More Than Business

Chapter 155

ANITA POV

After Aubrey agreed to listen to my advice we didn't have to stay there too much past dinner but Nic did request my presence for her consultation with Leah the next day. Lydia and I didn't end up having any of the talks we'd put off throughout the day, I think we both ended up in a good mood and preferred to simply enjoy the moment and each other's company. She was awake and out of bed when I woke up that morning, there was a rose made out of paper on her pillow next to a little note:
Good morning! Pancakes? (And bacon of course).
It was signed with a heart. I smiled as I picked up the rose and examined the folds of the paper. Her artistic talents never cease to amaze me, and I think she knew that. After getting dressed I found Lydia and OJ in the kitchen. OJ was on a stool by the counter stirring the batter while Lydia made bacon. He had an apron on and his sleeves were rolled up.

"Good morning." I greeted them.

"We're making PANCAKES!" OJ said excitedly.

I walked over and kissed the top of his head, "I see that. How'd you sleep?"

"Good. I woke up even before Mama." He turned to give me a hug.

"And you got all dressed and everything yourself?"

"Yep cause I'm all big now." He beamed. "And Mama says I can make the pancakes all by myself well with maybe a little help."

The girls were up and dressed in time for breakfast. After I took the kids to school I spent my morning working from home, well from Nic's house. She let me use her office. Leah had finished her assessment with Nic by my lunch break and Nic had asked me to come talk to her afterwards. Leah was still there, but she wanted us both there while she processed the news for herself.

"This is going to sound silly.. but what does this mean exactly." She was looking at me but it was really Leah's job to talk her through not mine, so I just held her hand and waited for Leah's response.

"That's not a silly question at all." Leah began, "and with depression it can mean a lot of things because its different for everyone." She continued her spiel a bit longer and went into details as Nic nodded along, "but what's important, is that you know you have your friends and family to reach out to, they're here for you." Leah gave me a nod letting me know I could jump in when I was ready.

I contemplated my approach carefully as I caressed her hand. I took a deep breath as I made my decision, "Nic we're family, and we're friends. So you already know that I'm here for you, always." I kept my voice just above a whisper and I paused to look in her eyes directly, "But I'm also here for you the same way I was there for you when you were pregnant with Logan."

For a moment we just stared at each other as she started to understand what I had just told her.

"You..?" Her question was incomplete but I knew what it was nonetheless.

I nodded, "yeah."

There was a wave of emotions that flushed over her face, a mix of confusion, disbelief, empathy, the works. Despite that I already knew what her next question was, even if she couldn't push through her thoughts to say it herself.

"She doesn't know yet. But I will tell her when the time comes.. which might be sooner rather than later now." I told her. I knew asking her to hold stuff from Lydia was hard but it was for me to share with Lydia, not her. She nodded letting me know she understood.

She didn't ask me anything additional but I knew the questions would come eventually. Leah and I stayed with her a bit longer until she had settled in with Logan by her side. Leah and I walked downstairs and left together.

"Are you heading into work now?" She asked as she walked me to my car.

"Yeah. I wasn't able to take the whole day from home." I sighed.

"Have you started figuring out a better work-home-life balance?" She leaned on my car.

"Are you on the clock right now?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm asking as a friend, specifically a friend that has mutual friends with you - and you're so uncharacteristically inactive." She groaned.

"I know I know."

"We're going bowling tomorrow night, that's kid friendly and you can bring Lydia." She suggested.

"I think Lydia's super busy with catching up with work-"

"Then just bring the kids, or leave them with her. But at least invite her, let her tell you no but dont make the decision for her." She urged.

"I don't know, the five of us were barely able to handle a supermarket yesterday."

"Think about it." She opened the door for me to get into the car, "it'll be good for you. And you're missed."

"I'll think about it." I told her as I got into the car.

"Drive safe, have a good day."

"You too."

"And for God's sake, message in the groupchat again." She closed my car door.

Going into work was a mistake. I was greeted by a face no one wants to see in their place of work.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" I groaned as I walked my mother into my office.

"Hello to you too." She followed me inside and sat in my chair.

I rolled my eyes and sat on the couch, "hi."

"I have a case for you."

"My caseload is pretty heavy already. And I am not FBI."

"Not yet. Your offer is still on the table."

"If you still have such little respect for the actual career path I chose, why are you here?"

"Because your skill set is useful."

"Now I'm useful." I rolled my eyes again and leaned back on the couch.

"Careful they'll get stuck like that." She clicked her tongue as she slid me a manila folder.

"Amelia Garcia, age 12."

"What about her?" I took the folder.

"Well that's her name now, she's formerly Gabriela Anillo, daughter of Lorenzo and Paola Anillo."

"The Anillo family? They've been in the business for generations, what changed?"

"In so many words, Lorenzo's dead- Paola is missing. But thanks to a testimony from Gabriela we could take down the rest of her extended family and hopefully find Paola." She explained.

"I don't do witness protection."

"I read Kendall's file, she was apart of an ongoing investigation- its not a huge jump."

"First of all, its Kennedy. And that was different. Gabriela, or Amelia, that's high profile."

"You specialize in high profile." She pushed.

"Do you understand the danger you're asking me to put my family in?"

"She just has to blend in after the trial."

"After?"

"Yes, to help her start her new life."

"You mean you want me to raise her?"

"Well she's 12, practically a teen." She shrugged.

"Absolutely not! You can't just- no! That's not what I do and it sure as hell is not my skill set." I shoved the folder back over to her.

"You'll think about."

"Find someone else." I said sternly.

"Well, Amelia Garcia is going to land on your desk eventually. And you'll recognize her name, not her story." She shook her head in disapproval.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said, we both know you specialize in high profile. Which means, after the trial.." she nodded towards my desk.

Shit.. she was right. I'd end up being in charge of placing Amelia at some point anyways, but it would be less hands on.

"Why me?" I asked her.

"You know.. when you called me to babysit your girlfriend I didn't ask questions. And I didn't ask questions when I showed up, out of my jurisdiction to help clean up that mess you made- with my firearm might I add."

"You know, normal mothers dont hold every favor against their child."

"Yeah well normal daughters dont borrow their mother's weapon to go get into a shoot out in a dark house now do they?" She jabbed.

"That was different."

"And you were sloppy and off your game." She toyed with a picture frame on my desk, "I hear you've stopped everything besides work for this girl. I hope she's truly worth it."

"You've been keeping tabs on me?"

"Mm nothing extensive. Just enough to know you havent been to church, the gym, or any of your routine outings with friends. Who's your shrink? Laura, is it? What's she think of that?"

"Her name's Leah, and that is none of your business."

"Whoever she is she must be a quack if she's letting you go on like this." She scoffed. "Beautiful family though." She continued staring at the photo of me, Lydia and the kids.

I grit my teeth but didn't get a chance to respond before she spoke again, "I was sorry to hear the baby didn't work out, are you two going to try again?"

"I'm impressed, that actually almost sounded like you genuinely cared." I glared at her.

"You didn't look inside the envelope." She mentioned dryly.

"I'm not adopting Amelia." I stated.

"There's nothing at all about her in that folder, and you'd know that had you bothered to open it." She still didn't look up at me.

"What's in it?" I questioned.

She didn't respond, instead she exhaled and pretended to inspect her nails.

"You're impossible." I muttered as I got up and grabbed the folder once more. I opened it, I was confused by the contents at first, "how did you even know about this?"

Inside was the official autopsy for Aaliyah Graham along with her death certificate, a United States passport and New York state ID for Aurora Graham, as well as revised educational background records for Aurora. I thumbed through some more and found revised documents for her college acceptance and another congratulating her on obtaining her US citizenship. The last stack of documents I recognized as an adoption form, I scanned it quickly until I found where her birth mother, Alexandria, had signed to give up her rights as a mother. The documents were filled out and pending Nic and Aubrey's signatures which would make Nic her legal adopted mother.

"Like you said, I keep tabs." My mother replied nonchalantly, "I know her college applications have been your personal passion project, and of course I checked out that whole family after we met them. It didn't take a lot to figure out about the twin switch and the citizenship issue and the custody thing. So, I pulled some strings."

"That's wrong on so many levels.. but thank you." I told her. She had a habit of crossing lines and pushing boundaries, and I knew this was a bribe of some sort but she helped Rory skip past a whole lot of red tape. "I don't know how you did it, and I'm smart enough to know not to ask. But this is a huge deal, really mom." I emphasized.

That's the thing, mom wasn't FBI. Dad was. Mom was CIA, but she used FBI as her cover because everything else seemed too beneath her she couldn't dare have her friends and family think she had some kind of desk job. She also had more connections than any person needs, and exploiting them is what she does best.

"In exchange.." she started.

"Of course nothing can ever just be a kind gesture."

"Everything in life is a transaction. Everything comes with a clause. You know that." She reminded me.

"In exchange for Amelia I presume?"

"No no. I heard you loud and clear, Amelia's life be damned she doesn't fit in your new family. She's not worth the risk." She falsely quoted me. "In exchange, just 3 little things, I think that's fair for such a big- multifaceted gift."

"What are they?"

"Smart girl, never agree to anything without hearing the conditions." She smiled, "first, you need to be you again, and definitely back on track with your fitness because I mean it, you were sloppy that night and you could've gotten everyone killed. Whats the point in years of training if you lose all of your wits the moment you fall in love?"

To the normal person, that seemed like pure criticism.. but for me, it was one of the most motherly things she's ever said to me.

"Second, speaking of training. The kids, all 3- they aren't even in sports. And you're about to send the eldest across the country to go to college without a lick of self defense. Let us train them, it won't be as extensive as yours was of course. Unless you want.."

"I can't make those kinds of decisions on my own."

"Of course of course. Family meeting. I know."

My eyes widened realizing the extent of her tabs she'd been keeping on me, "that's a total breach of privacy."

"Its good you guys work together." She used an encouraging tone, completely ignoring my statement, "thirdly, dinners with your family at least once per month. We want to be apart of the kids' lives, they are our only grandchildren after all."

"The kids?"

"Zoelli, Omarion, Aurora and your future little one."

"It's OJ. We never use his full name."

"Yes yes OJ." She tapped her forehead as if pushing the fact into her memory manually.

"I'll run it by them. But you have to remember you did not set a good first impression at all."

"Lydia has come around. You know that." She shooed away my comment. "Anyways, this was fun. It was nice to see your office for once- you could do better but its functional." She took a scan of the room. "She hasn't been in here yet."

