"Your disease, I mean, your head was in its period again?"
Seulgi Bam and Chu barge in my room all ready to go to uni.
Chu hitting my still aching head without mercy. I groan in pain as she continues to poke my forehead.
My terrible sickness strike again for the whole week.
"Why your head is always not in the right timing, you missed our first week!" Now patting the top of my head and is she writing notes?
"What are you doing, Chu! Get off me! And why the hell are you talking about period??" I tap her hand away from me to tie my shoes.
"You know sometimes our television, or any appliances are not functioning, we tap them hard, right? I just did it to yours." Continues to scribble, "Hoping your bolts and nuts gone into their places again."
Chu grinning at me, "Period. Like menstruation cycle. Monthly visitor, it's just your stupid migraine comes every year. Amazes me."
Chu continues to dodge my head like she's some sort of mechanic.
"Is that the first lesson you had? Knocking and beating someone else's head?" I furrowed my brows at her.
"No, but I'll share you my notes once we come across that and will do another demonstration on you." Chu lay beside me.
"So, how's uni?" I asked these other two bored looking friends.
"Very much like high school, Wendy and Joy turning the quadrangle every now and then to a boxing arena." Seulgi stretching her arms this time and again intently hit my head.
"Ouch!!!" I kicked Seulgi out of my bed.
"My philosophy professor said that, College is a unique time in your life where you have minimal responsibilities and maximum freedom. So fucking enjoy it." Bam at the foot of my bed eating.
"So, on the second day, I left mid of the class to hop on a train and go an hour away to another city for a unique flavor of poptarts. Complete, 100% freedom. Liberating. Go with me next time, Manoban. I need a wasabi flavor." Bam looking all proud.
Chu, Seulgi and I looked at each other and agreed how stupid Bam is. He is taking the lesson literally on second day of class. He can't wait. And a wasabi flavored poptart??
We heard someone ascending in the staircase and Wendy pops out on my room door and without further ado,
"I decided last week to go on a fucking mission." Wendy like a President, delivering her first state of the nation address.
"I woke up on the 5th day of class, and I said to myself, I'm a new Wendy, and I'm going to get as many bitches as possible."
Wendy being always, always the little shit.
"Hahaha. New Wendy? Ahh... right. You never had someone to be with, so you can apply your educational lessons and videos." Chu laughing at her and quoting the word educational.
Wendy's face turned blank and mouthed explicit words at Chu.
"Speaking of Wendy's favorite subject, do we have that in our curriculum this semester?" Seulgi wondering.
"I don't think so, we are old enough what and how that works, you and Wendy know more than the teacher as far as I can remember, but why? You want to try asking stupid questions again to the poor instructor?" Chu snorting beside me.
*****
Sex Education.
Actually, it really amazes me every time we enter that class. Wendy and Seulgi suddenly turn to an Einstein and Aristotle. Genius and philosopher.
Seulgi and Wendy always have these smart-ass questions and answers to mess with our teachers such as:
"Miss, in threesome, would the other one won't get jealous? It's a little weird to me, see. Seems awkward when the other two are doing things and the other one is waiting for turn?" Wendy ofcourse know that, just tripping.
"Isn't it true that a girl can't get pregnant if she's on top because, you know, gravity? Defining Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation?" A very gem question from Seulgi Kang.
And sometimes they would like to go after innocent classmates.
There's this very nerdy guy who thinks that oral sex was just literally talking about sex
The genius Wendy tutored him that when he gets home and if his mom ask what happened to school today,
"Jimin, tell your mom the teacher did oral sex on you and to the whole class at the same time."
Of course, only as bright as Wendy, which include the four of us know what it is and had a hard time holding back our laughter.
Our teacher once asked what some good ways are to deal with stress. There were many great answers, but during discussion we heard Seulgi and Wendy chanting, "Say it, say it!" to a fairly shy kid in our class.
After lots of nagging by fellow asshole classmates she gets the courage and replies, masturbation.
