I went through a whirlwind of emotions in such a short amount of time when I started arguing with Anthony over something that apparently never even happened. I don't know how to feel about Anthony lying to me about one thing to cover up something worse. But people make mistakes and he owned up to his. He wasn't too proud to say sorry, which I can respect.
When all was said and done we didn't seem to know what to do with ourselves. We stood a few feet apart just looking at each other.
I could sense by his demeanor that he wanted to touch me. He could sense in mine that I wasn't sure if I wanted any of that. He'd admitted to wanting to impress me. I told him the truth when I told him he sorta always has.
That's not me condoning bad behavior. I told him never to lie to me again, and I believe him when he says he won't. He really did buckle under the pressure, which is a good thing for me because I'll be able to catch him in a lie should he ever do that again.
"Then...can I kiss you now?" Anthony asked a second time mid stare off. His hands flexed at his sides like he was physically restraining himself. A Darcy ass move. "Why should I let you?" I decided not to give in to him. I should've known better. I should've known Anthony Rizzo could always keep up.
"Because I'm fucking crazy about you, and your lack of touch is driving me goddamn wild" he grabbed me and pulled me flush against him. I sucked in a breath of surprise by the swiftness of it. He restrained himself from kissing me, but he was holding me now. And he dipped his head lower so the temptation of his lips were closer.
"If you think I'm gonna fuck you after spending the day thinking about you being balls deep in someone else, then you're greatly mistaken" I let him know it. He smirked, which wasn't the response I expected. "I'll just hold you then" he shrugged like he didn't mind it at all.
Anthony let his hands rub up and down my back, pulling me an inch closer when his hands settled on my lower back again. I was already flush against him, I don't know where else he wanted me to go. We were pressed together.
"Come here" Anthony snaked his arms around me and lifted me up. He walked us into the bedroom and laid me down on my side of the bed. Then he crawled in beside me, pulling my body against his again.
Anthony nuzzled his face into my neck, and took in my scent before I felt his soft lips plant a kiss against my throat. I leaned my head against his since he didn't move away from the crook of my neck.
"It's crazy how quickly someone can become a habit. Not sharing the same bed felt wrong" I heard his deep voice, muffled by his position. "I watched a documentary about that once. On average it takes about two months for a new behavior to become an automatic one. Like a habit" I started talking, but stopped when I heard him chuckle.
"What?" I asked. He shook his head saying it was nothing.
"We've been married about two months now, haven't we?" He asked me. I paused to think about it. Where the hell has the time gone? It feels like last week, but really it's been two months.
"I guess you've formed the habit then" I shrugged. "I'm okay with that" Anthony popped his head up and hovered his face over mine. The urge to kiss him was very much there.
"I won't kiss you until you tell me I can" he read my thoughts. My eyes couldn't help themselves from looking down at his lips. Soft, shapely, very kissable lips. His stubble looked damn good on him. Made him gruff and manly. He used his large hands to smooth my hair away from my face and leaned forward, but only to plant a small kiss on my forehead.
"That counts" I decided to give him a hard time. "That doesn't count" he scoffed back.
When our eyes met and lingered I felt this rush going through me. Whatever that look is that he's giving me feels very intense. My hand came up and cupped his jaw, while he used his thumbs to brush at my temples. We were caught up in some moment we didn't even realize we fell into.
When I shook my head clear it snapped Anthony out of it too. I motioned to sit up, but he stopped me and stayed hovering over me with the weight resting on one elbow. His other hand was flat against my belly.
"Lexi" he said my name in a way that made my chest flutter, but he stopped talking. When I just continued to look at him I saw his sense of resolve coming through.
"Lexi, I've tried to find something purely physical and simple, and instead I ran right smack into you and everything not simple that came with you...I don't wanna be safe and keep you at arms length because girls have a tendency to leave me. I just want you. That's really all there is to it" he shrugged, and looked down at me like he'd finally given up on something. His resolve to deny this, I suppose.
"Want me how?" I had to ask. I didn't want him playing on words and confusing his meaning. Anthony stood up and suddenly left the room, which definitely confused me, but he was back just as quickly.
I watched him sit on the edge of the mattress and grab my hand. That's when I realized what he was doing. He slid my wedding band and engagement ring back on my finger and kissed my knuckles before he released them.
"Don't ever take that off again" he sounded like he was warning me in the sexiest way. "It sounds absurd to ask you out when we're already fucking married" he huffed at himself, but it made me smile. "Ask me out on a date or-" I didn't get to finish.
