After days of being stuck in a house, though it was Harry's, I'm finally back at work.
It's amusing when I think about how much I actually like being here because when I first started, I didn't enjoy it as much.
Sure it was fine at first, being in a new location with new people and new sights to admire, but it was hard for me to grasp the idea that for my actual dream job, I was stuck to being a girl working behind a ticket counter. But now, it's my favourite thing.
I've come to enjoy Shark Bait – the atmosphere, the fish, the people mingling around and the joy on their faces while they come without a care in the world. I hope someday I'm that happy as well.
My friendship with the people I work with have also added to the enjoyment I feel. I love coming in and getting to see everyone's faces, and talking to them. That only makes the clench in my heart that much more painful when I think about not being here anymore.
Just this morning, I walked into work only to see a bouquet of flowers on the counter with a box of chocolates sitting idly beside it. The note said 'We hope you feel better. Love, your work family.'
It didn't take me long to realize that this was probably Zayn's doing, and the grin that took over my face definitely made me look like an idiot.
But just as fast as I smiled about it, I felt that feeling again. A sting in my heart. A pull. Like I was being suffocated.
It was that same drowning guilt. The one that reminded me of all the things that were so wrong about what I was doing and how much my actions were going to be hurting people in the near future. The thought of it almost had me running to Zayn and telling him everything in hopes that he could help me figure something out.
Something that wouldn't hurt Harry.
I've tried to ignore the idea that Niall somehow knows more than he should about me. It's terrifying to say the least, and it feels like he's lurking in every corner. I hardly feel safe anymore.
And what am I supposed to tell Harry? It feels like I have no one because Jesse isn't much of an option. Neither is Zayn.
I know that Niall can be a threat. He can use me to his advantage in any way that he wants and I'll just have to follow him like a lost puppy.
Granted, he hasn't caused any trouble ever since that night but was that not enough? He left me for dead and I told Harry it was him who jumped me. Now, I'm worried I might have caused problems for myself.
I imagine Harry trying to confront him and everything going down in flames. Niall wouldn't think twice before throwing me under the bus, he doesn't care about me. That worries me even more because if he exposes me, then everything is over.
Everything.
Sometimes I wish I never got myself in this mess. My life would be so much simpler if I wasn't doing this job. I'd probably be at Sugar Beach again with Jesse every night, smiling as I listen to him complain about the cold and be spending my days carefree and out of trouble.
But then I wouldn't know Zayn. Or Harry. I wouldn't have made the friends I did, or have had the small experiences like playing in the snow or riding a motorcycle. I wouldn't feel like this. Happy.
That's what tears me apart. On the one hand, I've gained so much and felt so many emotions but on the other, I have so much to lose. I'm afraid that once I do, I can never get it back.
I know that even if I do lose it all, it's only fair. I deserve whatever comes my way but that won't make it hurt any less. I just need to be prepared for when that time comes and hope I'm strong enough not to drown.
I try not to showcase my internal dilemma around Harry too much because as we spend more time together, he's beginning to read me more easily. That's not particularly a good thing because it gets in the way of so many things. Such as me ignoring Derek.
I've received multiple texts from him so far asking for me to come see him but I can't. I refuse to. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I stand there in front of him and hold back information. I don't want to tell him anything. I don't want to do my job.
I get the feeling that Harry's been avoiding Joseph as well. I've noticed the multiple times that he's received a call or text but stared down at it and simply ignored it.
I didn't ask him who it was, but it wasn't hard to miss that it was obviously Joseph from the way Harry's jaw would clench every time his phone dinged.
There's obviously something more here between Harry and Joseph. He seems like he hates him but he's never really elaborated on it. I haven't even asked because I'm not quite sure Harry will ever tell me. I don't blame him, I'm hiding a massive part of my life from him too.
Instead, I should be grateful that I've even been told half of what I have. I feel so guilty knowing about the gems and everything else Harry's trusted me with. It's partially also the reason why I keep putting off going to see Derek as well.
I've spent most of my recent time worrying about my injuries and going back to work. Logically I knew that I had nothing to be self conscious about. My bruises would fade over time and I knew that, but it didn't make going back into the public eye with them any easier.
Harry couldn't handle me pacing back and forth in his house, grabbing me and holding me against him. "Stop. You're beautiful," he told me, keeping my face on his.
When I started to walk away from him, he kept me firmly planted in front of him. "No, listen to me. These bruises just show how strong you were, okay? If anyone says anything to you, tell me. I'll fuckin' deal with it."