"Yeah I usually go to her office for a change in scenery" I admitted.

"I see." She stood up and put her purse on her shoulder, "we'll have to do lunch once you figure out your end of the agreement."

I handed her back the folder as I stood but she didn't take it.

"That's yours. I don't want that back." She looked me up and down as if to say what's gotten into you.

"Okay well thanks again. And yeah sure, lunch."

After she left I contemplated texting Lydia and Nic about the paperwork but decided against it. I wanted to just tell them in person. I tapped my fists against my lap as I collected the waterfall of emotions that coursed through my body. Visits from my parents always ended like this. I have to keep my guard up around them, brace myself for blow after blow. Even after all these years they feel like I've made poor decisions about every aspect of my life, especially my job. Even worse, they think I've made them just to spite them personally. I noticed my leg was shaking like crazy so I closed my eyes and started counting as I took deep breaths to calm myself down. I had calls to make, which is one reason why I had to be here. Once I had calmed myself down I sipped my water, I still needed to clear my head in order to get any work done.

I dialed Lydia, because well- when in doubt.

"Hey babe, wait one sec hold on." She answered, I listened as she walked around a bit. "Okay I'm in my office now. How's your day going? I know you were with Nic most of it but still."

"Hey, sorry were you busy?"

"No babe. We ordered a late lunch and it just got here that's all." She explained then she paused, "are you alright?"

"Yeah, no I'm fine. My mind is just spinning I guess."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, followed by the sound of a wrapper.

"No, not right now. Later I'd like to talk about it, among other things."

"Our list of things we need to talk about is ever growing." She chuckled, "also I'm going to apologize in advance if you have to hear me chew or I'm talking with my mouth full."

"You're apologizing?" I teased.

"Mm yeah. Because thats super gross but I'm hungry."

"No it's fine babe." I found myself grinning as we spoke. "What are you eating anyways?"

"Buffalo chicken wrap." She answered between chews.

"That sounds good, I didnt even have time for lunch."

"Because of Nic? Do you want me to order something to your office?" She asked with genuine concern in her voice.

"No I'm not that hungry anyways. I have some stuff to snack on here. I'm only here to get through some calls and a meeting, the rest I can do from home, or stop by there." I told her.

"Well you know you're always welcome here." she replied.

"How's your day been?"

"A ton of work but boring." She groaned. "I'm about 5 cups of coffee in for the day."

"What kind of stuff are you busy with?" I inquired.

She started detailing her work tasks as I pulled out my paperwork to read over before my first call.

"Ohh also I'm gonna order groceries to be delivered for tomorrow. I know you wanted to be included in all the boring tedious household stuff so if you make a list I'll add it in. I usually put the order in by 6 on Mondays. Well- actually I'll send you my list now, you can add to it and we'll go from there." She thought aloud.

"That's perfect, thank you." I appreciated that she took everything I ever said seriously.

"What time's your call?"

I checked my clock, "mmm 10 minutes, then my meeting is right after and another call."

"I like getting surprise phone calls from you in the middle of the day."

"Really? I was worried I'd be bothering you or in the way. I just missed you, you know?"

"You don't bother me. My day gets 10 times better when you're apart of it." Her voice was soft and sweet as she spoke, "especially when you're not feeling 100%, you can always always call me or drop by."

"I know babe. You're too sweet really. I love you." I bit my lip, her words making me blush.

"Are you feeling a bit better though? I know we're running out of time."

"Yeah. This helped a lot actually." I told her honestly.

"I'm glad."

After our call ended I made it through my work call and on my way to the meeting I received a picture from Lydia, it was just a sketch of a heart being held in cupped hands with the words 'Sending my Love' written above it in cursive. It was done on a light pink post it note. I smiled down at the picture before walking into the meeting room. Somehow she knew that was just the boost I needed to finish my day.

I stopped by a bakery on my way to her office. I ended up on the elevator with a man in a suit.

"You're dating one of the CEOs right?" He asked as the doors closed.

"Is it that obvious I don't work here?" I laughed nervously.

"My wife is a huge fan of them. You looked familiar." He explained.

"What do you do?" I asked him.

"Oh, I'm actually here for an interview." He readjusted his suit, "kind of nervous sorry."

I looked him up and down, "your tie is crooked."

"Oh, thanks." He adjusted it. "It's with Lydia Colvin.. do you by chance know if she prefers her first or last name?"

I puffed out some air, "pfff. I'd go last name to be safe and let her correct you."

"Is she the one that's married or-"

"My fiancée." I cut him off.

"Oh well that doesn't help my nerves." He said mostly to herself.

"That she's not married?"

"That I'm in the elevator with her fiancée sweating bullets before a once in a lifetime interview." He corrected me.

"You'll be fine." I assured him, "and she'll be in a good mood because I'm here."

"That's true, thanks." He took a breath.

"What does your wife do?"

"She's a teacher, she loves kids."

"Oh do you have any?"

"Just the one. We want a big family, but after I was laid off we took a pause from trying until we could afford it you know?"

"Makes sense. You guys have vacation plans for this year at all?"

"My sister's wedding in Cabo in May. My son's the ring bearer."

The elevator opened and I let him out before me.

"Thanks again." He was calmer now.

"Good luck." I told him. He signed in with Rachel at her desk and was told to have a seat. Margo greeted me at her desk right away.

"I'm still waiting on my invitation for the wedding." She joked.

"Dont get me started, I dont have a date yet. But dont worry you're on the shortlist." I opened the container of cupcakes I'd bought, "here you get first pick."

"Ohhh! Yay!" Her eyes lit up as she picked one out. "Thank youu!"

I walked over to Rachel's desk and offered her one, "these look amazing!" She picked out and grabbed a napkin.

Lydia came out of her with a notebook in hand, "Raymond Cavanaugh?" Her face was serious and her voice professional until she noticed me by Rachel's desk. "Hey! I didn't know you were here."

"I just got here, I should've texted I would've known you'd be busy." I told her as she walked over to me.

She hugged me and peeked into the cupcake box, "Did you bring treats?"

"I did." I nodded.

"That's so sweet of you." She smiled, she squeezed my hand in hers, neither of us were big on PDA but the look in her eyes was more than enough of a hint. She snapped out of her trance, "You're free to hang out with these guys while you wait, or Rachel can let you into Nic's office if you have some work to finish."

"Thanks"

She greeted Raymond with a more lighthearted smile before having him follow her into her office. He mouthed thank you to me on his way in.

"New friend?" Rachel teased.

"He was nervous on the elevator thats all." I shrugged as I picked out a cupcake for myself.

"Yeah mhmm." Margo jeered.

"You want to work in Nic's office?" Rachel opened her drawer.

I agreed and she unlocked it for me. It felt weird being alone in her office like this so J texted Nic:

A- hey, Lydia's letting me borrow your office for a bit. Hope that's okay.

N- of course it is! Do you need my computer password or anything?

A- no no I have my laptop. Thanks!
A- how are you feeling?

N- a lot better thanks.

A- also, I have something for you. Its important

N- okay. You can drop it off tonight or in the morning before the kids go to school.

A- yeah i will

N- you could also leave it in my office while you're there lol

A- thats true lol

N- whatever works.

I opened my laptop and started working, halfway through some emails there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." I called out.

Lydia entered holding a cupcake and leaned against the door frame, "Do you wanna stay here or we can both work from home for a bit."

"Your call babe."

She closed the door behind her and walked towards me, "you sure you're okay?"

"I'm, I don't actually know." I confessed.

"Well I'm here when you're ready to talk or if you don't want to talk, just whatever you need." She sat on the edge of the desk and touched the side of my head sliding her fingertips gently in my hair. "I love this cupcake by the way whatever bakery you went to, we should go there more often."

"I'll keep that in mind." I rested my hand on her leg.

She looked me up and down, "Let's go home."

She wasn't in a rush though, she finished her cupcake and talked to me about the most random topics she could think of. Before I knew it we were home and walking upstairs together.

"Did you talk to Nic?" I asked her.

"Mm about something specifically or just in general?" She asked as she sat on the bed and looked up at me.

"Both? I guess." I closed the door behind me.

She gave me a curious look, "okay.. well, we talked about work, the kids, you, umm.. Leah let her know she has depression, we talked about me, about how she's doing today, and oh yeah the wedding. I think thats all we covered today. Does that help?"

"What about me?"

She paused to think, "she was saying she was really grateful that you were there today and for introducing her to Leah. And we talked about how you're so pretty and smart and I love you." She pulled me closer to her. "Why what's up?"

"Oh so nothing new?" I partially joked.

She shook her head.

I sat next to her on the bed and took a deep breath, "I was um- asking because I told Nic that I also have depression."

She listened to every word before responding, "and you wanted to make sure you were the one who told me?"

"Yes." I nodded, "are you- are you okay with that? With all of this?"

She nodded and dabbed at the corners of her eyes, "okay."

"Okay?"

She took my hands in hers, "yes its apart of who you are I dont love you any less or any more. I just- how can I best support you? Like.. what helps or make things worse?"

"Everything you already do is perfect babe." I told her. "You constantly make sure I feel special and loved and protected. I feel valued and validated with you at all times."

"Because you are all of those things babe." She made eye contact with me and leaned a little closer, "Thank you for sharing this with me. I do not take this lightly at all."

I exhaled, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders now that she knew and was responding to it they way she was.

"You're taking this really well." I told her.

She bit the inside of her cheek as she decided her next words then she looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows, "Honestly, it's not a big shock. Obviously I don't know much about any of that stuff to have really known."

"That's fair. You're very attentive and observant, of course you noticed." I said mostly to myself. My eyes scanned her face, one thing I loved about Lydia is that she actually wore her heart on her sleeve but if you didn't know her, its the last place you'd ever look. "You have questions."

"Tons." She admitted.

The worry was starting to grow inside of her, it was evident as her facial expression began to change.

"You don't have to worry about me though babe. It's not a death sentence."

"Promise?"

I realized what exactly she was asking, "my depression does not put me in danger. I have never been suicidal, I have never wanted to or attempted to harm myself." I spoke slow for her to take it all in.

She bit her lip and nodded to let me know she understood.

"I've also had it for a while now babe. And its also literally my expertise." I pointed out, "I know my triggers, I know myself, I know what helps and what doesn't. And all of that is what helps to keep it at bay."

"I take it, it doesn't go away." She observed.

