Spade stared at him, drinking in his facial features, the bruises on his face were already fading, they weren't as obvious as they were about a week ago, even his steps weren't a limp like the last time he saw him.
If he thought he was nervous before seeing Nate, he was damn wrong, he was more nervous and jittery after seeing him.
He couldn't even look away from him during the meeting, he's never been so open about wanting someone so bad but with Nate it's not like he was doing it on purpose, it was happening on it's own.
And it was slowly driving him crazy.
Him giving Nate two weeks and complete and total control of the resources he needed today wasn't because he was okay risking that much money, but because he wanted the meeting to be done with so he could talk to him.
And now he had that opportunity staring at him in the face, but he didn't even know what to say.
The great Spade, the devil himself, didn't know what to say, losing his nerves in front of someone, his inner self was mocking him.
"What are you really doing here Spade"? Nate asked him again, this time louder, making Spade sweat even more, if he was naked, Nate would have been able to see how much he was dripping with sweat and how much his heart was beating.
He let out a deep breath, to try and calm his nerves
"I..." He paused thinking of how to word it, Spade has never paused for anyone or any reason, nothing has ever made him stutter or go short of words "I wanted to talk to you... About last week" he ended
"Can we not talk about that" Nate whispered his eyes moving from Spade and looking behind him, he really didn't wanna bring that back up, he was trying to push it behind him and every possible fucked up thing Spade must have done to him before now "here" he quickly added.
Spade took two more steps closer to him, standing just in front of his desk "can we talk about it somewhere else"? He pushed making Nate to sigh out and run his hands down his face, Spade wasn't getting it, he didn't even wanna talk about it at all, and Spade bringing it up is not such a good idea
"I don't wanna talk about it at all, not here and not anywhere else" he muttered feeling his heart beat increase and his throat clogged with a huge lump, he licked his lips making Spade's eyes to cut through to them as he clenched his jaw.
Nate was not making this any easy for him, his eyes stayed on Nate's lips longer than he wanted it to, they didn't wanna move again, all he could focus on was the outline of wetness that surrounded the area in which Nate had just licked off.
He discreetly let out a deep breath.
"Just a few seconds, I just wanna talk" he whispered his voice sounding a little desperate and low, his eyes were no longer the hard, almost dark grey, instead they looked lighter, and more gentle.
"That's all you've always done, talk, but yet here we are" Nate mutttered feeling his memories clog his mind, the many times Spade had wanted to talk and it always ended up ugly.
"I've never had to beg anyone for anything before, not since I assumed this title" he muttered taking steps around Nate's table and walking towards where he was stood, he took gentle and slow steps towards him "but I'm begging you Nate, please, just one talk and if you feel something is not right or threatened, then you're free to walk away any minute" he whispered standing right in front of Nate, his eyes watching him gently.
Nate's throat had dried up completely and his whole body was hot, not from sweat or nerves but from the fact that Spade, the almighty Spade just begged him, he could hear Matteo's voice in the back of his mind, telling him to listen, he could feel his heart hammering hard.
Everything just seemed so surreal to him, was Matteo right about Spade?
And the fact that Spade just used his name, that was a first, Spade had never called him Nate before and heating it now sounded even way better than Nate imagined it
He didn't even know what to listen to now, the voice in his head telling him this was just one of Spade's schemes or the sincere look in Spade's eyes telling him this was real, as real as it can get.
"Just give me a chance, one chance is all I ask for" he whispered making Nate to take in a deep breath and let it out, his eyes looking directly at Spade's.
"Okay" he whispered, he could see the way Spade's shoulders relaxed and he almost let out a sigh of relief, like he'd been tense the whole time.
"Ten minutes, and that's it" he added and Spade nodded his head.
"Ten minutes is enough" he muttered, Nate nodded but neither of them looked away from the other, Nate was looking at the sudden change in Spade's eyes color, it was no longer dark and brooding, it was more lighter now, shinning a bit from before, while Spade was getting lost in brown, honey orbs, they always looked the same, nothing about eyes had changed.
