yeah ik this chapter is early but I couldn't wait, you're welcome :)
Emilia had never been arrested before that night. Let alone in a foreign country. She had fucked up. Big time. Her head throbbed massively. She'd made a big mistake.
Leaving Alfa Romeo, Emilia held it together as she walked to Mercedes with Toto. The Team Principal hadn't even closed the door properly when Emilia started crying. She put her face in her hands and sobbed. Her career in Formula 1 was over.
That helmet Emilia designed and got made for when her future was decided, would never be worn. She could wear it in Abu Dhabi or before that but it wouldn't be worn with her next season in Formula 1 sorted.
Toto sat down beside her and hugged her. He felt awful for Emilia being put in this position so early on in her career. He'd helped her as much as he could but he couldn't invent seats out of thin air neither could he give Emilia one of his as both of his drivers had contracts.
"Emilia you did the right thing." Toto assured. Emilia looked up at him wiping her eyes. She did not appear to share the same thoughts. "Contract negotiations usually last for weeks. Alfa were not willing to fight for you and they just accepted defeat without trying to reason with you. You want a team who will fight for you."
"But there's no one who wants to fight for me." Emilia responded.
"I want to fight for you. Mercedes does but it's unfortunate there's so few seats. If there was a third seat, I wouldn't even have to think about who goes in it." Toto said.
"There is a third seat. Reserve driver." Emilia replied.
"Yes that is true but you have other things to look forward to. There's that WEC contract you said you were excited to sign last night." Toto pointed out.
"I don't care about that anymore." Emilia huffed.
"If you want to go back to Alfa and sign their contract, I'll come with you." Toto offered.
"No I don't want to sign that contract."
"What is it you want? What can I do to help?" Toto asked.
"Nothing." Emilia cried. "I want an unrealistic option. One where I'm going to drive for a good team with a multi-year contract so my future is sorted. I want to show that contract to my Grandad and him be proud of me and I want to be with Lando again. I know what you're going to say, I know that doesn't exist. I know that life's shit, this year has been so up and down but I want everything to settle yet there's only more and more uncertainty coming into it. It sucks." Toto frowned and hugged Emilia again not worrying about his shirt getting wet from her tears.
"Emilia it will all resolve itself. You've had an unluckily bad year which is through not fault of your own. Most people would have quit by now but you're still here. I promise you, you will get another chance in Formula 1." Toto knew he couldn't promise something like that even owning a Formula 1 team but he had to give Emilia some comfort that her life wasn't falling apart completely.
"It's going to get better?" Emilia asked.
"Of course it will. It always does." Toto meant that.
Emilia remembered that conversation clearly. She thought about not being in Formula 1 again and didn't feel like crying. Maybe that was because she had much bigger problems sitting in a cell. Her memory was slightly fuzzy after that. Probably due to the massive headache she had. Or the alcohol.
Emilia sat on her bed not wanting to do anything except feel sorry for herself. Her stash of chocolate she'd brought had been depleted the night before so that only left alcohol. But Emilia didn't really feel like drinking. She knew she'd make some bad decisions if she did. Her phone rang with Daniel's name appearing on the screen.
"Hey Daniel." Emilia greeted trying to sound cheerful.
"Hey Max and I were going to go out in about an hour and we were wondering if you wanted to come. We knew you'd need quite a bit of time to get ready which is why we're phoning now." Daniel replied. Emilia thought going out was a good idea because it was better than staying inside and moping around.
"Yeah sounds great I'll meet you outside my hotel." Emilia answered. She put her phone down on her bed and got in the shower. Emilia was about to leave and realised she hadn't put her phone on charge. It had a bit of charge that would last her a few hours but it would probably die after that.
Daniel and Max were waiting for Emilia and she drove the three of them to a bar nearby. She had mentioned she wouldn't drink so offered them a lift instead of piling into a taxi or walking. The bar was only a ten minute drive so they wouldn't have had a problem walking there. On the way back, getting the drunk ones home would be a tougher job.
