"All the locks have been installed and are ready to go," I told my mum as John got ready to leave. "If anyone tries to get in it will take them a long time and we will definitely hear it."
My mum nodded, seeming to be somewhere else than the present moment. John came down the steps trying to get his bangs out of his face.
"I'm gonna need a haircut soon," He said.
"Agreed," I laughed pushing his bangs out of his eyes.
"It's gone mad love, it's way too overgrown."
"It's not that bad."
"Of course, you'd say that, you'd love my hair no matter what."
"Except if you ever cut it-"
"You'll never forgive me?"
"Exactly." I smiled.
John laughed and rolled his eyes.
"See you in a few days?"
"You know it." He responded. I embraced him.
"It's just a few days my love,"
"I know," I breathed. "But it's always hard."
"I know."
He pressed his lips to mine. It was a short but very loving kiss.
"I love you," I muttered.
"I love you too, ring me anytime day or night, it doesn't matter if you need anything or-"
"I know Deaky... I know."
He grinned and nodded. He turned to my mother.
"Thank you so much for everything Ms. Albright," John said going over to my mum.
"You are welcome, have safe travels home."
My mum hugged John taking him by complete surprise. Soon John wrapped his arms around her slowly. She whispered something to him I couldn't quite make out. John let go and looked at her. He was beaming.
"Of course." He replied. John made his way to the front door. He looked back at me with such love in his eyes.
"Bye, love."
"Bye."
He grinned and left. A few seconds later I told my mum I forgot to tell him something and made my way outside.
"John!" I called as he was getting in the car. He stopped and stood back up. "What did my mum whisper to you?"
John grinned again, clearly getting emotional.
"She... she thanked me."
"Thanked you?"
"Yeah... she thanked me for being so good to her daughter. For being there for you and loving you."
I started to cry.
"Really?"
"Mhm."
I grabbed him and pulled him into my arms, crying more tears of joy.
"You deserved to hear that for so long."
I pulled away and kissed him, going into a more deep and more passionate kiss.
"I fucking love you and I'm so happy my mum does too now." I cried. "I'm so happy she sees what I see now. What an amazing person you are."
A single tear ran down John's cheek but he was smiling.
"I love you too. More than you will ever know."
I gave him one more kiss before letting him go. Soon he was gone. He was driving back to London to pick up our son.
I sighed and turned back towards the house. I had no backup. I was on my own. But I'd be okay.
My mum and I went over the paperwork and met with the real estate agent that was going to be selling the house. He officially put the for sale sign in my yard and I got a weird feeling in my stomach.
It felt like sadness and happiness at the same time. Bittersweet. I hated the house but the meadow gave me comfort. To see it go was something that was going to be hard, but it was time for someone else to enjoy it.
"Isn't that amazing! It's officially on the market!" I said excitedly. "We will have you out of here in no time. Who wouldn't want this place? It's a big house for a farmhouse."
My mum smiled and nodded. It was a tiny smile, but it still was something. I knew how quickly she wanted to get out of there. But it was going to be bittersweet for her also. She did raise her children here.
My mum needed to go to the store close to dinner time and wanted me to go with her. I hesitated, knowing the looks and stares I would get. But I realized that is why she wanted me to go with her. She was now an outcast in a town where she was once very popular. Her friends ditched her and she was kicked out of all the clubs and activities she was in. She didn't want to go alone.
I really hoped I could get her out of this town if she would agree. Move her to where things were actually normal. Rachdale was stuck in another time period. It made it hard for people to escape. They didn't know how to act normally anywhere else.
So I agreed to go out. I even put on an outfit that I knew would piss people off, just to get the attention off my mum.
I put on some scandalous jean shorts. And by scandalous, I meant, above the knee and not a skirt. I then put on a Queen tank top which showed some cleavage.
I might get stoned today.
We walked into the local grocery store which was a small building on the main street of town. Rachdale was a small town so everybody knew everybody. I wasn't shocked when everyone looked at me as my mum got a cart.
Well, maybe it wasn't just because they knew me. Maybe it was also because to them I was dressed like a hooker.
