*010 | RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME
( right where you left me — taylor swift )
❝ i swear you could hear a hair pin drop
right when i felt the moment
stop,
glass shattered on the white cloth,
everybody moved on ❞
4 DAYS LATER ( 2018 )
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
____________________________
EVER SINCE THE BIG FIGHT, Aspen spent her nights sleeping over at Jo's place. She knew she had to talk to Stiles soon, and that their fight wasn't a breakup— so she was relieved when he was the first to break the silence and call her.
He just said he wanted to talk, and asked if she didn't mind meeting him for dinner.
He wanted to apologise and patch everything up— he loved her with his whole heart, he didn't want to lose her over something like this.
So four nights later, Aspen was waiting for him in a restaurant. It was a table in the corner, lit only with a dim lamp, as her knee wouldn't stop bopping up and down with nerves.
She dressed up nicely for the 'date', wearing an elegant black strappy dress, her hair perfectly curled and wearing her signature dark-red lipstick.
She was nervously fiddling with her engagement ring on her finger, staring at the royal-blue gemstone— and everything it represented.
Their love— how strong it was, everything it had overcome in the past, how much she couldn't let it go over something like this.
She looked up when she picked up the sound of the door to the restaurant opening, followed by a quiet male voice speaking to one of the waiters. Her breath hitched when she saw Stiles being pointed over to her table.
He was dressed reasonably nicely too, like he too had wanted to make the effort like she had. He was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a white button-down shirt— no jacket.
Stiles walked over to the table with a slightly awkward pursed-lip smile. Aspen returned it with the same expression as he took a seat opposite hers at the white-clothed table.
"Hi..." Aspen was the first to speak, letting out a nervous breath.
"Hi..." Stiles replied in the same tone.
Their eyes met, both of them equally as nervous and as sorry as the other. Stiles cleared his throat timorously, shifting in his seat with discomfort.
"You uh—" he said, "You like nice."
Aspen tried to force a genuine smile, nodding her head as she replied—"Thanks, you do too."
Stiles picked up the drinks menu laid in front of him, "Do you, uh— do you want to pick out a wine?"
"Like we can afford wine..." Aspen chuckled nervously, making both of them flash back to their argument the other night.
"Right..." Stiles replied awkwardly, his fingers fidgeting with nervousness.
Stiles then decided he couldn't take this anymore, and that he'd be the one to speak first.
But when he did, Aspen also spoke up at the same time, and they said the exact same thing— "Look, I'm sorry—"
The synchronised apology made them both laugh genuinely, which eased up some of the tension that was surrounding them.
Stiles smiled, and chuckled as he said— "Can I go first?"
Aspen made a tight-lipped smile, and just nodded.
"I'm not taking the job." he said.
Aspen blinked, hesitating to reply as she just processed for a moment.
When she didn't reply, Stiles kept going. "I don't want to make a decision that you don't approve of. Because your opinion means everything to me, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I made you feel like it wasn't."
Aspen smiled, nodding her head. "Thank you, Stiles."
"And I'm sorry about everything." he continued with a deep breath. "I never meant for you to feel like I resented you— because I don't. I never could. I'm sorry that I made you feel mocked, I respect your dreams and I meant it when I said I want to be the one standing next to you when all of them come true.
I love you with every inch of my heart, and I hate that we've been fighting so much lately because of money. It's stupid— and we've overcome far worse things before. I just want things to get back to the way they were..."
Aspen smiled genuinely, finally starting to feel a bit of relief and hope that nothing had to change because of this fight.
"I'm sorry for walking out on you." she said, "You were right— every time things get tough, I get the urge to just run away like the problem will magically fix itself. And I'm also sorry if you felt forced to leave your life in Quantico for me, I honestly didn't think you had a problem with it."
"I don't." Stiles said, "I don't have a problem with it. I know things are tight right now with or jobs and the rent and everything— but we're never gonna get through it if we turn against each other. And I never want to be against you— I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you too." Aspen smiled, taking his hand and holding it across the table.
Stiles let out a sigh of relief, relieved that they seemed to have to gotten through this fight and made it out the other end, and that things could go back to the way they were now.
"God, I'm so relieved." Stiles smiled, "I have to admit, I was kinda worried, these past few days... I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you, Asp."
"I'd be lost without you, Stiles." she said sincerely, as she felt Stiles' thumb begin to circle her palm, and action that always brought her comfort when she needed it.
