More Than Business

Chapter 147

LYDIA POV

We spent the rest of the week planning our weekend trip and making sure Nic was set for keeping Zoe at their place while we were gone. Zoe fell in love with the idea of spending the weekend there especially once Nic mentioned them working on customizing her room there. At work we were still sorting out all the bride to be drama. By Friday Anita and I spent the morning packing for the trip, she had previously called out of work, I had arranged for Nic and Margo to handle my morning meetings and such.

"Oo you know what I've always wanted to do?" She looked up from her suitcase excitedly.

"Whats that?"

"Snorkeling."

I cringed, "I still have to psyche myself out to swim in the ocean at beach because of the possibility of fish being near me.."

"Really?" She giggled.

"If they have it available, we'll do it." I told her.

"You're squirming just talking about it, it was just an idea babe."

"I'm open to try new things, no matter how gross it may seem." I folded a romper and placed it in the bag, "but if you're making me face fears and swim with fish we should also see if they have the whole swim with dolphins thing."

"You're making it seem like I'm forcing you." She scrunched her nose.

"You are, in a good way. It'll be fun." I smiled at her.

NICKI POV

At the office we were setting up for a photoshoot, the shoot wasn't for another week but all the planning and details were being put together today. I had Margo as my right hand since Lydia took the morning off to pack.

"Whats my job title here? Like what would go on my resume? I can't exactly write substitute co-owner or CEO." Margo asked as we got on the elevator.

"Personal assistant, why? Do you plan on leaving?"

"Well no but-"

"As long as the company is still standing, your job here is secure. I don't think you'd do anything to get yourself fired. But obviously you're not obligated to stay- if you get a better offer or this no longer seems like a good fit for you, do not feel like you owe us anything."

"Good to know."

The elevator doors opened, we walked down the hall to the conference room. Everyone was talking when we arrived but quickly got quiet as we entered the room. We designated an intern to take meeting notes as we discussed everything from budgets, model selection, props, and so on.

At the end of the meeting Margo and I stayed by our seats as everyone left the room.

"Hey, this might sound like a silly question.." I cleared my throat as I gathered my papers once the room was clear.

"Even more reason to ask, what's up?"

"What does Aubrey like?"

"You don't know what your husband likes? Like what he likes to do? Or..." she chuckled slightly.

"Okay, laugh. Fine, but thats not getting me closer to an answer." I urged.

She tucked her hair behind her ear, "okay. Well, anything sports related, when he's with the guys they'd play the game a lot, uh.. I don't know food and liquor obviously, you're his wife so sex is always an option.."

"The game? What does that mean?" I squinted at her.

"Video games.."

I shook my head slowly, "Do I look like I know anything about any of that?"

"He doesn't have one at the house?"

"What would it look like?"

"Like.. honestly you'd know if he did. Which means he doesn't, surprisingly."

I groaned, "well, I asked because I wanted to get him something.. you know, something that just says 'I was thinking of you today' or 'I love you'."

"Please, guys are easy. Send him a pic and a text." She scoffed, "but if you want to buy him something, a ball of some sort, tickets to a game, sports gear, a play station or an xbox, games for whatever system you get him, then from there, just accessories like a headset, a gaming chair.."

"Are any of those things I can get between now and the time I get home?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I can find something and order it for you if you want." She shrugged. "Its not a big deal."

"It seems less personal that way." I pouted.

We ended up in my office shopping online together for something that could either be delivered or picked up before this evening. We ended up getting a game system and two games to go with it.

Once it was ordered I slid the laptop to face her, "get something for yourself."

"What?"

"Buy something.. whatever you want, as my thank you to you." I urged.

"Price range?"

"I mean- don't buy yourself an island." I scrunched my nose.

Lydia stopped by right after lunch, I followed her into her office. "Babe, why don't you just get ready for your trip. I told you we can handle everything here."

"We're packed and ready." She stated as she signed into her computer, "She'll drop the kids off at your house."

"Rory too?"

"Surprisingly yes." She sat down, "I'm gonna email you our itinerary and all the info so you have it. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Okay good, I was just about to ask about that."

"And once we're back we actually have our first consultation for the pregnancy thing."

"You okay."

"Yes. Its just Honey is changing something AGAIN and she said she sent it to my email but I'm not seeing it, and thats the one thing I needed to check on before I leave."

"Babe, let me handle it. Its fine really."

"While I'm gone, if you need anything just call. And you have Lea who can get to you a lot faster than I can. Did you tell Aubrey about her? He should have her number as well."

"I didn't give details." I shrugged.

"Can you pass me Honey's portfolio?"

I went and grabbed it from the bookshelf and brought it to her, "did you find the email?"

"Yeah, she's changing the decor. Which is a pain but its not too bad." She opened the portfolio. I ended up staying with her to help her reconfigure the decor using Honey's ideas. We talked about a bunch of different things and eventually it was time for her to go. I walked her to the elevator before returning to my office.

Towards the end of the day Margo had went and picked up the gifts for Aubrey and brought it back to the office since I ended up on an unplanned call. She came in as I hung up to show me that as my gift to her she'd gotten herself and ipad and an apple pencil.

