And it was a Sunday morning, which meant I had to go back home to get ready for school the next day. But, I wasn't ready to leave.
Spent the night at my grandparents house for the entire weekend. Friday through Sunday. I was young enough to think spending time with my grandparents all weekend was cool.
I always hid behind my grandfathers chair whenever my mom came to pick me up, thinking she wouldn't find me. But, she always did and she would grab my arm, then pull me out from behind the chair.
"No!" I screamed. "Don't let me go back into that house!" I grabbed onto my grandmother's shirt and held on to it as long as I can.
My grandparents didn't understand what I meant, and my mom tried to play it off like she didn't either.
My fingers slowly got pried off my grandmother's shirt and it went back to her chest to sag along with her breasts.
She grabbed her shirt and tried to fix it, but couldn't. She looked at my grandfather who was already looking at her. They were both confused. I tried to break their stares with another scream of fear.
"No!" I shot up and look around. The faint moonlight dances across the wooden floor and the rainfall is as heavy as my heartbeat.
I look to my side to make sure I didn't wake Colton, but it's hard to wake something that's not there.
I clutch my hand in my hair and get up to go outside.
~
Whenever I can't sleep at night, I spend the rest of the night at the bar with Mona and try to beg her to let me get one drink. She said no at first, but we made a deal: one drink a month. That was the biggest offer she would give, so I just said "okay".
I kick around some rocks that were left on the sidewalk and watch them fly into someones yard. I look at the fireflies shining around and let my thoughts come out of the dark. I miss Colton.
I take a breath and open the bar doors, then sit in the stool. I slowly lay my head down on the bar and close my eyes.
I feel a presence walking towards me and my eyes shoot open at Mona standing behind the glossy wood. She throws a coaster on the bar and slaps a glass of water on it, "maybe you should get on that sleeping medicine. You've been coming here every night for a month."
I let out a slow breath and roll my lighter between my fingers where a cigarette should be, "costs money." I scoff and take a sip from my water. "I don't have money."
Mona shrugs and looks at my fingers, "why do you carry around the lighter if you don't have any cigarettes?"
The green lighter falls from my fingers as I wipe my face, "like I said, I don't have money. No medicine, no cigarettes, no beer. Cold turkey. And I'll tell 'ya one thing, I'm going insane."
She smirks and slides a cigarette across the bar, "don't tell your grandparents I made you start smoking again."
I light the cigarette and inhale all the nicotine, "I owe you."
"You already owe me two packs and probably two cases of beer," she cocks an eyebrow and raises her head slightly. "Does Colton know about your cold turkey?"
I nod and yawn, then wipe away the tears from my eyes. "He's happy I can't afford cigarettes, but I guess it's good for me that I quit." I flick my ashes into the ash tray, "whenever that is."
She scoffs and looks around the bar. I finish the cigarette, and slam it into the ash tray. I blow out the remaining smoke and follow Mona's gaze.
A fairly attractive man walks through the door and I look back at Mona with a smile on her face. She walks out from behind the bar and gives the man a hug.
I turn back around and play with my cigarette butt in the ash tray, then Mona steps back in front of me. I smirk and nod my head in the direction of the man, "is that your new lover?"
She laughs and lights a cigarette, "try nephew. My new lover is at work, honey." She blows the smoke out as she blows me a kiss.
I smile and look at the T.V. for the time, 2:16, "I'm probably gonna head back home. Try to get some sleep." I raise my arms above my head and wait for my shoulder to pop.
She nods and motions her nephew over to the bar, "sleep well."
I scoff and walk across the building, then pass the nephew. We both turn and look at each other, then I push myself out the door.
~
I lay on my side and look out the window. The rain stopped a while ago, but some rain droplets are still clinging to my window. I look away from the droplets and look at the moon. I wonder if Colton looks at the moon whenever I look at it.
I roll over on my back and face the cold ceiling. The moonlight washes over the ceiling and the shadows clouds over my face. I let out a small groan, let me sleep.