Stiles then glanced down at their intertwined hands, glancing at the engagement ring she'd been wearing on her finger for nearly four years now.
"Let's get married." he said.
Aspen let out a laugh, "Stiles, we're already getting married."
"No, I mean— let's do it now." Stiles said, smiling wide as he was filled with excitement. "I know we've been waiting for years because we're so young and so focused on our careers—but Asp, I know you're the only person on this planet I ever want to be with. We're in our twenties now, we're not kids anymore. I just— I don't think I can wait another second to be your husband. What do you say?"
Aspen's eyes widened in shock but also joy—because she agreed. She didn't think she was ready to be married when Stiles asked her four years ago. They were eighteen, they were still kids with so much future ahead of them, she didn't see the rush.
But he was right—there was no other person she wanted to be with in this world, and they were adults now. It would make sense.
"I say..." she said, a grin growing on her face, "Let's do it— let's get married!"
Stiles hadn't been filled with this much joy in so long. Th past few months had just been so hard and tense on their relationship—but they didn't let that stop them from loving each other with every ounce of their hearts.
They longed to be with each other— they always had.
"We could—" he said, stuttering from the excitement running through him, "We could do it this weekend, it could be small, just invite our friends and family—or— or we could elope, I don't care, whatever you want. I just— I can't wait any longer for you to be my wife, I can't wait for us to start a family together..."
That was when everything changed.
Aspen's smile slowly washed off her face and was replaced with a look of complete shock, like she just saw her life flash before her eyes.
Her eyebrows quivered a bit, as Stiles remained smiling, noticing her shift in mood.
"Asp...?" he said, suddenly feeling nervous again. "What is it—what's wrong?"
"Stiles..." she said, her voice having fallen to a low and scared whisper. "I don't want children."
You could've heard a hair pin drop— because that right there, was when the moment stopped.
Stiles' smile hadn't fully washed off his face yet, like he hadn't heard what she said, or he wasn't processing it.
"W—what?" he stuttered to ask, "No—I—I didn't mean like right now, I— I mean like years from now, when we're ready—"
"Stiles, I don't want to be a mother." Aspen said, knowing that every word that came out of her mouth from this moment on was changing everything. "I— I never have..."
Stiles pursed his lips, still not fully processing this as he shook his head, keeping her hand in his.
"You—" Stiles stuttered, "You might change your mind, Asp— we're so young right now, you never know, one day you might feel differently—"
"I won't," Aspen's voice came out as a whisper this time, shaking her head, "This—it—it's not something I'll change my mind on..."
Stiles, now finally realising and processing what she was saying, began to furrow his eyebrows in confusion.
"Why—" he hesitated, "Why have you never told me? We've been together for nearly six years— how has this not come up?"
"You never brought it up either?" Aspen replied, feeling her heart begin to race a thousand miles a minute— and not in a good way. "In all these years, this is the first time you've ever even mentioned kids to me, how was I supposed to know you wanted them?"
"Because it's normal to want them?" Stiles blurted out without thinking.
Aspen's face fell, like she'd just been stabbed right through the heart as she felt her eyes began to grow tears that brimmed and threatened to fall.
"No—no normal isn't what I meant—" Stiles began to backtrack, hearing how that sounded out loud and the look of hurt on her face.
"But it's what you said." Aspen replied, removing her hand from his. "What, because I'm a woman who— who doesn't feel any desire to be a mother that I must be broken? That I'm not normal because I don't see it as a rite of passage the way 'normal' people do?"
"I didn't mean to upset you—" Stiles said with desperation, feeling everything slip between his fingers with every word that was spoken. "I just meant that— this is something that should've come up a long time ago, I mean— I asked you to marry me, Aspen. You don't think the subject of kids should've come up by now?"
"You're one to talk," Aspen replied, her voice not raised, but definitely sounding hurt. "Why was it down to me to bring it up? You never said anything either..."
Stiles wasn't sure how to respond, and he hoped this conversation wasn't going the way it felt—his heart felt like it was being shattered into pieces when he saw the look of hurt in her eyes.