He looked so sweet when he said it with a pout on his lips, so concerned. I couldn't help but to just smile at him. I leaned up and kissed him, murmuring a soft "okay" while smoothing out the creases on his forehead.
When I asked Harry about what was going to happen with my bracelet now that it was missing, he didn't miss a second before contacting Zayn about it.
It hit me then that I had lost not one but two of their bracelets. One of them I tried not to think about. That was also another thing added to the list of stuff I needed to worry about.
Who has that damn bracelet?
Zayn finally gave me a new bracelet just the other day, but he couldn't look me in the eyes as he did it. I think he still feels guilty about keeping the reason behind the gems a secret from me.
This one is just like everyone else's – red jewels.
I feel a little bit better about using this one, making sure to keep it in front of me at all times. Even though this one probably doesn't have some secret meaning behind it, I can help but to think that someone keeps trying to sabotage me.
I don't think it's any of the people I work with because I hardly ever see them as it is. Was it Harry? Zayn? Dan?
Knowing Harry, if it was him he would have reamed me out for it and forced me out of his life before I could even try to explain myself. Zayn would have surely told Harry if it was him. But Dan I'm not too sure about. We've grown closer these last few weeks but he hasn't given me any reason to be suspicious.
Thinking about it while I stand here at Shark Bait is the last thing I should be doing. My head hurts from the hundreds of questions that keep floating around in my mind and it doesn't help the fact that I'm still recovering from the pain all over my body as it is.
I quickly do all of my closing duties, making a mental note to take some time out to go and visit Zayn soon. I don't want him to think I'm mad at him but he definitely thinks I am. I hardly even saw him today.
Scanning my new bracelet to punch out of work, I suddenly feel a presence behind me. Warm cardigan covered arms find their way around my shoulders, crossing over on my chest to pull me back into their warmth. If I wasn't already sure as to who it was, the smell of vanilla and sea salt would be a dead giveaway.
"Hey." Harry whispers from behind me, nudging his nose into the side of my head. I immediately sink into his chest, curling my hands around his forearms. I tilt my head back to look at him, seeing him already smiling down at me. "Hey."
I reach up to kiss the underside of his jaw before he lets go of me, turning me around to grab my hand and steer me out of Shark Bait. He leads me through a back exit, away from my coworkers and lingering customers.
As soon as we get out onto the sidewalk Harry throws his arm over my shoulder, hauling me into his side as he directs us towards his apartment. I reach up and interlock my hand with his hanging over my shoulder as he speaks. "I want to show you something."
I look up at him as he stays staring straight ahead, avoiding my eyes. His cheeks lightly flush as the wind whips around us, the end of January not being too kind to us.
I squeeze his hand to get his attention as he weaves us down the sidewalk, sparing me a quick glance with a smirk on his lips. "I'm not telling you anything else. Too fuckin' nosy for your own good."
My head quickly drops and I stare at my feet. I don't need him to see the wince upon my face even though I've pretty much abandoned my duties with Derek.
Harry takes my silence as a good thing and quietly chuckles, kissing the top of my head before unwinding his hand from mine and opening the door to his complex.
As we step inside the elevator, instead of hitting the top button for his floor, Harry hits a different one labelled 'R'.
I give him a look but his face doesn't budge. Instead, he just shrugs and pulls me into his chest keeping me pressed tight against him. He leans down to give me a quick kiss, fiddling with one of my fish clips before tugging on my hair. "Patience, baby."
Gnawing on my lip, I squint my eyes at him which only makes him chuckle. His chest rumbles against mine as I fiddle with the bottom of his orange cardigan. His hands find their way under my coat and work shirt to rest on my bare back.
"I've always had a thing for flowers."
I stare at him with furrowed eyebrows, a small smile resting on his lips as he says that.
I don't have a chance to respond to his confusing words before the elevator doors open with a chime. Harry pushes off the wall and pulls away from me and it's only now that I'm registering how much cooler the temperature is now.
Exiting out of the elevator, we're met with just a short hallway with an emergency exit at the end. The cool air from outside seeps under the crack beneath the door immediately making me cross my arms.
"What are we doing here, Harry?" I watch him walk a few steps ahead of me before he leans against the door. His fingers fiddle with the cuffs of his cardigan and his foot incessantly taps on the ground. When his gaze slowly meets mine, I go still. He's nervous.