"Nah, fuck all that. We're already above and beyond that. I'll take you out whenever you want, but I'm not asking you on a date right now. I'm asking if you wanna be with me" he made my whole chest swell and my belly flutter.
Holy shit. We're really doing this, huh? My heart was pounding like a fools, but I sat up and moved closer to him from where he sat
"Do you wanna be with me?" I asked instead of answering his question. He gave me the 'really' face. "Yeah, I wanna fucking be with you, Lex. Do you wanna be with me?" He huffed. I didn't mean to stress him out. I realized how seriously he was taking this. No Rizzo smoothness. He was asking a real question and he wanted a real answer. Now.
"I do" I finally admitted, which was both terrifying and exhilarating. "We already said that at the wedding" he teased me, but he couldn't even hide his smile. It was stunning actually. I got caught up in it before he grabbed my face and crashed my lips into his.
He pulled me over his lap, and I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him like I meant it. Then I pulled away slightly and told him, "You better take me on a date though. I'm not dating someone cheap" just to mess with him.
"Mhm, yeah. I will" he barely paid attention, pulling our mouths together again. Anthony kissed my lips, and then he kissed my cheeks. One then the other. He continued by gently kissing the tip of my nose, and against my temple. When he got to my throat I was already humming in satisfaction.
We didn't jump to sex. We just kissed for a while and held onto each other. It was intense to be so vulnerable with a person. It's something I've never done before. But it's something I couldn't help where Anthony is involved.
For whatever reason Mia's words about her and Dom surfaced in my mind. When I asked why she chose Dom over anything else she told me that he was everything she couldn't live without.
Where is the line from here to there? When does someone become your life line, your own air to breath, the thing you need just to stay alive? I guess there is an Edge for that too. And the only people who know where it is are the ones who've already gone over.
-
When Anthony told me he was going to take me out on our first official date after becoming an actual couple I was intrigued. Sure, we went out in the very beginning after I'd first met him for drinks before he'd take me to bed. This was different. When I asked where we were going I was confused when he told me, "You can wear whatever, just be sure it's something you wouldn't mind getting dirty." I had no idea what that could mean.
When we parked in a trendy area known as Williamsburg I was increasingly more interested. As we walked down the block I kept trying to guess which place we'd be walking into. Restaurant? We walked right past it. Bar? Nope. Trendy little shop that-nope.
Anthony had brought a bottle of wine with him and two plastic cups over the neck of the bottle. When his feet finally stopped I looked up and was surprised to see what was in front of me. "It's a body painting class, only I bought out the whole class, so it'll just be us" he finally explained. "Wait?"
"Website said it was a romantic and playful experience where couples paint each other's body in a dark studio lit by black lights using UV body paint" he further explained as he placed his large hand at the small of my back to lead me in. I couldn't help the small grin. This was something I would've never thought to do, but sounds amazing to try out.
"Welcome guys. You must be Anthony" a trendy looking man with a curled mustache came around a counter and shook his hand then mine. "The place is all yours" the guy opened a door and waved us inside.
He briefly mentioned a few things about all this, but was quick to leave us alone. We stripped down and all in the same moment the lights went out and we were under the cool hue of the black light. We are supposed to only be topless, but since we weren't in a traditional group class we didn't stay that way very long.
There was paint and paint brushes and the room was otherwise bare. You could see a few specks of old paint flecked on a few of the walls or across the floor. Anthony was sure to take his time eyeing his canvas deciding what he wanted to do with it. Or rather, me.
"You're already a masterpiece. I won't have to work very hard" he smirked, pulling me against him. From the summer air our flesh was warm against each other. His palm was rough against my creamier flesh. I know he likes that.
His big hand caressed down my side and came around to my backside. "Let me look at what I want to paint on you" I reminded him why we were mostly naked right now. He'd touched me plenty, but had yet to grab the paint. The UV colors looked fun. Bright.
I knelt down and started pouring paint out and pulling different brush sizes. "You have the torso of a God. Let me paint you there first" I told him. Even in the dim light I could see that infamous troublemaker's smirk he's carried since the first day I met him.
"Come here then" he tempted me, pulling his arms back to show the length of his taut chest and abs.
In a traditional classroom you paint in the light first then come into the dark, but this was a private class with no rules. We liked painting in the dark. Relying on our other senses to follow the brushstrokes of each other's bodies. Running the brush along the curves and ridges.
The paint was smooth and cool to the touch. Goosebumps followed every brushstroke. Sometimes Anthony would trail his warm fingertips behind the trail or before it. The mixture of sensations was a good one.