"You didn't get like a case or something?" I scrunched my nose.

"I didn't want to over do it, I can buy myself a case." She stated.

"Its not over doing it. It would suck if that thing breaks or something."

"True. I'll find something on amazon." She shrugged, "are you ready to go?"

"Uh- yeah I think so." I stood and started gathering my things. In the elevator Margo started telling me about the game for Aubrey, I stopped her, "I was just going to ask him about it."

"You don't want him to think you mindlessly sent me to get him something and this is what he got.." she scrunched her nose.

"I'm not going to pretend it was all my idea.. that wouldn't even make sense. I'm going to tell him what happened and that you recommended it." I replied.

She gave me a weird look but didn't respond.

The kids were already home when I got there and Aubrey had sent Stella home. Both of the puppies were out in the yard. Aubrey was in the kitchen cooking, Logan was in her chair in the living room watching some kids show.

"Hey babe, how was work?" He greeted me as I came into the kitchen.

"Pretty good, how about you?" I sat the bags down by the door and walked over to him. We hugged and he kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him so he could kiss my lips as well.

"I love you." He stared down at me, still holding me in his arms.

"I love you too babe." I bit my lip gently. "I bought you something."

"You did?" He raised his eyebrows.

I pulled away and walked back to where I'd left the bags, "I kept finding myself thinking about you all day so I decided I really want to get you something.. just to say that I was thinking about you. But I realized I have no idea what kinds of things you actually like, so I asked Margo for help. She tried to explain it but honestly it all kind of sounds like gibberish to me. But, she said you would like it."

"You didn't have to babe." He touched my waist as I placed the bags on the counter. I helped him take the stuff out of the bags and his face lit up. He pulled me into a tight hug, "this is- thank you forreal Nic"

The second we pulled away from the hug the guilt flooded over me.

"Wait- Nic what's wrong?" He asked noticing my change right away.

I took a deep breath before speaking, I felt my face getting hot as I fought back oncoming tears, "The only ways I ever show my love for you is with money or sex.. and I know you don't like that and I want to change but it keeps happening.."

"Nic, of course I like it. I love it babe." He rested his hands on my waist and kissed my forehead. "Your love for me and everyone else is abundantly clear, the last thing you should be worried about is how you express that."

"Are you sure?" I looked up at him.

"Yes." He nodded. Once he was satisfied that I was calm enough he let me go so he could finish cooking.

I left to check on the kids and hugged and talked to each of them a bit. Liam ended up sticking with me as I brought the puppies in the house and gave them food and water. During dinner everyone got along well and I made sure to correct Aubrey and the kids each time they called Rory "Liyah" or "Aaliyah". After dinner the big kids stayed to clean up everything while Aubrey and I took the babies upstairs.

"Hey, what do you think about redoing the rooms a bit, and putting Logan and Ali together?" I asked Aubrey as we started getting the kids undressed.

"I never thought of that but it kind of makes sense." He said after pausing to think for a second.

"That way when we have to get the kids ready we can just decide who does the girls and who does the boys. And we don't have to bring Logan in here and do the extra trip to put her stuff away in her room after." I explained.

"When would you want to do that?"

"I don't know. Maybe do some planning on how to change the decor in each room as well and once we're set we can start working on it." I suggested.

"Cool that should be fun. It'll be the first time we decorate the rooms together."

I paused before responding, "wow you're right.. since I was no help both times, and then I didn't come to you for help for Rory and Zoe's." I noted, "well the good part is that we both are pretty good at it so we haven't had a disaster happen yet."

We got the kids bathed, dressed and read them stories and sung to them before tucking them into bed. By then the big kids were all in their rooms. Aubrey went to say goodnight to OJ as I stopped by Rory's room.

She was at her desk on her laptop when I opened the door.

"Hey hun, you alright?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, just finishing this essay." She stated without turning to me.

"Okay, well I know tomorrow's Saturday so its not like you have to get up early or anything- but don't stay up too late on a Friday night doing homework.. that's just sad." I teased.

I heard her giggle slightly, "i won't."

"Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Maybe we can have a little chat tomorrow."

She turned to me, "is something wrong?"

"No. No, of course not. Its just, you haven't really been here in forever- especially since the name change.. I just thought we should touch base, I wanted to be sure everything's alright. I'm gonna go now, don't let me distract you." I walked back towards the door.

"Hey mom."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for checking in.. and correcting everyone. For being supportive all around." She smiled "I love you."

"I love you too Aurora."

I left and went into Zoe's room, "hey Zoe are you all snuggled in?"

"I don't want to go to sleep." She shook her head.

"Why not?" As I walked over and sat on the edge of her bed I realized her eyes were teary.

"What if I sleep like my mommy? And I can only wake up in someone's heart.." she poked out her lip.

"Oh baby girl, come here." I pulled her into a hug. "Your mommy was very very sick for a long long time. You are safe and healthy I promise."

"What about Aunt Nee Nee and Aunt Lydia?" She sniffled.

"They are safe and healthy too." I assured her, "we can facetime them if you want."

She nodded, her head still buried in my chest.

I sent Lydia a text and she responded right away by calling me on facetime.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked once the call connected.