I shook my head, "no, we can just learn to manage it better. Which I do, I mean- admittedly I don't always choose the healthiest ways to manage mine. But I've gotten better at not doing those unhealthy things that make things worse in the long run."

"Like what?"

I cleared my throat, "Well two things that are pretty sure fire ways to get your body to produce dopamine are well, chocolate and sex. It's a quick fix. Just like alcohol doesn't exactly have the dopamine effect but it does sometimes help clear your head."

"Makes sense."

"In the past though, when I had those episodes that just made me numb and unable to feel anything.. I would self sabotage, which meant hurting the people close to me because I knew I'd feel like shit about it afterwards. And feeling like shit was better than feeling nothing at all."

She was connecting the dots as I spoke. She'd met several of my exes, she knew I had a shitty past especially romantically.

"But I don't self sabotage anymore. And I'm not going to hurt you Lydia, because I have learned that I actually hate feeling like shit more than I hate not feeling at all. And hurting you, is the absolute shittiest thing I could ever do." I assured her, "and to be clear I'm also not excusing my past behavior at all. Having depression is not an excuse to hurt other people- I did those things because I was a heartless bitch."

She didn't respond and I realized I'd suddenly began dumping a ton on her at once and I felt bad. She took her hands away from mine and started patting around until she found her phone in her purse. I swallowed hard as I watched her.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I mustered up the courage to ask as she started typing.

"Nic needs to pick the kids up from school. I didn't want to forget to tell her that." She reached over and placed her hand on my leg that until then I hadn't noticed was shaking. She put her phone down and looked at me, "That was rude I know."

"No, I'm overloading you it's fine."

"It's a lot. Yes. But it's not an overload at all." She assured me. She stretched for a moment, "but I have been sitting up all day so I am going to lay down for the rest of this conversation." She took off her shoes and crawled into bed behind me.

I laid beside her on my back, "we can stop."

"Only if you want to stop." She positioned herself on her side to look at me.

"Are you sure?"

"You were upset today. What happened there?" She placed a hand on my bare stomach beneath my shirt.

I took a deep breath, I'd forgotten somehow about my mother's visit, "my mother came to my office."

I proceeded to detail her visit all the while Lydia noted the same things I had. The backhanded compliments, the invasion of privacy, the lack of respect. All of it.

"She's one of your triggers." She said calmly.

"Both of them yeah."

"Yeah.. I noticed there's a change in you every time when it comes to them. And for good reason, from what you've told me about growing up and even now."

"Yeah I've just truly disappointed them when it comes to my life choices." I rolled my eyes.

"Well you impress and inspire me everyday. And I will always give you every sincere compliment I can think of."

I turned to face her and smiled, "Sometimes you seem to good to be true."

"Yeah, then I fuck up or do something really bitchy to remind you I'm not a dream." She joked.

"I know, I know. But the good outweighs the bad."

"I love you, so so much. And I can't promise to be perfect for you, and I definitely can't promise to always get it right."

"I'm not asking you to."

"But I'll even learn to drink tea with you if it helps." She giggled and tapped my nose. "Just maybe with a lot of milk and sugar."

I pulled her ontop of me, "I would really really love that."

"Here's what I can guarantee for you and not just for your depression: Unless I am in a meeting or otherwise truly unable to come to the phone, I will always pick up, and I will always make time for you. I will always be honest with you. I can take you on whatever type of getaway you might need, or spa day, or just a home spa day I'll be your personal masseuse everyday if you need it. I know you love candles and baths and tea of course. And I'll make sure we're stocked on your favorite snacks always." She listed. "And you can always always talk to me about whatever is on your mind. Or I can just talk to you about utter nonsense if you need to clear your mind. If you need attention, I'll be right here with you. If you need space, I'll take the kids out somewhere or to Nic's for a bit."

"That's more than enough babe seriously."

"I already do all of those things, I'm just saying those are constants." She kissed my lips. She sat up, "and the girl, Amelia? babe that's ultimately your decision."

I sat up on my elbows, "adopting a high profile child thats in witness protection is not a unilateral decision. I wouldn't even house her here temporarily without your okay."

"If her being here doesn't threaten or put a strain on you or our kids. She is welcome here.. that's my input." Her hands were on my shoulders, "figuring out what you want, and whether or not this situation meets those parameters- that's your job." She detailed.

I smiled up at her, "well let's not fret over it now. We have months to make that decision."

"How are you feeling?" She asked with a welcoming smile.

"A lot better, thank you.. for everything."

We ended up just cuddling together in bed, chatting intermittently until Nic texted Lydia's phone. She reached for her phone and checked her message.

"Nic wants to know if we want her to drop the kids off here or not."

"Here is good. I forgot I have to give her something anyways."

"Okay."

We ended up going downstairs to wait for them to arrive. Lydia made me a sandwich and sat on the counter while I ate it.

"You sit on anything but a chair." I giggled.

She shrugged, "I guess I just like being up high sometimes."

I fed her a bite of my sandwich and we talked about what we would make for dinner. Eventually Nic entered with the kids. They greeted us excitedly. Lydia handed off granola bars to each of them as they hugged us. The younger ones ran off trailing their backpacks behind them. Seeing Rory for the first time since my mother had given me her papers reminded me that Aubrey and Lydia still didn't know about her going off to college. Nic had hinted about knowing yesterday but I wasn't completely sure about her. I really didn't fully grasp why Rory wanted to wait to tell them, or how long she was going to hold out for.

I went against my best judgement and decided to put her on the spot about it, "hey um, Aurora, I think you have some news to share.."

She looked at me in horror as if I'd just offered her as a sacrifice, "what?"

I looked around at them trying to figure out the best way to proceed. Each of them knew a different piece of information but I couldn't present the papers until Lydia knew about Rory's college plans. Then it became clear what needed to happen even though I didn't want it to be the option. I glanced at Nic and she gave me a nod, she must've had the same idea, thankfully she acted on it before me.

"Babe," she nodded at Lydia.

"Noted." Lydia slid herself off the counter. The two of them always made things seem so much simpler than it was. "I'll be in my office." She said as she left the room. Just like that, no questions asked, no rebuttal, nothing.

"Sorry." I said to Rory.

"Yeah." She curled in on herself causing Nic to put her arm around her.

"I have something for you, for both of you." I found my purse on the edge of the counter and pulled out the folder.

"What is it?" Rory asked.

"My mother apparently pulled some strings, a ton of them." I pulled out her passport and ID and handed them to her. "US passport, New York state ID."

She looked at the ID first as Nic flipped open the passport, "this is.. this MY name."

I nodded and pulled out Aliyah's death certificate, medical information and autopsy report, "she fixed the records. All of them."

"What does this mean?" Rory looked up at me.

I pulled out the next set of papers that showed the changes made to all her own records for the years since her sister's death, "it means you are now officially yourself. With the added bonus of a US citizenship."

Nic found her college acceptance record and nodded as she showed it to Rory, "that's why she wanted Lydia to know first."

"There's something else." I ignored her revelation and pulled out the adoption forms and handed them to Nic. "Pending your signatures."

"Anita this is amazing, truly." Nic thumbed through the forms then she looked at Rory, "but this part is one hundred percent up to you."

"This is everything I've ever wanted. You get to be my mom, for real." A tear rolled down her cheek. Nic hugged her tightly.

"I don't like leaving Lydia in the dark like this." I spoke up.

"She'll understand. Lydia will be fine. It's Aubrey that'll be- I don't know." Nic sighed pulling away from their hug.

"Rory?"

"Dad will kill me literally." She shook her head.

"That's what I'll be there for." Nic rubbed her back.

"So.. we're telling Lydia right?" I verified.

"Yeah" Rory nodded.

Nic called Lydia and put her on speaker phone.

"Hey babe, busy?"

"Oh am I no longer banished?" Lydia responded as if she was hurt but the humor in her voice revealed she wasn't bothered at all by the fact that she was excused from her own kitchen so her loved ones could keep a secret from her. She was just- complacent. It kind of bothered me, and it bothered me that Nic went along with it- that I went along with it.

"Come down, we have news." Nic responded.

"Okay."

They hung up the phone and Lydia descended the stairs within a few moments. All of the paperwork was sprawled on the counter and Nic had me talk her through it all. We saved the college news for last. Lydia's excitement was visible in her facial expressions and the gasps between her responses.

"You're going to college?!" Her face lit up and she hugged Rory, "I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks. You're not mad I didn't tell you?" Rory asked.

"Of course not. As long as you keep at least one of your parents in the loop about these things I don't care which one it is. And Anita was the right choice for this anyways." Lydia explained.

"Okay but there's still the hitch about telling Aubrey." Nic stated.

"Use this whole spread, its a good way to butter him up. And I mean, who can honestly be upset about their kid getting into college? Girls her age are coming home with much worse news they've been keeping a secret." Lydia pointed out.

"Thats true." I agreed.

Lydia clasped her hands together, "I think we should have a party to celebrate or something."

"Really? We can have a party?" Rory looked up at her.

"Can we make sure her father knows first?" Nic interrupted.

"He'll be in a better mood if you have sex with him first." Rory suggested.

"Um no." Nic shook her head.

"Oh come on!"

"I'm not having this conversation."

"Why not?" Rory pouted.

"She doesn't need to have sex with him. If he gets mad just mention me, he'll be more pissed at me he'll forget that he was mad at you in the first place."

"Babe.." Nic disapproved but didn't finish her statement.

"Okay fine. Tell him I don't know yet. He can grovel in the fact that you went to him first." Lydia folded her arms.

"I'm not lying to him." Nic shook her head.

"I was talking to Rory." Lydia said quickly but she nearly physically retreated the moment she realized how snappy the statement came out.

"I'll do it." Rory jumped in.

"You won't have to say anything." Lydia assured Nic.

"We'll see, it might not even come to that." Nic shrugged.

"We could always go back to my idea." Rory nudged her.

I watched Nic try to hide the discomfort of her daughter's attempts to exploit her sex life.

Lydia noticed it too, "that's not an option."

"It should be." Rory shrugged. Oblivious to the nerve she'd struck.

Nic gave a nod to Lydia as if to thank her for the save. Her look also explained her sudden need to leave.

Lydia nodded, "go see OJ before you go." She whispered.

Nic gave her a nod and walked away. I expected Lydia to scold Rory, or at least mention the line she'd crossed but she didn't. If she wasn't going to do it, I knew it wouldn't be my place either. At least not now. Instead she started talking about the potential party for Rory.