"Aspen, listen..." he said desperately, "I love you—and I want to marry you. I— I don't mind waiting ten years if I have to, hell— I'd wait twenty for you. But you have to admit that one day you might feel differently, you might change your mind when we're older— and more stable with our careers and—"
"Stiles," Aspen cut him off, a tear threatening to fall as she shook her head, "Ten years won't change my mind. The last time I thought about growing up and having kids I must've been fifteen. You and I have never once talked about it—if anything, it made me assume that you weren't bothered. But instead, you assumed that I was."
"You..." Stiles said, voice lowered to a whisper now, "You don't want to have a family with me?"
"I don't want to have a family with anyone." Aspen confessed, "It's just never really been in the cards for me..."
"I— I don't understand..." Stiles shook his head.
"I don't expect you to..." Aspen replied, that one singular tear finally breaking free and running down her cheek.
Stiles' entire world had just been flipped upside down, the future he thought he had was slipping through his fingers and he didn't know what to do or say. He needed a minute to process.
"I, um..." he murmured, "I just need to— I'm gonna go the restroom for a minute, I just need to— to think..."
Aspen didn't try to stop him when he stood up from the table and headed for the bathroom. When he was out of sight, Aspen let more tears fall, sat all alone in the corner of a restaurant, her whole future being up in the air right now.
She was twenty-two years old, and when she thought about what her life would look like in ten years from now—she didn't see any children.
She thought she just saw her and Stiles, together— and happy.
She couldn't believe they'd never once talked about this before.
She wiped away her tears and decided she needed some air. She looked around and saw stairwell that led to a rooftop. She stood up and grabbed her purse, and walked in the direction of the stairs.
_____________________________
When Aspen finally got to the rooftop, which was luckily empty, she let more tears fall as she felt her whole life as she knew it start to crumble.
Her and Stiles had overcome the literal impossible— a Darach, demons, a dead pool, the dread doctors, the Wild Hunt, the hunters—but this?
She was officially lost.
She walked over to the wall of the rooftop and looked down around at the Brooklyn streets, feeling the cold air nip at her skin as she was only dressed in a small strappy dress. She didn't care that it was cold—she barely even registered it.
She opened her purse and grabbed a box of cigarettes and lit one. She got them from Jo, having been spending the last few days at her apartment. She brought it to her lips as she held it between her fingers. One perk of supernatural healing— nicotine couldn't damage her lungs, they just healed right up. But she did revel in the stress-freeing feeling that the drag of the cigarette gave her for a brief moment.
The love of her life wanted a family, he wanted children— with her.
And she couldn't think of anything worse.
She was in utter disbelief—her and Stiles had gotten through everything. Even after their constant fighting lately, they got past that. Things were finally going to be perfect, they were finally going to be each other's forever.
Nothing out of the ordinary destiny could ever tear them apart.
But no one ever said anything about an ordinary subject like a disagreement on wanting children wouldn't.
Aspen spun around when she heard the door to the rooftop opening, and she felt her heart begin to tear in two when she saw Stiles coming up to join her.
She just wanted time to stop moving.
Stiles walked over to her slowly, his face unreadable as he came to stand next to her, looking out over the rooftop of the busy Brooklyn night streets.
Stiles noticed the cigarette in her hand, and didn't say anything.
"Okay." Stiles finally said with a deep breath, breaking the silence.
Aspen turned to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed—not knowing what he was talking about.
"Okay, what?" she asked, scared of what was coming next.
"Okay— we won't have kids." he said, avoiding looking at her, instead—he looked out onto the New York skyline, knowing her eyes were on him instead.
Aspen's heart continued to break, seeing the look on his face contradicted what he was saying.
"Stiles, no," Aspen said softly, "I can't be the reason you don't have something you've always wanted."
"You might not be able to change your mind, but I can change mine." Stiles said, glancing at her briefly before tearing his eyes away again. He shrugged as he added— "If you don't want to have children, then we won't."
Aspen shook her head.
Her throat felt like it was closing up as she quite literally began to feel a pain in her chest.
"You can't give something like that up for me." Aspen said, tearing her eyes away from him.
The pair stood side by side, alone on the rooftop, staring out ahead of them at the skyline, both of their hearts breaking.
"I don't see any other choice," Stiles said in a monotone voice, one that even Aspen couldn't read what emotion was underneath it. "You don't want them, you won't ever feel differently. It's my fault for never asking..."
Aspen glanced at him again, and this time—she saw a tear rolling down his cheek.
He was going to hate her for this—but she could not be the reason that Stiles couldn't be a father.
Only now could she really see how badly he wanted to be one.