"Is Anita there?"

"She should be finishing up brushing her teeth right about now. Why?" She sat on the bed.

"I think someone is missing her aunties and is worried about them." I turned the camera to show Zoe with her head on my chest.

"Oh poor baby. Hi Zo-zo, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to go to sleep forever and ever like mommy. And I don't want you and auntie Nee Nee to wake up only in my heart." She whined.

"Is that Zoe?" I heard Anita whisper in the background.

"She's worried we won't wake up from our sleep.. like Annie." Lydia filled her in.

"Oh Zoelle, does tonight kind of feel like it did when your mommy passed?" Anita sat beside Lydia.

Zoe nodded.

"I know love, it's hard sometimes when we think about death and it can be really scary. But we all have our family that will always keep us safe." Anita coaxed.

"Nic, why don't you let the puppy stay in the room with Zoe tonight. And Zoe you can call us on your ipad and do some coloring or reading while the puppy keeps you company." Lydia suggested.

"If tonight goes completely terrible we'll come back tomorrow okay?" Anita offered.

Lydia whispered to her off camera, "we can probably take a jet and be back tonight if you want."

"Lets take it one step at a time. We're gonna hang up now so Zoe can call you on her ipad once she's ready."

"Good night! Love you!" Lydia waved.

"Good night." Anita added.

"Night, love you both." I replied before hanging up.

"A little more cuddles please.." Zoe held me tighter when she sensed I was going to get up.

"Of course love. Are you alright?"

"I think so." She nodded. She laid with her head on my chest for a few minutes and eventually I noticed she had fallen asleep. I managed to tuck her into bed again and leave without waking her. I texted Lydia to let her know she was asleep afterall. I peaked into OJ's room but he seemed to be asleep so I started to close the door.

"I was waiting for you." His little voice whispered as he rubbed his eyes.

I giggled and went to kneel by his bed, "I love you so much baby boy."

"I love you too mommy." He touched my face.

"You know Zoe was having a bit of hard time being away from Mama and Anita tonight, I think in the morning we should make chocolate chip pancakes or cinnamon rolls. What do you think?" I whispered.

"I think Mama said she will be back in two days so we can have two special breakfasts for Zoe." He calculated.

"That's true, we can do that." I nodded.

He insisted on telling me a story about a king in a castle that had to fight a dragon to save world. So I cuddled with him until it was over.

I kissed his forehead, "you always tell the best stories baby boy."

"Well I'm going to be a storyteller person when I'm all grown up so of course I can always tell the best stories." He insisted.

"Of course." I teased as I tickled him a bit.

He giggled as he squirmed in my arms.

"Alright baby boy, sweet dreams."

"Good night mommy."

When I went into the master bedroom Aubrey was in the bathroom brushing his teeth.

"You good?" He asked me, his words were barely intelligible but they were so routine that I understood them nonetheless.

I nodded, "yeah. Zoe had a rough time getting settled but she's asleep now."

"She okay?" He gave a concerned look.

I wrapped my arms loosely around his waist, "the last time she slept here and Lydia and Anita were out of town was when her mother died. So she was afraid that when we all went to sleep tonight.. someone might not wake up."

"What did you say to her?"

"That that only happened because her mom was very sick and that we're all healthy."

"And when that didn't help?"

"What makes you so sure that didn't help?"

"It would not have worked on you."

I took a step back, "are you saying she's like me?"

He nodded, "if I grab you right now, it reminds you of being hurt in the past. The lights stay on downstairs because it reminds you of what Luke did. How long did it take you to get into a car again after the accident?"

I felt my heart beat elevate as I looked away.

"Nic, I didn't-"

"I'm okay... I'm okay." I told him, but mostly assuring myself as I took a few deep breaths. I felt my heart beat return to normal as I turned back to him, "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize babe, you did nothing wrong. Its just- I agree and that scares me.. I don't want her to be like me- I don't want anyone to be like me."

"She has support and love and someone with experience.. you. She'll be more than alright." He touched my shoulder gently.

I nodded, "I hope so."

I stood beside him as I brushed my teeth. He went into the room so I could take a shower. Halfway through my hot shower I picked up his shower gel and opened it so I could smell it. I closed my eyes as I inhaled, imaging the moments of unfiltered lust and joy I have when he comes right out of the shower each day. I don't know how long I was in my head for but eventually I turned off the water and wrapped a towel tightly around my body as I exited the bathroom. He was laying in bed on his phone but he looked up when I entered.

"Come here babe." He sat up.

"I- I'm gonna get dressed first." I stuttered and pointed towards the closet.

He frowned, "you know ever since we got married we never have sex anymore. You used to want sex all the time and now nothing."

"We've had sex." I defended.

"Barely." He shrugged.

"I don't owe you sex-"

"I didn't say that!"

I took a deep breath and sat at the edge of the bed, "a lot has happened recently and you know it has nothing to do with us being married."

"Yeah but it doesnt change the fact that-"

"Can you stop making it like its my purpose as your wife to have sex with you?"

"Nic.. you know thats not how I meant it." He shook his head.

