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Tw: fighting (both physically and verbally)
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Every day the sun will rise, no matter what happens in that day, it doesn't matter what changes, It doesn't matter who dies, who lives, it doesn't matter how happy or sad you are, it doesn't matter if the world is coming together, falling apart, the sun will always rise, and it will always set. Like a constant phenomenon and the universe that we all revolve around, the sun rises and the sun sets. Over and over and over again, no matter what happens.
Doesn't matter what the day before brought You'll feel its warmth playing on your skin, heating your soul, making life better and bright. At the end of the day, the sun will set with Stars and the darkness filling in the sky.
James Potter was changing. That was apparent to anyone who took a second look at him. And yet, every day the sun rises and sets.
Funny, isn't it? That one constant in the world, full of change, of despair, of regret, of darkness. One bright constant. That's what James Potter is. Bright constants don't change, even if their appearance does. The sun revolved within the center of our universe, and everything revolving around it.
But people often forget that the sun is also a star. The sun, much like stars Have its flaws, have its bad days, have its good ones, have its changes, Have its place in the Galaxy, its place in the sky. Both generate warmth. Both generate light. But one is so much brighter in a world that is changing than the other.
A lot of people are scared of the sun changing, people are scared of the sun becoming a star. So, people Forgot that the sun was already a star.
I liked, what the sun was turning into. I liked that the sun was becoming bright enough to warm itself, not just everything around it. I liked that the sun was beginning to not just give everything else light and warmth or life but now the sun gives it to itself. The sun was now letting itself have that same chance to try something new and scary, giving itself the leeway to be an asshole, to be selfish time to time. The sun was giving its self the opportunity to become the sun that it always wanted to be.
People are scared of Changing that constant. I have to wonder how much people actually know about the sun other than the obvious.
Most people think the sun is just a ball of fire. But it's not, but the sun is made of hydrogen and helium held together by its own gravity. The sun is not on fire, it's not burning, it's just chemicals packed together so much by itself that it makes the thing that fuels the life on earth.
I don't think the sun was changing, I think people were now seeing the sun for what it truly is.
One day during breakfast in the Great Hall James's eyes clip flickering back to the Gryffindor table, shifting between Lupin, Pettigrew and my brother.
Lupin looked particularly sickly today. My brother was more fidgety than normal, almost like his everything's fine mask was cracked. Pettigrew was sitting with a Hufflepuff whose name I believe is Benji Fenwick, and Ravenclaw girl who claimed to be a seer and Was friends with Pandora named Sybil Trelawney. Something was different, about all four of them, something was different about the Marauders or former Marauders, whatever they were now.
I tugged on James's hand under the table. When his head spun around to look at me, "Are you okay?" He placed on a fake smile I haven't seen in ages as he responded - As he lied, "I'm fine."
That's the meal carried on the same, each of the four eyes continuously flicking to each other. I circled around explanations in my head over and over again, always coming up with nothing. I knew it had to have something to do with whatever my brother did. But James still refused to tell me but I knew I was figuring it out slowly.
The first class of the day went by me and Evan sitting mostly comfortable silence, scribbling down notes, as a professor droned on and on, yet their Words passed right over me. My Thoughts too consumed by James and his stupid friends - Or former friends- he never really talked about them, never mentioned what happened.
He seemed to be wanting too leave it behind, be safe from whatever happened, leave it behind in a past life. But It was almost like he was running, from past friends, what used to make him so happy, his old ways. He was just trying to escape it. Not wanting to have to process the emotions from what happened. So, he just was avoiding it.
Maybe he was spending far too much time with me.
I bid a short goodbye to Evan as I carried on to my next class, but of course in my normal fashion that didn't go as planned. Once again, like that first day on the train, my brother interrupted my routines.
I with a sharp tug on my uniform I was pulled into a rather unfamiliar classroom. My brother stood in front of me Panting slightly "What did you do to him?" he asked, eyes burning red, tears threatening to stream down his cheeks as he bit back and angry sob.
He was fuming with a familiar anger, a type I had only seen directed at one person before. My mother always trying to push their pure blood mania onto him often was at the end of his wrath. I couldn't Surprise A shiver of fear came down my spine at this directed anger towards me.
"What did you do?" He asked once again.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said, panting from the newfound adrenaline rush. Though I knew exactly what he was talking about.
He took a moment not being able to stand still, pacing in small circles "What did you do to James?" I leaned agents a desk crossing my arms "I didn't do a thing."
"Bullshit." he called out whaling his arms all over the place like he was four "You did everything. You changed him. You made him something he's not." I sighed pinching the bridge of my nose trying to suppress the annoyance in my system. "Did you ever think for a moment that you're the one who didn't know James? That maybe he wasn't his real self around you, not me."