After they left and Lydia locked the door I cleared my throat.

"Yeah?" She looked at me and my face must've given it away. "Did I do something?" She sat in the stool across from me.

"I honestly don't know where to start." I shook my head. "It's all a lot to take in."

She blinked at me, "you three drop a huge bombshell on me and its a lot for you to take in?"

"Okay that's fair I'm sorry. I just mean- wait you seemed okay with all the news and everything.." I gave her a confused look.

"That was all great news. And no I don't mind that I am just now finding out about it, I meant what I said. Aurora has four parents and as long as at least one of them knows whats going on, I'll never be mad at her or anyone else for that matter." She said without looking at me at first, then she made stern eye contact, "But somehow I became the villain? That, that bothers me."

"You're right, that's valid."

"Okay. Go ahead, I didn't mean to interrupt you." She rested her chin in her hands. "You said you don't know where to start so why don't you just throw some words out and we'll go from there."

"You guys like.. control each other. Its weird." I told her, I mentally braced myself for blow back.

"Weird like.. awkward, different? Or weird like.. it makes you uncomfortable?"

"I don't know." I sighed.

She looked me up and down, "okay, well.. think about it and if it does make you uncomfortable then we'll figure out how to remedy that. And if not, we can talk about it some more or whatever you think is whats necessary."

"That makes sense."

"You said it was a lot.. so what else is there?"

"Right right." I touched my forehead, "Aurora clearly crossed a line with her persistent sex idea.. I mean Nic was uncomfortable."

"Yeah that was weird."

"Then why didn't you mention anything. You should've scolded her or something so she knew what she did wasn't okay."

"She wasn't wrong- you even said that sex gives you dopamine or something. So sex would put him in a better mood. It's a valid plan maybe not the most moral but valid." She reasoned, "besides, I'd be a major hypocrite to chew her out about it. And there wasnt time, I figured me or Nic would mention it eventually."

"I don't even know how to respond to that."

"I'm a shitty person I do shitty things. So you can say that. You talk about your past? Using sex to help you cope and feel better. Well I wasn't coping with anything. It was a means to an end."

"I'm not gonna say that. Like you I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite."

She chuckled, "so what are we doing here?"

"Do you really want Rory to go down that same path?"

"Yeah.. you're right. I guess I didn't think about like her personal life." She groaned, "In my defense I also never claimed to be a good mom."

"Oh come on, we both know you're a great mom." I rolled my eyes.

"We're not getting into that right now. Are we okay?" She asked, her voice revealed the emotion behind the question.

"Of course we're okay." I gave her a smile.

Her muscles relaxed, "thank you, for calling me out on my shit. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Are you okay?"

"I just have a lot on my mind."

"I know you do. Why don't you go lie down, I'll bring you up some tea and start on dinner." She patted my hand.

"Can we just order delivery? I kind of just want you with me."

"I'm sure the kids will love that idea." She grinned. "I'm gonna make sure the kids are doing alright with their homework first though." She stood.

The kids voted for pizza night, unsurprisingly. I drank tea and read a book in bed while she was downstairs with the kids. Leah sent a text reminding me about bowling night. I didn't respond. When the pizza arrived Lydia came up to the room.

"Pizza's here." She announced.

"Oh!" I started to sit up.

"Wait wait!" She stopped me.

"What?"

"I want a picture of you like this."

"What? Babe don't be ridiculous."

"Please just one picture. I'll use it to draw it out for you later." She pleaded.

"Okay.. how should I-?"

"Just like you were."

I posed for her picture before putting a bookmark in the book. At dinner the kids excitedly shared about their days and how they all had book reports to do now. They got into a silly mode and started with some weird joke that they just kept building on and giggling so much they could barely chew their food. The night flew by and before I knew it the kids were all in bed.

After I left Kennedy's room I found Lydia in our bedroom getting undressed. I laid on the bed and picked up my phone.

"Do you have plans for tomorrow night?" I asked her.

"No why?" She undid her bra.

"We were invited out to go bowling with some of the girls. You probably met them at my party last year, and Leah will be there." I presented.

"Are you sure we were invited and not you." She turned to me, covering her bare chest with one arm.

"Yes we, you, me and even the kids if we want. What do you think?"

"Okay.." she shrugged and grabbed her bathrobe.

As she put it on I kneel on the bed excitedly, "Really?!"

"Geez babe, I didn't think it was that big of a deal." She met me halfway on the bed and kissed me.

"I want you to meet my friends and get to know them."

"I just dont want to disappoint you or embarrass you or anything." She pouted a bit.

"Embarrass me? How would you embarrass me?"

"I don't - you guys are all like really smart and sophisticated and stuff"

"Okay babe, its bowling and drinks and like tater tots and shit its not like I invited you to a symposium."

"I know I know."

I didn't know which question to ask first so I spoke without thinking, "you don't think you're smart and sophisticated?"

"Not like med school, law school, phd stuff."

"First off, not all of my friends have advanced degrees. Secondly, your masters is an advanced degree too. You're so smart babe." I told her. "You literally go to huge galas and have big important business meetings and interviews all the time."

"I know. Its just different I guess."

"Okay.. are you intimidated by my educational background?"

"I don't know.. maybe."

"Babe stop glorifying me. We are equals, I see us as equals. I mean- I'm sorry I'm not an exact replica of you like Nic is but that's not how life works okay?"

"I can't help it.." Her eyes watered and I could tell it really was something she had been struggling with. "I'm trying I really am. Its like I know it, I get it- but its I don't know its weird."

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through her hair, "its an insecurity."

"Okay, now I'm crying and this is ridiculous." She laid me down so she could lay on my chest.

"Its not ridiculous. Insecurities are hard you know.. your brain contradicts itself and its just confusing." I hugged her. "Its okay babe."

"Most times I don't even think about it. And when I do usually I'm just so proud of you really. It's exciting, I love that you know so much. You know?" She looked up at me, "like how you like my little sketches and stuff. I love listening to you explain stuff."

"I do love your sketches." I rubbed her back.

"Its just when its your siblings and all your friends too.. I feel out of place. When its just us, its fine- I'm just with my fiancée. But with them.."

"I get it babe." I kissed her forehead, "but by the way, everyone feels out of place with my family. Thats the hostile environment my parents created on purpose."

"But maybe once I get to know your friends better itll get better right?"

"It'll be fun. And the kids will be there, and if youre not having a good time we can leave right away." I squeezed her gently, "also I kinda told Leah you might have extra work to catch up on so that's our excuse if needed."

"Is this a good time to mention I suck at bowling, and OJ has only gone maybe 3 times in his life?" She giggled.

"You're kidding!"

"I'm not. I aim for 50 points."

"Okay well its a good thing we're not competing for a trophy or anything." I teased "Now I can finally get you back for how bad you always beat me in monopoly."

She cuddled with me a few moments longer before sitting up, "I'm gonna take a shower, do you want me to draw you a bath when I'm done? You've had a long day"

While she was in the shower I decided to invite the Lamberts to bowling night as one of their visits with Ken. When I heard her shower end I started getting undressed for my bath. I asked her to keep me company while I bathed and she obliged cheerfully. She kissed me once I was settled in the bath. I kissed her back unable to contain my smile. Once our make out session ended I told her more about bowling night and the people that would be there while she had decided to bathe me which I didn't mind. Okay, I liked it a lot.

After the bath she lotioned my body as I lay on the bed, mostly as an excuse for her to give me a massage. As she finished, I laid on my back and pulled her ontop of me.

"I love that you always make me feel like the most special girl in the world." I smiled up at her.

"Well you are the most special girl in the world to me." She smiled back. "And the most beautiful, the smartest, the sweetest.." she kissed my cheek and neck between each compliment.

"I know babe. It's really amazing, that you know how to show it so well and you know how to say it too."

"Mm keep talking." Her kisses continued.

"I love that you're so emotionally grounded.."

"I don't really know what that means but thank you." She kissed down my chest.

"Am I talking too much?" I giggled.

"No."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Do you want me to stop?" She repeated me.

"Please don't." I opened my towel for her.

"Now tell me what it means." Her tongue circled my nipple.

I didn't believe she was actually listening to me, just being nice and humoring me so I tested her, "tell you what what means?"

"You said I was emotionally grounded." She replied, "what does it mean?" She asked without skipping a beat.

"I just mean, its like you know how to regulate your emotions and take everything in before deciding on how to feel. And you're only volatile when you want to be."

"Makes sense."

Her kisses were driving me crazy, but her ability to multitask and hold a coherent conversation while simultaneously sending my body over the edge amazed me even more. The fact that I was able to hold the conversation still was a surprise. I mean, usually its a red flag- being focused on anything besides the sex itself but with her it was possible. That was the thing, we could have all of eachother at once.

When we were hot, sweaty and completely out of breath I held her in my arms, "Can you be here when I wake up?"

"Where else would I be?" She asked.

"Please babe."

"I'm kidding. Yes, I'll be right here in your arms." She turned to face me, "and if you decide to sleep for the next year, I'll still be right here. I promise."

"You're so dramatic." I rolled my eyes.

I got what I wished. I woke up to tapping on my temples and then one harder tap on the center of my forehead. I flinched before opening my eyes.

"Good morning sunshine." Her voice sang. "I never said I'd be patient. I'm not one to kink shame but I do refuse to pee on you. So I need you awake so I can keep my promise."

"Yes yes you kept your promise. Thank you. Go pee."

I hugged the pillow while she was gone, when she returned she embraced me. I rolled us over so I was on top and kissed her as I fumbled in her drawer.

"Do you have an early meeting?"

"No meetings." She shook her head, "what are you doing?"

"I saw something.." I found the pair of handcuffs in her drawer. I showed them to her, "yes?"

"Okay."

"You trust me?" I grinned as I raised her wrists to the headboard.

"Of course." She nodded.

"I'm gonna need a definite yes babe."

"Yes you can cuff me to the bed but at least tell me why."

I cuffed her to the bed, "are you comfortable?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm making you breakfast in bed. And you never just let me do nice things for you."

"Ahh so cuffing me to the bed is a nice thing." She teased.

"I'm making french toast."

"Okay you're forgiven." She tried to shrug but her restrictions didn't really allow for the action. "And coffee."

I found the key to the cuffs and carefully slid it into her hand.

"I'm sorry, I think you're doing the hostage thing wrong." She raised an eyebrow at me.

"You're not a hostage. You're cuffed at your own free will."

