A Killer Queen (John Deacon)

Chapter sixty-one

"Jack, please," I begged, rocking him in my arms as I carried him around the flat. "I don't know what is the matter."

The kid had been crying for almost an hour and I couldn't figure out what was the problem. I was his mother, I should have known what was wrong with my child.

The door opened and John returned from his band meeting.

"Oh, Nina you are crying." He said rushing over to us.

"I can't figure out why he's upset. He's not hungry and he doesn't need to be changed. He's been like this for an hour."

He took the baby from me as he continued to wail.

"What's wrong bud?" He asked. "Just in a bad mood?"

"I'm his mum John, I should be able to tell what the problem is. I hate seeing him like this." I cried.

"Oh honey sometimes babies just cry, it's not your fault."

"He wouldn't be crying if he didn't feel upset," I replied wiping my tears. "Clearly something is wrong."

"What's the matter, little man?" John asked wiping up some of his tears. "What's the problem?"

John took Jack as I started dinner and after about another hour the crying finally stopped as he had fallen asleep.

"Why can't I tell what is wrong with our child?" I asked as we both sat down to eat.

"I couldn't tell either you know."

"Yeah, but he didn't live in you for nine months. I'm his mother. I grew him inside of me. I should know."

"Don't be too hard on yourself Nen."

I played with my spaghetti, twirling my fork around in it.

"I just, I don't know..." I sighed.

He reached across the table and placed his hand over mine.

"This is hard, we've never done this before. It will get easier. I promise."

I looked up at him and nodded.

I had told John about the idea of Julie coming on tour with us. He didn't think his mum would go for it. I reminded him that she was almost twenty and could make decisions on her own.

"She has always wanted to go on tour." He said. "And she did do really well with Jack."

"And it's not like we'd be far away. She'd just hold onto the baby when we needed her to."

He nodded.

"I'll ring her."

Julie agreed without any hesitation. Lillian on the other hand was a little worried about her. John promised her that everything would be okay. After about an hour on the phone with her, she seemed to relax a bit.

No matter how much I wanted to I couldn't join the tour right away. Jack's immune system was too weak. John tried his best earlier in my pregnancy to get the tour moved but there was no success. The dates couldn't be moved.

I was dreading being without him for a few weeks with the baby on my own. He was considering quitting Queen to be with me but I talked him out of it. I could manage.

He was very upset. He didn't want to miss any time with me or Jack but there was no other choice. Absolutely no other choice.

I could handle Jack a few weeks without John and he could handle being without us for a while. We hoped. We prayed.

Julie was coming to stay at my flat while John was gone to help me out with the baby. Then she'd come with me to America when Jack was finally ready.

I would be a terrible mother if I allowed him to be exposed to so many germs so soon.