I take a few steps closer keeping my eyes locked on Harry's. Suddenly, I'm nervous too. It's rare to see Harry like this and it immediately puts me on high alert.
"Harry?" I quietly say. The tips of our toes are touching now.
He still remains silent, eyes roaming over my body from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I go to open my mouth again but he just shakes his head. Taking a deep breath, he leans back harder against the door to unlock the push bar and open the door.
As soon as the door opens, I see a building in front of me and my breath hitches.
It's a greenhouse. A greenhouse on the roof of his apartment building.
I walk through the threshold of the doorway, my eyes fixated on the large greenhouse in front of me. I distantly hear the door close behind me before feeling Harry walk past me. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the door to the greenhouse, cheeks red.
As he pushes the door open, my eyes immediately widen. "Harry..."
There's hundreds of flowers inside. Petunias, sunflowers, poinsettias, roses, chrysanthemums, passionflowers, ferns, orchids, marigolds, peonies, daisies and more.
It isn't until I'm leaning down to smell a batch of roses that I realize I've walked myself into the greenhouse. I take a peek behind my shoulder to see Harry still standing in the doorway. His bottom lip is curled into his mouth.
He looks extremely nervous, almost as if he's anticipating I'd have a negative reaction to seeing all of this.
To ease his worry I walk back over to him and grab his hand in mine, pulling him inside the greenhouse with me. I lift his hand up to my mouth and press a kiss to the pad of this thumb. "Who would have thought you'd have a green thumb? It's hot." I wink.
He rolls his eyes but he doesn't fool me. His cheeks flush even more.
"Honestly though, this is amazing, Harry." I begin walking through the aisles, admiring the different types of flowers that are thriving here under Harry's care. I hear him follow behind me, the sound of clippers ringing through the air as he tends to them.
I come to a stop in front of some peonies and Harry moves to stand behind me. "Thank you," he sheepishly replies. He reaches around me to thumb a petal.
"The flowers you have on the counter at Shark Bait every morning, they're from here. Zayn brings them in so no one knows they're mine. It's our little secret."
My heart swells. I lean back against his chest and wonder what other sweet little secrets Harry possesses. "Of course, that wouldn't fit in with your whole 'fish obsessed asshole' look, hm?"
Harry pinches my side before grabbing the clippers and tending to the peonies. "Fuckin' right it doesn't."
Regardless of my teasing, I know it's a big thing for Harry to show me his greenhouse.
At this moment, everything I thought I knew about Harry before coming to work for him has been wrong. Harry isn't a cold hearted, illegal working, gem smuggling asshole. No matter how he was with me in the beginning, he is so far from that. So much more than that.
He's guarded. Someone who loves the people in his life so much that he would do anything for them, finds enjoyment in small things like gardening and fish, and cares so deeply about others. I don't have to know him long to see that. I see it in the way he is with Zayn or when he does things like he is right now, showing me his greenhouse.
"You okay?" His voice suddenly comes through. I break away from my thoughts about Harry, noticing that I've been slowly walking around the whole place. "Yeah," I breathe out. I turn around to face him again.
He has a small smile on his lips, and a hint of pink covering his cheeks almost as if he's still nervous that I'm here in his personal space. I walk over to him, grabbing both his hands and resting my chin on his chest. "Thank you for bringing me here."
He goes to shake his head but I cut him off before he can say anything. "I know this place probably means something to you, so, thank you."
Harry's body relaxes at my words and he looks down at me. "It does, yeah."
I don't push it and instead lean up to press my lips to the base of his throat. He hums at the action, closing his eyes as he relishes in the feeling. My lips trail up to his scar, softly kissing it and it makes me wonder if one day I'll get to know everything there is to know about Harry Styles.
As I pull my lips away, Harry is quick to grab my chin and pull me up higher to catch his lips with mine. He plants not one, not two, but three soft kisses onto them before he lets me go. Giving me one of his hazy smiles, he grabs the clippers again and drags me down the aisle.
For the next little bit, Harry teaches me how to care for the flowers – which ones to trim and how to do it. He lets me water some of the flowers as well, making a big fuss over me not spreading the water evenly among them all.
It's cute to see him like this over flowers instead of fish.
Standing beside him, I admire the passionflowers. They're a stunning purple and their little tendrils remind me of jellyfish in a way. I'm about to voice my thoughts, knowing Harry would probably love my little connection to his fish, but he beats me to it.
"It reminds me of my mum."
I look over at him, confused and he breaks his gaze from in front of him to look at me. He gestures towards the greenhouse. "This place."