"We haven't actually celebrated your win yet." Max pointed out as they sat down.
"We haven't celebrated any of your like five wins this season Verstappen." Emilia answered.
"So why aren't you drinking again?" Daniel enquired. "Are you expecting something?"
"Like what?" Emilia frowned sipping her water. "Oh no I'm not pregnant."
"We get that you and Mr Norris are not together but doesn't mean you're not doing the deed." Daniel chuckled.
"You and Lando aren't together?" Max raised his eyebrows.
"Do you live under a rock or something?" Daniel questioned.
"Mate I don't look at social media how am I supposed to know?" Max defended.
"And if you did look at the media, why would you believe what it says about my relationship anyway?" Emilia enquired.
"Good point." Max replied. They chatted for a while about racing "What are you doing next season Emilia?"
"I think I'm going to need a drink if I answer that." Emilia was going to get up until Daniel saw someone behind Emilia. Her back was facing the door so she couldn't see who it was.
"Carlos!" Daniel called getting the Ferrari driver's attention. Emilia turned around and saw Lando accompanying the Spaniard. She rotated her head back round before she could meet eyes with Lando.
"I didn't know you guys were coming here. Drinks anyone?" Carlos offered. Max and Daniel asked for the same. "Emilia what do you want? Cocktail, beer?"
"She's not drinking." Daniel answered.
"She's pregnant." Max added.
"What?" Lando abruptly looked up from his phone.
"I'm not pregnant." Emilia clarified throwing nuts at the two men opposite her for that comment. "Fine just get me whatever, something alcoholic preferably." Carlos nodded as he and Lando went to get drinks. "You two aren't funny doing that." Emilia huffed.
"We found it pretty funny." Max replied.
"I'm only having one drink by the way, just one." Emilia was actually attempting to convince herself instead of the two in front of her. Lando and Carlos came back and distributed the drinks.
"Emilia, Lando suggested you would like sex on the beach so I got you that." Carlos handed Emilia the cocktail knowing what he was doing with his words. "Lando you can have the seat there next to Emilia, I will go and grab another chair." Lando obliged and sat down next to Emilia.
"I didn't mean it like that, I know you like the cocktail." Lando quietly said so only she could hear it.
"Lando it's fine." Emilia replied shortly. "Where's Sophie?"
"It was a one-time thing." Lando started. "Not like that, nothing happened." He quickly corrected himself. "Emi, she's just a friend."
"Sure." Emilia responded while drinking. While Emilia was mad about Lando bringing Sophie to the party, she felt even worse about sleeping with Mick, twice.
"What were you talking about before when we got here? It seemed serious." Carlos returned having found a chair and positioned himself at the head of the table.
"Oh yeah I forgot about that." Daniel moved his attention to Emilia who hid behind her drink. "Where are you going next year?" Everyone was staring at Emilia waiting for an answer.
"Is it top secret or something? Is that why you're not talking about it?" Max queried joking.
"WEC." Emilia mumbled.
"I didn't hear what you said." Daniel commented but he was only opposite her.
"I'm going to Endurance Racing probably." Emilia said louder not meeting anyone's eyes.
"That's not a Formula 1 team." Max pointed out.
"I know that Max." Emilia answered.
"Wait what happened?" Lando enquired.
"I don't want to talk about it." Emilia said. Daniel took the hint and started up another conversation after the table fell silent. Lando was persistent in trying to get Emilia to talk to him about it but she ignored him. Emilia made few contributions to the conversation and finished her drink. "Are you alright getting a taxi back with Lando and Carlos because I think I'm going to go?" Emilia questioned Daniel and Max.
"You're leaving?" Lando asked. Emilia glanced to him but didn't reply. Daniel and Max confirmed it would be fine so Emilia said bye and walked out. She continued ignoring Lando until she tried to open the car door and he stood in the way.
"Can I get in my car?" Emilia requested reaching out a hand but Lando seized her hand holding it. "What are you doing?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what Lando." Emilia sighed tired.
