* ˚ ✦ day n°20 : i think most of you read my 'anything to make you smile' one shot, well this is the same thing but make it christmas edition
it's the most wonderful time of the year - andy williams
2:14 ─────〇─ 2:32
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warning nooooooooooooone
age 0 to 18
!ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THIS IS MY OWN STORY!
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* ˚ ✦ newborn :
Natasha was discharged from the hospital only a few days before Christmas, and instead of going back to the compound like she had planned, she immediately headed to Clint's. Her best friend had invited her to spend Christmas there, but she wasn't sure, because you could come at any time. Not that you were here though, it wasn't a problem any more.
She enjoyed a couple of days with you in her own little bubble, just you and her. No one else in the world mattered. Natasha never thought she'd have a kid of her own. Sure she babysat her niece and nephews sometimes, but nothing could ever come close to this. The feeling of her child laying against her chest. Hers and hers only. From now on it's you and her against the word. Will she be a good mom? Will she be enough for you? That's what she kept wondering when she found out about you but the second she set eyes on her little baby, everything stopped and all her pain and worries disappeared. Actually, it was like the whole world disappeared.
One of the first person Natasha called was Clint, and he immediately offered to pick you both up from the hospital even if you two were in New York City, and he was in Iowa. He did steal a quinjet to get to you and no one had the guts to tell him off afterwards.
Natasha buckled you in your car seat. You looked even tinier if that was possible. She checked the straps 4 times before allowing Clint to pick the car seat up. Natasha wanted to do it herself, but the doctor's orders were to take things low, and she listened. Who would ave thought the stubborn black widow would listen?!
Well, she just wanted on top form for you.
The sight of a car seat in the Avengers's quinjet was something nobody thought they'd see, but it did happen and save everyone an almost 20-hour drive to Clint's homestead. Despite the freezing temperatures, Natasha was eager to reunite with her second family and rushed to of the quinjet as soon as it was possible.
She was greeted by three kiddos running towards her, screaming "AUNTIE NAT!"
They hugged her gently and not even a second later began to look around for her baby. Clint only came through the door a second later. Placing the small car seat on the kitchen table everyone gathered around as Natasha unbuckled you. She awed as she saw a small little newborn scrunch before you settled in her arms again. "I don't care what you think this was the cutest thing ever."
"Everything that baby does is the cutest thing ever." He mumbled. "You know, theystop doing that after a while and–"
"Keep going and ruin my Christmas I dare you Barton."
"Alright mama bear, alright."
* ˚ ✦ 1 :
That year, Natasha was the one hosting Christmas. She insisted on it, it was only fair as she crashed Clint's last year.
The flat you shared wasn't that big, just enough for two people... 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, kitchen and living room that was all you needed. She still decided to host, how hard could it be? I mean, she just had to cook for about 10 people and rearrange the place, right?
Well, it proved to be harder than she thought, especially with a one-year-old constantly demanding attention. Her solution was to include you in the process. She sat you down in your high chair, and you were overseeing everything. You were Natasha's little sous-chef, playing drums with wooden spoons and tasting everything Natasha brought to your lips. With a happy squeal or a face of disgust, she was able to adjust her recipes.
"So, do you like the mashed potatoes?" She fed you a tiny bit from a spoon and watch for a reaction. You squealed as you swallowed, and opened your mouth asking for more, and Natasha had no choice but to feed you another spoonful again. "I'll take that as a yes. And now, the green beans... I know you don't like them very much for now, but they're Auntie Lena's favourite vegetable so... You know I had to make those." She handed you one, and you threw it on the floor, wanting absolutely nothing to do with it. "Yeah, okay. Thanks for the mess sweet girl."
It was just a fun time creating memories (and a big mess in the kitchen) before Christmas dinner.
* ˚ ✦ 2 :
Natasha chased after you as you ran away from her. You just got out of the bath, your hair was still wet, droplets of water were dropping on the floor and wearing nothing but a diaper. You ran when Natasha had her back turned for a second, she knew she should've closed the door, but you don't like when she does it. You couldn't reach the handle you see...
"Y/n, come on we're going to be late." She pleaded after running in circles for five minutes. You'd think it'd be quick for the famous Black Widow to catch you, but every time your mama came close, you crawled under the coffee table and ran away from her again.