He can tell that I'm still confused because he continues talking. "My mum–" he pauses for a second, "She loved to garden." He chokes up a little at the end, turning his gaze to the floor. My heart clenches at his words and I don't need him to elaborate anymore.
I reach out and touch his hand beside me and he flinches as if forgetting that he's here with someone. We stay that way for a bit, my thumb rubbing the back of his hand while we both silently stand side by side.
Even though Harry doesn't realize it, this moment means so much to me. To see vulnerability from him in a space that's so important to him is so special to me that I almost want to start crying. I suddenly notice the tears lingering in my eyes and try to brush them away before he can catch on.
"Harry," I whisper, going to touch his face when he turns to look at me. His eyes are slightly glazed over, a hint of redness to them as his lip quivers. "Baby." I barely get the word out before I'm throwing my arms around him hugging him.
His own arms wrap so tightly around me and I'm completely engulfed in him but I don't care. I'll do anything to be here for him and to help him not feel so lonely at this moment. I don't know what to say because truthfully, I don't know his story.
I'm never going to understand why he feels the way he does and nothing I will do right now will take away the pain he feels, but I can try and make it just a bit more bearable. Harry's face nuzzles into my neck as he leans back against the counter, his legs splayed out in front of him.
I'm in between them, my whole weight resting on him as he hunches into me completely and all I can do is run my fingers through his hair to try and soothe away whatever painful memories this place is bringing back for him. "I'm sorry," he mumbles into my neck.
"No. You have nothing to be sorry for."
Harry doesn't reply to that and instead just holds me to him, finding comfort in whatever I can offer him. It's only five minutes later that he finally says something else. "When I was a kid, some of my best memories are with my mum gardening."
His words squeeze my heart. I can imagine a young Harry running around the yard while his mother gardens. He would be the kid to squat down next to her and ask if he can help just because it's something his mother likes to do.
"We didn't have much, but she loved to keep things happy and alive. One of those things was flowers." He breathes out a laugh against my neck. "I remember her sitting out there for fuckin' hours, planting, watering, just showing them so much love. She knew how to keep them blooming."
I keep my fingers in his hair, scratching his head as I listen to him talk about his life. "I never got bored of life, you know? I lived the same life every fuckin' day and it was perfect because I had my mum there. She made it perfect."
Harry pulls back from me a little so he can look at my face. My hands cup his jaw and I keep my eyes firmly set on him to let him know that I'm here for him. He removes one hand from around me to come wipe at his eyes quickly.
"I started this greenhouse so that I won't ever forget her. I needed a piece of her over here with me, I just really fuckin' needed it. I know I'm not doing nearly as good a job as she would but I'd like to think she likes it."
Every word from his mouth spears my heart. He's so soft spoken about his mom, he obviously loved her more than anything in this world. The fact that he started a greenhouse for her just says so much about him as a person.
"Harry I–" I go to speak but have a hard time finding the words. "That's beautiful."
Hearing his story after having brought me here, I'm even more appreciative of him. It's his way of showing me trust, care, and my feelings for him only intensify the more I think about it.
I reach up to kiss his cheek, murmuring against it. "Thank you for all this. Thank you for showing me this place and telling me about it. It really is beautiful, Harry."
He softly smiles down at me and I can only do the same in return. His fingers reach up to brush my hair from out of my face. "You know," he starts up. "Mum would have loved to meet you."
My breath catches in my throat. This time I can't stop the tears from showing and he just chuckles at my reaction, wiping his thumb under my eyes. "Oh, c'mon Blue. Don't fuckin' cry on me now."
I sputter out a scoff, hitting him across the chest. "You can't just say stuff like that to me."
He laughs loudly, throwing his head back but making sure to pull me closer into his body so I'm nuzzled right against his chest. "I apologize." He doesn't sound sorry at all.
"Mum always wanted me to find someone who will keep me in check," he says with a playfulness to his voice. I frown up at him. "Is that all I'm good for?" I tilt my head, pouting up at him.
Harry smirks at me, leaning closer until his lips brush against mine. "That, and this." He teases before pressing his lips to mine and stealing the air from my lungs.
Even though his words were teasing, truthfully, I am the one who needed someone to keep me in check. But it seems too late for that now. My feelings for him are way beyond anyone's control and I'm afraid I'm too far gone.
Author's Note: Bit of a shorter chapter, but a necessary one!
We love you all, see you next week <3
A & S