"I know, but the words you're saying- the way you're saying them..."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"You can ask if I'm alright.. if something happened.. instead"

"Did something happen? Did-did Luke -"

"He didn't touch me." I stopped him, "I just.. I don't know, I don't feel comfortable in my body or with my body.. with the scars and the extra baby weight. I feel gross."

"You're not gross babe." He kissed my shoulder.

"I keep trying.. especially for you."

"Don't do it for me, do it for you babe." He told me, "my view of you and your body isn't what changed. Its yours."

I didn't reply right away. I thought to myself for a minute before speaking, "What if you had a girlfriend?"

"You think I'm cheating on you?" He tensed up.

"Of course not." I turned to him, "it wouldn't be cheating, because I'd know about her. We could do dinner or something, the three of us. But that way you don't have to go without sex while I'm still figuring everything out. I mean, we'd have a few ground rules but-"

"No Nic." He cut me off.

"I just think it would help."

He touched my chin, "I don't want sex Nic. I want sex with you. Just you. You're the first person I've been with that.. sex isn't just physical. It's more than that. So I'll wait, I'll wait years if thats what it takes. Because you're worth it."

I felt everything melt inside of me as he spoke. "This- this may not have been your goal in saying that.. but tonight, we can.. if you want."

He rested his hand on my cheek, "only if you're sure Nic. I don't want you to feel rushed or pressured."

"I just- there's something I have to tell you first."

"Okay."

"That morning, when you wanted sex and I didn't... and I told you you could use me.. as long as you didn't touch me with it."

"Yeah?"

I shook my head, "I hated that, so much.. I felt disgusting and uncomfortable the entire time."

His face dropped, "Nic- I'm sorry.."

"I should've stopped you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to think I was mad at you."

"So- does that mean I.. did I-?" His voice started to crack.

My eyes widened as I realized what he was trying to ask, "babe no! No no, of course not. You didn't do anything wrong at all, I mean it. Because I know, if I would have said anything at all- you would have stopped immediately. You always do, you would never knowingly hurt me- not in that way. I know that, I'm more sure of that than anything else in the world."

"Thats whats been bothering you isnt it?"

"I just wanted to be a good wife and to help you. And I kept telling myself I was overreacting. And even after.. I didn't know how to tell you."

"I need you to promise me you won't do that again.. if you're not comfortable, tell me and I will stop right away." He looked me in the eye.

"I'm sorry. I will, I promise." I held his hands in mine, "I trust you Aubrey."

He pulled me into his lap and kissed my cheek, "your scars and the extra weight don't bother me Nic. They remind me of how selfless you are for trying to save that woman-"

"Kathandra" I interrupted.

"For trying to save Kathandra." He continued calmly, "and they remind me how strong you remained for Logan. Even when you were unsure, you didn't do anything to harm her. You made changes you otherwise would have never done, just to keep her safe. And I remember you telling the doctors not to say something was wrong with her- as long as she was alive and happy, she was perfect."

"I guess you're just more optimistic than me."

"You're a lot harder on yourself." He told me.

"I know." I kept my head laid on his chest, I could feel his chest expand with each breath and the vibrations of his voice each time he spoke.

I don't remember falling asleep but the next time I opened my eyes it was pitch black and I was under the covers with Aubrey asleep beside me. I checked my phone, it was after 2am. I felt compelled to get out of bed so I did, I walked over to the window and stared out into the night. I felt my heart beginning to race as I started remembering the night Luke and his friend came. I shook my head to get the picture out of my head but it didn't quite work. I placed my palms on the window and focused on the cold sensation it gave me and the chill that went down my back from it. I took a few deep breaths until my heart rate slowed to normal.

"Mm.. babe you alright?" Aubrey whispered, half asleep.

"Yeah. I'm okay.. go back to sleep babe."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I replied as I walked back to the bed and got in.

LYDIA POV

After Nic let us know that Zoe had fallen asleep Anita laid her head in my lap as I searched for something to watch on TV.

"You know.. if Zoe was just a case, the ideal placement for her would be with you and Nic. Thats what I would look for in a family for her."

"Mm. Separated and dysfunctional?" I jested.

"No, you know what I mean. You both know what she is going through in some form and you're able to help her through it and understand her. At the same time she can see you and how much you've been able to grow and accomplish despite losing parents at young ages. She can look up to you." She explained.

"Well, it all works out. She needs you more than anything and Nic and I will always be here for her of course."

"Yeah. And OJ gives her a sense of normalcy, I'm glad they get along."

"Yeah and I'm glad he gets along with you as well. Because that would have been a dealbreaker."

"If OJ didn't like me?"

"Yep." I nodded, "I couldn't be with someone that makes him feel uncomfortable in any way."

"Lucky me." She looked up at me.

We ended up kissing for a bit and eventually we pulled away.

"Wine?" She offered.

"Yeah, I can get it don't worry." I kissed her forehead before standing up. When I returned with our glasses she was texting on her phone. "Work?" I asked.

"Ah no. Its just some friends in a groupchat. They're going to brunch in the morning or something but I let them know I'm out of town and wont be joining.. and they had a lot of questions." She put her phone face down on the table.

As I handed her a glass her phone buzzed a few more times, "I'll turn on a movie, you can text your friends"

"No no. You have my full attention babe."