We started shopping and I could feel so many eyes on me. This continued for a while. My mum would name an item and I'd fetch it while being stared at by practically everyone in the store.
I left my mum in the cereal aisle to try and find some ketchup. We both were getting tired of all the attention so we assumed maybe splitting up to get items could get us out faster.
"Nina Jackson I'll be damned."
The nauseating feeling that filled my body almost made me lose my balance. The mention of what was once my last name. It tied me to these people. It connected me to my father.
I turned and saw Alice Murphy standing there with her shopping cart nearly full. She was as intimidating as I remembered. She towered above me with her short blonde hair and bright pink sundress.
She went to school with me and was a prime example of what my dad wanted me to be like. She was the daughter of the pastor of the church we attended. She always thought she was better than me and would say so consistently.
It used to bother me when I was younger but once I hit secondary school I became more popular because of how rebellious I was. While she was already in courtship with the guy her dad picked out for her, I was kissing a new guy every night. (Not that that's really a good thing.) None of them my dad would ever approve of.
Yes, the guys at my school tried to keep me in my 'place' but some were just intrigued by my wildness and non-confirming beliefs. One of them was my prom date Danny Kurtland. At the time I thought he was the one, but he was far from it. It was just teenage lust. And lots of it. He was a good guy though.
"Alice... Murphy?" I asked pretending not to remember her name entirely. She scoffed and gave me a clearly fake smile.
"I'm surprised to see you back in town. Considering everything that happened with your family and all. Are you moving back?"
I laughed.
"Never, no. I'm just here for a week with my mum."
"Last I heard about you, you were in London living with some rock and roll guy?"
"Well, I married that rock and roll guy," I responded raising my left hand for her to see my wedding ring. Confused she came forward to get a closer look.
"Damn Jackson that's a pretty big rock."
"It's Deacon now." I corrected. "Nina Deacon."
She nodded slowly.
"Congratulations."
"Thank you, we now have a little baby boy as well."
"Aww really? That's sweet. I just found out I'm pregnant with my 3rd!"
"Your 3rd? Well, that's exciting. I can't imagine that. John and I have our hands full with just the one. Did you end up marrying Henry?"
Henry was the guy that her dad picked out for her. She never dated anyone else but him. He was a dick in my opinion.
"Oh yeah, right after you left town he proposed! The wedding was beautiful. I think most of the town was there. Your parents and Sam were there."
"But three kids that's gonna be a handful. I admire your willpower."
She beamed.
"Well I was good with the two girls we have but Henry needed us to keep trying for a boy."
"So are you just gonna keep trying until you get a boy?"
"Probably, but it's what he wants, there's nothing I can do about it."
"Well you are the one having to carry the babies and I assume raise them, so I think it's fair that you have a say."
Alice looked at me and laughed, raising her eyebrow.
"Nina you always had a funny way of looking at things."
"Yeah... funny..."
"Well does John help you with the baby?"
"Yeah, he's back in London with him right now."
Alice looked dumbfounded.
"Like he's taking care of him?"
"Yes."
"On his own?"
"Yes."
"Well he shouldn't have to do that, that's your job."
"Well, it's his baby too. I didn't just make the baby on my own. He was there if I recall."
"No wonder your parents acted as if you didn't exist. You are just plain weird. God gave man and woman certain roles. As a wife, we are to obey our husbands. We take care of the babies and the home and he provides for us. You probably ended up this way because you never let the church into your heart, and apparently your mother and sister didn't either."
"Yeah well so sad for us."
"You won't be mocking when you're burning in hell."
"If I'm there I'm sure I'll see you there too," I responded before starting to walk away. "Let me know how being your husband's baby-making machine ends up for you."
"You're very rude!"
I walked away and found my mum in the meat department. I put the ketchup in the cart.
"I ran into Alice Murphy." I sighed. "She has not changed. Not one bit."
"Trust me I know. Well, it's Alice Baker now since she married Henry. You know he's now a pastor at her dad's church?"
"Of course he is. I'm surprised she didn't bring that up in our delightful catch-up."
"You know Mum," Tom said stuffing his mouth full of her Shepherds Pie. "You should really open a restaurant with all the dishes you've got. You'd make a fortune!"