"About you not having a seat."
"I said I don't want to talk about." Emilia wouldn't meet his eyes so Lando used the hand not holding Emilia's to lift her chin up so she would make eye contact with him.
"You've been crying?" He noticed.
"Not since like an hour ago. What does it matter anyway? I just want to go to bed."
"We need to talk." Lando decided.
"I really don't want to talk right now and the last time I did try to talk to you, you walked away for no reason." Emilia pointed out.
"I was drunk." Lando defended.
"So was I and George was drunker than both of us put together." Emilia stated. Lando made a sour face. "Don't be like that about him, he's your friend."
"That you slept with." Lando reminded.
"I didn't sleep with him. I lied." Emilia admitted. There was a very slim chance that Lando believed her yet she told him anyway. "He slept in my bed that night because I didn't want to be alone and we woke up pretty close to each other but nothing ever happened between us apart from that kiss that my ex sent you. Please can I just go back now?" Lando moved out the way so Emilia could get into her car.
She didn't look back as she drove. Emilia's mind was elsewhere and she wasn't focused so she missed the junction ending up on the motorway. Speed limit signs guided her but there was a car in front of her that was going significantly under the speed limit. Emilia knew she had to get off at the next junction and go on the same road the other way to get back to her hotel. This car in front of her was far too slow so Emilia indicated into faster lanes ending up in the fastest lane. Her foot was still on the accelerator and she was way beyond the speed limit but Emilia didn't stop. She kept going faster and faster until she realised she'd missed the junction to turn around. Emilia slowed down but she'd have to wait until the next one. Instead of indicating into the right lane, Emilia sped up again living life at high speeds. She had no fear.
That was Emilia's first mistake. She hadn't even had much to drink. It was one cocktail. The bright light in the room was bothering Emilia. She shut her eyes well one of her eyes – the other was already shut not by Emilia's will.
Emilia was completely lost and had a dead phone so she decided it was best to call a taxi. She parked her car in the car park of a bar and went inside to ask someone to call a taxi. The Williams driver knew she needed to know what the name of this bar was so she could find it and her car in the morning. Luckily the people running the bar spoke English so she could communicate with them. She was going to ask them to order her a taxi when she'd written the name of the bar on her hand but a someone sitting at the bar started to speak to her.
"Are you Emilia Miller?" The woman was dressed up and wore heavy makeup. Emilia smiled and nodded. "I'll buy you a drink, come sit down." She patted the seat next to her and Emilia sat on it.
"Do I know you?" Emilia asked.
"No, I'm just a fan." The woman admitted. She picked up her phone doing something before putting it back down again. "Sorry I was just checking if my date was coming. I think he's stood me up."
"Oh that's a shame." Emilia replied.
"I bet you can't relate being an F1 driver." The woman joked. "I'm Lara by the way. What do you want to drink?" She ordered for the both of them. "How come you're alone? Being at the pinnacle of motorsport should get you some friends surely?"
"Yeah I was on my way home from meeting a few drivers but I took a wrong turning and my phone is dead so I was coming here to call a taxi." Emilia explained.
"Oh that's annoying." Lara replied not sounding sarcastic. "Okay meeting you is amazing so I have to ask, what are you doing next year?"
"Nothing's been decided yet." Emilia answered. She barely told the other drivers earlier so she wasn't about to tell this random person.
"I promise I won't tell anyone if you share anything." Lara assured. Emilia debated on telling her as what harm would it be?
"I can't tell you anything."
"So something's been decided?" Lara questioned.
"You're eager." Emilia commented.
"I'm sorry. It's just so cool to meet you." Lara emphasised. Both of them continued chatting and drinking to the point where Emilia was drunk and her carefulness with her answers are slipping. "I cannot believe Jost dropped you like that it's so unbelievable."
"I can believe it." Emilia slurred. Her intention not to get drunk had been thrown out the window.