"He is my best friend. reg, how could I not-"
"Was." I interrupted causing him to stand eerily still. He acted like he did nothing, I knew that much, I don't know what he did, no one would tell me, but I knew he was at fault.
"Huh?" he gawked back.
"He was your best friend too." I started calmly "But you pushed him away. Like you push everyone away. Everyone You ever claim to love, you have hurt and pushed away." I could see my words sink in like a sharp knife as he shook his head in utter disbelief "Reg that's not. It's not true."
"Think about it. Think about it for one measly second. You heard James. You hurt me. You hurt Lupin-"
"You know nothing about that regulus. Okay? You weren't there. You were a part of any of it." he shot back from acrost the room.
"Maybe not." I scoffed "But It's obvious how you affected them, how you hurt them. How you hurt everybody-"
"Shut up."
"Please stop being so caught up in yourself. Look at it," I wanted to cut deep into him make him fall off his high horse make him see life how it is or how it is for him, to make him stop living in the little bubble he made then burst "You're just like them." I said as he gawked back in pain.
But he deserved it, he was the one who got to be free, he got out, he got the chance for a perfect life, and he threw it away. He could have had it all he could have had the paradise he had both dreamed of since we were kids, but he –the second he got it- fucked it up like he fucked up everything else.
"Stop it." he begged out once again sounding like a child "Stop it, all right? You don't know what you're talking about."
"What did you do Sirius? What did you do that through off the entire balance of the universe? What evil act did you commit To make the world shape like this."
"You don't know anything, Reg." he called out like a lifeline.
"Let me guess, you got angry, right?"
His eye froze over "No, shut up."
"How you always get angry. Who's that remind you of?"
"Shut up, Regulus."
"Oh, that's right." I went in for the final blow "Our parents."
"Shut up."
He pulled his wand and lunged at me. He pushed his wand agents my throat as I laid their pin to a desk. His eyes, filled with anger at seeing, panted. He doesn't think he's like us. The voiced cooed He doesn't think that he's born to be evil. That doesn't think that it run in his blood. He doesn't think that he breaks every moment, stinging it, hurting it, rotting it. He thinks he's somehow overcame all the built in evil. He thinks you can overcome that built in evil.
But you can't, it will always run in your veins. There will always be their lingering in the back of your mind. And will make you do things that you'll regret for the rest of your life. It'll make you hurt the ones that you claimed you loved so dearly.
I couldn't help but wonder if the voices that plugged my mind affected him. I couldn't help but wonder if he's also laid awake at night hearing the echoing screams of our mothers or our cousins scolding us for every risk we take, everything we do that they would claim is out of line.
I can't help but wonder. If when he was dating Lupin if his mind held the same fear, worry or regret. Conflicted with the same good feelings that came with it. Wanting to chase the good but held back by the bad.
I wondered if my brother watched the person he loved change into something that they liked. While he was stuck being some monster that didn't deserve that person's love.
I couldn't help but wonder if my brother was anything like me.
My brother helped me pin to a desk, wand to my throat. And I had my answer.
We were exactly the same.
I took my leg, swiping his, making him trip to the side stumbling for a moment as I drew my own wand. I murmured a disarming spell knocking his wand from his hand, it crashing to the other side of the room. He lunged at me, knocking my wand out from my hand. I could feel the blood drip from my head running own my cheek, but oddly I couldn't feel the pain I knew should be there. And that was once again it to the back of a desk. My ribs seared with pain. Then brother threw the first punch.
You didn't hit my face. That he hit right Below My neck, for a moment I couldn't breathe. For a moment and mind drifted back to the knife I constantly held on my waist. I didn't use it. Instead of opting to try and throw him off me. I hit him in the gut, he grunted with pain as he stumbled backwards. I just needed to land another punch as the door swung open, revealing the teacher.
She stuck both of our feet to the ground, holding us in place with a spell.
We both fought to try and get out of place to no avail.
We both ended up with detentions, on separate days, thankfully.
I missed the rest of the day's classes being stuck in the hospital wing, My brother was left to go back to whatever he had going on in his mediocre life.
In those hours in the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey not letting me out and go back to classes, but no woman far too well to try to oppose. So, in a fit of udder boredom I let my mind wander. I let my thoughts drift back to James and I's first date. I let myself think about the conversation James and I had when he finished The Hobbit. I let myself think about the new stack of books James had at his bedside table, most of which my recommendations, all Muggle fantasy though.
I let myself think about the night my brother ran away. Let the tears fall behind the closed curtains of my hospital bed.
I let myself wonder about what my brother did. Still not being able to come up with an answer.
I let myself dissect James's reaction to snipes werewolf prapaganda.
I let myself think about who James was becoming. How much my brother hated who James was becoming.