Finally, she caught you and trapped you with one arm. You tried to wiggle out of her grip, but Natasha was determined to not let you go. She was trying so hard to get you to put on that beautiful dress she bought you for that particular occasion. It was green and matching her own dress, she as very excited and was really looking forwards to it.
"No dress." You whined.
"Yes dress."
"No dress. Pants."
"But don't you want to match mommy?" She pouted but you had no pity. It was the pants or nothing. You crossed your arms and put on an 'angry face' which was irresistible.
"Fine." She grabbed a pair of pants and a cute little Christmas sweater. You still matched somehow which made Nat a tad happy. She finished doing your hair and left you to play whilst she got herself ready.
"Mama pretty." You said when she entered the room in her dress, makeup and hair done. And compliments from her daughter were truly one of the thing she treasured the most.
"Thank you Y/n." She bent down to pick you up, and you used the opportunity to touch her hair, careful not to mess with it, but you still liked to touch it. She picked some of your toys and put them in your bag in case you got bored, as well as diapers and a blanket with one of your stuffed animals in case you fell asleep halfway through. After that, she helped you put on your 'fancy shoes' as you called your Mary Jane and then helped you put your coat on. She buckled you safely in your car seat and a second later you were on the rod. "Now let's go, we're going to be late to Uncle Tony's Christmas party."
"Partyyyyyyyy." You cheered from the backseat making Natasha laugh.
"Let's go party girl."
* ˚ ✦ 3 :
"Yelena... tell me you didn't get my daughter a cat without asking me first." Natasha whisper-yelled as you cheered seeing the black kitten your aunt got you. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Yelena slowly backed away from Natasha, not wanting to face the consequences of her cations just yet. She knew she shouldn't have gone against Natasha's wishes, but she had to secure her spot as favourite aunt somehow.
"Someone tell me this isn't a cat that I see, but a new stuffed animal for Y/n." She said through gritted teeth.
"Mama look at the kitty." You tugged on her shirt making her open her eyes. You then picked up the black who didn't ask for anything and shoved it in front of her face.
"I know darling, I can see." She poorly hid her anger behind a smile and a cheery tone. Though you didn't notice anything, more preoccupied with the cat on your lap. Natasha quickly realized there was no going back now, there was no way you'd get rid of the cat as you were clearly both attached to each other. She took another deep breath, "Have you decided on a name?" You shook your head no. "How about Liho?" Natasha ironically named her Liho, meaning "misfortune" in Russian.
"It's pretty." You said.
"And it fits." Natasha mumbled. Over time, Natasha claimed Liho was not her cat, she grew attached to her new feline friend and told it stories about her missions.
* ˚ ✦ 4 :
The night before Christmas was never an easy night. Excitement flowing through your vein, it was basically impossible to get you to bed. "If you don't go to bed, Santa won't come, and you won't get presents. Is that what you want?" Natasha 'threatened' and it was all it took for you to sprint and get into bed. Natasha tucked you in and kissed your forehead. "Good girl. Now you stay here and you better be sleeping when I come back to check on you alright?"
"Not tire though." You said through a yawn, completely contradicting yourself making Natasha chuckle.
"Right. Well, goodnight darling. Sweet dreams." She left one longing kiss on your forehead before getting up. She walked towards the door and shut off the light, only leaving the nightlight on as you couldn't sleep without it.
"Night night mama."
Though you didn't go to sleep right away. You were still too focused on Santa and all the presents you were going to get until one small tiny detail came into mind, bringing you to tears.
Completely forgetting what your mama said, you tossed the covers to the side and climbed off your bed. You pushed the door to your bedroom open and ran down to find Natasha sharing a glass of wine with her teammates.
When she heard hiccuping, she spun back around and found you standing there, in the middle of the hallway.
Leaving her glass of wine on the table, she quickly got up and rushed to pick you up, urging to comfort her crying daughter. "Y/n? What are you doing up?"
"I'm s-sc-scared." You stuttered through your sobs.
"And why are you scared honey?"
"How can S-Santa get in-into the compound? I thought Uncle Tony had s-s-special alarms in case people get in. Is he like a bad guy and take me away from you? I don't want him to take me away! I won't care about my presents I just want you forever mommy!" You wailed, wrapping your arms around her neck and sobbed into her neck. She held you close, feeling the hot tears run down her skin. She kind of felt bad for exposing you to all this danger and ruining innocent and silly childhood traditions.
