🎵 taylor swift - enchanted
There really is no city more magical after dark than Paris!
That's what the online articles say as you browse about the city while waiting for Jeonghan outside the hotel lobby. You are supposed to meet him at 7pm. It's been fifteen minutes and he's still nowhere to be seen. You start to wonder if he's still asleep--he says he's going to take a nap in his members' room earlier.
Shifting your gaze from your phone to the scenery around you, you have to agree with what the article says. Paris is indeed magical at night. Known as the city of lights, with sparkling lights all around it. The whole scenery also gives off a romantic atmosphere.
"Enjoying the view?" A voice suddenly said just as you were about to yawn.
Jeonghan finally showed himself. He wore an unbuttoned checkered shirt with a plain black shirt underneath, also paired with white pants. He let his previously tied hair loose this time.
"It's Paris. What can go wrong?" You replied while pointing at the scene in front of the two of you.
"Well, we could get lost since I'm bad with directions." He chuckled while typing the location of the carnival on the google maps application on his phone.
You shot him a playful look and then did the same--the smile still plastered on your face.
"It's only a fifteen minute walk. Let's just walk." You pointed in the opposite direction, decided to take the lead.
"Fifteen minutes is too long." He starts whining but still follows you, "Okay, okay."
"I thought the members are coming too?" You said while watching your step.
Jeonghan walks steadily beside you, his hands in his pockets. The gentle breeze blew his soft hair beautifully.
With a light hum he then replied, "I mean, they're exhausted so they prefer to turn in early for the night."
You nodded, knowing exactly what he meant.
"Aren't you exhausted though?" He then turns his head to look at you. His eyes narrowed slightly because of the wind.
"Me?" Your tone was slightly surprised, "I'm honestly feeling really well. Now, you should be worrying about yourself. You just recovered."
"Me?" He copied your tone with a light chuckle, "After almost two weeks of doing nothing but sleep my battery is at one hundred percent now."
"Said someone who whined about a fifteen minutes walk earlier." You laughed after he burst into a laughter first.
With all the excitement and beautiful scenery, it feels like only five minutes have passed. From your position you can already see more lights ahead. In addition to carnival music, there are also many attractions--food stalls, game stalls, costume parades, a ferris wheel and even a merry-go-round. Luckily you didn't see any scary clowns anywhere.
Not gonna lie, the whole ambience has awakened your inner child. Your eyes glisten like a puppy that has just been released. However, seeing friends, family, even couples all happily together makes you wonder why you're there in the first place--especially with Jeonghan.
You see him walking to the cotton candy stall. He didn't even say any word to buy it. He just pointed at one, handed some money, accepted the exchange and then walked back to you. He looked really proud of the accomplishment though. His shoulders shake as he giggles to himself, pointing the cow-shaped cotton candy at you.
"Why did you buy it if you don't want to eat it?" You groan after trying to finish all the cotton candy yourself. Jeonghan keeps refusing every time you offer some to him.
"It look similar to you." He quickly took a step avoiding your fist.
The next ten minutes Jeonghan kept complaining about the taste of the cotton candy being too sweet because throwing it away would be a waste for him. You muffled a laugh every time his face scrunched, exactly what you felt before.
Suddenly a loud cheer can be heard from the center of the carnival area. Not long after that, the strumming of a guitar also ruffled sound of drums follows. Apparently there's a band preparing for their performance. From the way the crowd cheered, you could guess that they were quite famous in Paris. As the two of you walk closer, the crow squeezed you both that you can feel Jeonghan's arm pressing against yours without leaving any gap.
"So this is how carats feel when they watch our concert, huh." Jeonghan said, even reaching out his hand to block the person in front of him from moving backwards again.
"They probably feel worse, to be honest." You confidently said after comparing the audience to Seventeen's concert.
The vocalist made several interactions with the audience once they were ready. You can easily tell which one is a tourist from their dumbfounded faces--just like yours and Jeonghan's.
"She's probably asking about what they had for dinner." Jeonghan came close to your ear and said in a rather loud voice.
"And they might say a chicken burrito." you answered. The joke itself isn't funny but somehow it makes you both laugh.
The guitarist started strumming his guitar, causing the audience to fall silent in an instant. As everyone was immersed in the soft melody, the vocalist started singing lyric after lyric. Each lyric is like a puzzle piece in your mind, one by one connected into a whole paragraph and that's when you realize it's the same song you used to listen a lot when you just broke up with Jeonghan.