For hours and hours, and the days stretched until dinner, I'll I did was let myself think and think.
After a while, the voices lingered in my mind. Sometimes they'd be proud of me, turn country areas yelling at him, other times they would be disgusted by my actions. They went on and on two very contradictory viewpoints.
Later I found out the reason that Madam Pomfrey kept me in the hospital wing for so long was because she thought I needed a break. And that I wouldn't let myself have a break otherwise. That, she thought I just needed time to think. In retrospect maybe I did.
When she let me out, I made my way to the great hall debating internally whether to head down to the kitchens or not. Settling on not going down but checking in on James and the rest of the group.
I came into the great hall to find James whispering to Barty, Evan, Pan, and Cas at the southern table, they were all looking concerned or scared. I hoped it wasn't about me. After a moment of me standing awkwardly at the door, James's eyes snapped up landing on me. He held a relieved expression as a small smile cleaned up on his face. The rest of the group followed his suit, each looking more relieved than the last. I wished I could read their minds as I made my way over to them, Hoping, praying that I didn't worry them too much.
"Oh my God, Are you okay, reg?" Dora asked immediately, stepping up from her seat at the table, wrapping me in a hug. I didn't realize how much I needed that hug until then. "Hi there" I said burying my face and her sweet-smelling hair. She was tired again in the much lower, calmer voice only for me to hear. "Please tell me you're okay." Pull it away as I said. "I'm okay."
She smiled sadly, pulling me into the seat next to her, wrapping an arm around me, pulling me closer. James said silent, holding the same expression. As Barty asked. "Where are you dumb ass."
"Sorry just got held up."
"All day?" Dorcas cut in poking at her food with her fork.
I nuzzled into the crook of pandoras neck "Yeah I am."
"Please tell us the truth reg" Evan cut in "we thought you were dead."
Barty scoffed leaning over the table "Thought you were out with Potter, but then he showed up So..."
I rolled my eyes taking a sip of pandoras pumpkin juice trying not to notice James's lack of words "Hospital wing." for a moment they all stared to each other eyes wide mouths slightly hung open
"What? Why?" Pandora asked her grip tightening around me.
"It's not a big deal."
"Reg, please." Dorcas said pushing a plate of food towards me. My eyes wandered back to James not wanting to tell him about what happened with Sirius. I knew it would only hurt him and I would do anything not to hurt James Potter.
"Can we please just talk about something else? Please"
"reg..." Evan said.
"Please." I tried my best not to let my gaze fall back to James. Pandora landed a soft kiss on the top of my head "Alright, just know we love you, OK?" she whispered
"I know. Pan I know."
James didn't join the conversation for the rest of the meal. A Barty, Evan, and Dorcas slowly picked up Some small talk about the upcoming Quidditch season, practices were starting on the first Tuesday of March. Pandora and I started talking about whether we wanted to join a new study group for the upcoming exams in a few months. We decided we'd ask around for a while see if anything interesting pops up.
After dinner, we made our way back to the Slytherin dormitory. Each of us suddenly in our normal states, but Pandora basically refused to leave my side.
We found out that James has apparently never gone to a Slug club party before so we made plans to drag him to the next one In a couple months. I also realized I've been blowing off a lot of slug club meetings and I also guess that my parents would definitely know about it soon. The thoughts of that laid in my stomach, coating my anxiety. No, I did skip a fair amount of slick club stuff. I always made sure to attend the end of the year parties because those were the. Biggest of them all, the most important or the most influential people would be.
Normally I didn't mind pure blood parties like this, but the slug club ones were particularly awful. The idea of having James there made me feel Slightly better.
James bid his goodbyes just before nightfall, he never gave a straightforward answer to why he left but he gave me a kiss on the cheek right before he left.
Soon after, Pandora and Dorcas left, going back to their respective dormitories. The night passed on as I pulled out a copy of War of the World by H. G. Wells.
Barty and Evan slipped out a while later saying they have to 'study.'
The night passed on, fading into nothing particularly special, nothing momentous or life changing happening as I tried to distract myself from what happened with my brother. Barty and Evan came back soon after. Then I fell asleep to the sounds of the voice ringing in my head not being able to catch a break from their torture, I fell into a dreamless sleep, As the night carried on and a full moon hung bright in the deep sky.
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Loud knocks rang on the dormitory door, jolting me awake. I groaned, not wanting to go to bed, but then remembering that my two roommates Either cast silencing charms on their beds or is the deepest sleeper I've ever met. I reluctantly set up, stretching on my way to the door.
I opened the door as James Potter collapsed into my arms tears streaming down his face.
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IMPORTANT! I am changing my updating sequel to just mondays and fridays staring next week, this may not go for long but we will see.
2 chapters to pandalilly
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