The whole class erupted, and our teacher actually admitted that she was right, that made the shy became sort of a legend and gave her a lot more courage.
Also, I was that kid.
But our teacher, of course doesn't got beat all the time. The funniest point came when she was demonstrating how a condom went on. Wendy the shit kid, put her hand up and said,
"What do you do if the penis is big for the sperm hotel, oh I mean the condom?" With a wolfish grin on her face.
Teacher IU was obviously ready for this one, because she looked at Wendy straight in the eye, stretched the condom out to full arm's length, and said,
"You bring him to me, I want to meet him."
Best burn ever.
*****
"Dude, I can ace that. Mom, Dad and Teacher IU would be so proud." Wendy chuckling.
"Stupid, we don't have that." I throw my pillow on her.
"But we are together in Physical Education class, right? We all got the same schedule?" Bam asking us.
"Ah yeah we are, Basketball. Why do we choose that again?" My turn to ask. We are not that fond of sports or anything that relates to the words run, walk, hop or even throwing stuff...
For sure, just two laps of running, we will all throw up.
Little did we know, running would be the most used activity in our future married life. We should've taken dodge ball. You know why.
"Chu's idea." Wendy pointing at snoring Chu.
"She said so we'll have close contact with a human body." Seulgi laughing.
Chu shoot her body up and turn to Seulgi, "You know I have a classmate that is actually not a human being."
Seulgi furrowed her brows.
"She's like Medusa. Her stare can turn you to a stone. Damn, she is so scary. I can actually imagine her hair are made from snakes and she eats anger for breakfast." Chu scratching her head.
She must be petrifying knowing that Kim Jisoo is not afraid of anything except for cockroach that sometimes identify itself as butterfly and go swirling around.
"So, what am I going to do with her?" Seulgi still no idea what Chu is talking about.
"Nothing, she seems familiar. I can't remember but... never mind. I might be wrong." Chu stood up and ready to go.
I grab my bag pack and went out of my room to look for my Dad. I found him in the patio also ready to go to work.
"Pops, I'm heading to school now." I gave him a quick kiss on cheeks.
"You sure feeling better now, darling?" He caressed my head.
"Yes, Pops. I might miss a lot if I won't go." I assured him.
"Alright just let me know soon if you are feeling not well."
I nod.
"Study hard and look for a girl harder. Alright?" Dad grinning at me, he's been always the coolest father in the neighborhood.
"Pops!" He messes my fringe.
"Pops, Pops, Pops. We are here. Your daughter needs help on that. We'll get her a girlfriend. We got you." Chu high fiving my father.
*****
"So, Manoban. It's still early for our first subject. To ease your disease, we'll bring you to a pretzel parlor, gaylord."
We arrived in Seoul U with my head still beating.
"I think there are missing bolts and nuts in your brain." Wendy peeking on my nostrils as we walk.
"Fuck you, Wendy." I smacked her face.
"Hmmm. I conclude... Empty stomach hurts, so as a skull without a brain." Chu blurted out chuckling and write something again.
I grabbed her bio book and hit her with it.
"Hahaha, someone told me that the cure for headache is... drum roll please." Seulgi locking my neck in her arms.
"Badummmm tssss." Bam producing drum sound.
"Seeex!" Them in unison.
I slapped my forehead. They are making it worse.
"Since you and Wendy are the only ones who haven't done that. Why don't you try it together?" Chu high fiving Bam and Seulgi.
Wendy and I slowly looked at each other and my face instantly turned sour as she's smiling at me evilly wiggling her brows.
"Ew!"
"Hahahahahahaha! Fuck you, Manoban over my dead body. But if you want to..."
Our laughter filled the street and it continues as we enter the parlor.
"Sex! Sex! Sex!"
Wendy and Seulgi chanting at me like idots as we look for seats. We choose the far end.
"Can you shut your mouth? Everyone is looking at us. Dumbass." I widened our eyes at them.