His eyes zeroed in on Nate's lips, and there was nothing he wanted more than to run his thumb across those pink lips, let his lips feel what Nate's lips tastes like.
He tightened his jaw, trying to control the excitement bubbling inside of him, if he kept thinking like this, then the little guy between his legs would rise up and there'd be no stopping that or hiding it.
He cleared his throat and teared his eyes away from Nate, as if both of them had just gotten a wake up call, they snapped and Nate quickly realized that they were alone and everything was suddenly awkward between them.
What should he say, was he even supposed to say anything?
Spade was the one that asked to talk, his eyes kept moving around the room not looking at Spade as he tried to distract his mind from the tension in the office.
Hot, the office was beginning to get hotter by the second, it was as if someone turned on a warmer in the office and shut all the doors.
Spade too was caught in a fix, he didn't know what to say.
Yes he wanted to talk to Nate and get the elephant in the room out of the way, but how was he gonna do that?
He didn't even know where to start from, and that's a first for him.
He had practically led more than a thousand men for more than five years now since taking up the position as Don and not once has he felt as speechless and nervous as he was feeling right now.
He let out a deep breath and cleared his throat, this made Nate to look at him momentarily, seeing the flex in his jaw and the Faraway look in his eyes, to Nate he didn't seem bothered by the awkwardness in the room, neither was he affected by the silence.
But deep down only he knew how much the silence and awkward atmosphere was eating him up.
"Your face healed up" he blurted out, mentally face palming himself for sounding so ridiculous, Nate just looked at him and nodded slowly "and your uh.. you're no longer limping" he added as if Nate didn't already knew that, Nate gave him another slow nod.
"I know"
God this was even more harder than he'd thought.
He was making a mess of himself, he really need to get his shit together, what's with the stupid small talks, he shut his eyes tight
"I'm not really good with small talk" he muttered pausing a bit, this time catching Nate's attention "and I'm not really good with apologising, I've never had to in my life" he muttered his eyes landing on Nate's neck, the same one he had his hands wrapped around a week ago, he could see the image resurface in his head.
Nate was keeping a keen eye on him as he spoke, feeling his stomach flutter at the fact that Spade was actually trying to apologise, or maybe he wasn't but merely seeing him try to even talk to Nate was something Nate never expected.
He was making an effort, he didn't have to, he didn't need to but he was.
This kind of warmed Nate's heart.
"I'm sorry" he whispered his eyes landing on Nate, they were still close, standing in front of each other, every little detail on Nate's face was visible to Spade, the small specs of black dots on his cheek, the uniqueness of his skin color, yes Nate had pale skin color but they weren't dry like most people would think, his skin was moist, milky and very very attractive, Spade could hardly look away from his face.
Nate felt his heart palpitate at the sudden confession of Spade, his eyes moved to his lips, seeing them move as he spoke, the way they moulded over each other, his mind was beginning to play mind games with him, making him imagine crazy images in his head.
"What happened last week was uncalled for, I shouldn't have put my hands on you like that, especially with everything you'd already gone through prior" he muttered referring to Nate's bruises, he still hadn't figured out who did that Nate and that was something that was eating him up, it was plaguing and disturbing his mind, he badly wanted to know
Nate sighed out, not saying anything because he didn't even know what to say, he wasn't mad at Spade anymore for that but that didn't make it okay either, the guy nearly killed him.
Spade's eyes moved to his hair and as usual they looked curly and unruly, making him want to pull the young man close to him and play with his hair, untangling it and combing it back with his fingers.
"What do you want from me Spade"? He asked straight to the point, making Spade to swallow discreetly, what does he want front Nate?
He wanted a lot of things, some he understood but others he didn't, but he was ready to explore them and find out what they were and why he was feeling this way, not just for anyone but for Nathan Miller.
"I want you" he blurted out making Nate to scrunch his brows
"What"? He asked and Spade shook his head
"What I mean is I want you to come work for me" he quickly corrected, giving himself a light tap on the back, that was a quick save.
"Why"? Nate whispered trying to understand why Spade kept going back to this again, what exactly did Nate have that Spade wanted him to work for him?