Mum laughed before taking a sip of her water.
"I'm serious, your cooking has always been incredible!"
"Well, it was never good enough for your father." She sighed.
It was just Mum, me, and Tom for dinner. Tom had been taking good care of Mum while the rest of us were away. Dave and Harry couldn't get here to help her until later in the month. Tom had been holding down the fort and he was doing a great job.
"Well, nothing was ever good enough for Dad," I replied before taking a bite of my food. "He was unpleasable. You could do everything perfectly and he would still complain."
Mum nodded looking down at her plate of food. Tom and I looked at each other sadly.
"So Nina, how's Jack?" Tom asked trying to change the subject quickly.
"Growing so quickly. It's hard to keep up with him! We think he might start crawling very soon! He smiles a lot though and laughs. He has to have the cutest laugh on the planet."
Tom grinned.
"Any chance Jack will ever get some siblings?"
I started choking on the water I was drinking. I looked at Tom after gathering myself.
"Why, I think it's a little early to be talking about that." I chuckled.
"Sorry," Tom laughed. "I was just curious."
"Yeah but let's pace ourselves. I feel like I just pushed Jack out. I don't even know how I feel about having more kids. We've got our hands full with just one."
Tom nodded.
My mum finished her plate and got up.
"I'll just be cleaning up the kitchen."
"No mum let me do that for you," Tom said getting up. He followed her into the kitchen.
I sat alone in the dining room pondering Tom's question. I hadn't really thought about having more kids. Jack was a surprise. John and I didn't plan for him. But now I couldn't imagine my life without him. I guess I really didn't have an opinion on it. I wasn't opposed to having more kids but I wasn't set on it either.
I could've still messed up Jack's life if I made any mistakes and that terrified me to my very core. I didn't want him to grow up and think he wasn't good enough or not accepted. I would love that child no matter what.
After dinner Tom returned home and mum and I sat out on the back porch. It was pouring now, the once sunny day had shifted into a thunderstorm.
We stared at the empty stables. When my dad was out of town I would sneak into the farm and help my brothers with chores. I got stuff done faster than they did usually but my dad never let me help. He said the work wasn't for a lady and I could mess things up. I was usually inside helping my mum and sister with house chores.
I loved taking care of the animals and spending time with them. I would get attached to them and mourn when dad slaughtered them. He would sell the meat or sometimes it would end up on my plate. I remember puking up one of my favorite pigs. My dad really screamed at me then for wasting food.
Eventually, I just stopped going down to the stables altogether. It was too hard. Dad blamed my emotions towards the animals on being a woman. We were weak and emotional after all.
Mum went inside and left me on the porch staring out at the trees that shielded the meadow from sight. You could hardly make it out with all the rain but it was there.
I was glad the porch had a roof. I did enjoy sitting in the rocking chairs and watching the rain as a kid out here. I wasn't out there very long. Usually, it would be ten minutes before mum or dad called me into the house to do something.
Mum returned holding an old black book. She sat back down in the rocker next to me.
"I've never shown you any pictures from my upbringing."
"Well, you never really talked about it much."
She nodded.
"I don't have many photos but there are some. I was worried they got thrown out but after your father went to jail I went up into the attic. Under multiple boxes it was in one I never unpacked way back from when your father and I moved in here."
She opened the book, its pages were yellowed with age and smelled of mildew.
"My mum made me this book. We didn't have much money so we couldn't afford a camera. She borrowed her brother's from time to time and took pictures of me as I grew up. But I didn't bring this out to show you pictures of me, I want you to see your grandmother. Your real one."
There in the middle of the page was my grandma. It was so odd to realize that the lady I always knew to be my mum's mother was not her mother. Just some random lady her dad married.
Looking at my grandma now, she had to be about 18 holding my mum. She had dark hair and eyes that seemed to be full of life. My mum was smiling and my grandma seemed to be laughing at her. She was wearing some type of polka-dotted dress. Her hair was curled to perfection.
"She looks like me..."
"She does, doesn't she? I always thought that too. I started to see my mum's face in you when you turned around ten. I always wished that she got to meet you."
