To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

Wash away the blood (reg pov)

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so this chapter is ware the darker chapters come in, this is the parts that explores the world of death eaters and all their shit. they do awful things to inocent people, including regulus. The way i wanted to write regulus was like a fallen angle who kept trying to get back up but only ended up falling more, please remember that as you read.

tw: blood, murder, death, vilonce, everything in that sort of realm.

this is a heavy and dark chapter and if things are too ruff for you click out. feel no pressure to stay. so after saying that here is the beginning of regulus's fall.

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That year I spent Christmas at the Potters; James had invited me at the last minute wanting to surprise me. I felt so out of place in the Potter's home, everything was so light and happy, I felt dark and cold. Every wall was plastered with family pictures, letters, warm colors. The complete opposite of the Black household. I don't like talking about that week much. Why? You may be wondering. I hate thinking about it much less talking about it because...

I was too happy.

I didn't deserve the warm try of cookies or soft jumpers, I didn't deserve the love and affection that I felt, I was too bad of a person to accept it. And yet I did. I had never felt more loved than at the time I was at the potters. I only wish I knew that would serve as a sort of last hurrah before all the love in my life fell and withered away.

If I only knew what the fallowing moth would bring. I wish I had known. I wish I had seen it. I wish I hadn't been blinded by the light, by the sun.

~o~

Bella sent me the letter telling me to come to a death eater raid, I didn't tell anyone about the letter, I still am not completely sure why. They were the people I trusted most in the world, my confidants, my saviors in some sick almost twisted way sometimes, but I told them everything. But this – no not this. They would be mad for one or want to intervene, I didn't need anyone intervening. It was almost sad as well me keeping this from them I told myself it was for their own good time and time again leading up to the attack but still I kept it to myself.

By far the worst was James. Evey laugh and kiss felt like the last, I knew it wasn't I knew I still had time, I hoped I still had time. And the worst part is he never asked about the death eater stuff he never asked about the summer again he didn't touch because he knew it would cause me pain but I wanted him to ask I wanted him to dig deep but I also knew that once he did he would see me and when people see me they run for the hills in a heartbeat.

Well, not pandora she saw the most of me and felt the same. She was stuck in a very familiar position one allied to ware I was stuck. We were in it together now with her dating a noble Gryffindor who is more fucked up then they let on, being my girlfriend in our family's eyes, and our general bond. We were a set a matching pair if you will. I can't count how many nights I have held her as she cried after a letter from our family or a new death eater attack, I can't tell you how many panic attacks she helped me through or homework she helped me catch up on because I was out of it one day.

But I still didn't tell her though I knew she knew it was coming hell, she was there ½ the time my family brought it up. She asked of course but I just shrugged off her questions and she could tell I know it, but she didn't push yet.

No one was pushing though. No one noticed I was on edge or said so, no one noticed I was crying myself to sleep at night now knowing what I will be doing no one asked no one said anything and I felt a small burning resentment for that. Granted I tried to extinguish it, but it was stuck almost.

Everyone was acting like everything was okay Lilly, Pandora, James, Dorcas, and Marline had made our own little group of sorts. Each living in the quiet before the storm finally hit. And it would hit I knew it would, but they were blind or naive. Hell, maybe they knew it was coming but just went on acting in their own little words pretending like they weren't falling apparat. Then when we are all together a death eater headline may appear and you think for one moment someone will say something, but no one did no one fucking did.