"What really?! You knew that was going to happen?" Lara gasped.
"He's always preferred George." Emilia shrugged. "I'm buying next round."
"You've met Lewis right? What's he like?" Lara badgered.
"Bitch please I literally shared a podium with him." Emilia answered. "He's super nice and a good driver except..." Emilia remembered to that night back in Baku when he thought he liked her but she was talking to a person she didn't know. She couldn't reveal that.
"Except?" Lara pushed.
"Nothing. Lewis is great." Emilia smiled.
"Toto's your manager right? Have you seen him smash a table?" Lara enquired. Emilia answered the question by not answering. "You have! What for?"
"You get to see it on TV everyone's seen him do it." Emilia pointed out.
"Girl what are you not telling me?" Lara sensed Emilia was leaving something out. She was starting to piss Emilia off with all these questions. Emilia understood she was a fan but she was trying to get a bit too personal.
"Nothing. Toto is actually really nice and I couldn't ask for a better manager." Emilia answered.
"Oh my God I haven't asked you what's going on with you and Lando? It's you and Lando who are together right?"
"Or not together." Emilia quickly replied.
"Is he the only driver you've been with?"
"No." Emilia responded.
"Wait who? George?"
"No not George." Emilia scoffed. "It's just been Lando this season." That wasn't worded very well.
"Who did you date in F2?"
"Is everyone blind? I thought it was fairly obvious though we didn't go public." Emilia replied. "And then before that it was that shitty engineer who was my engineer in Monza. I don't talk about what he did, he's a shitty person." Emilia felt good opening up slightly. It was a random person who clearly wasn't invested enough to properly keep and see Toto smash tables.
"God you're such a whore." Lara insulted. Emilia was in the middle of drinking but put her glass down and turned to Lara.
"Excuse me?" Emilia questioned gripping her glass.
"I think you're a whore." Lara stated. "You just fling your way across the grid without any actual talent. That's why you haven't got a seat. You haven't got anyone else left to sleep with. Lando was stupid to date you but I think he's a cunt anyway."
Usually, Emilia would walk away from a situation like this but she was full of alcohol so that's not what she did. The glass that contained her drink went straight into Lara's face without hesitation.
"Uh you bitch." Lara screeched punching Emilia in the face.
"Don't you dare talk about my boyfriend that way." Emilia yelled delivering several punches to Lara's face. The punches turned into a brawl and eventually the police were called.
Emilia regretted all of it. But she said that now having sobered up. Everything was still sort of a blur. Emilia was worried about what the media would say but she was more concerned with Toto's reaction. IKEA would not have enough tables for Toto to smash. That's if she would get to see Toto again. The way it was looking was prison for Emilia. That was not good. It was one way of taking a year out of racing or several years.
But she would do it again. Maybe not go as far but she would stand up when people chatted shit about Lando. The other comments didn't bother Emilia but she lost it when Lara insulted Lando. The Williams driver didn't understand how it had turned so quickly. One minute they were laughing about Toto smashing tables then they were smashing each other in the face.
An officer entered her room with a translator.
"Do I need a lawyer?" Emilia asked.
"No the woman has decided not to press charges." The translator revealed and Emilia let out a big sigh letting her posture slack slightly. "But," Emilia sat up again. "We have reason to believe you were drink driving." Emilia stayed quiet knowing anything she said could be used against her in court. Emilia knew she hadn't been drink driving but she had been speeding.
"So I need a lawyer?" Emilia questioned.
"Not unless we find evidence to suggest you have then we will question you." The translator translated. Emilia nodded and she was left alone again. She was in so much trouble. How much time passed Emilia didn't know. It could be the night or an entire day, Emilia had no idea.
This was basically a big time out for her. Like the ones her parents used to give her except this one was career destroying. How many teams would want her after that? Very few and certainly none if she was found to be drink driving. Emilia had set up a good reputation for herself and for women in motorsport and that could all be ruined. There were boards everywhere at races that said don't drink drive yet she could be found to have ignored them. She didn't think she was over the limit at the time.