"Okay, go cook before I get restless." She nodded towards the door.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I have a key remember?"

"Okay okay. I'm going."

The kids made it downstairs right as I had finished the last of the french toast so I left them a stack to serve themselves. I carried my and Lydia's plates and coffees up on a tray.

"You're still cuffed." I noted as I entered the room. I set the tray on the dresser, "okay give me the key."

"No."

"What?"

"No." She repeated and purposely dropped the key behind the bed.

"Babe!"

She giggled as I got on the floor to reach under the bed for the key.

"In my defense, I haven't had coffee yet and you left me up here and didn't even play music or anything." She watched as I unlocked her cuffs.

"What are they for really? You have them here and you bought Nic a pair."

She shrugged as she massaged her wrists once they were free, "mm they come in handy sometimes."

"Hungry?" I changed the subject.

"Yes." She said excitedly. I handed her a plate and she took her first bite without syrup then tried it with the syrup. "These are great really."

"Thank you."

"But seriously, next time- music or something." She said as she continued eating.

"You could've uncuffed yourself."

"And ruin the fun? I think not" she jested.

"You're really okay with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Now if you left me there like all day I'd be a little annoyed."

"I wouldn't do that."

"I know. If I doubted that even a little I wouldn't have let you do it." She continued eating. "You were so sweet about it. It was cute. Was that your plan all along? That's why you wanted me to stay in bed this morning so you could-" the rest of the sentence was implied.

"Not fully." I admitted.

She reached for her coffee and sipped it a bit, allowing for silence between us before she spoke up, "Oh and next time, I'd rather not be naked."

"You keep saying next time."

She shrugged, "I'm not suggesting that there should be a next time, I'm not asking for it or anything. But if there is, I'd be a little more comfortable with minor changes."

"Why didn't you just say that earlier?"

She paused and smirked at me as if to say Now what's the fun in that? Then she sipped her coffee again.

The day flew by. Somewhere between riding off of the high from the previous night's sex and whatever this morning was, mixed with anticipation for the evening, I just felt lighter. An hour before I was due for lunch I got a message from Lydia.

L- hope your day is going well. Are you stopping by for lunch? We're ordering from the same place as yesterday I can put one in for you

I clicked my tongue as I decided on my response. Lydia and I were in a really good almost surreal place right now. Part of me wanted to soak it all in the other part worried it would end sooner than expected. But the former took over.

A- I'll be there.

L- yay!

I expected to have lunch in Lydia's office as usual but today was different. They were all sitting on the floor in the lobby of the top floor around a large whiteboard they had laid down. Vanessa was sketching on it.

"Hey?" I announced awkwardly since none of them looked up when I got off the elevator.

Lydia was the first to look up, "hey babe, come come!" She waved me over causing everyone to pause and wait for me. I knelt beside her as everyone greeted me. Lydia handed me a wrapped sandwich which I assumed was the buffalo chicken wrap she raved about the day before. "We're playing a loose-ruled pictionary."

"Just means we're not timed and no teams." Vanessa explained.

"Sounds fun."

We played and ate and chatted, it was fun, but I grew to understand Lydia's grievances with being around my peers. It was weird how Lydia and Nic balanced between having to be powerful businesswomen and CEOs of a billion dollar company, and just being normal people. They were here having lunch and playing games in the office with Rachel, Vanessa and Margo like they were all just coworkers. Like there wasn't billions of billions of dollars that separated them. It was interesting to watch though.

It made me think about Lydia more it wasn't just my groups of friends she was uncomfortable around. It was everyone, but for different reasons. She was in a position where the only person she really could connect to and trust was Nic because Nic was the only person that knew her for her, and had no reason to ogle her power, her money, anything because Nic had all of that already with or without her at this point. Other people in her tax bracket, she had nothing in common with them besides money- and those people, were just as bad about money and power than anyone else. Even this group, she had no way of really knowing or trusting that they were friends with her because they liked her, or because she was their boss and it was better to befriend your boss when possible than to be on the other end. And outside of that, each of them had actually befriended Nic- but everyone knows Lydia and Nic were a packaged deal. She was perpetually left to feel like a third wheel.

"Stop thinking so hard." Lydia whispered in my ear. I hadn't noticed how zoned out I'd become, but apparently Lydia was the only one who had, everyone else was still deep in the game. Before it was time for me to leave Lydia had me follow her into her office.

"Yes?"

"I saw these at the cafe this morning and remembered how much you love them" she dug into her purse and pulled out a small pack of twizzlers.

I smiled, "thank you."

Back at work, Levy followed me to my office.

"I hear you're bringing the family to bowling tonight." She said closing the door behind her.

"The rumors are true." I sang in response.

"Okay because I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't met her yet." She sat across from me. She was partially right, she'd missed my party when most of my friends got to meet Lydia briefly.

"You'll meet her, don't worry." I shook my head.

"I want to get her an engagement gift of sorts" she clasped her hands together.

"Don't make it weird Levy,"

"Come on.. what would she like? I know not to get her any kind of clothes because- ugh obviously."

"You don't need to get her gift."

"You're the worst!"

"Ugh fine, budget?"

She hummed and looked away.

"Okay... I don't know, she loves snacks, anything cozy, but you could go classic.. wine, jewelry, perfume."

"I'm not trying to whoo her." She laughed.

"I don't think you have a shot." I shook my head.

"Someones sure of herself." She teased.

"Keep talking like that you'll lose your shot at bridesmaid too." I winked and flashed my ring at her.

"Touché." Her eyes narrowed. "Anyways I did have work related inquiries."

By the end of the day I found myself helping the kids with homework before Lydia came home. They were so excited about going bowling and Ken was double excited to see the Lamberts again, they finished their homework quickly and were watching TV by the time Lydia got home.

"Ugh sorry, work took longer than I thought." Lydia was hanging up her phone as she walked in the door. She paused and stared at her phone, "shit, they're gonna call me back. Oh well." She rolled her eyes and then smiled at me, "how was your afternoon?"

"Pretty good. Was that a work call?"

"Uh, yeah. I got distracted and hung up by mistake." She hugged me.

"That doesn't sound good."

"Eh for them. They've been waiting over a month to get in touch with me. I couldn't care less."

"Okay, but can Ms Colvin stay home? I just want Lydia at the bowling alley, she's more fun."

She took off her coat, "I'm gonna change into something more comfortable. I know you don't want me showing up like this."

I looked her up and down, "yeah you look like a million bucks." She did, she almost always dressed for work in a way that made it obvious she owned the place. That- and just how she carried herself. Nic was the same, even when they were dressed more casually for work it was obvious.

She went upstairs and came back down within a few minutes now dressed in jeans and a fitted white tshirt which complimented her all white Nike air maxes. Her hair was now in a top knot which just tied the whole look together. She didn't say anything to me, she just opened the cabinet and found a bag of chips. After eating one she turned the open bag to me.

"Better?" She asked referring to her outfit.

"Better."

We gathered the kids and got into the car. We pulled into the parking lot and made the kids hold hands as we walked in. Chelsea and Jacqueline Lambert greeted us by the door. They had a gift bag that they presented to Kennedy with a bow and matching tshirt with a doll that was dressed the same.

"Thank you for inviting us." Chelsea smiled and shook my hand.

"Thanks for coming, Ken's been so excited ever since I told her you'd be here." I told them.

We paid- well Lydia insisted on paying for our shoes and the lanes we needed. And we walked over and found where everyone else was, they were just starting to put their names into the machine.

"Nee!" A few of them waved me over.
We gave the Lamberts and Kennedy their own lane next to ours. I introduced everyone.

Levy presented Lydia with a gift bag that held a bottle of wine in it, "For you since I didn't get a chance to meet you last year but I hear so many great things about you."

"Oh, thank you!"

"Levy is the main child psychologist at our office." I explained to Lydia.

"Interesting." Lydia nodded but kept a friendly smile. She tucked the gift under her seat once she sat down to switch her shoes. I did the same and we helped Zoe and OJ with theirs. As we got started I quickly realized Lydia had not exaggerated about her bowling skills. But where she lacked in bowling skills she made up for in her social skills. On the 7th turn my score was a 210, I won't mention Lydia's score.

Steph plopped down next to Lydia as I got up for my next turn. "She just comes for shits and giggles. She always bowls a perfect game, perks of being a trained marksman." She called out to me, "why don't you do the rest with your left hand?"

"We both know that won't change much." I winked at her before sending the ball down the lane with my left hand to prove the point. Unsurprisingly every pin toppled over. Lydia got the kids to cheer for me with her as she'd done after each turn.

"Nee come with me to order some food now." Steph urged. I made eye contact with Lydia and without words she gave me a nod to tell me she was fine and would keep an eye on all three kids.

I walked over to where the food counter was with Steph, she leaned on the counter, "you have eyes on you." She whispered behind a menu.

"Not me, Lydia." I responded without moving my lips.

"Looks like press."

"As long as its not trouble."

She straightened up and ordered several orders of wings, fries and tater tots for the group. I ordered juices for the kids.

"Eyes up." I warned her as the man we had identified as a reporter sat a few seats away from her.

As we waited for our food it was obvious he was contemplating his approach. Steph toyed with a menu and let out a low, fake giggle before directing her next question to the reporter.

"You gonna sit there and stare or are you gonna buy me a drink?" She shifted her body language to something a little more flirty but not open.

He chuckled, realizing he was caught. "Sure, uh- can I buy you a drink?"

She ordered a drink and when it came she twirled the straw, "Now you're not loitering."

"What?"

"You're not much of a bowler.. more of a watcher."

I pretended not to listen as I stared back towards Lydia and the kids.

"You got me." He gave in, "I just come for the atmosphere."

"Mmhmm. What paper do you work for?"

"What gave me away?"

"What's the story?"

"You a reporter?"

"Maybe." She shrugged.

"No you're not."

"What gave me away?"

"Cop?"

"Ding ding ding." She pulled out her badge, "don't worry, I'm not interested in arresting you.. yet. I'm off duty anyways." She nodded towards her drink.

"Ah, FBI."

She nodded, "so, what's the story?"

"Drink it first."

She snickered, "want me to prove I'm not on the clock? Fine." She picked up the glass and took a few gulps of it. "Story, go."

"Lydia Colvin- just trying to find the right moment to-"

"Ambush her?"

"Its not an ambush. But she doesn't talk to the press, just the other one Onika Maraj. Finding my best approach."