"Aww darling. You have nothing to be scared of. How about, one of us stay up and when Santa comes, we tell him he can wait outside and give us the presents so we can put them under the tree. He won't even enter the compound. How does that sound?"
"Good." You mumbled against her chest.
"Okay, now come on we're going to sleep in mommy's big bed tonight." You cheered and thanked Natasha. You loved sleeping in her big bed. It was just huge, and you loved it because it gave you more than enough space to cuddle with your mama.
The next morning everything was forgotten when you woke up in Natasha's arms and saw the pile of presents waiting for you under the tree.
* ˚ ✦ 5 :
"But... You know Santa isn't real, right Y/n?" A girl from your class, Olivia, told you as you and your friends were colouring holidays themed pictures. Your teacher overheard her, and quickly came over, dismissing her statement.
"What? No, no, no of course he is girls. Why are you saying this Olivia?" She redirected the subject of discussion to another matter, hoping you and the other kids would forget about what was just said.
The day went on and eventually came the time for you to go home. You spotted Natasha and ran towards her, "MAMAAAAA!"
You ran into her arms and she caught you. You told her about your day, you asked about hers. "Is Santa real?" You suddenly dropped and Natasha almost stopped walking.
How am I going to get out of this one, she thought to herself.
"Of course he is, why are you asking my love?"
"Olivia told me he wasn't real. Are you the one buying all the presents?" You continued to press and Natasha just wish that for once you would just drop the matter.
"No, I am not."
"I don't believe you." You wiggled to be put down and left towards your room.
Well, shit.
She had to come up with something to at least try to revive your faith in Santa Claus. She begged and begged for him to do this, just this one time. With all the mission, all the overtime even after she had you, he owed her a little something. It would take less than five minute, she promised. All he had to do was get into the costume on Christmas Day, walk in the room to show you Santa is in fact real and then leave the room again.
She relentlessly begged until her cave, deep down he would do anything for you and if that meant ridiculizing himself and put on a Santa costume, then so be it.
Nick entered the compound just as you opened the present. Dressed in his Santa costume, he pretended he forgot to leave one present under the tree and
"Y/n look!" Natasha tapped your shoulder and pointed towards her boss. She was trying so hard not to laugh, others couldn't even contain their laughters.
Clint and Maria took pictures of the whole thing for blackmail later.
The whole ordeal turned out to be useless as you recognized your grandpa Nick almost immediately. But hey, nice try.
* ˚ ✦ 6 :
"Mama."
"G'way."
"Mama."
"G'way."
"Mama. Mama. Mama."
Natasha sat up in her bed, blankets falling around her waist. She wore an oversized shirt with the super-powered reindeer, Rudolph, printed on it. She jerked her head back and forth before settling on you, sitting next to her on her bed. "What? What is it? What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare? Are we under attack? Are you hurt?"
"No," You said. "What are you doing?"
Natasha stared at you. "I'm trying to sleep."
"But... It's Christmas morning!"
"I know." she said slowly.
You nodded. "Good." You turned around and walked out of her room.
A couple of minutes later, Natasha ran out of her room and down the stairs when she finally realized it was Christmas morning.
She saw the tree lit up and all the presents around it. She spotted you with Wanda and Clint, who were helping you with your presents on the ground while Laura sat with her coffee on the sofa, next to Steve who watched and took pictures. "See, that's why I love American Christmases."
"MAMA COME SEE WHAT I GOT!"
* ˚ ✦ 7 :
"99.5°F, yeah that's a fever my love." Natasha sighed as she looked at the thermometer. You whined, you were sick on Christmas day and it sucked. Natasha patted your leg, providing some comfort for a bit before she starts getting everything she'll need. "I know baby it sucks but I'll make it better okay?"
"I ruined Christmas." You mumbled, looking away from Natasha and sulked. Natasha stopped suddenly and dropped everything to make you feel better.
"You didn't ruin Christmas. It's okay, it happens. We can stay together in bed all day, I'll make us a yummy Christmas lunch and dinner, and I'll ask uncle Clint to bring your presents here so you can open them."
