"Leah love?"
My eyes take in Jacob, his 5'11 frame is lank, he's lost at least 30 pounds. His skin is pale compared to his regular complexion which has always been the shade of dusted cinnamon. His black wavy hair is clipped short and he has dark circles under his sunken eyes. But he's still Jacob, my Jacob.
He holds out his arms and I step into them, my head tucked on his chest gives me the reassuring sound of his heartbeat and I know he's real. I feel the hot tears corse down my cheeks and I feel his hand on my head.
"How are you not dead?" The words come out slow and slurred as I squeeze him tightly.
"Um..." I feel Jacob shift and turn in the direction his hesitant response.
"Hunter!" I step away from Jacob without a thought as to why. My hands fly to my eyes and I wipe away the moisture on my face.
"I uh... I should go." Hunter seems stunned and I don't blame him, I am just as shocked.
"Call me later, okay?" He puts his hand on my arm and looks over at Jacob.
"Okay."
He looks right back into my eyes and gives a small crooked smile. My heart flutters and I swallow as he passes. Jacob steps in as Hunter steps out and I close the door. I turn the deadbolt and turn around.
Jacob grabs me around the waist and pulls me to him. His brown eyes as soft as ever as he brushes his left hand over my jaw and bends down kissing my mouth with so much emotion that at first I'm scared. Then I remember, his hands are familiar his body is calming, his eyes are home. I kiss him back and he runs his hand through my hair, pulling my hair out of its confines.
The hair tie catches on a few strands and I am yanked back to my senses. "Jacob stop it!"
He doesn't listen, his hand brushes my hair back and he kisses me beneath my ear.
"Jacob!" I shove him away and glare at him.
"What?" He looks hurt and for a second I almost give in, but I hold my reserve.
"You can't do this! It's been 3 years!"
"2 years 10 months and some odd number of days."
"Please don't." I sob, his know it all attitude mixes with his guilt and no matter how hard I try I can't stop looking at him. Jacob Alwx Davis, the best friend of my childhood, the man who stood by me through everything. Who ran from me to keep me from pain.
"Leah, please I can explain." He closes the distance again and takes my right hand, lacing his fingers with mine. He lightly pulls on my arm and leads me to the couch, he sits and motions to the seat next to him. I take my hand away and take the seat next to the couch.
"I'm giving you five minutes." I try to make my voice hard, fighting for myself is hard but I will not be hurt again.
"Leah, first please, I need to tell you how truly sorry I am I never wanted to hurt you and I certainly never wanted you to suffer. I did the only thing I could think of that even came close to the right thing."
"You have 4 and 1/2 minutes."
He sighs and sits back, his hands cover his eyes and rake down his face. "After I ran I moved myself to Colorado. My dad knew about my tumor, I still don't know how, he set up a medical fund for me. After I got the 6 month notice on life I decided to leave. Leah, it was the hardest decision I've ever made in my entire life."
I stare at my hands, they twist in my lap and I bite my lip to keep it from trembling.
"You have to understand Leah, the medical programs I signed up for... They were experimental, no guarantee of success. I went to Denver to be a guinea pig. One of the treatments required an extensive and exploratory surgery. It... It messed up my memory. When I woke up I couldn't remember how old I was, where I grew up, what I was doing there. Even my name, even you, it was all gone." He stops and leans forward, his head in his hands.
I lean forward and place my hand on his back, it doesn't matter how much he hurt me I can't stand to see him suffer.
"Things came back to me, so slowly, it took 5 months to remember my favorite color.
"Green." I whisper. He looks up at me.
"Yes green, like my Leah's eyes." He puts a finger under my chin and his thumb holds my face still. "Your eyes came back with the color."
"Why didn't you come back?" The words barely register as I stare into his chocolate eyes.
"Because until Sunday I couldn't remember you."
The words sting and I drop my gaze.
"But I saw your face on my television and it all came back."
"So what? I'm just supposed to accept you back? I should just say 'all's well' and things can go back to how it was before?" I stand and start to pace running my hands up and down my bare arms which prick with goosebumps. I'm so confused, so conflicted.
"Hey," Jacob stands and stops me, his hands on my shoulders. His hands are cold, normally they are so warm... Were so warm. "I'm not asking for you to forgive me, at least not yet, I'm just asking for you to let me back into your life."
"I-I... I need to think about it."