I turned the pages and took in all the faces of this woman whom I had never known. I also got a glimpse into my mum's upbringing. I had never seen any pictures of her as a child. Just like her mum, she was stunning as well.
My mum began crying and went inside to calm herself. My heart ached for my grandmother. She was only 36 when she died. She didn't get to meet any of her grandchildren.
My mum came back outside dapping her eyes with her handkerchief.
"She was kind, she was loving. You would have liked her. She raised me as I did you but with kindness and understanding. In my head that was the reason she died. She didn't listen as much as she should have so she got punished for it."
"Mum, you did what you thought was right. After seeing what happened to your mum who could blame you?"
The following day it was still raining and mum and I had finished going through the majority of the stuff in the basement. Most of it was getting sold, but some were to be saved. I found my first baby doll which I decided to take with me home. She just needed to be dusted off and baby Lily was good as new. Mum also gave me some of my brothers' old baby clothes for Jack. Jack was growing quickly so he would need these new sizes very soon.
"Where is she anyway?" I said out of the blue as my mum put the final box in the stack.
"Who dear?"
"Your mum? Where is she buried?"
"Oh... the cemetery past the creek by your old school house. Through the woods a bit. Evergreen cemetery."
"I would like to go see her. Could you take me to her?"
My mum looked up at me, her eyes all shiny.
"I haven't been to see her in years... I feel so guilty about that. Your... father didn't want me to."
"Who cares about then? Let's go see your mum."
She nodded slowly.
"Yeah... I'd like to do that. I... I... miss my Mum."
"I know you do," I told her before hugging her tightly.
The following day the rain had stopped and the sun was trying its best to peak out behind the clouds. Tom picked mum and I both up to head over to the cemetery. I was nervous. It was as if I was going to be meeting her for the first time.
In a way I was. But my mum said she'd been watching over us and knew all too well who I was. I didn't know what I thought about the afterlife. If there was one or not. Being raised in a toxic Christian environment I was an atheist for a while. Now I just thought that there had to be something afterward. I just didn't know what.
I could be wrong. There were so many religions in the world and every one of them could be wrong. You could just cease to exist once you take your last breath.
I hoped that wasn't true.
My mum looked towards the gravestones. We sat in the car.
"Mum if it's too hard for you we can just stay in here or go home completely," Tom said. "No rush."
Mum didn't look at him, she just continued staring out the window. Suddenly she pushed the car door open.
"Just give me some time alone with her." She said.
"Of course," I replied handing her the flowers we picked out. She shut the car door and I watched her walk through the row of gravestones until she disappeared behind a few rather large bushes.
"You think this might be too much for her?" I asked before jumping into the front passenger seat. Tom sighed before pushing some hair out of his face.
"There's a lot of change happening to her all at once. I mean everything she once believed turned out to be a lie for her. Her whole world has been shattered."
"I know... maybe I shouldn't have suggested it."
"No, I think going to see her mum was a good step. Maybe she'll exactly consider seeing a therapist now."
"I think we have a long road ahead of us before that happens. As much as it has helped me she still is gonna be quite hesitant. She doesn't want to be called crazy."
Tom looked towards the bushes that mum had gone behind.
"Isn't it just plain strange to think about?"
"Hmm?"
"How the lady we thought was our grandmother is just some lady grandpa married?"
"Yeah, it's been messing with my brain too."
We were silent for a while. Too consumed in our own thoughts. Too many things to think about, too much to say so we said nothing.
Mum tapped on the window scaring me out of my thoughts. I opened the door and she motioned for us to follow her. I could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were all red and puffy. I could tell that she had wiped up some running makeup as well.
She took us behind the bushes and up a hill into another section of the cemetery. Then we got to the grave.
Eleanor Ruth Albright
April 11th 1904 - July 3rd 1940
The stone looked very run down. Nobody had been to clean it or maintain the grave probably since it went in. You could tell the cemetery workers were cutting the grass but that was about it. There was a broken figure of a woman and a child there. The colors beyond faded. The new flowers mum had just laid down looked so out of place here.