"But—" You wanted to argue. You wanted to spend Christmas with your family, with your uncles, aunts and aunts. It wasn't fair they got to have fun while you were stuck in bed. However, Natasha was quick to shush you.
"No buts my lovely, it's just gonna be us this year. Now here, take this and then I'll let you pick up our first movie." Natasha came over the bed with a spoonful of medicine. You knew it was useless to fight and took it. You grabbed the TV remote Natasha handed you and put on the first movie you saw.
The day ended up being better than one would have expected. Natasha kept all her promises, and your cousins even visited for a few minutes.
* ˚ ✦ 8 :
"Why are we wearing ugly Christmas sweaters again?" Tony complained as they all waited for you and Wanda, who picked you up from school, to get home.
They were all wearing Christmas themed sweaters. Tony had the brilliant idea to make a joke when he saw the sweater you were wearing that morning, and you wanted to change, Natasha wouldn't let you though. You liked your sweater until Tony said something.
"Because it's fun." Steve said, he was wearing a white and blue Christmas jumper with snowflakes and snowmen on it.
"Because it'll make Y/n happy." Clint argued, still tucking his own green and red sweater into his pants.
"It's itchy." Tony complained as he scratched his neck. Obviously he was given the worst sweater, it was itchy and truly ugly, but he was stuck with it.
"Stop complaining and face the consequences of your actions." Pepper told him, despite being his wife.
"It's not our fault you insulted her sweater and hurt her feelings." Natasha grumbled, coming down the stairs the last. She checked hr phone after getting a notification from Wanda, you were in the elevator right now.
The door opened, and you stopped mid-sentence when you noticed everyone wearing something similar to you.
You smiled like an idiot, and thank all of them. When you got to Tony, you took a good look at his jumper and laughed, "That one is truly ugly."
"Yeah, thanks kid. Can I take it off now?"
"No."
* ˚ ✦ 9 :
Natasha went on a mission a week before Christmas. It was something simple, she just had to follow someone. But she was spotted and was involved in a car accident. Her car hit and she was left unconscious.
It had been a week now, and she had yet to wake up. You spent every single second in her hospital room. You drew, you talked to her, you played... And then, you blinked, and it was Christmas Eve. "I told you not to go on that mission." You cried as Yelena waited for you outside the door to leave. You held her hand tightly and hoped that she would hear you and open her eyes but nothing. "Can you please wake up mama? That's all I want for Christmas now."
Yelena knocked, "Y/n/n, I'm sorry, but we have to go. It's past your bedtime."
"I'll see you first thing tomorrow mama." You kissed her cheek, grabbed your stuff and headed towards the door. You took one last glance and then, when you noticed zero change, you left with your aunt.
Falling asleep was hard, but unlike every other year, it wasn't because of the excitement... You were just longing for your mama.
You fell into a dreamless sleep and woke up not feeling as well rested as you should. You walked down the stairs, presents were under the tree and your younger cousins were buzzing with excitement.
However, everyone knew something you didn't, and watched carefully as you walked into Natasha's bedroom, they waited for a reaction.
You walked into the room with your head down and didn't notice Natasha looking at you, wide awake. You threw yourself at her without expecting her to hug you back, but she did. You jumped when her arms snaked around you and held you close.
"Merry Christmas Y/n."
"Best. Christmas. EVER! Never do that again though." You warned her and she nodded. "Never."
* ˚ ✦ 10 :
"Mama?" You asked Natasha, your head popping into a meeting room where she was working with her fellow Avengers.
"Yes my darling?"
"Can I get a horse for Christmas?" You asked with the best puppy eyes and the cutest pout.
"Uuuuuh... no."
You sighed and closed the door behind you. You sulked as you made your way up the stairs and started to think about something else. Maybe you could get a new bike instead?
As soon as she heard the door close, Natasha turned around looking at each of her teammates, "If any of you have the brilliant idea to get her a horse for Christmas... well you better not. No one will get Y/n a horse for Christmas. Am I clear?"
They all gulped and nodded, "Yes ma'am."
* ˚ ✦ 11 :
You knocked on Natasha's office's door and popped your head in. She lifted her head up from the paperwork and gave you a bright smile. "Hey mama? What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?"
"I don't know Y/n. What is it?"