He didn't have the balls to do the things people that worked for Spade did.
"You're smart, you're intelligent, you're a great asset" he whispered making his voice low as he went further, husky and chilling the voice pierced into Nate's skin and his heart, he could feel the fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach, hearing Spade call him all those things, he almost wanted to melt like a puddle right there.
And you're attractive, cute and I wanna protect you, Spade wanted to add but he could only say that in his mind and keep it hidden, that was meant for only him to know.
Nate sighed out and let his tongue move around the tip of his lips, this made Spade to look at his lips for the millionth time since standing in front of him, if Nate kept doing that he didn't know how long he could last, he was already feeling his little guy move in excitement, his hands shoved in his pocket was trying to hide the problem as best as it could, he didn't want Nate freaking out if he saw it.
"What if I don't wanna come work for you"? Nate asked thinking about his father and the many dangers that came with working for Spade, if his dad doesn't kill him, Spade's bipolar attitude would.
He wasn't sure he could deal with the man's quick change in mood.
"Then you don't have to and I won't force you or hold it against you, it's all your choice" he whispered.
Nate sighed out, and rolled his tongue in his mouth, was he actually considering working for Spade?
Would he leave his father's company completely or he would still be working here while still working for Spade?
"What about the marriage contract and the ultimatum you gave my father"? He asked, Spade swallowed
"I'm gonna call it off, the marriage, everything, I'm gonna call it off" he muttered, even he didn't believe he could do something like this.
About a month ago if you'd asked him if he would give up his plans and everything he had planned for Greg, he'd laugh at whoever said that, because they'd be lying.
But now he was ready to give it up, not just because of whatever he was feeling for Nate, but because he knew something no one else knew, not even Greg and if Nate were to find out, it would ruin a lot of things.
Nate could feel his tense shoulders relax a bit but not completely, he still had a few questions to ask and Spade was gonna answer them all
"What about my sister"? He asked "she left because of the marriage and now you're calling it off, what will happen to her"? He asked, Spade could feel a slight tinge of guilt in his heart but it wasn't much, and he wasn't feeling that because of Nate's sister but because of Nate.
He knows Nate loved his sister so much and Sue running away affected him
"I don't know where she is" he muttered "but I can help you find her" he added making Nate's eyes lit up with excitement at this, if Spade could actually help him find his sister, that was a chance he was willing to take.
Spade almost wanted to smile at the excitement he could see in Nate's eyes, and he knew it was because of his sister that he mentioned, and he meant it, if that was what would make Nate work for him then he was ready to do it.
It's not like he couldn't find her if he wanted to, it would be very easy to find her and now that he knew that was what Nate wanted, he would do just that.
Nate ran his hands through his curly hair, while his eyes rested on Spade's face, particular his lips, they looked darker up close and he was sure it was because of smoking.
He'd never seen Spade smoke though but whenever they were close he could smell the cigarette mixed with his cologne and aftershave
"Can I think about it for some time"? He asked, and Spade clenched his jaw, not out of anger but because he didn't want to wait one more second.
Before he really didn't have a reason why he wanted Nate to work for him, maybe he just wanted him around so he could understand the strange feelings he was having towards the young man, or maybe he was just messing with him.
But now he had a reason, he wanted him close so he could keep an eye on him, and also protect him
Since after that night one week ago that he found Nate on the floor of his apartment almost lifeless, he hadn't slept a day that he didn't dream about seeing Nate like that.
It haunted his nights and days, he never wanted to be in a position like that.
He was practically helpless, seeing Nate like that.
What if the kid had died, he didn't even wanna think about that
But if Nate needed more time to decide, he was going to give him more time, as long as he wanted, but he'd still have Matteo watching him.
"You can take all the time you need to think about it" he muttered and Nate just nodded.
The office going silent again as they both stared at each other with different thoughts running through their minds but they all ended up in one place, both men wanted each other but neither of them knew this, neither did they understand the weight of what they were feeling at the moment.
😊😊😊
I've started Matteo and Stefano's book, but until I finish this one, I won't post it
It's just as exciting as this one 😎😎