Emilia was too anxious to cry. She paced up and down. She did sit ups and some exercise for an F1 season she may or may not participate in. There was nothing to do but reflect and wait. Emilia was brought food but there was no telling whether that was breakfast, lunch or dinner. It was incredibly disorientating. Eventually the officer and translator returned.
"All the evidence goes against you drink driving. We haven't found anything to take you to court over so you are free to go. We did figure out you were speeding so there will be a fine to pay and points on your licence." The translator revealed. Emilia sighed feeling relieved. "You will need someone to pick you up from the station."
"I don't have my phone and it's dead." Emilia answered.
"We will give you your belongings back and you can use the phone in the station." The translator repeated in English. Emilia only knew two people's phone numbers off by heart: her Grandad's and Lando's. Fred wasn't an option so she would have to call Lando. Thankfully, he picked up.
"Hello this is Lando Norris."
"Lando, I need a lift." Emilia answered.
"Emi thank fuck. Where are you?" Emilia gave the address of the police station and Lando picked her up. She got in the car silently not saying a word to Lando.
"Your eye looks pretty bad." Lando observed.
"I know, I got punched in the face."
"Yeah I saw." Lando replied.
"You saw? There are videos on the internet." Emilia realised and put her hand in her hands. "Toto is going to kill me."
"He's fuming." Lando responded making Emilia groan. "I saw the video." Lando repeated making thoughts click in Emilia's head.
"I'm sorry for calling you my boyfriend." Emilia apologised.
"Oh I wasn't mad. I didn't mean that." Emilia wasn't understanding what he meant. "I was going to say thank-"
"Oh my God my face looks horrendous." Emilia interrupted catching site of her face in the wing mirror. "That's awful." Her eye was swollen shut and it had begun to bruise.
"Emi you're overreacting." Lando sighed. "I still think you look-" Lando was interrupted by his phone ringing and the screen displayed 'Toto Wolff.'
"It's Toto." Emilia told the McLaren driver.
"I suggest you pick it up." Lando advised.
"No he's going to shout at me."
"It'll be worse if you don't pick up."
"I don't want to."
"Just do it."
"Fine." Emilia huffed and answered the call. "Hello?"
"Emilia, it's you. I want you to meet me in the conference room in the hotel at five." Toto ordered. He didn't sound happy. Emilia could feel the steam coming out his ears through the phone.
"Okay will do." Toto hung up.
"I'm going to lose a seat and my academy in twenty-four hours." Emilia pinched the top of her nose. "I should have accepted Alfa."
"Alfa offered you a seat and you didn't accept it?" Lando asked.
"Yeah but it wasn't a good offer so I said no. I wouldn't be in this mess if I'd agreed. This is my fault fuck."
"I think one good thing came out of it." Lando admitted.
"Oh what would that be?"
"You have shown you clearly care for me." Lando answered.
"Well I'm glad one of us knows how the other feels instead of all this talking that doesn't end up in solving anything." Emilia snapped.
"If you'd let me explain I would."
"I am letting you, go on."
"Forget it. I don't want to talk to you about it when you're like this."
"Like what?"
"This isn't the Emilia I fell in love with." Lando replied instantly regretting what he said.
"No that Emilia had almost everything together. Since then, my Grandad died, we broke up, I lost my seat and I have now ruined my career."
"You're blaming me?" Lando assumed.
"Did you just miss the fact that I said I? Lando I wouldn't blame you for something like that."
"Well how am I supposed to know? You just claimed you aren't the same Emilia anymore."
"And you're the same Lando? People change some for better or some for worse like I have."
"You've won a race."
"But I just punched someone in the face and it's gone viral. Everyone will forget about me winning and remember this. But I'd do it again. I'd do the same thing every time if I had the choice. Maybe with less violence but I'd stand up for you. Even if you wouldn't do the same."
"When did I say I wouldn't do the same?" Lando interrupted driving into the hotel car park.