"Okay, that's good enough for now." He pulls me into a hug and I try not to tense up but I can't help it. "I forgot to tell you the best part, I'm free."
I move back far enough to look him in the eye. "Free?"
"The tumor, it's gone." His eyes spill over and he can't stop grinning. His face swims before my eyes and I realize I'm crying, this time out of happiness, and relief.
"You have to stop making me cry." I laugh the smallest bit and he kisses the top of my head.
"I make no promises, but I will try."
I yawn in exhaustion and even that doesn't break my grin. "Where-" I yawn again, it's only 9:30 but I feel like I haven't slept in days. "Where are you staying?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure. I booked the first flight out here and looked up your address before anything else.... Also you might want to erase any mention of where you live off of the Internet, if I could find you its only a matter of time before reporters start showing up at your door."
I nod and break the embrace completely. His eyes follow me as I remove the cushions on the couch and pull out the hideaway. It's all made up with fresh sheets from after Blake stayed over when Gordi was in the hospital, she never slept on it. Instead, she curled up with me in my room and we watched 'Finding Nemo' and 'The Little Mermaid' until we both fell asleep.
"There's an extra blanket on the back of the couch... Not that you should need it but-"
I turn around and Jacob pecks me on the lips.
"Please, don't."
"Sorry... I couldn't help it. I've missed you so much."
"How could you miss me if you couldn't even remember me?!" I throw the words at him.
"I can't explain it, but without you, or the memory of you, I just felt... Empty."
"There's Chinese take out leftover in the fridge, sorry no spicy stuff and apples in the bowl. Water comes out of the tap and the bathroom is right over there." I point to the door next to the bedroom. "Goodnight."
"Hey Leah," he says to my retreating back. I stiffen and then.
"Nothing, goodnight."
I close the door to my bedroom and a second later I lock the door. That man looks like Jacob, acts like Jacob, talks like Jacob... But I can't believe he is. Jacob is dead, he ran away to die and spare me from heartbreak but now I feel my heart breaking again and I don't know what to do.
The ring box sits on my nightstand and I reach for it. The ring still nestled inside and I stare at the diamond for a second then I clasp the box shut and shove it in the drawer under a puzzle book. I plug in my phone and consider calling Maggie, she could help me figure this out. I change into a pair of pajamas and tie my hair up in a bun before sitting on the floor and making the call.
Scrolling through my contacts I land on Hunter. I did promise him I would call... It only takes a second before I open up our texting conversation.
L- 'Are you free?' I lean back and close my eyes as it sends, Hunter must be right by his phone because a second later I have an incoming call from him.
"Hunter?" I've started to cry again and I put my hand over my mouth to try to fight back the sobs.
"Leah, are you okay?" His concern reaches me and I sniff trying to think of how to respond.
"No." My reply is high pitched and my voice cracks, I'm trying to think of how to put my thoughts into words. "I just- I really need a friend right now."
For a while Hunter just listens, every so often he responds to show me he's still there and I blubber on. If I had kept anything from him before it comes out now. When I'm finally finished its nearly midnight, when I tell him Jacob is sleeping on the couch he sucks in a breath.
"Leah, are you sure you're safe?"
"Yes... I mean, I think so. I locked my bedroom door, I don't think he could hurt me." In my mind I remember that in some ways he already has.
"I could come over there if-"
"Hunter stop. I'm fine."
"Okay but if anything happens call 911."
"I will." I give a shaky laugh. "Oh my gosh, it's so late! I'm sorry."
"This is nothing. Aren't you the one who kept me up all night once just in text? I'm willing to spend all night on the phone if I have to."
"Hunter it's fine, I should go to bed anyway."
"Alright, well I wish you happy dreams. Lo-" he stops short and I grip the phone tightly.
"Hunter, are you alright?"
"Yeah, just look out for yourself."
"Thanks."
We hang up and I crawl into bed, Jade burrows in next to me and with the door closed its too hot in here to have a fuzzy body cuddling next to me. I scoop her up and tip toe to my door, as quiet as possible I toss her out and relock the door.
Clutching the pillow I try to drift off but the feel of Jacob's soft touch on my skin seems to fill my mind, when I manage to fight it off I start to have flashbacks to that cold summer night, the smell of blood and the sound of the gun makes me break out in a cold sweat. I remember Jacob asleep in the other room and suddenly my alarm is going off.