"I've had your attention all day, and I will have it all night. You can take a moment to talk to your friends." I handed her her phone.

She furrowed her eyebrows and I could tell she was trying to figure me out.

"What?" I sipped my wine.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I giggled awkwardly.

"We're spending time together, why would you want me to be on the phone?"

"Its just for a bit, we're not doing anything special at the moment, we're not talking about anything important, we're just sitting here. You can talk to your friends." I reasoned and plopped onto the couch. "Plus.. you know, I like when you're with your friends or talking to them and stuff. It makes me- I don't know it just makes me happy, like I'm happy for you. And I can live vicariously through you. I think its cool that you have so many friends."

She reached her hand over to me, "aw babe. But you have your work friends though.."

"Those are Nic's friends. And you don't have to say aw like its a bad thing."

"Well you have Nic. You guys are closer than ever." She reasoned.

"Yeah but I can't text and spend time with her all the time or anything." I shrugged.

"Why not? You guys are inseparable."

"He reads our messages. If we spend too much time together or have too much contact, he gives her hell. So I have to be cautious so that I'm not making her life worse and ruining her marriage even more."

She paused and stared out the window as she swirled the wine in her glass before turning back to me, "do you ever choose yourself? Like, your own happiness?"

"What do you mean? I choose myself all the time." I sipped my wine. "Coming here was me choosing my happiness. Spending the weekend away with the woman I love, despite knowing my best friend isn't comfortable in her own house yet. Planning our wedding, our baby and our future together is all my happiness."

"I promise I'm not analyzing you, at least I'm trying very hard not to. But I want to understand you.." she sat on her knees as she took a big swig of wine.

"What do you want to understand?"

"You're just so passive and forgiving."

"There are countless people who would disagree with that very statement."

"My exes bombarded you with all of my faults and you didn't flinch."

"Exes say shitty things about us. Thats their job." I shrugged, "I was relieved you have normal faults, you've been pretty much utterly perfect since we met and that was not healthy for my sanity and security. I sure as hell am not perfect and I don't expect anyone else to be."

"So what bothers you?"

"What do you mean?"

She exhaled and leaned back. She looked away for a second before responding, "Admittedly, I was the problem in many of my relationships. Not all of them, but a lot of them. And I don't want to make that mistake with us."

"And I'm not going to pretend I did not cause a lot of my breakups as well. I mean, come on- lets not forget how my last relationship ended." I giggled awkwardly.

"Its just, you make it seem like nothing I do can ever bother you.. but I need to know- so that I don't do it." She stated. "For instance, I've been told so many times that one of my faults is my phone." She tapped it.

"You have friends and family and work.. that makes sense." I squinted.

"No but its excessive." Her eyes widened, "so thats something I've been working on for our relationship."

"Okay.. well I try to make it a point to be very clear about what I want, what my expectations and boundaries are.. and as I said, I have no problem with you being on your phone. Just not while we're actively doing something together like talking or having dinner. But if we're literally not doing anything besides sharing space in a room, by all means go on your phone." I explained.

She nodded slowly, "okay, no.. that makes sense."

"I will always be direct about these things. I'm not going to tell you one thing but mean another, that helps no one."

"Thank you."

"And I don't care what your exes have to say. Because I do not believe our pasts define us, it shapes us into who we are and who we are becoming." I told her. "My perceptions of you will only ever be based off of who you are now- and everyday moving forward."

"Your words are so dangerous." She exhaled.

I giggled "you know you say that a lot and honestly I have no idea what you mean by that."

"You just- you say things so perfectly. You could literally get away with murder."

"Interesting choice of words..."

"Well." She clicked her tongue.

We finished our wine without saying anything, as I sat our glasses on the table I spoke up,

"Okay I'm ready." I clasped my hands together.

"Um.. for what?" She gave me a confused look.

"Do your thing, psychoanalyze me or whatever. I know you've wanted to since we met and you probably secretly did it already but now-"

"You want me to profile you?"

"Yes"

"Why? You hate it when I do anything of the sort-"

"False. I dislike having Dr Anita around when I'm upset and I want my fiancée." I corrected.

"Noted." She nodded, "so why now?"

"It feels right."

I sat in the corner of the couch, she sat beside me such that my bent knees crossed over her lap as she asked me questions. Most of it just felt like conversation, some of it was a little difficult to engage in but we got through it. Throughout it she kept checking in to make sure I was comfortable with continuing and assuring it wasn't necessary that we keep going but I insisted each time.

She took my hands in hers and stared into my eyes for a few moments, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." She spoke softly.

"Does that mean I passed?" I said in a normal voice.

She giggled, "it wasn't a test."

"But I passed?"

"Not a test." She sang.

"If I didn't pass, you would've ran for the hills."

"That's not true- and again not a test." She pulled me into my lap so that I was straddling her.

"So what was it?"

"Lets call it a study.." she suggested as her hands rested comfortably on my ass. "It just helps me to understand you and your mindset better."

"Am I as terrible as everyone says I am?"

"No of course not. You're just as amazing as I thought beforehand. Maybe even more amazing."