"If I were you, I'd back off. Especially when she's with her kids."

"You would say that."

"Its the best advice I've got." She shrugged. "But suit yourself." She stood up as our food and drinks were presented to us. I helped her carry everything back to our lanes after she gave the reporter a nod goodbye.

As we walked back I leaned into her, "You're losing your touch."

"I had like 2 minutes." She defended.

"Thanks." I told her.

Leah was talking to Lydia when we got back.

"Its your turn." Lydia looked up at me. I set the food down and let her know the drinks were for the kids. She must've given out the drinks while I took my turn. I sat next to her as OJ went up for his turn.

"There's a reporter here watching you, apparently waiting for a moment to talk to you." I told her.

"Well that's not happening." She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah I know. I just wasn't sure of the protocol."

She shrugged, "me neither. They usually follow Nic around mostly."

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

She smiled, "I am, and so are the kids."

"Good, I'm glad you're here." I squeezed her hand, "do you want me to grab you some food?"

"Yeah, I'll take the kids to go wash their hands."

"You sure..?"

"I'll have the Lamberts bring Ken too. It's fine." She assured me.

Everyone else was semi gathered by the food already.

"Look at you with a big happy family and everything." Tricia teased, "but seriously, you guys seem great together. And she's everything you said she was plus more."

"It's the happiest I've been in well honestly in forever."

"It shows." She popped a tater tot into her mouth.

"I'm just glad you're out of hiding." Steph appeared on the other side of me.

"I wasn't hiding." I denied.

"Well you're back. With an entire family and you have never even invited us over." Tricia pretended to pout.

"She's embarrassed of us." Steph told her.

"Of us, but not of her parents and siblings?" Tricia gasped.

"We're just comfortable I don't know." I shrugged.

"Well, I've seen how she looks at you when you're not looking. She definitely feels the same way." Steph informed.

"Honestly with her, I already knew that." I bit a french fry. My eye caught a glimpse of Lydia, the Lamberts and the kids on their way back to our area.

"You're blushing!" Tricia nudged me.

"Guess whose on their way." Levy approached the table.

"LJ? She's back?" Steph asked.

"She landed this morning, still jet-lagged but she's coming out because she heard the elusive Anita had brought companyyy." Levy poked my arm.

Lydia walked up with the kids by her side, she had something cupped in her hands. I handed the kids their plates and they sat at the table with everyone while Lydia pointed with her head for me to step away with her. I followed her over to the edge of the bowling lane. She smiled and handed me a rose she'd made from a paper towel. Okay, yeah now I was definitely blushing.

"A girl can get used to handmade roses." I admired it.

"I know you'd prefer actual roses.."

"These are more personal. And I know you dont like flowers."

"You'll still get actual ones. They just- they don't sell bouquets here."

"I noticed." I chucked. I wanted to kiss her so bad, and from the way she bit her lip as she looked at me I knew she felt the same.

"I'm sorry the press followed us here because of me."

"Well there has to be at least one downside to being with you." I winked and rubbed her shoulder.

"We should get back to everyone else." She suggested. We exchanged I love you's before walking over and standing behind OJ and Zoe.

"The kids were trying to give us a better visual of the house. Janine and Lea are the only ones who ever saw it." Levy filled us in.

"I was not apart of this." Lea put up her hands.

"Our house?" Lydia asked taking a tater tot from OJ's plate.

"Guys-" I groaned.

"Oh Lydia doesn't mind right?" Tricia shooed me.

"It's really not that exciting." Lydia covered her mouth as she spoke while she finished chewing.

"Aunt Nicki's house is bigger." Zoe bit into a piece of chicken.

"Zoe." I scolded.

"Just come see it, it's really not that big of deal." Lydia invited, "it's not exactly modest or quaint, it's just a bunch of space we rarely use."

"See?"

"Okay, this is an ambush." I widened my eyes at them.

"Fine.." and with that it was agreed the subject would be dropped.

LJ arrived sometime after, I was busy chatting with Ken and the Lamberts when she walked in.

She hugged me from behind, "ahh I was hoping the rumors were true."

"Welcome back!" I turned to face her.

"You're one to talk." She playfully shoved me.

I introduced her to Ken and the Lamberts and then walked her over to Lydia and the kids.

"I think we must've just missed each other at the party but its great to finally meet you." She shook Lydia's hand, "I was away finishing up a story overseas-"

"A story?" Lydia's face went serious and she let her hand go limp in LJ's hand.

"Oh, I'm a journalist. LJ Reid-"

"Yeah.. this- no." Lydia pulled away.

"No no, babe LJ is fine I promise." I interjected.

"I'm sorry, I just don't do reporters or journalists.."

"No no I get it. Protect your privacy." LJ backed off.

I put my hand on Lydia's shoulder, "babe seriously, LJ's one of my best friends."

"Nee it's fine I'm tired anyways I just wanted to come say hi. I should've thought it through." LJ's thumbs were in her jean pockets, "Nice meeting you."

"She's not going to write about you or Nic or anything. You can trust her- I trust her."

Lydia looked up at me, she was searching for how to react. I knew the fact that I trusted LJ meant a lot to her. She looked back at LJ.

"If it helps I don't do entertainment news or anything like that." LJ offered.

Lydia calmed down a little.

"They've been burned before." I told LJ, referring to Aubrey's reporter friend who had taken advantage of her chats with Nic to write that nasty article.

LJ nodded, "I see.. well even if I wanted to do something like that. I couldn't, anything negative that comes out about you or your partner falls back on Anita and her work. Those kids need her, no story is ever worth risking that. So we can even sign a contract if you want."

"Anita trusts you." Lydia extended her hand again. "That's all I need."

"LJ's gonna be a bridesmaid." I told her.

"Then it's probably best we get to know each other." Lydia offered her a smile.

"I'd like that."

They ended up getting along fine and LJ managed to scare off the other reporter that had been following Lydia as well. Time flew by and soon enough we were home again and Lydia was feeding me Milano cookies in bed.

"I had fun today." She smiled

"I did too. I enjoyed having you there with me and they loved you, I knew they would."

"Sorry I got weird about LJ." Her smile dropped and she bit into a cookie.

"No I should've thought about that ahead of time. But you know we all have important jobs, and none of us would be able to be comfortable around each other if we didn't have trust in each other not to exploit or let anything leave our group."

"That makes sense." She nodded. "I just feel bad."

"She understands. You'll see her again and it'll all be fine."

"Your friends are fun. Thanks again."

"Thanks for coming." I hugged her.

"Hey you asked me to come, I'm not going to say no to you."

"Good because tonight made me realize how much I like having fun with you. I love when we relax and just enjoy eachother's company at home or at dinner and stuff but - well even when you were sick and we spent like all day playing board games. I like that."

"Okay what do you have in mind?"

"We should go dancing."

"We should not. What else ya got?"

"Come on it'll be fun!"

"Oh you're serious?"

"Of course. Is that a problem?"

She frowned and thought for a second, "okay, compromise?"

"I'm listening."

"Private dance lessons. We'll need them for the wedding anyways."

"Fair enough."

I didn't find out until the next morning how much of a compromise it truly was.

"She really said she'd dance at your wedding?" Nic poured coffee into a travel mug for me.

"Yeah." I said nervously.

"Let's just say.. she wouldn't have done it for me." She winked.

That meant a lot, that I could get Lydia to do something that Nic claims she couldn't. She must've read my mind.

"You might just be surpassing my hold on her." She slid the sugar to me. "Congrats."

"I don't want to control her though, like you do." I started spooning sugar into my cup.

"Ouch."

"You're not denying it." I pointed out.

"It goes both ways. It's a trust thing."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"Exactly what I said." Then she paused, "that was harsh. I didn't mean that to be harsh. Sorry."

"It's fine. Thanks for the coffee." I took a cautious sip as I heard the kids coming down the stairs.

I had lunch with a colleague, Lydia didn't text to invite me for lunch anyways. Actually, she hadn't really contacted me all day besides the occasional heart emoji. No words, no pictures, nothing. Just a single heart emoji.

When I dropped Rory off at Nic's later that day I considered asking Nic about it but it dawned on me that might be exactly what was wrong so I decided against it.

Lydia was making lasagna when we got home. I sent the kids to start homework and asked if she needed help.

"I don't need help but you're welcome to help." She replied "I love cooking with you."

"I thought you were mad at me."

"Mad why?" She handed me a spoon for the sauce.

"I'm assuming you spoke to Nic."

"About this morning? She said she apologized right?"

"Wait, what did she tell you?"

"That... she was rude to you and she apologized." She started layering the pan. "It bothers you, the whole control thing. I get it, I do. But I still don't get why you thought I was mad at you."

"Clearly I pushed a button for Nic."

"It didn't offend her."

"Okay..?"

"Annoyed maybe, which is why she responded the way she did. You still didn't answer my question."

"Babe you haven't talked to me all day."

"I've been busy all day. I didn't have time. I texted you though." She continued layering. She put the dish down on the counter and looked up at me as if she'd just had an epiphany, "That's why you thought I was mad at you? Because I didn't call or text you all day.."

"You always send something." I reasoned.

"I thought the hearts were enough, but I'll do better moving forward.."

"Babe you already do more than anyone else does for their partner. I guess I just got spoiled to it."

"That's fine. Our bare minimum is higher that's all." She decided, "I honestly thought I was being too much. You know, annoying."

"I look forward to hearing from you each day." I poked out my bottom lip.

She reached over and squeezed my hand, "and I'll make sure you hear from me everyday."

"Now I'm being too much."

"You do have some cognizance of what my last relationship was like? And is still like.. and you think a few text messages is too much for me?" She joked, "why don't you check on the kids and I'll finish dinner?"

It felt a little weird, the way she sent me off in the middle of the conversation but she snuck it so smoothly into the joking nature that it didn't stand out to me until after I'd walked away. Helping 8 and 9 year olds plan book reports kind of makes everything else in life disappear for a while. Dinner with them, well that's just as enlightening you never really know where the conversation is headed.

I only put Ken to bed while Lydia tucked Zoe and OJ in for the night, somehow she still beat me to the bedroom. She was laid across the bed staring blankly at the wall. I crawled onto the bed and laid next to her.

"Hey, you okay?" I spoke softly for her.

Her gaze met my eyes, "I'm fine."

"Don't start lying to me now babe we had a good thing going."

She gave me a playful eyeroll, "Just processing I guess. But I am fine, really."

"Wanna talk about it?" I asked her.