It was enchanting to meet you...
...All I know is I was enchanted to meet you
The more you listen to the song, the heavier your chest gets. Your gaze was now on Jeonghan--who didn't realize you were staring at him--as you reminisce about the things that happened in your life within months.
My thoughts will echo your name...
...Until I see you again
Months, years ago, when you had just arrived in LA to find a new life, your heart was calling out to Jeonghan. Every time it calls for him, that was when your scars deepened. He didn't answer, he wasn't there.
You were the broken pieces. And you used those pieces as your stepping stones to make you who you are today.
But then, years later, Fate would like you to meet someone.
These are the words I held back...
...I was enchanted to meet you
To cross paths with your ex again is not the main issue. Realizing that you still love him is. Realizing the love you used and still have for him may not have the same ending.
Please don't be in love with someone else...
Realizing losing him is so much scarier now because you've been there before. Especially if this time you lose him to someone else.
...Please don't have somebody waiting on you
You were too deep in your thoughts that you didn't realize Jeonghan had called you so many times.
"What happened?" He asked, brows raised when he saw your watery eyes.
"Why do we have to meet again?" You answered with another question.
"What do you mean?" Jeonghan asked, now confused. He ignored the other guy who bumped into him when the crowd slowly disband.
"It's just.. I spent years to forget you." You ran your fingers through your half tangled hair, "Then suddenly we met like this again. And I kept asking myself why?"
"I know, I didn't expect to see you again either." Jeonghan avoided eye contact with you for a while. He then mustered up more courage to look you in the eye again.
You nodded, turning your heels to get away from the crowd. Jeonghan followed your steps and you two walked together. It was crowded yet felt quiet at the same time. In your ear, you can only hear his voice and same goes to him.
"It's not like we're going to have a different ending this time, right?" You hugged your body, pressed your lips together when Jeonghan didn't answer.
"I honestly don't think I can just be friends with you." You've added.
"Y/N, I know our past makes things difficult for us, even just to talk." Jeonghan took a step closer to which you responded by taking a step back, "But that also makes me want--I don't know--to pay more attention to you?" He continued, showing even more confusion.
"As a friend?" There is a glimmer of hope buried in your tone.
"As a friend." He repeated and your heart sinks.
You two stop right next to the lake. neither of you said anything for a moment, both of you just stared at the reflection of the light in the serene lake. Seeing still water somehow makes you feel calmer too. The wind blows and you can smell Jeonghan's scent. The desire to bury your face in his chest is too strong that you need to take a step back to see his face.
"The problem is even if you treat me as a friend I wouldn't be able to take it only as a friend, Yoon Jeonghan."
Jeonghan's jaw clenched then unclenched, looking so unsure he couldn't say a word. His brows furrowed showing he was trying hard to at least say something, but he couldn't.
You gently pat your chest to ease up the pent-up emotions, "It's ridiculous how you made me realize that the love I thought was gone, is still here."
Jeonghan was still silent. Deep down he admit that he feel a little relieved after hearing your confession. But was that relief because he wanted to hear it, or because it was him and not another man who heard it? He seek the answer in himself but couldn't find any.
That feeling was also overshadowed by a bigger feeling, namely guilt. He forget that you both now exist in a different world separated by a steep cliff—he's in a world where he feel constrained to even fall in love again.
"I can't put them at risk." Jeonghan finally said.
By them you understand what he meant. It's been a few months since you've known the members and you really hold them dearly too. You wouldn't be surprised if they were so precious to him.
"I wouldn't ask you to put them at risk over anything either."
Jeonghan saw your sincere smile and for the first time in a long time he felt a tightness in his chest. He felt suffocated and helpless.
"Even if it's Rena." You nudged his arm with a more playful gesture.
Jeonghan's lips curled into a half grin and half smile as he nodded in agreement. Next thing you know your face is already buried in his chest. You haven't even fully processed what just happened.
Jeonghan pulled you into his arms. It felt different from the way he hugged you back then, but still warm and comfortable.
"Thanks for loving me enough to let me go." He said half whispering.
"It's all worth it. Losing one and having another twelve wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it?" You pulled away from his arms.
"I still want to be friends with you though." He follow your steps again.
"Not a chance. It's Y/N PD-nim for you."
The love is still there. The hope is buried deep. The pain remains hidden. Yet everything seems more perfect now.