To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

Shadows of Loyalty (Reg Pov)

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Welcome back! 

the way i wrote regulus's reaction to is brother in the weeks that fallow is mostly shock, he can barely believe wat his life means now and he is trying to handle it. and how dose he handle it, he suppresses until he explodes.

And the only thing i can think of for triggers for this chapter is augments and bully including a physicals altercation. Regulus is mad and when he is mad or hurt he explodes.

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Dear My darkest star, the letter started.

I was so pleased when aunty Walpurga informed me that you would like to join the cause and I am very glad to inform you that the dark lord would be willing to accept you into his ranks when you turn 16.

In other news I would like to congratulate you on your new status as heir and so pleased to hear that aunty Walpurga finally burned Sirius off the tapestry and disowned him. I hear that you will be going back to Hogwarts in a few days' time. Make the family proud.

I'm glad to see my favorite cousin take a stand with the family.

Best wishes,

Bellatrix Lestrange.

About 2 weeks after Sirius left my mother told me I was getting the dark mark; apparently, she was telling people I wanted it. To be completely honest I do not care about the war. I don't care about the dark lord taking power killing mud bloods and I don't care about Dumbledore feeble efforts to stop it. I don't care. I know a lot of people would have thought me crazy for not caring about the state of the world, but I just couldn't find it in me to put my time and effort into the fucking war. But it did not seem like I had much of a choice.

Every day I walked past the family tapestry and every day I brushed my fingers acrost Sirius's burnt name and laughed bitterly. He was officially gone, and I was forced into his place. This was his fate I was living in. I couldn't say I was happy about it.

I was set to go back to Hogwarts the next day and I can't say I was ecstatic about that either. On one hand I get a break from my family drama but on the other hand that means increasing the chance that I run into Sirius. Maybe the pathetic childish part of me wanted to bump into my brother at school. To punch him? Hug him? Say sorry? To have him say sorry to me? I don't know. I had a strange mix of longing for my brother back and the longing to light him on fire.

I remember in my early years at school often fantasizing about being one of the great marauders (I think he calls his group). When I was in first year, I remember specifically that they pulled a prank on my head of house, and I sat at the Slytherin table being more than slightly jealous of them just wishing to be a part of the memory. Those thoughts over the years have happened less and less, though I do doubt that those thoughts will ever stop completely. Maybe in a different world I could be one of them but not this one. I am not meant to have the life I want even though I will never admit that it is the life I want.

I had been getting letters constantly from family members. I can split these letters into 2 categories' sympathetic and auspicious. The sympathetic letter is like the one from Cissy talking about how hard it is to lose a sibling and that I will get through it. Then there are the more auspicious letters like the one from aunt Durella (Cissy's mother and my mother's sister) that basically say that my brother is a blood traitor, and we were better off for him having left. Some letters even saying we did not go far enough and how we should have killed him.

I do not know if you know how hard it is to hear your own flesh and blood tell you that you should have killed the person you love most in the world after they just abandoned you, but it hurts like hell.