"She was just forgotten about. I was her only child after all. My dad remarried within a year. She wanted more kids but couldn't have any. You can imagine how my dad reacted." My mum said sniffling. "But I never forgot. Never forgot about her. I'm here now mummy." She cried. "I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry how dirty you are."
Tom wrapped his arms around mum.
"We are gonna clean it up." He reassured her. "Well give the stone a good scrub and brighten up the place yeah?"
She smiled sadly.
"I think she'd very much like that."
My time with my mum had ended. Tom and I got all her things in order and everything as organized as possible. I was happy to get home and be with Jack again. Nothing had gone wrong since I'd been gone. John did a great job just like I told him he would.
Things were moving quickly as practice for their mini-tour continued to press on. Jack was growing so quickly that I just wanted to press pause. Soon he'd be leaving for uni. The kid couldn't even stand or talk yet but I was already seeing him leave.
Maggie couldn't convince Harmony to stay no matter how much she begged. Harmony thanked her for giving her a home when she would have been homeless otherwise and me for giving her my room.
"I'm going to miss you. Don't turn into a stranger like Hazel. Tell her to keep more in touch!" Mary told Harmony before embracing her.
"I will," Harmony responded before letting go of Mary and wiping her tears. Harmony and Maggie then disappeared into Maggie's bedroom so they could say their goodbyes.
After a couple of minutes, they both emerged with tear-stained faces and red puffy eyes. Harmony came over to me and grabbed onto me as if her life depended on it. She had me crying now.
"You take care of yourself now you hear?" I whispered.
She nodded into my shoulder.
"And if you need anything you have my number."
She pulled away and nodded wiping up her falling tears.
Harmony picked up her last bag, the rest of her stuff had already left the previous day in the moving truck.
"I love you girls so much," She sniffled. "Thanks for being my best friends."
We all started crying again and ended up in a group hug. I swear we didn't break from the hug for an entirety.
I was laying on the couch backstage at the first show in their four-show tour. I was most excited about the last one. They were gonna play Hyde Park. The whole concert was going to be free as a sort of thank you to the fans. I had lost count of how many tickets to the event had been sold as of late.
Jack was asleep on Brian's chest as he read the newspaper. Katherine was sitting next to him. I had nothing against her other than the fact that she wasn't Harmony. Harmony couldn't bear to stay around us anymore cause Brian was around us and usually, that also meant Katherine.
John came back into the room after leaving to smoke a cigarette.
"Sounds like a good crowd," Brian said quietly as the noise from the people getting into their seats grew louder.
John nods in response before taking a seat next to me. The opening band rushed by the door as they were very close to having to take their places.
"Any idea where Rog and Mag are?" John asked. "We should be getting ready soon."
"Probably in some closest somewhere having intercourse," Brian replied.
"And Freddie? I haven't seen him since we wrapped up soundcheck."
"I think he went with Paul to find Mary but I don't know."
"Mary's coming?" I asked.
"Yeah, I think so,"
The two people who were hired to do Queen's makeup entered the room. Brian got up from the chair and carefully placed Jack in his playpen. He didn't wake up thankfully. Brian sat down at one of the mirrors and Lindsey got to work.
John was still weary about someone doing his makeup other than me or Freddie. I told him that if he didn't like what she did I would fix it. Besides mostly what the makeup people were doing wasn't drastic like Freddie made them all do before. It was just stage makeup.
John sat down in the chair next to Brian. Lena set her makeup stuff on the counter and started on John. Jack decided that now was the perfect time to wake up and start screaming.
"Love I can get it-" John started.
I put up my hand and shook my head.
"Don't be ridiculous Lena just got started on you. You are at work anyway. I can handle it."
"Thank you, Nina," She laughed. "I didn't feel like having to track him down."
I nodded and picked up my screaming child from the playpen.
"Aww, what's wrong Lovebug?"
"Ugh..."
We all turned to see Freddie and Paul entering the room. I picked up the baby bag.
"A screaming baby does not belong backstage at a rock concert." Paul groaned.
"Really because you're here," I replied causing Brian to snort. "Literally ALL THE TIME."
