To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

Fuck a New Life (lilly pov)

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Okay this chapter picks up when James and Lilly were arguing a little back

tw: mild family conflict and an unhappy relationship from one side

"Take that leap, take the risk, fallow that beacon, fallow that light, fallow the happiness that inspires in a new life." James stormed off heading up the boy's dorm stairs leaving me in the common room. The old James would never do that, I hate this new James, it's like all the ass hole parts consumed him whole and killed any of the good shit. And a 'new life' like what the hell is that? You can't have a new life that is not how it works, you can't just leave everyone behind and start fresh, not even taking anyone with you, you can't leave everyone else stuck and not knowing how to get out.

You can't leave them with the sister who hates them, or the former best friends turned evil, you can't leave them with the stress of owls, and the death eater attacks directed to people like them, you can't leave someone with the shitty girlfriend or the werewolf best friend who is going to rip himself to shreds the next day. That's not fair, nothing is fair anymore, nothing has been fair for a long fucking time.

I huffed walking to my own dormitory, he can't just do that, no one is supposed to do that.

I opened my dormitory door reviling Marline to be gone again, but she was always gone these past few months, she never told us where she went, we never asked. I looked down to Mary asleep in her bed, I went over to her, sitting on the edge of her mattress, she stirred awake as I tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "Hey." she whispered barely opening her eyes, she sounded so happy I could only wish to match that. "Hey." I pressed a smile to my lips.

"You, okay?" she asked, hooking our pinkies together.

"Yeah, go back to sleep."

"No protest here." She turned back, burying her face in her pillow. I smiled to myself thinking about that first kiss at the end of fourth year. It was stupid and clumsy but life altering, it's not that I hadn't kissed girls before, but I had never kissed Mary Mcdonald before my best friend since that first night at the castle. Her kind eyes and soft smile sticking in my mind so often, those thoughts then turned to her skin agents mine, or my hand in tanged in her hair. So, we then kissed didn't didn't stop.

We kept snogging, but it soon became a regular thing between marline going off with Sirius (who had just started a relationship), our trio soon merging with the marauders, my hatred for James Potter melting, Remus and I becoming closer and closer, Sev and I drifting further and further, we somehow made since in the chaos.

We were both happy at first, I loved the excitement and newfound feelings. We had just turned 15, we were stupid kids, that's what I'm trying to say.

I was turning 16 at the end of the month now almost a year since that kiss.

We were off during my birthday party that year we were just walking and then we got close then close became closer until I could taste her cherry chapstick agents my pumpkin spice one.

I left Mary's bedside changing into pants and an oversized band t shirt. The night passed as all I could think about was a werewolf Remus tearing himself to shreds the next night. I imagined howls then screams or blood and cuts, gore upon gore. He was my best friend; how could he have to go through that bullshit?

I woke up that night in a cold sweat as I cast a silencing charm like it were a reflex then I let the tears flow. After I showered and changed, I went down to breakfast alone after Mary and Marline left. I looked outside to find the snow outside reaching up to past my ankles as I longed for warm days of summer or at the beach side.