"I don't know, it's a lot and it's nothing at the same time."

I listened to her talk about everything that was weighing on her, which did include her finding out about both Nic and I having depression in the same day, and just being a bit stressed about how to best support both of us. She talked about work, in several capacities. She was still stressed and beating herself up about the unsuccessful pregnancy, including the fact that she apparently forgot that she wanted to ask me if I thought her having cancer and chemo treatments in the past could hinder her from having a successful pregnancy. She confessed that she was kind of bummed that the Lamberts were so perfect for Ken because she wasn't ready to let her go, and was secretly hoping it would be possible for her to stay with us permanently. But at the same time she loved the Lamberts for Ken and was excited for her, and also ready for the freedom that came with us not having Ken in our care. I actually loved that she was going on and on about all the things she thought about. I loved that she had a mix of coherent descriptions and strewn together words for the thoughts she didnt know how to express. I loved that she didnt mind how any of it sounded, it was just her raw unfiltered thoughts. So I listened, I listened to every word and I tried not to speak too much and when I did I towed the line between giving her the emotional support she needed and not setting off her 'anti Dr Anita' alarm. But as her fiancée, I really just wanted to pull her into a hug and hold her but I knew doing that would disrupt the flow and she'd stop talking. So we continued laying beside each other, fully dressed on top of the blanket, staring at each other. My hand on her hip just beneath her shirt so the physical touch remained in tact for her. She talked about the things she loved about our relationship, and also the things that worried her. Then came everything with Rory, and then.. I started feeling too tired to keep up.

"Babe, I have to stop you." I sighed, "I'm sorry."

She pulled away slightly, "sorry that was like way too much."

"No no! It was amazing really. I love this so much. But I want you to have 100% of my attention and now its-" I checked the time "its almost 2am and I cannot give you my undivided attention. I want to, because this is good, talking about all of this is good. So can we continue tomorrow?"

"Sure" she nodded and relaxed a bit more. I pulled her into me and kissed her forehead. Her skin was hot against my lips.

I pressed the back of my hand against her forehead, "babe you're burning up." I sat up, prepared to find a thermometer and my brain was already coming up with other supplies to grab for her but she pulled me back to her.

"Its just a headache, I wanna just try to sleep it off first. If its not better in the morning I'll take medicine."

"Promise?"

"Mhmm."

I woke up before her, she was burning up and had dried streaks of tears on her face. I got up and found her wash cloth and wet it, I knelt next to her and started gently washing her face which still contained her make up from yesterday. Once her face was clean I rinsed off the wash cloth and dampened it with cold water. I laid the cold wet rag on her forehead. She was still in her dress pants and blouse from work, so was I. She didn't wake up as I stripped her down to just her underwear. I tucked her under the covers and rearranged the pillows until she seemed comfortable enough. She was still asleep after I got out the shower but she stirred awake as I got dressed.

I found the thermometer in the bathroom and came and sat beside her, "Good morning."

"I'll take that medicine now."

"I'll go get some. Can you take your temperature while I'm gone?"

"On it boss." She grabbed the thermometer from me with minimal effort. As I got up to leave the room she called out, "wait are you going downstairs?"

"Yeah to get you some water."

"Can I also have coffee please?" She never moved her body, just her arm that held the thermometer. I watched her turn it on and place it in her mouth.

"Sure thing."

When I returned she was toying with the thermometer in her hand, "Don't freak out."

"What?"

"Don't freak out." She repeated.

I handed her some pain medicine and a glass of water, "why? How bad is it?"

"104.3"

"Okay, take your medicine, I'll call out-"

"You can go to work. You're not the one that's sick."

"I can work from home."

I could tell she didn't have the energy to protest, "fine, call Nic so she can take the kids to school."

I nodded and found my phone to dial Nic as Lydia took her medicine, I encouraged her to drink all of the water as the phone rang.

"Is she okay?" Nic answered.

"Hi- wait how'd you- nevermind." I forgot their connection meant Nic already knew something was up.

"Is she sick or is she hurt?"

"She has a headache and a fever. 104.3." I told her.

"Ok, tell her to stay home. Margo and I can handle the office and everything today."

"I'm gonna stay home with her and work from here. Can you take the kids to school and pick them up later?"

"Yep will you have them ready? or I can come now and help them get ready."

"I can have them ready for you when you get here."

When I hung up, Lydia was sitting up in bed and she showed me her empty water glass. I gave her the mug of coffee I'd made her which warranted a smile. I made sure she was okay before leaving to make sure the kids were ready for school and having breakfast by the time Nic arrived. She greeted the kids cheerfully and let them finish eating while she followed me upstairs to see Lydia. I watched them greet eachother excitedly even with Lydia's minimal energy. Nic sat beside her and hugged her and kissed her forehead. It wasn't like friends, or sisters, but it wasn't like lovers either. Their exchange was more like a mother and child.

"Alright babe, you have Anita here with you but remember she's also still working. Listen to her so you can get better. I'm just a text or call away. But most importantly just get some rest and drink lots of water."

"I know."

As I walked Nic out of the room I pulled her to the side, "she doesn't need a pep talk to stay home with me, I'm her fiancée we're always together."

"Well I also don't need you telling me how to interact with her, but here we are" she rolled her eyes but almost immediately snapped out of it and covered her mouth, "I shouldn't have said that."

I laughed to myself as I put it together, "let me guess, you're not allowed to argue or say anything rude to me. Right?"

"It's not like that." She shook her head.

"Then tell me."

She shifted her body uncomfortably and thought about her response, "I'll come by for lunch, we'll talk. But right now, I can't right now."

"Okay that's fair." I agreed.

I hugged the kids before they all left with her and made myself some tea to take upstairs. Lydia was sipping her coffee with a sketchbook in her lap when I returned to the bedroom.

"What are you doing? No working while you're sick." I scolded her.

"It's not work I promise. Its just a sketch, it helps clear my head sometimes." She showed me the random strokes of the pencil on the sheet, "I'm not afraid to admit when I'm not well."

I had about an hour before I needed to start working so I enjoyed my tea and watched her sketch. Then I massaged her temples and the nape of her neck in an effort to help soothe her headache. She did let me know it helped some. She wanted me to talk to her while we cuddled for a bit, but I didnt know what to talk about that wouldn't overstimulate her mind. Everything was potentially stress inducing.

"Mm what's your favorite movie?" She asked as she laid on my chest. After I answered it she requested I describe it to her and why it was my favorite movie. She asked random follow up questions until it was time for me to start working.

She fell asleep while I worked. I took phonecalls in the guest room across the hall but otherwise stayed by her side. When she woke up I refilled her water glass and gave her more medicine.

"You haven't eaten today, are you hungry?" I asked her after she took the medicine.

"Maybe for lunch." She groaned. She leaned over and kissed my cheek then my shoulder. "I love you, and I appreciate you staying home with me and taking care of me."

"Of course babe. I love taking care of you." I kissed her forehead. "You should take your temperature again."

"102."

"Progress. You should drink more water." I pushed my laptop and notebook aside so I could get out of bed.

I reached for her cup, she handed to me but stopped me before I left, "there's a big pitcher in the cabinet next to the pantry. I dont want to make you keep walking up and down the stairs for me."

"Thanks, but I also wouldn't mind it."

"Well you need water too." She gave me a smile before I left the room.

As I searched for the pitcher it dawned on me how much I actually didn't know about the house I'd been living in all this time. Then I thought about the hidden safe in her office with the candy for OJ, I wondered what kind of hidden gems were in the house as well.

She was on her phone when I came back upstairs with the pitcher and glasses.

"You didn't tell me Nic was coming over for lunch." She stated as I set the stuff down on her nightstand. I paused unsure how to respond, her tone was affected by her headache and fever so it was hard to deduce the weight of her statement. Luckily she continued, "she wanted to know if we were okay with pasta for lunch."

"Yeah that's fine."

"Okay." She typed a response to Nic, "You know if you have a problem with Nic you can just say it. You don't have to pretend to like her just because she's my friend."

"I'm not." I denied.

She shrugged, "I'm just letting you know. I don't have a problem with you two not being friends. But I do have a problem with her breaking her neck to try to salvage a friendship that's all in her head."

I poured her some water, "here, drink some more water."

"Thanks." She took the glass.

She didn't say anything else and I actually felt kind of bad because I didn't mean for the water to shut her up, but I also dont think any of this would help her headache at all. Once I was back on my side of the bed with my laptop and notebook repositioned, I held her hand and kissed it before continuing to work.

I realized a few minutes had gone by and I hadn't been able to make any progress in what I was doing. I checked the time, I had at least half an hour before Nic arrived. I grabbed my phone and left the room. I facetimed Lea.

"Business or leisure?" She asked as she answered the call. She was sitting at her desk in her office.

"Business." I told her. She nodded and I waited for her to pull out her notebook.

"Okay, what's up?"

"I feel like everything is spiraling and I'm the problem.."

"Everything how?"

"I don't know, my relationship. I keep fucking it up but everything is so good right now. I feel like I'm turning into Aubrey, and I know I don't want to be like that."

"Whats happening?"

I took the time to explain my concerns with Nic and Lydia's weird controlling aspect of their relationship and both of their mixed reactions to me mentioning it to them.

"How can I best explain this to you..." she clasped her hands together as she thought for a second, "okay look. You and I both know the two of them have had more than their fair share of trauma both separately and together, and because of that they've formed a sort of trauma bond right?"

"Right."

"But for them its deeper than that. They built themselves a bubble and inside that bubble they are safe with each other. Aubrey, it was clear from the beginning he was never going to make it into their bubble. The kids were welcome into the bubble thats why they'll both always keep the kids safe. You think they're just really close, but in the safety of their bubble, they function as one. You came along and they both loved you and trusted you. They let you into their bubble. That's why you felt like they treated you as if you could do no wrong. Because inside the bubble, you're safe as long as you don't compromise the bubble. So what you're experiencing, is a result of you threatening the bubble, you're threatening the ecosystem of their way of life when you criticize it. So its mixed messages you receive because you're getting the safe responses from within the bubble, but you're also slowly being removed from the bubble the more and more you're no longer deemed safe."

"I'm not safe?"

"If you're threatening their way of life together within their bubble, no. But you also just have to decide if being in the bubble is actually important to you. If the bubble doesn't suit you and what you want in your relationships with either of them, then maybe you should embrace leaving the bubble."