Paul puffed up and scoffed. He crossed his arms and stood up straight. It was as if he was trying to dominate me with his size. Intimidate me. It was rather pathetic really. I looked up at him, not even remotely affected by his physical change. I raised an eyebrow at him.
Freddie suddenly appeared in between the both of us.
"Enough Paul," Freddie said. "We have a show to prepare for."
Paul huffed and followed Freddie away from me. I walked out of the room with Jack on my hip. It seemed the problem was that he was hungry. So I fed him and by the time that was over Brian was passing by and offered to take him. I objected but he insisted.
I made my way into the catering room. I knew drinking wasn't the answer to my problems but Paul Prenter was going to cause me to have a stress-induced heart attack. I was sure of it.
"Nen?"
I turned to see Mary sitting at one of the tables smoking with a glass of some white wine next to her. She seemed to have a handle on things.
"Mary," I sighed in relief. I took a plop down next to her.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Oh, you know... you think I'd be able to move on from Freddie by now but I just feel stuck. He moved on from me while he was still in a relationship with me and I'm... I don't know. I'm happy that his still in my life. Quite honestly, I couldn't imagine my life without Freddie in it. Sorry to just blurt all this out on you like this. You probably don't want to hear-"
"Mary you know you can talk to me. You know I won't say anything to Freddie."
She took a long sigh and then took a drag from her cigarette. She offered me a puff and I accepted. I let the smoke go from my lips slowly.
"Nina I thought Freddie was the one." She said lowering her voice to a hush. No one else was really in the room except for a few venue workers and maybe a roadie. "I thought I was going to marry this man. I thought he felt the same way. Then he starts getting all weird. I think he's cheating, I'm heartbroken. I come to find out he isn't even into... you know? And he's already got this new person who he seems very happy with and I-"
"Mary," I said placing my hand on her shoulder. "Freddie will love you until his dying breath and I think you know that deep down. I can't even imagine what you are going through though. I-"
"I know I seemed to be fine with everything on the outside but on the inside, I feel like this heartache will never go away. I was engaged to this man..."
"Mary no one can expect you to just recover magically. You were with him for quite a while and the way it ended was not short of messy. But he still invites you to all the Queen events. I can tell he misses you when you aren't around. I know it's hard that you guys didn't make it as a couple. I can't imagine the pain of throwing away the future you had imagined with him. But Mary even though he isn't your boyfriend anymore that boy is never going to leave you. By that I mean you will always be in his life and he will always be in yours. You guys just click. You get each other and I think you always will. You guys are like... platonic. Yeah, that's the word."
Mary smiled slightly as she played with her V.I.P. pass hanging around her neck.
"Everything's going to be okay I promise," I assured her.
"WELL FUCK YOU TOO!"
Mary and I looked up in surprise. Someone was screaming in the hallway. We heard loud stomping footsteps coming in our direction. Suddenly Maggie appeared in the doorway. Her eyebrows were flared. Her eyes seemed to be popping out of her head.
"Mag?" Mary asked suddenly deeply concerned. Maggie rushed over to our table and picked up Mary's drink. She took a big gulp of it and slammed it back on the table.
"Rog and I just broke up." She sighed before plopping herself down in the seat next to me.
"What?!" Mary and I screamed practically at the same time.
"He claims he wasn't interested in that one groupie Jenave but I saw the way he looked at her. If he wants to be with that slut I hope he has a good fucking time!"
"Now Mag-" I started.
"Did he cheat on you with her?"
"I mean probably. He said I was crazy but whatever."
"Mag, why are you throwing away a loving committed relationship all of a sudden? I mean just cause Rog looked at another girl?"
"If Roger wants to play games hell I can play games. BOY can I play games."
Mary and I looked at each other super confused.
"Maggie girls look at Rog all the time and you never react like this."
"This is so different. I'm telling you, guys,, when he looked back at her it was like wow okay I guess I meant nothing to you."
"Maggie-"
"You live together-"
"For now, he can have fun sleeping on Brian's couch or any of your couches. He sure as hell ain't coming home after what I just saw."
"Just broke up? Over that?" John questioned as the guys got out of their stage gear. The show had been a major success but it was hard to focus on that. Maggie was glaring at Roger the entire time from off to the side. He would occasionally look over at her and roll his eyes. Then she'd give him the bird.