"Just leave it. I get it." Emilia answered unclipping her seatbelt and storming off not giving Lando a chance to express his feelings or discuss what Emilia had said about not sleeping with George.
When Emilia got back to her hotel room, she had a shower. The shower helped her clear her mind and think of reasons for Toto to keep her in the academy but she had none. There was also the issue of what to wear. What does Emilia where to a meeting where she gets fired? She decided to go smart casual.
Emilia made sure she arrived to the meeting early but Toto was already sitting in there. There was a long sleek table that Toto was sitting at one end of with Emilia at the other. Emilia had seen him furious but this was beyond that. The Williams driver didn't have very good parents but Toto usually disciplined her enough for her to learn. This time, it was going to be on another level.
"I want to know what happened. Explain everything." Toto demanded. Emilia recounted the events to him and Toto waited until she had finished to say anything. "So you could have been prosecuted for speeding, drink driving and assault? Emilia you've outdone yourself there." Emilia looked down embarrassed. She knew she should be embarrassed of her behaviour. "That woman you punched in the face, she's a journalist. She recorded the whole conversation and published it. There was no blackmail or anything. Your conversation is out there for everyone to hear."
That all added up. The secretive going on her phone at the start. The constant questions and push for answers. Then the insult at the end to provoke her to do something. Lara probably didn't expect a glass in her face. The fact that she had the recording meant she didn't need to press charges. She could make enough money off that.
"Fuck." Emilia swore putting her head in her hands. "At least I was nice about you." She was surprisingly calm for saying she was about to lose her academy. She'd been in that for years and was on first name basis with half the Mercedes team. Being part of the academy meant a lot to her.
"That's not the point! You talked badly about Williams and Jost. How is that going to make teams employ you?" Toto questioned.
"I was drunk and she said she was a fan I had no idea." Emilia answered.
"You have to be more careful. This could ruin your career." Toto pointed out.
"If it hasn't already."
"Exactly." Toto agreed. "What did that woman say to make you beat her up? She missed that part of the recording out."
"She called me a whore which is fine. That wasn't the problem. She called Lando a cunt. Now I know that's normal British dialect but the way she used it wasn't so I punched her in the face."
"You were standing up for Lando?"
"Yeah there was no way I was going to let that bitch insult him." Emilia responded.
"I can't be mad at you for that. Though, you didn't need to punch her in the face."
"That was the alcohol talking." Emilia answered.
"Do you think it would be a good idea not to drink at all? I mean I don't know if that would help but it's just a suggestion."
"I don't think that would be an unreasonable suggestion." Emilia confessed.
"On that subject. Were you drink driving?"
"No I'd had one drink."
"That makes less sense. At least if you were drunk you wouldn't have a clear thought path and made the bad decision to speed. Why were you speeding?" Toto pushed for an answer.
"I wanted to go fast." Emilia lied.
"What would have happened if you'd crashed?"
"I crash all the time." Emilia shrugged.
"Emilia you're not taking this seriously. You could have crashed and died." Toto whacked the table.
"I know." Emilia answered. Toto stood there for a moment trying to figure Emilia out.
"No Emilia." Toto shook his head. "You were trying to kill yourself?"
"No of course not." Emilia replied but it wasn't convincing.
"Emilia why didn't you tell someone you were feeling like this again?" Toto sat down his anger dissipating.
"Toto I wasn't trying to kill myself. I didn't want to die. I wanted the opposite. I wanted to feel alive." Emilia explained.
"You're going back to therapy." Toto decided.
"No let me explain." Emilia protested. "I've literally lost everyone. My family don't acknowledge me. My Grandad died. Lando and I broke up. George won't speak to me. Mick is too occupied with his girlfriend to do anything with me. Aurelia betrayed my trust and so did Jost. I have no one."
"Emilia you have me and your trainer Christine. We are here for you. Plus you have a bright future in racing. Is that not enough of a reason to live?"
