who blamed me for everything. And I left her in hoping it would change her as well as getting away from her tedious ways, but she was the same person when she came back to me to tell me that she was marrying Lipchits, but when our day came to bond, I suppose that something between us just connected and we both were re-united with the past.
Interrupting my thoughts, Lipchits puts an arm on my shoulder. "I said that as I showed you how to cook, you couldn't even make pancakes because they were so terrible. So we gave up on that idea and I just did all the cooking," my mother remarks. "You know what, I'm starving. Instead of arguing on how she cannot make food, I say we get Chinese take-out," she adds. I can see her point, how I'm not good at cooking since Freddy always told me how bad of a cook I am, and then Errik popped in and said that I shouldn't do it and took me out to McJack’s.
Nodding my head, I say, "I'll clean this up later. But instead of take-out, we should eat there. Do you know of any good restaurants?"
My mother stares at me blankly since she is clueless to get around New York, but Lipchits smiles. "I know of a place; it's a few blocks away from here though, so come on. We'll take my mustang," he replies, pushing me out of the kitchen area.
*~*~*~*~*
On Thanksgiving morning, I'm greeted with the smell of turkey in the oven. I rush down the stairs as if I was a child on Christmas day, excited to open presents. When I reach the kitchen, my mother is humming to a tune I haven't heard since I was eleven. She's singing Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds, from the movie Breakfast Club. She's in her old pink nightgown I remember her wearing since I was seven. I'm still surprised she's maintained the same weight and size ever since then; she seems a bit bigger than I remember her being, though, but I suppose it's all in memory and how small I used to be. Her brown hair is wet as it sticks to her back, and her feet are bare as they touch the tile floor.
Leaning against the counter, I admire her appearance and remember how I used to tell myself that I wanted to look like her, to act like her, to be her. I'd steal her perfume and makeup and clothes and feign to be the beautiful mother I was raised by. I remember having tea with her and dressing up as twins; those were the days that I wish never ended; to be with my family once again, with her and my father happy like nothing ever happened.
She turns with a bit of a surprised facial expression and a smile curved on the edges of her lips. "Good morning, sweetheart," she says, going over to the faucet and turning on the water, rinsing off her hands.
Yawning, I say, "Good morning." When the sink is turned off, she places her palms on the edge of the counter-top, biting her upper lip as she glances around, everywhere but my face.
"Raven, we need to talk," she says. I know exactly what she wants to talk to me about; Periwinkle, Jessie, and Freddy. Of course she hasn't met him, since I didn't until college. But she does want to invite the three of them over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Rolling my eyes, I turn myself around so she won't have to look at the face of a broken woman. So she won't have to glare into my eyes and realize how bent I am, all because of the love of my life and how the three of them made my life even worse. "Mom, don't even go there," I order, but once I say it, I feel guilt in the pit of my stomach. "Please don't mention their names. It only makes it worse." I cry, feeling a tear edging on to come forth to drown my sorrows into its acid.
I hear her sigh while she says, "You have to accept fear, sadness, and anger into your life. I don't exactly know what happened to you and Periwinkle and Jessie, but over dinner, you need to forgive and forget."
"How am I supposed to 'forget' that what happened happened?" I snap, turning to face her. "It feels like they hate me when I did nothing to them! I did nothing! I can't forget what they say or do, because it's a scar that they leave me with. And forgiving isn't an option anymore, mother. They don't forgive me because of Kenton and now I have to live with their dismay," I announce, finally letting the tears fall.
Through my glossy eyes, I notice that she pulls me into her arms and holds me, like the day where we broke down and mended our bond. The way she touches my hair to her finger tips makes a shiver go down my spine, but I quickly ignore it and focus on the warmth she gives me, the comfort I feel as my head lies on her chest while her lips kisses my forehead.
"Don't invite them over, please. Thanksgiving is between families and right now, they aren't family," I state as I get out from her hug.
She shakes her head. "Family fights, Raven. And there are times when that person you fight with, don't end for a while. You need to take this opportunity to get some closure in your life. And if you'd like, you may invite Errik as well, if he's free."
When Periwinkle and Jessie left with Kenton and me, there was too much conflict between the two and their families. Jessie wanted to leave to find her way in life, but her parents disapproved. It wasn't until I convinced them to let her go, so that she can go to college and find herself, but once Jessie left, the last thing she heard from her parents was to not come back, because they believed in having their daughters stay close to them and not leave the household. But for Jessie, she had to leave; and to take the chance in not coming back, it was the only door open.
For Periwinkle, her parents were different. They loved and cared for her, but when it came to coming with me, her parents begged and pleaded to visit them any chance she got. Even though she did so, there were a lot of arguments between her and her parents because they wanted her home, but before Periwinkle left to come back to New York, their house burnt down and so did the family. She always blamed herself over the death of her parents and baby brother, but there came a time when she finally stopped the guilt and despair, or so I think she has stopped.
I nodded my head, getting out of my daze, and wiping a tear away. "All right, I understand, but you must call the girls since it's your idea. I'll call Errik," I say and leave to do so.