"I guess so but I assume they'll work it out... right?"
Roger burst into the room and stormed straight towards Maggie who was sitting on the couch in the dressing room. She had Jack on her lap. Roger reached over Jack and pulled off Maggie's V.I.P. pass. John quickly took Jack away from Maggie sensing what was about to come. Maggie was enraged.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!"
"Well this pass was only for my girlfriend and since apparently now you aren't you don't get this privilege anymore!" He yelled furiously dangling her pass above her head. Maggie stood up.
They started screaming at each other and eventually, they moved the fight out into the hallway and soon their shouts were very distant.
"What in the fuck?" Freddie asked as his makeup artist wiped his face.
"I'm sure they'll have it worked out," Brian replied. "They fight all the time, sure they've never broken up before but I'm sure it will become a thing."
Katherine nodded in agreement. She lit her blunt then realized Jack was in the room and quickly stepped out.
Paul was lurking in the back of the dressing room. Watching everyone carefully.
Roger slept at Brian's that night but Maggie and him worked it out two days later. They were back to fucking all the time and not being ashamed about it.
They still were fighting at our second show of the mini-tour though. Maggie was screaming at the backstage entrance because the guy wouldn't let her in. She didn't have her pass and apparently, her name had vanished from the guest list. Petty Roger. I let her in much to Roger's disapproval. (and whining)
I was very happy they had gotten back together.
The guys didn't have another gig until the 10th so John and I had some quiet time at home. Jack had almost mastered sitting up on his own. Almost. He still needed support sometimes but he was getting the hang of it.
I rang my mum to check in on her. Apparently, Sam was home but wasn't happy with how her trip turned out.
"She's rather blue. I guess she didn't like hairdressing, she told me she doesn't want to talk about it."
"Tell her to come here for the 18th. Queen is doing this huge gig in Hyde Park. It's free as sort of a thank you to all the fans. Apparently, it's going to be quite the big deal."
There was silence on the line for a moment.
"Do you think I could come too?"
"You want to come to a rock concert?" I asked completely shocked.
"Yeah... I'd like to see your husband perform. I think it will be a cool experience."
"Well yeah definitely! Just head up here early on the 18th so I can give you your backstage passes."
"Oh no darling I can sit with everyone else, no need to worry about me."
"Mum it's going to be very crowded. Besides, I want you with me."
"All right if you say so."
John and I were lying out in the hammock in our backyard. The sun was going down, Jack was asleep. I knew we didn't have many of these nicer nights left.
I cuddled myself up closer to him, taking in his scent. I smiled into his shoulder.
"I love you, honey," I mumbled.
He stroked my hair and then kissed the top of my head.
"I love you too."
We rocked peacefully back and forth. The warm breeze was causing quite a stir in the trees nearby.
How did I end up with this life? A husband I love, a child, a mum I could actually build a relationship with? A possible budding music career, my husband a rockstar? I got to call Elton John a friend?
Life was strange. I guess that was a good word for it. Life could be so awful sometimes. It could push you down, over and over again. so much you feel like just staying down. Just making a home down there and hiding.
I was so glad I didn't hide. I was so glad I got myself to my feet. It was hard that was for damn sure. I had no doubts life was going to get harder again. But in this moment I felt at peace and when you feel that, you need to soak up every inch of that feeling. You never know when you might get it again.
The sky was starting to get cloudy but I didn't remember seeing rain in the forecast so I brushed it aside. Until it was downpouring.
John and I couldn't do anything but just laugh. He got up from the hammock and swiftly pulled me into his arms. He ran towards the house as if my life depended on it. I couldn't stop laughing the entire way.
We got inside and he closed the door. All you could hear was the hard thud of the rain on the windows and roof. Snowball looked up from the couch alarmed.
"It was just perfectly clear out," I cackled as he pulled me into his arms. We both were beyond soaked.
"I know, look at it out there!" John exclaimed as water streamed down the window. "That's crazy!"
I laughed and he turned back to me. He pushed my wet hair out of my face before smiling warmly.
