>Louis' POV<
"I just really like your group. It's my favorite age group and I would love to be there." Roman practically begged me from the other side of the phone line.
"Are you sure this doesn't have to do with a certain girl that you may have done a duet with?" I smirked at Eleanor from across our kitchen island. She was reading a magazine and sipping on some tea.
"I.. Uh.. Nope." I knew he was blushing and I knew he wanted to come for Delilah.
"There were pictures." I told him, seriously.
"Of what?"
"Don't play dumb. You and Delilah last night. There were pictures. You are so lucky that only one pap caught you instead of twenty and that you have an amazing uncle to buy the pictures off of them. You're welcome."
"You bought the pictures? How did they even get pictures! I tried to be so careful!" I felt bad for the kid, that's why I bought the pictures off the paps. I know exactly how it feels. All you really want is some privacy, the one thing you will never be able to have.
"You do know if you come you'll see her for like a couple hours only and you'll probably distract her."
"I'll let her focus and stay away." Roman begged me like a five year old.
"So what? You're going to come and stare at her?"
"I don't know. But being there to celebrate with her when she makes it or to hug her if she doesn't is so worth it." I couldn't help but smile at his dedication to his little crush.
"Wow.. Okay.. Umm, how about you fly out the day before the other contestants. I'll get you a ticket." I looked across from me at Eleanor and remembered what it felt like to be young and in love. "Actually," I said with a smile, "make that two tickets." There was a pause on the other end.
"Are you serious?! Do you know what would happen if anyone found out about this?" He didn't say it in an 'are you sure' way, he said it in an 'okay, let's break all the rules' way.
"Yeah, I do. Tell your girl not to spill. I'll talk to you later." After saying our goodbyes I hung up the phone and sighed.
"What is Roman doing?" Eleanor asked me.
"Nothing. He's just going to come here a day before the contestants to watch judge's houses. With one of the contestants.." I said the last part quietly but Eleanor's mouth dropped. She knew what I had said and which contestant I was referring to. "I'm going to hell." I shrugged and walked out of the room. Faintly, I heard Eleanor's bell-like laugh as I was leaving.
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>Delilah's POV<
"So that's your twitter name, that's your twitter handle, and that's how you tweet." Megan explained to me for the fifth time. She had helped me make a twitter account so I could keep in touch with my fans. At first, I didn't understand but I was starting to get the hang of it.
"Okay, holy shit!" My eyes bulged at the sight of my followers.
"Wow," Grace came up behind me, Olivia, and Megan and plopped down on the bed, "I'm pretty sure you're the only person who can say they have 15,000 followers, including all of One Direction, their kids and wives, and Simon Cowell within the first five minutes of having a twitter."
"How do I have so amny followers already?" I asked no one in particular.
"We all tweeted about it." Olivia answered, shrugging.
"Holy crap! Do you see that!" Megan yelled. My followers were increasing, just going higher and higher with each refresh of the page. Now I had 40,000. We all just stared in shock.
"I know why." Olivia smirked a couple seconds later, then pointed to a tweet on my newsfeed.
@Roman_The_Boss: Hey tweeps!! Go follow the amazing and beautiful @DelilahNotTheSong btw, love the username :) xxx
"You guys both get an award for the most uncreative twitter names in the universe." Olivia laughed.
"I think Delilah's is pretty unique." Megan said.
"Cause you chose it!" Olivia yelled back.
I ignored their banter and logged off.
"I think it's time for bed." I told them, crawling under the covers.
"So why are you leaving tomorrow instead?" Grace asked me, getting into the other bed. By now Olivia and Megan were getting ready to go to sleep as well.
"Uhh, they messed up on accident." I answered, knowing it was a terrible lie. I could hear the girls questioning it, but I just rolled over and pretended to be asleep.
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My eyes scanned the airport one last time for a familiar dark haired boy before I collapsed in a chair right outside our gate. I let out a long sigh and stared at the ground. Moving didn't feel like an option, even to grab my headphones. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. I hated everything about this feeling and everything about this life.
A few years ago, I went through a really hard time. I felt alone, scared, lost, and just plain confused. It was like I was trying to swim under water most of the time. Since I couldn't really explain this feeling to myself, I blamed every little thing that went wrong in my life. I would say things in my head like "I feel so depressed right now and it's because we ran out of my favorite cereal or because I don't have a dad and everyone else does. Any reason at all, I blamed my depression on that.
Then it got really horrible. I detached myself from the rest of the world and sat in my room all day and cried. Even my mom, the one person I'm the closest to, was shut out from my world. I didn't understand, I would break down and cry for no reason at all and I hated it. Worse and worse thoughts came into my head. I wanted to die and I almost did. Cutting became my escape. It was the only thing on this planet that seemed to save me from myself. It sounds so horrible, but it's the truth. When I felt suicidal, I cut. Because I wanted pain and something in me told me not to give up completely yet.
Finally, my mom and everyone at Sally's got so incredibly worried so my mom took me to a therapist. I sat down in a cold room full of dark colors and told the therapist all my secrets. Even the ones I was too afraid to admit to myself.
That day I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was like everything in my head clicked and I understood everything. It made me feel so much better to know that it wasn't just me and that there was treatment. However, I chose not to take any medication for my bipolar.