"A frostbite." You giggled to yourself, closing the door behind you. Natasha chuckled to herself before getting back to work.
You walked past Clint in the hallway and you thought, why not tell him a joke as well?
"Uncle Clint! What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?" You stayed silent for comedic effect and then gave him the answer, Claus-trophobia!"
"Good one kiddo." He patted your shoulder and you both went your separate ways, happy Natasha and Clint liked your jokes.
Next, you spotted Steve about to leave for a run and rushed towards him. "Steve, Steve, Steve! Can I tell you a joke?"
"Sure."
"How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?" You bounced in excitement as he thought and then he shrugged. "Nurse them back to elf."
He let out a small laugh which was enough to satisfy you and left him alone after bidding him a good run. You walked into the kitchen, and without surprise Wanda always already in there cooking.
"Wandaaaaaaa! What do you call a reindeer ghost?"
Wanda could've easily read your mind but where could be the fun in that. Instead, she played along with your activity. "No clue."
"A Cari-boo!" You wiggled your fingers, trying to create some dramatic and spooky effects which clearly failed but as long as you had fun it didn't matter.
You then barged into the lab where you found two new victims, Tony and Bruce.
"Hey Tony, what is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
"A meltdown." He said.
Shit.
"Damn it. Okay Bruce, I have one for you. Why are elves such great motivational speakers? They have plenty of elf-confidence." You added finger guns at the end but he just looked at you as if you were a fish out of water.
Tough crowd... alright let's move on.
You then decided to explore the gym and training room, someone had to be in there after all and you were right as you spotted Sam boxing in a corner. "Sammy? Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?" Another comedic pause... "She sleighs."
"Yeah she does!" He high-fives you and you let him go back to his training.
Last, but not least, Vision. He joined Wanda in the kitchen and so you went back in there to annoy the couple. "Vis? What does Rudolph want for Christmas?"
"I do not know."
"A Pony sleigh station. Get it? A PlayStation... Pony sleigh... no? Well I tried." You shrugged and went back to your snack. Wanda giggled at her boyfriend's confused expression and told him to let it go.
* ˚ ✦ 12 :
"Mama, now that the year is almost over I'd like to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me when I need you, thank you for being always so understanding, thank you for listening to me, for making me laugh, for making me smile. Thank you for getting me through dark times, for always standing up for me and caring. Thank you for always being sweet and the biggest supporter. Thank you for all of it. And most importantly, thank you for being my best friend."
You looked up from your paper to your mom, who was sitting right in front of you, teary eyed.
"I wasn't planning on crying tonight." She joked, wiping her tears with her shirt and sniffled. She opened her arms wide, "Come here you!"
You didn't need to be told twice and you ran into her arms.
"You know, being your mom is the best gift."
* ˚ ✦ 13 :
"We are not leaving this table until you two talk and make up." Melina said sternly pointing to you and Natasha.
You were in the middle of some dumb arguments, none of you could remember what started it but you also both refused to apologise. Too stubborn to admit that one of you might be wrong, the argument was still relevant in this Christmas period and quite frankly, your childish behaviour... Mélina had enough of it.
"So here's what's going to happen..." She grabbed an old t-shirt that Yelena and Natasha knew well. The 'make up shirt' as they called it. Every time they fought and refused to apologise, Melina used the shirt and it worked.
"Mom seriously?! You can't do that! Y/n is my child, I'm trying to parent her stop doing that." Natasha voiced her dissatisfaction. Honestly, it was kind of embarrassing for her, wasn't it?
But Melina didn't want to hear any of it. She forced you both to put on the shirt and you were stuck together for the rest of the afternoon. Thank God you were only watching TV and not doing anything else. You simply sat next to each other and at some point, being close to Nat you melted into the comfort her body was radiating and you let your head fall on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry mama."
"I'm sorry too Y/n."
* ˚ ✦ 14 :
"Come on, you have to go to bed or Santa won't come, and you won't get any presents." Natasha said, dragging you upstairs around midnight. Honestly, you were already half asleep, so Natasha ended up carrying you. With your arm wrapped around her neck and your legs wrapped around her torso, your mama climbed up the stairs to your bedroom.