"I think you're biased." I run my fingers down her jaw, her neck down to her chest causing her to breathe heavier as I bite my lip.

"That may be true." She nodded. "But only because I found you amazing first."

I smiled down at her and kissed her forehead before getting off of her to sit beside her. I reached for my nearly empty wine glass, "do you want another glass before we head up?"

"Yeah we can do one more." She agreed, "are we getting up early tomorrow?"

"We don't have to." I stood to grab the wine bottle and began filling our glasses again, "we can go for breakfast or brunch somewhere."

She picked up her glass, "we'll play it by ear."

I watched her silently as she took a sip of her wine and swirled her glass gently.

"What?" She giggled as she noticed me staring.

"Nothing." I sipped my wine.

She leaned her head against the couch as she faced me, "what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Honestly?"

"Obviously."

I exhaled, "I was thinking that if we're pushing the wedding back to focus on the baby- then I can actually be sure to have more availability to help plan the wedding. So it doesn't have to be all on you."

"Are you still stressed about what my parents said?" She asked.

"I guess" I shrugged, "But I don't want you to feel like I'm putting work first- or that you're on your own in this relationship.. because I'm here, I promise I'll always be here."

"You have never given me a reason to doubt that. You are present even when you can't be physically. And trust me- my work, as you know, has been one of the things that ruined several of my past relationships... so me of all people, I get it." She touched my leg. "But I am confident that our relationship will continue to grow positively and we'll always be close and loving and together. Okay?"

"What makes you confident of that?"

"We are both mature- we communicate better than I could have ever hoped to communicate with a partner, we both are conscious of our personal quirks and downfalls and we both are making conscious efforts to be better for each other. And I think all of that- on top of the genuine love we have for each other and how close we are.. it'll all work together for the best."

"Yes, how can I forget how clearly communicated you were when you told me I was 'vicious' and 'so calculated and mean'." I sighed as I put my glass down.

"Babe-"

"It's not a bad thing." I stopped her, "I mean- its not a bad thing that you said it. Its bad that its true. And you didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I've heard worse, I've said worse about myself." I shrugged.

"I'm sorry Lydia- it's clear that my words hurt you even if you're trying to deny it.. that was never my intent- it would never be my intent to hurt you in any way." Her eyes teared up.

"Don't apologize.. it's good that you told me." I cupped her face in my hands, "I know that I can be heartless and shitty- and I NEED the honest criticism from people I actually care about and will listen to in order for me to work on that. And I do want to work on that."

She nodded slightly as she rested her head in the palms of my hands.

"I don't want you to hesitate to call me out, every single time. And I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me anything. And I am truly sorry if me mentioning this tonight felt like a jab or if it sounded bitter. I'm not bitter about it, it's something I remember vividly- yes, but only because I force myself to remember so that I can try to be conscious of my actions towards others each day and try to do better. I'm gonna fall short, and I'm sure I have done so a million times since that day but I'm trying."

She grabbed my face and pulled me into a kiss. When she pulled away she caressed my cheek, "I want you to know- that I focus on how unbelievably big your heart is and how amazing, intelligent and funny and talented you are.. and your commitment to your family- our family. Not the negative- I'm not blind to the negative, but the good outweighs the bad- ten times over. Same way I know that an apology from you is not to be taken lightly- and its the most genuine apology I'll ever receive from anyone ever- and I love you."

We did eventually go to bed. When I woke up she was sitting on the windowsill watching the sunrise.

"Good morning" I stretched, my voice cracking slightly.

"Good morning" she turned to face me as I sat up in bed.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked her.

She shrugged, "I think I've become a little spoiled from the bed at home. But the company made it worth while."

I nodded, "yeah this one is definitely more firm than ours." I pulled up our itinerary on my phone, "luckily there's a couples massage appointment in our future."

"Did we decide on whats happening before the massages?" She rested her head against the window.

"Since we're awake do you want to find an early table somewhere?"

She glanced out the window, noticing the sun had finished rising. She sighed and walked back over to the bed. She placed a pillow in my lap and then laid on it.

I giggled slightly and shook my head, "do you have anything in mind? There's some diners nearby, a few upscale places-"

"I want to be someplace quiet and with you."

"You're not helping." I continued scrolling through the options, "Here I found one you'll like- they have beach view outdoor seating. And they're known for their waffles."

She nodded with a smile, "good choice."

"I know- you're like dating Tinker Bell if she was like insanely smart and secretly super badass."

"What's so bad about liking waffles?" She giggled.

"Not the waffles. You just- really love all things nature. It's kind of adorable."

"I like art, and nature is God's art." She explained as she traced her fingers.

"God?" I choked slightly.

She sat up, "yeah.. do you not believe in God?"

"I just didn't peg you as religious thats all."

"Because I'm gay?"

"Well for starters. I also thought science and religion didn't really mix- and the whole God's the only one who can judge thing kind of contradicts the idea of a court system... and you've never mentioned it before." I shrugged.

She took a breath, "I don't think knowing how science works downplays God's role in making it all happen. And I think that court systems here on earth allow us to try to maintain order, but in the end its all still up to Him." She pushed her hair over her shoulders, "is... does this change things?"

