Warning this chapter will hit you so hard in the feels 😭❤️
"Hey Shawn!" Jacquie walks over to him and places a kiss on his lips.
She sits down on his lap and I notice Shawn touching her butt.
Man that makes me jealous..
This has gotten very awkward, so I decide to sit next to Ian and hold his hand.
I can tell that Shawn noticed me holding his hand.
He looks a little.. Angry? I'm not sure.
"I think I'm going to leave you two to talk because you haven't seen each other in forever! I'll Be upstairs. Cmon Ian let's go together" Jacquie says.
I see her walk upstairs while she leaves with Ian.
It's just me and Shawn.
He has gotten even more good looking. He looks so muscular and his hair has gotten a little taller.
He looks amazing. I miss seeing him in person.
"Shawn-" I say and get cut off.
"Hi, Katie. I hope that whatever happened can just be put into the past now. We are both happy and in relationships. Hopefully we can be friends because I would love to be friends with you," he says abruptly.
What the hell?
What happened to the Shawn who loved me?
What happened to the Shawn I thought would always be there for me?
Why did I think that he would fall in love with me again?
"Shawn, what the hell are you saying? Are you over me? I thought we still might have something.." I say while starting to get tears In my eyes.
I've missed him. I've missed him so much it hurts.
"Katie, you are the one who broke up with
me. You didn't give me a chance! You can't expect me to want to get back together with you. I'm dating Jacquie now.. I'm sorry.. Why would you think we still had something?" he says.
"I honestly can't believe what is wrong with you, Shawn. What happened to the Shawn who would always be there for me? I thought.. I thought.. You know what I can't do this. I thought you still loved me. I still loved you," I say running upstairs crying so hard.
I run out the door and don't look back.
I don't want to think about what happened. To even think that maybe he would want to get back together with me.
What was I thinking? Im so stupid.
I run into my room and get into my bed bawling. I've never felt more alone.
He doesn't care. He doesn't care about me.
Why did I think that he would?
Why did I think he would instantly like me again?
"Katie.." I hear through the door.
It's the familiar voice that I just don't want to hear right now.
"Shawn, get the hell away from me. I don't want you here. you obviously don't care about me anymore."
"Katie, what are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry okay? I know what I did was wrong. I love you. I just want you to love me but if you don't than just leave please," I say crying.
He opens the door.
He walks over and sits on the end of my bed.
Just looking at him makes me want to cry.
I can't look at him. I can't bare to hear him talk.
"Katie, I don't know what to say right now," he said.
"Okay, Shawn. I get it. You have no feelings for me anymore. Fuck, you probably never thought of me while you were gone. Why the hell was I so stupid to think you actually missed me? And actually liked me?"
"Katie, are you kidding me. I told you everyday I loved you. I told you everyday how much you meant to me, and you broke my heart. You broke it into pieces, and I felt like giving up. You don't know how much you hurt me. I loved you so so so much."
"Maybe you did but you don't anymore so what's the point in even trying? I fucked up, Shawn. I screwed up terribly and I can never forgive myself for that. I love you more than I would've ever thought but since you don't care anymore, just please leave, okay?" I say.
He scoots closer to me.
I turn away and continue to cry. He places his hand on my shoulder which makes even sadder.
I try to push him off but he resists.
"I've missed you. I've missed you so much," i say.
He wipes the tears away from my eyes and I look at him.
"Katie.." He says.
I lay back Into bed.
"Shawn I still love you and I've never stopped. But since you don't like me anymore, maybe it's best that we just forget each other."
"Katie, please stop talking," he says.
I do. I stop talking and cry.
I don't care if he seems me like this. It's how i feel.
I love him and I want him back.
"You broke up with me. I felt like giving up. I felt worse than I ever have in my life. Finally it took me awhile but I moved on. I found someone who made me happy."
"Oh god Shawn leave me alone. I never want to see you again I just can't handle this right now please," I say and run into the bathroom.
I just cry and I want to stop but I can't.
I love this kid so much and I wish I could stop but I don't think that it's possible.
"Katie I didn't finish please come out," he says.
I lay down and place my hands on my head.
He doesn't like me. I screwed everything up. Why the hell did I do that?
I come out and sit down. I don't care what he has to say I can't even listen to him talk without missing him.
He grabs my hands and I hesitate trying to pull back to wipe my face but he doesn't let me.
"Listen. I love you. I always will and you know that. I love you so so so so much and it made me so sad knowing that you didn't realize how much you hurt me.. I made so many songs about you and there were nights where I didn't sleep because all I could think about was you. I guess I never fully moved on, but I got a girlfriend to get you off of my mind and you got Ian so I thought you were over me.."
"Okay Shawn. Go home if you want. If you never will love me again like you did before, than please don't make me feel even worse.
I'm not over you ok? Im not. You know I'm not so just tell me the truth."
"Fine. Fuck what happened. I love you. I love you more than you will ever know. I loved you from the moment I saw you, and you know that I will always love you. I finally started to move on, but I realized I can't. I can't because you are all I think about. You, Katie. YOU! I honestly couldn't picture my life without you in it. You make me the happiest that I've ever been and it hurt my feelings more than you knew because of how much I loved you. I know it sounds stupid but you mean so much to me and I just don't know what to do. I thought you broke up with me because you didn't love me and I couldn't stand thinking about that.."
'Shawn.. You mean so much to me and I've missed you so much. I never said how proud of you I am. Honestly the reason why I broke up with you isn't because I didn't love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before. It's because I thought I didn't deserve you. You are are the kindest, sweetest most caring guy in the world and I just felt like I didn't deserve someone as special as you. I thought since you were famous you wanted to be seen with someone famous.. Not me.."
"Katie, that is bullshit. I could care less about the fame. I would give up all of my fame just to be with you. You are what makes me most happy, not the fame or the money but you. I want you to know that you mean the world to me and you deserve everything you want in life.."
"Shawn, I want you. I want you, but I thought I didn't deserve you. I want you so much you make me feel like the happiest girl on earth."
It's silent. I don't think he has anything to say.
"What now?" I decide to say to break the silence.
He leans over and kisses me on the forehead. No matter what happens, I know he loves me.
I know he wants the best for me. And that's what I want for him.
I want him to be happy. I want him to live the life he wants. I want him. I want him and me to be together.
We love each other so much and even in fights we still care.
I lean over and kiss him back and we just sit in silence thinking.
Thinking about what should happen and what we should say next.
No matter what happens, I love him. He means so much to me. I love Shawn Mendes. He is the best one for me.
The one that makes me truly happy.
The one who I deserve. The one who should be mine forever.