Hey everyone! Sumo and Muso here!
So, you might be wondering, what do we mean by this message from underneath.
Well, it means, a message from the deepest graves of our hearts, the message that was long buried down within the hearts of many students, who aspire to be something else, to not reach heights of the sky, but run on waters and reach the sun hiding in the horizon.
In India, and many conservative traditions, students are forced to take the path walked on by the masses, solely decided by their parents, if not by them, by the entire society around them. Parents compelled by this pressure, pressurize their own kids, fearing the masses who are not going to even pay a cent worth of attention to their problems but pay crores worth of attention provided with "wise" guidance, to them. Yes. That's the issue I wanna discuss today.
Fortunately, fortunately fortunately I come from two angels who themselves have passed from this storm and are giving me freedom, to do whatever I please. it's my "12th" going on, and here I am, abandoning my homework time today just because I don't feel like it, here I am venting out all my thoughts, on this platform. They are actually proud of this story- Blackmailed Marriage. I have never achieved any award, hell, only participation certificates! And this story, also may not have won anything, but they still consider it as an achievement and brag about it in the entire world, rubbing it on their faces, yes the same faces that questioned my choice of taking Arts stream.
On the contrary, I am surrounded by students, forced to take Science or Commerce, because, in our lovely society's opinion- "The streams Where real knowledge and future belongs"
As if Humanities is just "time-pass". In reality, they actually believe this. "Humanities! Rich people shit."
Wow. They can just go suck a lemon.
It is not just this decision, all the major decisions of a person's life are being decided beforehand. And here we all are, having freedom of expression by the lovely article 19 of our constitution.
Great.
So I would just like to tell all the parents who believe that scolding, hitting, comparing, complaining won't work.
Let me just give you an example.
There was a lad, let's call him Ram. He was the perfect "Sharma Ji ka beta". One day he was caught doing drugs. His father found out, and without even talking to him first, he just hit him with a belt, locked him up, and just used the negative learning techniques. Ram completely stopped smoking that day. Well, in their conscience he did, in reality, he did not. He just stopped telling them. Two months later, he collapsed due to excessive drug usage.
Getting the point?
Another example,
There was this young girl, and she was great at every aspect of life. She gelled with people, and performed well in school. What more could parents want?
Well then her 10th board came, she was bombarded with tuitions, homework and the most painful of them all emotional blackmail. yeah. "WE have paid over lakhs for your study! DO good in the boards!" Was the opening statement of every evening. Certainly, pressure over her small frame increased day by day. Her mental health was in the gutter, and her emotional balance, like a joker balloon, swayed from right to left to right to left. Soon, Sleep also left her side, and good marks resigned from her life temporarily. Tuition and School were playing tug of war with her, school pulling it to itself, while tuition trying to drag her to its side. And the parents just watching. At nights she would do school work, in the school she would do tuition work, in the tuition she would project work, and at night, she would freak herself off. imagine the condition. Just imagine and you would feel goosebumps slashing the skin and coming out.
All the neighbours had started talking about her, the ones who would see her green-eyed whenever she got good grades. They didn't even bother to congratulate her then, and here they were now, giving the "wisest" of guidance. Her mother would tell the tuition teacher to give her more homework, feeling that the previous work wasn't sufficient for her. Last but to the least, Comparisons! How can we forget them!
"Look at your friend there! Studying day and night! I hear her examinations are going well! I asked her marks and they are top-notch!" a voice echoed throughout the house, but our girl now had learnt how to be unbothered by these, as it was daily life shit now.
Great.
Just fracking great.
One day, the thought that she had long buried in her mind, became alive again. She announced to the whole family, that she won't attend the tuitions, by hook or by crook. Her mother, feeling that she had to do damage control, dialled up the tuition teacher, who in turn scolded our lovely girl. The fresh plant, with flowers sticking out and beautifying everything around it had transcended into a burnt up plant, awaiting to just decompose.