"For the last time, I wasn't trying to kill myself. I have been so unmotivated to do anything and just exhausted and depressed. I wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline to feel alive. I wanted to do something that will make me want to stay." Emilia had felt awful these past few months. The win only brought her momentary joy and she partied all week to try and extend that but that unhappiness was always there.
"That's why you were so reluctant on signing that Alfa contract."
"Alfa would kill me. I feel horrible and taking a step backwards in F1 will just send me into a spiral of depression if I'm not already there. I couldn't accept that seat."
"Emilia why haven't you talked about this?"
"Because I don't know what to say. How do I tell you something like this?" Emilia sighed.
"You can talk to me now." Toto suggested.
"I don't know I just feel dead. I feel emotionless and numb all the time. My win gave me joy but it was momentary by the end of the next day I felt depressed again. I don't know if depressed is the right word. Maybe unmotivated is better but I don't feel like doing anything I just want to do nothing all the time and I'm exhausted. I was speeding to try and do something to make me feel something other than numbness or sadness I don't know." Emilia tried her best in explaining how she felt but it was difficult. It wasn't something she could easily put into words. Plus, Toto wasn't exactly the person she wanted to open up to though she did owe him some explanation to why she acted so poorly.
"Emilia how long have you felt like this?" Toto asked sympathy spread across his face.
"I don't know. Months. It probably has something to do with my Grandad dying and then it's just built up with everything going on."
"I really think you should consider therapy." Toto proposed. "Do you think you need to go to therapy?"
"Yesterday was just not a good day. It was really bad and my mind was just not in a good place." Emilia answered.
"Are you in a good place now? I don't want to force you to go to therapy if it's something you don't think will benefit you and I need an honest answer."
"It's in a better place." Emilia replied.
"That's not answering the question." Toto pointed out. Emilia fiddled with her hands hesitating to answer.
"No, my mind is not in a good place. I think therapy would be a good idea." Emilia admitted looking down.
"That can't be easy for you to say Emilia. I'm proud of you." Toto smiled.
"But?" Emilia was waiting for him to fire her.
"There's no but. Well I have something else to say."
"So you are firing me." Emilia figured out.
"What? Emilia no I am not firing you. You need this academy more than ever. I will help you through all the media questions because that will be a lot better than you doing it by yourself." Toto stated. "I was actually planning on doing the opposite. I had this meeting room booked anyway for us before I found out you decided to get yourself arrested."
"Uh why?" Emilia asked interested.
"Lewis came to me after you left the paddock. He said he thinks this is his last season in F1." Toto revealed.
"What why?"
"He has other interests. He wants to find someone, settle down, start a family etc. Or work on music or something else I don't know. That's not the point. The point is there is a spare seat if he decides to go through with this."
"What and you think I should get the seat?" Emilia joked as Toto slid paper down the table.
"No Emilia. You just got arrested last night and blabbed about everyone. This is an NDA. I wasn't going to get you to sign one unlike the others but after last night I think you have to. You cannot disclose the fact that Lewis may retire unless he decides to. Not George not Lando not Christine not anyone."
"Okay I can do that." Emilia signed it. "Is that everything? Can I go?"
"Emilia you give me a headache." Toto rubbed his head. "I may want to offer you the seat, seriously." Emilia's jaw dropped. "There are conditions."
"Don't tell me you want me to switch academies or try and offer me a one-year contract." Emilia threatened which made Toto smile.
"I haven't offered you a seat yet, don't get ahead of yourself. If Lewis decides to retire, you, Esteban or Nick will get the seat. It's a competition so you definitely need to improve your behaviour for a chance. You should still look at WEC or DTM but don't sign anything until Lewis tells the public if he's staying or not. Emilia you have to prove to me that you are a better choice than Esteban and Nick both on the track and off the track so none of this getting arrested even if it for standing up for someone else. However you have a choice. You can pull out of this race at any moment if you decide you don't want to race next season and focus on your mental health if you believe that's the right thing."