She kicked the door open and laid you down on your bed, but not without a small protest coming from you. She looked in your drawers for a change of clothes, she couldn't let you sleep in your nice dress that would be uncomfortable. She grabbed the first pair of sweatpants and hoodie she saw and helped you put them on.
"Mama, I'm not four any more." You pretended to complain, but truth is... you loved when she took care of you like that. Now that you were a teenager and didn't need her as much around anymore, Fury sent her on more missions so this, Natasha helping you get ready for bed and staying by your side until you fell asleep, felt nice.
"I know... Let me just pretend for a minute." She shushed you. She played with your hair, tucking it behind her ears as she watched your eyes close on their own and your body relax.w
* ˚ ✦ 15 :
"I feel it in my fingers." You sang, entering the living room. You spotted Natasha and wiggled your eyebrows, you wanted something and Natasha quickly figured out what.
"Oh no."
"I feel it in my toooooes." You continued to sing horribly. You grabbed Natasha's hand and pulled her up. Snaking an arm her waist, you slow danced together, Natasha laughed as you kept singing. "Christmas is all around me and so the feeling grows."
"Can we watch Love Actually?" You asked her, letting her go and sitting down on her bed before getting comfortable.
"Do I have a choice?" Natasha asked rhetorically.
"Nope. I love Love Actually actually."
"Oh believe me, I know."
* ˚ ✦ 16 :
"I have one last present for you Y/n. But it's outside. Tony declared as you all finished opening your presents. You all got up and followed Tony outside. He stopped in front of the garage, and you slowly started to figure out what it was, though you didn't want to get your hopes up.
He handed you a box. Opening it slowly, you gasped as you saw car keys inside.
"You didn't?!" You and Natasha exclaimed simultaneously. One of you cheered, the other...
"Tony... tell me you didn't get my daughter a car without asking me first." Having a déjà vu moment? That's because Natasha reacted the same way when you got a cat for Christmas a few years back.
Natasha closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Tony slowly backed away in fear, but Pepper was here to stop him from doing so, as he had to face the consequences of his actions.
"Someone tell me this isn't a car that I see." She said through gritted teeth.
"Mama look at the car." You tugged on her shirt making her open her eyes. You grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the new car.
"I know darling, I can see." She poorly hid her anger behind a smile and a cheery tone. Though you didn't notice anything, more preoccupied with the car in front of you.
"Can you believe Uncle Tony got me a car for Christmas?!"
"Yeah, no... I can, actually."
* ˚ ✦ 17 :
You and Natasha were half asleep on the couch. Everyone finally left your flat, and you could finally rest. Who thought it was a good idea to host Christmas again??
"Did you have a good day?" Natasha mumbled as she cuddled with you. You both knew you should probably get up and get ready for bed, but the couch was comfortable, and honestly you were just too tired to move.
"The best. You always manage to make Christmas feel so special." You answered tiredly, trying to snuggle closer to your mama, but that wasn't possible. You were as close as humanly possible.
"I'm glad."
Without realizing you both fell asleep on this couch, imagine the surprise when you woke up the next morning after falling on the ground and banging your head against the floor, startling you awake.
* ˚ ✦ 18 :
"Come on mama! Open it." You urged Natasha as she held a small present in her hand. You saved your first pay cheques for this, you worked for this and hoped your mama would like the present.
"Alright alright. Patience little one." She chuckled and began to unwrap the whole thing slowly. You just wanted to rip it open for her but no, it was her present and that'd be mean.
She slowly opened the box and fixed the small item inside of it. Your mama, being the Black Widow, gave nothing away, and you weren't able to read her face and expressions.
Inside the box was a necklace you saved up for for a while now. The pendant was two rings, interlaced together representing the both of you.
"So? Do you like it? It's fine if you don't, I kept the receipt we can exchange it for something better I just thought–"
"Shut up you idiot." Natasha laughed and you gasped.
"Hey!"
"Will you let me speak? I love it Y/n, so so so much. You could give me a handful of sand, and I'd treasure it forever." She joked and you sighed, relieved. Though she handed you the necklace after a while, and you were confused.
"Can you help me put it on?"
And you gladly did.
The two interlaced rings now proudly around her neck.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
this took me soooooooooooo long to write 😩
also, anyone knows what's going with wattpad at the moment? first i didn't get any notifications and then i couldn't save and post my work...