*~*~*~*~*
Opening the door to expose him, I gesture him inside. "So why was it that you were free?"
He smiles as he gives me his coat to put on the coat rack by the wall, closest to the door. "My parents are off on vacation, and I don't like spending time with other family members because I don't know who they are. The only cousins and aunts I know have already past or on vacation as well," he says as we come further to the kitchen and living room area where Periwinkle and Jessie sit, texting on their phones or scrolling through FaceLife.
"Well, dinner isn't ready yet, so––" I start to say but get distracted over Errik glancing at pictures of Kenton and I on the wall. I'm a bit surprised he hasn't noticed them when he was here for my birthday, but I'm also thankful he didn't. Though now, I'm still not ready for him to know about Kenton.
"Who's he?" questions Errik, pointing to Kenton with a shaky finger. It's a bit odd for his finger to be shaking in that kind of way, but as soon as he realizes it was quivering, he puts his hand down and I pretend that I never noticed.
"He's um . . . um . . . my fiancé, well . . . my ex-fiancé now . . . he died," I say, trying my hardest not to cry or to sound strange, though that never worked out.
I stare at Errik, not wanting to look at the picture, but once he looks back at me, his face is in shock until a few moments pass and he says, "I'm––I'm sorry for your loss." He blinks a few times to adjust to whatever it was that made him go into a trance, and I just nod.
"Yeah." I glance over his shoulder and see Lauren putting the food on the table while everyone gathers around it. I brush past him and sit myself as everyone else does the same.
"Who is going to do the prayer?" my mother asks, looking around but no one responds.
"I guess I will," Lipchits says as we all hold hands, bow our heads, and close our eyes. "Bless us, oh Lord, and these gifts for which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord. Amen."
"Amen," we all repeat and start grabbing food from the bowls to our plates.
"So . . . Errik, what do you do?" Lipchits asks, licking his fingers from the mash potatoes that got on him.
"I'm the owner of the restaurant Shaulls and its chef," he replies, already eating his turkey.
"How did you two meet?" asks Periwinkle, her eyes narrowing at me while her fork is pointing in my direction as if telling me to spill a secret.
"In the park; I was walking, not paying attention while he was roller-skating and couldn't control the way he was moving, and . . . poof. We connected," I say, entwining my fingers together for the end. Everyone started nodding and chuckling.
"You connected . . . as in," Jessie began, taking a bite out of her yams and didn't continue, since she was waiting for a reply.
"We smacked into each other," exclaimed Errik while putting a large broccoli covered in nacho cheese in his mouth.
After a few giggles that I don't understand, it was silent for about five minutes until I say, "So how did you two meet?" I glare at my mother and Lipchits.
My mother swallows some food and begins, "We met in California at the beach; his wiener dog was eating part of my sandwich, and when he came along to grab Sniper, his dog, he was a charmer. We started going out and having some fun, but there came a problem that he had to come up here to New York for a business trip. So I moved up here with him for a few months as well as wanting to be with you, and now we're going back to California."
I smile, glad to see her happy the way things are working out for her. But my smile fades once I remember the way Kenton and I used to be.
*~*~*~*~*
Once dinner is done and everything is all cleaned, I motion my eyes to the sliding glass door to Periwinkle and Jessie to come with me in the backyard. Even though it's cold out here, we need privacy to talk.
"Raven, please understand that we love and care for you, and to see you depressed is one thing, but what about Errik? You don't know who he really is," Jessie articulates, hugging herself for warmth.
"That's why we're friends, so we can know each other," I state, gazing at the smoke coming from my mouth because of how freezing the temperature is.
"But why don't you just ask him who he is and just . . ." Periwinkle begins, but I cut her off.
"And just what, Periwinkle? See if I want to hang around him longer? Why is everyone against me? Ugh, you know . . . I've done nothing wrong to either of you, and then once Freddy meets this man, everyone is against him, everyone is assuming he's bad and I shouldn't hang with him. Well you know what? Screw you! Just tell me what you guys exactly think of him, so we can stop this senseless fight!"
It's quiet for a minute, until Jessie says, "He sounds kind and gentle, but the way he acts is odd and it gets me thinking he's someone else unlike what he's explained."
Staring at the white coat of snow now, I think about what she said. Errik does act weird whenever I ask him how he is, especially when he looked at the picture of Kenton and I. "You're right . . ." I say in a calm voice, but then it rises back to anger as I continue, "But that doesn't mean to judge and be selfish. You don't know who he is, and maybe he is bad, but I need to find out on my own, and if you don't agree with me, then . . . this is goodbye."
They both look at each other, fear enveloping their minds and guilt consuming their hearts. I don't need three people telling me who I am and what I should or shouldn't do; I know what I'm doing and for them to look down upon me is not needed. "All right, no more fighting. We're on your side," Periwinkle explains as I nod and we all head inside to warmth.
When I close the door, Errik walks up to me. "Hey, I got to go, one of the chef's couldn't make it and the restaurant is filling up. But I'll see you tomorrow, and I am teaching you how to cook." He hugs me and waves goodbye as he grabs his coat and leaves.