"No I want to compete for this." Emilia answered quickly.
"Remember it's not for definite yet so continue looking elsewhere. Lewis just wanted to let me know in advance so I didn't have to find someone last minute if he decides to retire." Toto added.
"See I knew we shouldn't have accepted that Alfa contract." Emilia pointed out grinning.
"Emilia this is not necessarily your seat yet."
"I know that. You don't need to keep telling me." Emilia complained. "But still I want to hear it. Tell me I'm right."
"I will tell you you're right if you get your behaviour sorted out and get that seat. And no convincing Lewis to retire. I know what you're like."
"Let me do one PowerPoint." Emilia joked.
"Absolutely not. You shouldn't even be discussing it with Lewis because of that NDA you signed. That says no discussion at all so no talking to Nick or Esteban either because someone could hear. I mean that." Toto firmly instructed.
"That's a lot of pressure to keep that secret. Christine wouldn't say a word to anyone."
"You said that about Aurelia at the start of the season."
"Fine I won't tell anyone." Emilia folded her arms. "So can you maybe help me on Thursday as media will be a nightmare?"
"Yes of course I will. Come to Mercedes beforehand and I think you should speak to Jost, phone him at least, before you go to sleep." Toto advised.
"Yay looking forward to that." Emilia sighed. "I am much more scared of you than Jost though."
"You're scared of me?" Toto asked smiling.
"No that's not what I said. I meant I listen to you." Emilia rambled on.
"Emilia you certainly do not do a lot of that." Toto chuckled.
"No I do most of the time. It's just sometimes I don't think."
"Well you need to think all the time. You're in the spotlight now. Be on your best behaviour if you want a shot at that potential Mercedes seat. The media cannot find out about that so I will reiterate that you speak to absolutely no one about it. I think that's everything." Toto finished.
"So you're not firing me?" Emilia questioned again.
"No. I'm disappointed more than angry but I will drop you if you pull something like this off again."
"Yeah I won't, I promise." Emilia smiled and stood up. Toto stood to shake her hand.
"Happy Birthday for Wednesday." Toto wished.
"Thanks Toto." Emilia replied and left the conference room. She went back to her room and shut her door. That meeting went unexpectedly in a good way.
Emilia thought she was going to lose her academy and in a way her family. Mercedes were a much better family than Emilia's real family anyway. They'd stuck with her after she'd made a big mistake and Emilia really needed that though she knew she didn't deserve it.
A potential Formula 1 seat at Mercedes would hopefully give her some motivation and begin to help her get back to her usual self with the addition of therapy as well. For once, Emilia felt like things were improving. Emilia knew she shouldn't take Lewis retiring as a definite but she felt like she had something to look forward to.
However it would be difficult not talking about it to anyone. When she got her Williams seat, Emilia could tell close friends and her Grandad but here she can tell literally no one. Emilia didn't need Toto mad again by risking it.
It had been a rollercoaster of a weekend and Emilia felt very drained. She was not going to enjoy the media pen on Thursday but before that she had her birthday to think about. The only thing ruining that was that the team were flying on that. Apart from that, it should be a good day.
If you do feel depressed or not okay my dms are always open or please speak to someone about how you feel bc that could help open many doors to make you feel yourself again. That being said, reach out to others as well to make sure they're doing okay. No one should have to feel like they need to suffer in silence because you don't have to.
On a more positive note, this was my favourite chapter to write by far (not the bit where Emilia admitted she was struggling) but the rest of it bc there were so many conversations with different people and the flashbacks were fun to write as well though I have no idea how laws work even with the stupid amount of research I did just for this chapter.
So there is an F1 seat potentially available. But we know what I'm like. I took Emilia's win away twice and stopped her from getting a second pole so maybe I'm just teasing everyone and giving you all false hope. B who knows what will happen between now and the end of Emilia's season. She might not be able to race next season who knows... Okay me, I know what happens.
This story is now over 300,000 words thank you for all still being here <3