We sipped wine and painted. I painted a line of flowers down the length of his abs and he colored in the flesh of my breasts with swirls and an inscription of his name. Anthony pulled my hair up off my neck and was sure to have me tie it up while he painted my shoulder and down my back. He kissed me in places where the paint hadn't reached yet.
I never realized painting could be so sensual until we stepped into the dark. Feeling. Feeling over everything and mindfully caressing, stroking, creating against the flesh of the other.
"You're magnificent. You know that, don't you?" Anthony's deep gritty voice sent a shiver down my spine. "This was a good idea. Thank you" I was sure to tell him. When Anthony snatched my hand and pulled me against him we smudged our art, but he didn't seem to mind. We were pressed together, bodies slick with paint, hot flesh and grabbing hands.
"You didn't answer me. Do you know that? How magnificent you are" His words made my insides do a strange flippy thing. I tried snorting a laugh, but he wouldn't let it go. I came up on my toes and kissed his lips. With this neon paint he had a smudge of green across his neck that reminded me of the green hiding within his hazel eyes. A lovely green. A green I attribute to him. Same as he's told me he attributes a kind of blue to me and my gaze.
"Fine, I'm magnificent, but so are you. This non-traditional date is perfect. Let's never let ourselves get traditional, huh? We never have been, even from day one....but I've never felt more okay than I do right now."
"Married but on a first official date" I could hear the amusement in Anthony's voice as much as I could see it from standing this close. When our gazes caught they lingered. The air thickened in a way it always seems to when in this proximity to my husband. I saw his head slowly inch forward to kiss me again, so I took my two thumbs and rubbed them down his cheeks in a smudge of paint.
"Oh that's it" he snatched me up. I squealed the way I do not care to admit and he was suddenly spinning me around. We started flicking splotches of paint at each other, running around like fools inside the room. His laugh is deep, handsome, and irresistible. I've never seen him more carefree than this.
So much for a decent looking canvas. We were now just two smudges of colorful brushstrokes colliding into each other.
-
Anthony surprised me when he told me he wanted to take me somewhere. I didn't know what to expect, maybe another date, but he gave me something even better. "I hired a woman who runs workshops on how to run a business and resources to use to get there...I figured you might wanna talk to another female entrepreneur while you sort out your idea for your shares of the business" he told me.
I don't think I've wanted to ravage this man more than I did right here and now. We were standing in some random building waiting for some random woman to come scoop me up. Not only did it show me that he respected what I wanted, but it told me he believed in me, and that I'd get it. Vitaly be damned.
Anthony stood there in his sharp suit, and I clutched the lapels of his coat to pull him against me when I kissed him. He didn't hesitate to kiss me back. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me good and proper.
Smelling his familiar flesh reminded me of how much of him I got to touch the other night when we took a shower together to wash all the access paint off. It led to shower sex, which led to cuddling in bed with damp hair...which led to bed sex.
"Now go, before I drag you into a janitor's closet and fuck you" he waved me off. I smirked evilly. He gave me that troublemaker's smile. "Room 205" he hollered from over his shoulder.
I watched him walk all the way out of the building, enjoying his broad shoulders, the way his suit clings to all the right places, and still appreciating how good he smelt when he was against me. And then I went looking for room 205, and this businesswoman who's going to help me work through the clerical side of things.
-
Whitney Hayes is an amazing woman. Not only is she smart, but she is well accomplished. She went to a great school, had a great job, and when she felt ready for it she left that job and decided to give back to the woman's communities. By running these kinds of workshops not only in prestige schools, but in women's shelters, and community centers.
I've never formally been to business school or anything, but I had a general knowledge for it. Whitney seemed impressed, which felt good.
I told her about my idea to open a one stop shop agency under the holdings company of my family enterprise. I skipped all the illegal shit when I explained it to her. She helped me work through it and showed me how to create a professional business proposal.
"Your husband seems great. If you're interested, he paid up front for the next three courses" she told me at the end while she and I walked out together. She had a strong chin and a steady way about her. She wore a head full of dreadlocks about as thick as my fingers, tied back with a large band.
She wore glasses at one point, but has since taken them off. I bet she doesn't even need them. I bet she's just flexing her accomplishments in the faces of all the men she told me she had to constantly work against to get anywhere in business.
I bet those are 'fuck you' glass she rips off her nose when she's in the middle of making a strong point to a questioning man. I can picture it. It's great.
"Yeah, he's alright" I responded to Whitney's comment about my husband. We both chuckled. "In all seriousness though, I want to continue the workshop" I told her. She looked pleased. We made a schedule between her availability and mine for the next few sessions. I felt good. Really good.