"I never said I didn't believe in God." I touched her arm.

"You do?"

"I just came to peace with the fact that I'm far from one His favorites." I cracked a slight smile.

"Why's that?"

"Come on, my father? Everything I've done.. who I am? I'm pretty sure being gay is high on the list of sins or whatever."

"Stop blaming yourself for your father, it was self defense and it was an accident. Everyone one earth has done bad things all their lives." She moved beside me and laid my head on her chest, "as far as gayness goes... I think the super religious people who are against it are hypocrites. Because if God doesn't make mistakes and He loves us all equally- He wouldn't have made us gay just so that He could hate us. And you know- even if being gay was a sin... the Bible says all sins are equal in his eyes/ there's no hierarchy of sin. And everyone sins anyway- I might as well be able to love who I want. If I wasn't gay- that sin would've just been replaced by some other shit I would've done."

I nodded, "are you going to teach our kids about God and stuff?"

"I would like to.."

I sat up slowly, "I think you should.. I'd rather their foundation be in love before the world teaches them to hate."

"You said kids- plural.."

"We'll see what life brings us." I shrugged.

We changed the subject to something more lighthearted and eventually I set us a reservation before we began getting dressed for the day.

At the restaurant Anita fell in love from the moment we pulled into the parking lot.

"This place is beautiful!" She exclaimed.

She walked behind me and took in the sights as we approached the hostess.

"Do you have a reservation?" The woman asked.

"Yes its under W-O-J-C-I-E-C-H-O-W-S-K-I." I replied.

"Perfect follow me." The woman grabbed menus and started walking over to the terrace.

Anita hit my arm "I don't even use that name half the time. I didn't even know you knew it existed, let alone how to spell it."

"Once you break it down its not that hard to memorize. Just don't ask me to pronounce it."

"My parents?"

"No" I giggled as we were seated.

"Janine?"

"Zoelle told us on her first day of school and it was on your parents' wall." I told her.

"That makes sense."

We chatted over the menu for a while and once the waitress had left after taking our order Anita paused and smiled at me.

"What?" I giggled.

"This." She pointed with her finger, "this is what I imagined this morning."

"Its semi-quiet, nice view, the waffles are coming." I agreed.

She held my hand across the table, "and you're here."

We ended up sharing a few different kinds of waffles and having coffee while we chatted some more and joked around. We facetimed with Zoe for a bit and she let us know she was feeling better. We left and spent time at the beach after the couples massage.

AUBREY POV

I woke up to a soft knock at the bedroom door, I looked over and saw that Nic wasn't in the room. I got up and opened the door. Zoe looked up at me clutching a stuffed animal and her eyes wide. Her facial expression changed immediately as if she were about to cry.

"Where's Aunt Nicki?" She whined.

"Hey, its okay. She might be with the triplets or with Logan.. you want me to help you find her?" I said softly.

She nodded as she wiped her eyes with her lip poked out.

I let her hold onto my finger as we walked first to Logan's room and peeked inside. Logan was still asleep in her crib but we found Nic in the triplets' room changing Ali's diaper while the boys fed themselves bottles.

"Nic-" I got her attention.

"Yeah?" She looked up.

I nodded towards Zoe as we entered and offered to take over with Ali.

I watched as she knelt in front of Zoe and greeted her, asking her if she slept okay.

Zoe nodded, "I did.. but when I woke up I was scared because I didn't know where I was and you weren't in your room like you said.. only OJ's dad and we had to come find you."

"Aw hun.. did you forget you stayed with us last night?"

Zoe nodded again.

"I know.. sometimes when I wake up I'm a little confused too." Nic whispered.

"Really?"

"It can be pretty scary huh?"

"Mhmm"

"So tomorrow, if I'm not asleep in my room when you wake up- I'll be in your room when you wake up. So you won't have to come find me okay?"

"Okay."

"But I want you to also know that you're safe with Aubrey too. At your house you have your aunties that keep you safe.. but here- Aubrey and I and sometimes Stella or Margo- all of us will keep you safe."

"I know."

Nic pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. I sat Ali down with them as Nic read a story to Zoe and the triplets and I went to check on Logan. Once Logan was fed and changed I picked her up and took her downstairs. Nic had all the kids downstairs and the older kids were helping her make cinnamon rolls. I put Logan in her chair and started cutting up some fruit for the kids after putting on a pot of coffee. After we ate she let Zoe facetime Lydia and Anita while OJ, Liyah and I cleaned up breakfast.

NICKI POV

Once breakfast was over and the big kids went off to do their own things, Aubrey and I ended up in the living room with the triplets and Logan.

"You're great with Zoe, she's lucky to have you." Aubrey kissed my shoulder after I finished fixing Logan's blanket.

"Thank you." I snuggled into him as he turned on the TV.

"I love you Nic."

"I love you too."

After a bit of TV in silence he turned slightly to me, "are we going to vacation at some point again?"

"With or without the kids?"

"Both."

"Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know- anywhere." He shrugged.

"If we're taking the kids- it has to be after school lets out. And we have to plan around your vacation days from work."

"Right..." he nodded.

"Once the weddings are over my work schedule will clear up a lot."