Here's the hard part about bipolar: It's the most amazing and most terrible thing to ever happen to you. There are two 'cycles' or 'stages'. One is manic and the other is depression. If you have bipolar your entire life is just changing between the two. You never know when it will change or how long you'll be in that cycle. It's the most frustrating, confusing thing in the world.
Depression is so horrible. Everyone feels depression but bipolar depression is usually so much worse than normal depression will ever be. Your head is filled with thpughts of suicide and self harm, you want out and it seems like the only way. It's so scary because when I'm in depression, I'm terrified of myself and what I could do. But the reason I and a lot of other bipolar patients choose not to take medicine is because manic, is the most amazing feeling on this planet. It's like being high but without the drug and the loopiness. Manic gives you the kind of happiness that people spend their entire life trying to find. It can usually be worth suffering through the bad times for.
This morning, I switched into the depression cycle, and all I want is to not exist. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned to see a very cute, smiling face.
"Hey." He smiled.
"Hey." I tried to muster up a smile. Roman came around the bench and sta down next to me.
"Are you excited?"
"Yeah." With no enthusiasm at all. I wasn't trying to please anyone, I was just trying to stay alive at this point.
"What's wrong?" Roman had a very concerned look on his face. I don't usually like telling people about my condition but I would be with Roman for the next couple of days and I would be depressed the entire time. I wanted him to understand why.
"I have to explain something to you." I took a breath, a little scared. Would he think I'm wierd? Would he think I'm too unstable to hold a relationship? Roman turned his body so he was completely facing me and looked at me witht that same worried book.
"Don't worry. You can tell me anything." His words made my heart flutter but I pushed the butter flies away and explained.
"I have bipolar disorder. It's really hard to explain what I feel inside from bipolar but basically some days feel so happy that I don't know what to do with myself." I felt a tear forming in my tearduct. While I tried to ignore that to, it landed on my cheek. Roman was out of his seat in five seconds and grabbed my hand, pulling me up with him and ran to a less crowded part of LAX.
"Hey, don't cry! You're fine!" He used his thumb and brushed the tear off my cheek.
'No, I'm not. Some days I'm over the moon and others I want a way out of this life. Today, I want to die."
"Hold up! Do you mean like.." He didn't want to say it, and I didn't want him to, "like you're suicidal." He's choclate brown eyes were filled with worry.
"Yeah.." I trailed, looking down at the ground. I've always been ashamed at this part of my life. Roman rested hi elbow up on the wall we were next to and closed me into the wall, his back facing the rest of the airport. I guess he thought I would escape or something.
"Have you attempted?" He saked me, straight up. I looked into his eyes. They drew me in. Roman was so flawless, so perfect in front of me. I was falling for him, and I knew it. He was one person that I never wanted to lie to, so I went with the complete truth.
"Yes. More than once." More tears. Roman's mouth was slightly open. He scanned me up and down. Slowly, he reached his hand down to my wirst and pulled it up. He pushed back the left sleeve of my tight, navy blue sweater and stared at my wrist. I watched his eyes, to scared to look down. His eyes scanned the spot that held the scars that could have killed me. His face remained calm as he looked back up at me. Dropping my wrist, he pulled me into him.
"You're too beautiful for that." He whispered in my ear. Roman smelt so good, I stood their and felt his warmth, smelt his comforting smell and knew that even this amazing moment wouldn't change the fact that I was unhappy, nothing could change that.
An announcer called our flight number so Roman pulled away. I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes as he pulled me into his side and we headed back.
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>Roman's POV<
"I think I'm going to sleep." She told me after thirty minutes. I nodded my head, not knowing if the myths about bipolar were true and she would get super mad at me at any second. Delilah rested her head on my shoulder and I could almost feel her drift off to sleep. I don't know what perfume she was wearing but it smealt delicious. As creepy as it sounds, I watched her sleep for a bit. Her eyelids fluttered and her clear complexion looked so perfect. Even with almost no makeup and her brown hair up in a bun, she looked just as good, if not better than she did the other night at dinner.
I couldn't put it together in my head. How could she? She was so amazing and so gorgeous. How could she cause those purple scrars on her wrist. An image of Delilah with a knife held up to her throat popped into my head and sent shivers down my spine. I was scared, I never want to loose her. Whipping out my iPhone, I opened up google and typed into the search bar: Bipolar Disorder. I speant the entire plane ride doing my research.
----------------Author's Note-------------
I almost didn't upload this chapter because I was terrified. Everything in it about the bipolar and everything. Those were all my own thoguhts and feelings. I'm not diagnosed with bipolar but I have it. It's hereditary and I do not take medication. Everything in that part was based off of my own thoughts, feelings, and memories. And I do mean everything including the cutting and suicide attempts. Biploar affects every part of my life. I have friends that read my story and none of them know the whole thing. But I felt they needed to know and I didn't really know another way of telling them. Plus I really just needed to explain my thoughts to someone. Uploading this is really hard for me, so please don't judge.
Also, I've been thinking about making an ask.fm account. Let me know in a comment if you guys would ask me questions please cause if not, I won't.
Once again, I edited a little but not all of it. I know you guys wanted me to update so sorry if there's errors.
Thanks, as always for reading/commenting/and voting. I love you guys more than you know!
xx, Ashley