"You are so gosh damn beautiful."
I blushed before leaning in to kiss him. It started out innocent, as they often did. But suddenly were pressed up against our backyard door, making out with such passion I had to stop to catch my breath every now and then.
Eventually, we made it up to our bedroom. We stripped off our wet clothes and made love on the bed. Multiple times. As the thunder roared we became one again and I always loved it when we did that, especially on the fly like that.
Eventually, we snuggled up to each other. I had went and checked on Jack and he seemed to be down for the night. John and I were both praying the thunder wouldn't wake him up.
"You remember the first time we met?" I whispered into his bare chest.
"How could I forget? I was so uncomfortable and then you smiled at me. I knew everything was going to be okay then. And every time you've smiled at me since I've known the same thing."
I kissed his chest and repositioned myself.
"Your smile has the same effect on me. Now so does Jack's."
John nodded in agreement.
Somewhere in the moments later I drifted off to sleep completely content. Completely at ease once again.
Elton was listening to the demo I had put forward. He was tapping his foot and nodding his head. It was the song John suggested I pull from my old songwriting journal. The music, which was usually a struggle for me, came naturally this time.
John had taken Jack to the park so I had had a few hours to focus on the song. I changed some of the lyrics and moved some stuff around. I found a basic melody on my guitar and kept adding to it. It was the fastest I've ever finished a song. I guess if you don't count the many years the lyrics were sitting in a tree.
I played the song for John and he adored it right away. He wanted me to show it to Elton the next chance I got. I asked Freddie's opinion. He made me play it for him over and over again. He told me it'd be a hit. I trusted Freddie, he had never lied to me. But self-doubt was something hard to rid your mind of. Especially when it came to my art.
Even though I liked the song as well I didn't know if it was album material. But I decided to go out on a limb and pitch it to Elton. I went into the studio and recorded the demo last week.
My palms were beyond sweaty as I watched him listen to the demo. No matter how many times I kept wiping them off on my pants. It seemed that the sweat wouldn't stop regenerating. Eventually, all the water in my body would be gone.
My leg was bouncing uncontrollably. I felt as if everyone in the building could hear it. But there was no stopping it. I had written this song so fast that I wasn't entirely confident in it. It didn't matter how many opinions I got on it. I wasn't confident in it.
I didn't realize I was clenching my jaw until I went to take a drink out of my water bottle. My jaw ached. I wondered how I looked to Elton at this very moment. Was my out-of-control leg scaring him? Was he afraid I was going to start an earthquake? I certainly was. Did he think that I was way too sweaty? I certainly did. I hoped I could blame it on the a/c being broken in here. But it might've been too late in September for that now.
Elton removed his headphones and placed them next to him on the control board. He drummed his fingers on the surface before turning to look at me. He grinned.
"You've got a hit there Nen. I can smell it."
Hyde Park was approaching fast. Practice for it was non-stop. Once the show at the Castle was complete things really stepped into high gear.
I was getting calls from the music shop about customers wanting V.I.P. passes from me but I was never there anymore. I couldn't just give things away anymore. Not for an event to this extent.
I was hardly working at the music shop anymore, to begin with. I was dragging out putting in my resignation. What they had done for me and for Queen, I would never forget. I would forever be grateful. I just couldn't work there anymore with Jack, Queen's schedule, and my own music. Life was growing complicated. Not that my life wasn't complicated before, but these were extremely different types of complications.
John was extremely tired at all times of the day and night. Long practices and band arguments were taking it out of him. He was also growing quite nervous about Hyde Park. I couldn't blame him.
I could feel John's anxiety radiating off of him almost always. I knew at almost every Queen show he still got a little nervous with the occasional anxiety attack. But this concert. I knew this was going to be different. I was worried.
Everywhere in the city I went there was a poster promoting this concert. Queen's management spent so much money on promotion that I doubted there was even one person in the city who didn't know about it. If they didn't they'd have to be actively trying to avoid anything going on in town.
This put huge pressure on the band. They were doubting if they could handle it. Freddie of course wasn't but the rest of them were.
But I knew they could do it.
They were Queen after all.
A/N: The story continues.