"Stiles," she said, "Four nights ago you were resenting me for making you leave your job in Virginia. You resented me for being the reason we live in a crappy apartment that we barely pay rent on. How are things gonna be in ten years from now when you start resenting me for robbing you of being a Dad?"
"I told you—" Stiles said, turning to her, "I never resented you for any of it— and I can promise that this isn't something that will ever make me resent you in the future!"
"You can't make a promise like that..." Aspen said, pursing her lips, shaking her head, as another tear fell down her cheek. "This isn't giving up a job, this is giving up a family— one that you want."
"I don't want it if it's not with you." Stiles replied, shaking his head.
Aspen couldn't let herself be the reason he couldn't be a father. They were still young-- there was still time...
"We're twenty two, Stiles..." she said, trying to keep a brave face eve though she was crumbling on the inside. "There— there's still time to..."
"To what?" Stiles interrupted her, his face looking a mixture of hurt, betrayal and heartbreak. "To— to find other people? You're the only person I want to be with— don't you feel the same?"
"Of course I do!" Aspen cried, holding her hands up to his face to make him really look at her. "Stiles I love you— I have always loved you— you have always been the only person I've ever loved— but I love you too much to let you do this..."
"And I'm telling you— it's okay!" Stiles tried to smile, holding her wrists gently as her hands cupped his face, "I can live without being a dad, I can live without children— but I cannot live with you."
Aspen couldn't let him do it. Even though her heart had never cried and shattered more in her entire life, she couldn't let him do this.
"I know you might hate me— for saying this..." Aspen whispered shakily, "but you and I have too much love for each other to make room for any resentment years down the line. I don't want to wake up one day and have you look at me— and see me as the person who took away your chance at being a dad. I don't want us to have another fight where you end up using this as a bargaining chip—"
"You seriously think I'd do that?" Stiles sounded betrayed at her picture of what their future would look like.
"I know you wouldn't mean to..." Aspen said tearfully, "but this— it's just too much for you to give up..."
"Well it's not like I can give you up..." Stiles replied.
Then he saw the look on her face as he said that.
"No—" he said, his voice raising with a frantic tone, "No, no, no— Aspen don't you dare—"
"I can't give you what you want..." she said, looking down at her hand as she'd lowered her palms from his face.
"Yes— yes you can!" Stiles argued, "because what I want is you!"
Stiles' heart felt like it was being stabbed with a dagger as he watched Aspen slowly take off her ring.
"No..." Stiles shook his head frantically, "Aspen, please— don't do this..."
This was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do.
And the fact he was begging her not to— broke her heart even more.
But she loved him too much to let him give this up. She loved him too much to make any room for resentment in their relationship.
She couldn't marry him.
Aspen slowly pried the ring off her finger, a tear falling down her face as it landed on the flesh of her hand.
Aspen placed the ring in his palm, and closed his fists around it gently as her whole life as she knew it suddenly ended.
"I can't give you what you want..." she whispered, looking up through her teary eyelashes, her mascara starting to run,
"And I can't marry you either...."
That night, there was a man who got frozen in time. Time went on for everybody else, but he wouldn't know it. What a sad sight, they'd say.
He was twenty-two, stuck inside this fantasy of what he was life was supposed to be.
He was a man stuck in delusion— unable to face that what just happened— actually happened.
Breakups happened everyday— but he meant it when he said he'd love her forever.
He was going to lose his mind, he was going to lose his self.
Everything was just right.
Until it wasn't anymore.
So Stiles just stood there, as the love of his life chose to let him go— because she thought she was doing it for him. Short term heartbreak for long-term happiness.
And she left him no choice to but stay that way forever.
___________________________
the rwylm references at the end there...
anyway, here it is— the staspen break up.
when i started planning this book a year and a half ago, i always had it planned they would've broken up in the time jump. but i wanted to make it so they broke up for good reason, that it wasn't just a 'oh we broke up because we were fighting all the time' because we all know staspen's too epic to break up over a fight...
so i wanted to make their breakup realistic, and honestly it's just heartbreaking because there was no way around it :,)
also note the lack of communication in the break up— that aspen never actually explained why she didn't want kids...
anyway..... the burning question of 'why' has finally been answered...
i apologise for any broken staspen hearts 💔💔💔
ps if you haven't seen it yet, here's a
staspen x right where you left me edit :,)
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF5PR2YQ/