She was scolded by the tuition teacher on call, lectured by her mother almost every hour, but she grew used to it and studied by herself. Finally! The concepts now just unravelled themselves in front of her eyes. She was the self-studying kind of girl. Only a month was given to her for preparation, she studied her ass off.
Again, the neighbours had started talking about her. Her marks were average, but not what the parents were expecting. On the contrary, she was extremely proud of herself, regardless of what others said.
Imagine, having just a month to prepare 5 subjects, each having over 10-12 chapters, with no concept clarity all over the year, and gaining 78% in the boards.
IMAGINE!
But who understands that?
You?
me?
2% of the population?
It is the urging need for parents to understand this simple thing.
It is as simple as 2+2=4 and as smart as the Pythagorean theory.
Parents, I really want you to UNDERSTAND! Not just listen, not even think anything right now. Just absorb in what I mean to say.
I know that you want the best for your children. I was not portraying parents as the villain in the story above. But the reality is that the story was from the girl's POV. When children are pressurised by you, way more than the limit, they even start hating you sometimes. Of course, they aren't gonna say it out loud to you! I have actually seen children venting out their anger in school, due to the pressure they handle at home. After all the anger is going to escape somewhere! Especially bottled up anger.
I know that you want the best for your children and that you think that putting them under pressure, and comparing their marks with others will make them study even harder, and give them motivation, but that mantra does not work for everyone. But such does not happen and actually, it has the reverse effect. Imagine if the girl had been left by herself, asked about how she studied all these years, HER preferable manner of studying for the year, maybe she could have been saved and could shine even more. She had the potential of 100% even, but it got suppressed under the pressure. Yes, there are many students who prefer tuitions for their preparation, but at least their consent should be asked! Look at me, I haven't attended one day of tuition, and I am doing just fine people! It depends on the students. Don't let societal beliefs such as, 'going to the tuitions or classes being the symbol of studying' affect you, as they are complete bullshit in my opinion. Every kid is different, hence their mantra too is different. Some kids find tuition as a way to study while some don't need them. Just like every tongue aspires different foods, every student needs different means of studying
People have long asked me, "beta, which tuitions do you go to?"
"None."
"You study by yourself?!"
"Well, earlier my mom used to teach me, now I study myself using her tactics."
I am sure they would be thinking- "What a stupid girl! Classes are a must for 10th and 12th~!"
It is clearly visible on their faces.
My point being, every student is different, the studying tactics are different, their minds are different, their learning pace is different. Due to these differences, they themselves only know, how to study.
But that is where our education system goes wrong!
Before teaching what to study, make students learn how to study it!
Well, I have been with very fortunate people, as my teachers are great and I just depend on them to clarify concepts. If not them, youtube baba is always there. Basically, it is the job of teachers, and parents to make their children first learn HOW to study rather than What to study.
A fisherman learns how to catch fish, not about its species name, and where they come from.
Getting the point?
Let's look at other aspects.
Secondly, if Ram's father had asked Ram, as to why he was taking drugs, they would have found out that Ram was being bullied, and to be away from the pain, drugs were his medicine, and rather than hitting him, they actually could have brought a solution. But because of what happened, the poor boy landed on a hospital bed, wasting precious years of school.
I just want you to know that at some point in age, children want you to be their companion, not a parent. Yes, Punishment is a proven method of refining behaviour, but that applies to childhood, even in adolescence in some matters. But talking is necessary for all matters. Create an atmosphere, where the child can share even the grave matters freely with you.
I am no parent, but as it is said, the victim can know more about the solution, for he/she has the need. And the need is the mother of invention.
Well, I am also no victim, most of the ideas above have come from victims. I am just the messenger.
And now I want you to think.
I am not gonna say anything more, I want you to just think. And you may seek the answer yourself.
I am not sure, whether this message reaches parents or not. But if it does, I hope I have made at least one change in your perspective.
Regards,
Sumo&Muso
:)