"I don't know what I want. Aside from wanting Lydia. I love her. She's amazing and patient and resilient and forgiving.." I groaned, "and I feel like I've been picking fights with her nonstop."

"Well that part is a pattern you're familiar with right?" She was referring to how much I've always been prone to self sabotaging. Something I'd admitted to Lydia just a few days ago.

"But those were different. Those situations didn't matter to me. Not really anyway. But this- I want this."

"I know you do." She assured me, "you want it so bad you're afraid of it being taken from you. You'd rather lose it on your terms to protect yourself."

"But I don't want to lose it. I want this, I want to have this life with her. I don't want to ruin it- especially over the one thing I told her I wouldn't do from the very beginning. I told her I wouldn't get in between her and Nic, so I don't even understand why I'm doing what I'm doing."

I got a text from Nic letting me know she was here.

"Okay.. I have to go and talk to Nic about- well everything I guess." I sighed.

"Have you talked to Lydia about this?" She asked.

"No, not yet. And she's in bed with a headache today so I don't want to do it now and add stress.."

"Well, have your chat with Nic. And when Lydia's feeling up to it, have your chat with her. But most importantly take some time to figure out what you want, what you really want for yourself and for your relationships with both of them separately and together." She instructed.

"Thanks." I nodded. It felt like things were a little more manageable, being able to talk about it all with a neutral party.

"I have a few scheduled meetings later, so send a text ahead of time if you need me again okay?"

"Got it. Enjoy the rest of your day." I hung up. I expected to find Nic either in the room with Lydia when I went to check on her or in the kitchen setting up lunch. I started to text her but then I heard a faint knock at the door. I opened the door for her and gave her a confused look, "I figured you would've just let yourself in.. have you been standing out here all this time?"

"I'm not completely incapable of having boundaries. But yes I was out here, but it wasn't really that long." She shrugged as she followed me inside. She set the bag on the counter and her purse on the back of her chair as she started removing containers from the bag. "Lydia said you loved alfredo but she wasn't sure if you preferred chicken or shrimp. So I got both which ever one you don't want will be for Lydia, or you guys can share them.. whatever works." She slid the two containers to me before pulling out one for herself, "I didn't get anything to drink though, but I have a smoothie for Lydia in case she wasn't ready for actual food."

"That's more than generous Nic. Do you want some water or anything? I was going to make tea-"

"I'll take tea as well if its not a bother." That's when I noticed it, the change in her voice. It wasn't quite the business voice she used when she worked, no, it was welcoming and soft but guarded. The change in voice, the fact that she hadn't used her key to enter the house even if it meant waiting an extended period, her getting my lunch order from Lydia instead of me- it all confirmed Lea's hypothesis. Her guard was up and she was distancing herself from me. Boundaries, she'd mentioned. That statement is the only thing that made me second guess and wonder if she was distancing herself from me or for me.

I shook away the thoughts as I tried to continue the conversation, "ginger lemon okay?"

"Sounds perfect. If you want, I can get it started and you can take lunch up to Lydia." She suggested, I suspected this was more of the boundaries she'd mentioned but when she noticed my hesitation she added, "she'd appreciate it more from you. She really does appreciate you staying to look after her you know."

"You would have done the same." I shrugged as I picked up the container and the smoothie cup.

"No, I wouldn't have." She said sternly.

I didn't say anything as I took the food upstairs along with a fork, a straw and some napkins.

"I see you found her." Lydia giggled as I entered the room, "I one hundred percent meant to tell you she'd be waiting outside."

I had already checked on her before I let Nic in so I knew her symptoms were gradually improving. I had questions, most of which I'd rather ask her than Nic- or at least before Nic. But I couldn't bombard her with questions yet, not until she was better at least. So I settled for one, and I mulled over which one it would be.

"Why is she... she's acting weird I dont know.." I stumbled over my words.

She fed me a shrimp before responding, "I told you.. she doesn't know where she stands with you anymore. She also doesn't really understand what went wrong."

I found myself unable to respond because I was still chewing the shrimp and I realized she wasn't really looking for a response. Not right now anyways.

"But she'll talk to you and still be just as honest with you.." she assured me and she fed me a forkful of pasta. I didn't want to take it, I wasn't a fan of how she was using food to shut me up but the way her eyes smiled at me even though the rest of her face remained neutral- I couldn't resist.

After the fourth forkful I stopped her, "you need to eat babe. I have food."

"I know, but you look so cute when I'm feeding you, can you blame me?"

I smiled, she was right, I couldn't. I loved that small things gave her so much joy.

"But your lunch break is only but so long so you should go back with Nic."

"Okay. I love you." I pecked her lips before leaving the room.

Downstairs Nic was pouring the hot water into mugs for us.

"What did you mean when you said you wouldn't have?" I asked her as I opened my food container.

She passed me a mug of tea, "exactly what I said."

"You guys do everything for each other-"

"And when she had cancer I stayed home with her. But for a headache, she's fine. She has a headache because she's stressed, I help her by working for her and giving her the day off to rest. If I take off too then we both fall behind and it just causes more stress. So no, not because I don't care. I just come by and check in during lunch and have her call or text me updates when I'm not texting or calling to check in. Worst case scenario I bring her to the office and let her sleep on the couch if I want to keep an eye on her." She explained

"Yeah well I guess that makes sense."

She started eating as the tea steeped. We both ate in silence for the remainder of the 5minutes that the tea required to steep.

"So.. about this morning? You said you'd explain" I cleared my throat.

"You think because I tell Lydia to play nice with Aubrey, she does the same with me for you?" She asked as she stabbed into her penne pasta.

"Isnt it obvious?"

"No." She shook her head.

"No?"

"No. She didn't tell me to play nice with you. She didn't have to, we're friends or- we were.." her voice trailed off as she stirred her tea.

"We're still friends Nic." I told her.

"Sure." She sounded unconvinced, "regardless, I have always been nice to you because I wanted to, not because Lydia ever told me to."

I held my mug in my hands, "really?"

"I tell her to play nice with Aubrey because I know she enjoys provoking him. Not because I think she should pretend she likes him at all."

"He's not all that innocent." I defended, remembering the unprovoked text messages I'd discovered that he sends Lydia.

"I never said he was. And I'll be the first to remind him of that."

I gave her a nod as I sipped my tea. She toyed with her food until I spoke again.

"It's hard you know. Its hard to know how much of what you both do or say is authentic or something fed to you by the other."

"That's not something you have to worry about though. You pay attention, to everything. Lydia has made sure you have seen every side of her, real or not- she WANTS you to know the difference. She doesn't want to ever even have the option of deceiving or manipulating you in any way."

I took a step back to think about it, she was right. I've seen all of Lydia's levels of bitchiness, pettiness, professionalism, intimacy, playfulness, and everything in between. "What about you?"

"I'm still paying the price for the last time I hurt someone I care about. I'm not making that mistake again. The only reason I'd have to manipulate you would be to Lydia or the kids' benefits but like I said- I'm not making the same mistake twice. I will continue to tell you anything flat out or make sure I am very obvious about my suggestions. And you definitely do not have to listen to me." She used a napkin to wipe the corners of her mouth.

"That's something I'll try to work on."

She didn't respond, so I didn't say anything else either. We sipped our tea and she avoided eye contact with me for a few minutes which made her fidgety but I didn't mention it. She insisted on helping to clean up before she left.

Lydia was in the shower when I returned to the bedroom. There was a post-it on my laptop with a note from her: 98.9 - we're in the clear. I'll still rest until you finish working but I did at least want to shower today.

I started working and when she came out of the shower wrapped in her towel she made a heart with her hands without saying anything.

I smiled up at her, "how's your head?"

"Mm better I think." She shrugged as she started getting dressed. "How was lunch?"

I puffed out a mouthful of air and slumped my shoulders in response.

"That bad?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"No.. I don't know."

Once she was dressed in a tshirt and shorts she laid on her stomach, holding herself up on her elbows, "Do you want to maybe try talking to me about it?" Her voice was soft and patient as she looked up at me, "you're working now, so obviously I wouldn't dream of distracting you.. but later, if you want to talk- or whatever you need, I'm here babe."

"Thank you. I don't have a ton left to do or anything. But I appreciate that, a lot." I told her. She fished out her book from her nightstand and opened it up. She read while I worked- eventually she laid on her back beside me to continue reading and soon after she closed her book and turned onto her side and fell asleep again.

She was still napping when I finished working. I closed my laptop and set it on the dresser along with my notebook and pen. I scrolled through my unanswered texts and emails for a bit until she stirred awake.

"How long was I asleep for?" She yawned.

"Just over an hour I think." I put my phone down and laid down next to her.

Her fingertips traced over my hairline gently a few times, "you ready to tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

I explained to her the plethora of emotions I'd been feeling regarding everything and detailed my lunch with Nic to her.

"Aubrey is insecure and an ass. Which means when he and I fight or whatever- I get to walk away, but he holds onto it and he either turns it into a big deal with Nic later, or he blames her- either way it ruins her day, it strains their relationship and it just sucks." She explained, "I am also a bitch and its hard to resist annoying or pissing someone off who already dislikes me so much. Its too fun. Which is why Nic's exact words are always play nice. It does not mean I cannot defend myself or anyone else, it does not mean I have to bite my tongue or watch what I say. But it does mean I can't purposely provoke him." She took a deep breath, "so, as Nic told you- I never had to ask Nic to play nice with you. She genuinely likes you, and she has no reason to act otherwise. Also, you're not like Aubrey which means, if she did, it wouldn't effect our relationship, we can talk about like we are now but ultimately it would stay an issue between you two not us. Right?"

"Well yeah."

"Nic and I's relationship is built on the trust and unconditional love we have for eachother. So when she tells me to do something, in the moment its no questions asked because I trust there's a reason and she is going to tell me that reason later. Like with you guys and Rory- I left when she said so because she wouldn't have suggested I leave unless it was important. And even if you guys didn't end up revealing it all to me like you did, Nic would've told me later that Rory wasn't ready for me to be included in and that I left so you all could discuss it." She gave me a few other examples and it really didn't sound as bad as it seemed to me at first.

"Thank you, for this. I didn't want to burden you while you weren't feeling well."

"You're never a burden." She shook her head, "but I really appreciate you staying home and taking care of me. I loved having you here really."

I kissed her forehead and we laid together for a while longer without really talking, just cuddling in bed like that.

QOTD : what are your summer plans?

AOTD : I'm headed to Germany in June then I start Law School in August!