"Nic-"

"Especially with having Margo its a lot easier to coordinate everything because I don't have to give Lydia double the work while I'm away or try to handle working on vacation."

"Nic, stop." He touched my face.

"What?"

He smirked slightly, still holding my face in his hand, "you do that a lot you know? Go far into planning mode like that.. it was just a suggestion- I just threw the idea out there thats all babe."

"I'm sorry." I looked down.

"Its one of the things I love about you." He tilted my head up and pecked my lips.

"Its not annoying?"

"Maybe sometimes- but not in a bad way."

I moved away from him on the couch and gulped as I looked down again. I could feel myself calm down and I looked up at him again, "I have to tell you something."

He gave me a concerned look.

"No-no its not a bad thing. Its a good thing- its a good thing I promise." I held his hands.

"Okay.."

I took a breath, "Anita found me a therapist. Her name is Lea Crain and she- she can help me."

"Okay Nic that's good."

"And its better for you this way- because we don't have to call Lydia every time something's wrong with me. I know you hate having to call her for help, so we have Lea now. Its better right?" I explained as pulled out my phone. I sent him Lea's contact information, "you can call her or text her- in case sometimes I can't."

"Okay, do you trust her and all? Is she- do you feel like safe and stuff with her?"

"I only met her briefly.. but I trust Anita."

"So you want me to call her just during your real bad episodes or-"

"I trust your judgement." I told him, "we've been together long enough- and I don't think a false alarm will do any harm anyways. I would still rather contact her and not need it than to not and wish we did."

"Okay, I'll remember that."

LYDIA POV

Later in the day we did end up shallow water scuba diving. Once we changed into our wet suits I insisted we take a picture.

"Just in case I die." I joked.

"You can still 100% change your mind we're not even close to the water yet." She told me after the picture.

"I want to do it. Its really just the idea of a fish touching me that makes me squirm." I said as I squirmed at the thought of it happening. "But I do want to see them."

She giggled, "I know you're like dying inside right now, but its so fucking cute to watch honestly babe." She hugged me.

She held my hand while the instructor explained how everything worked and laid out some rules and safety tips. With some minor coaching from Anita I did manage to get into the water with her. We ended up having a lot of fun especially after I calmed down and managed to stop jumping every time a fish came near me. When it was over I laid flat on the ground on my back.

Anita knelt beside me, "did you have fun or was that total torture?"

"It was fun." I assured her.

She paused as something caught her eye beside me, "hold on stay still." She instructed.

I immediately started to panic but tried to stay still anyways as she leaned over me. "What is it?"

"Here- its just a crayfish look." She showed me the small crustacean in her hands, "it looks like a baby."

"Alright- that's enough outside time for me." I sat up.

She giggled, "okay okay, I'm putting it down."

"You're fine- I have fully accepted that I'm marrying a Disney princess."

"Is that so?" She put the crayfish back on the ground as we stood up. "I feel like this isn't the first time you've called me that."

"Yeah yeah. Let's get changed, I cannot wait to shower."

"Mm yes I need to wash my hair, but are we still gonna try to do the dolphin thing? Or did I completely wear out your nature limit for the weekend?" She squeezed some water out of her braid.

"Yeah I'll see if I can reserve a time slot after we grab something to eat."

"Okay, do you wanna just order something and have it delivered?"

"Yeah sounds perfect." I nodded.

We changed and caught an uber back to the airbnb we were staying at. Anita showered first when we got back, I took the moment to update the itinerary for Nic and resent it.

She called me immediately, "Okay, doesn't have to be now- but I definitely want details when you get back."

"That could've been a text." I teased.

"You try texting while making sandwiches for 8 humans and watching a baby- I'm good but I'm not that good."

"3 of them are sharing so does that really count? How's Logan?"

"You're cute. Logan's great, as far as she's concerned OJ and Zoe are hilarious."

"She has good taste."

"Did you figure out how you're gonna avoid her bosses for next weekend?"

"Not yet, I'm still leaning towards the work angle. Unless of course you and Aubrey wanted to go somewhere and then we'd have to babysit- all weekend." I suggested.

"Pretty sure my husband would hate the idea that our impromptu vacation was orchestrated for your benefit." She sighed.

"Fair enough."

"Are you enjoying yourself though?"

"Everything is better than I expected."

"Really?"

"Yeah- the location and everything is great. Do you think its possible to fall more in love with someone you're already madly in love with?"

"Quality one on one time can have that effect on a relationship."

"I'm just scared I'm going to fuck everything up eventually."

"You won't."

"I've really fucked up a lot of relationships. Whose to say I haven't already?"

"How so?"

"I don't know- maybe its because I'm calling my ex while we're on vacation?"

"She's not Aubrey." She assured me.

"She thinks Im heartless... to other people- not to her of course."

"You're overthinking. Anita loves you, and she's also a super straightforward person if you fucked up she would have told you."

"I don't think she likes the sex."

"Then she's insane." I could practically hear her eyeroll.

"Now I'm being serious."

"I can speak both from experience and from conversations I've had with her, the sex is not a problem."

"Its just-"

"You can talk to her, whatever is making you doubt it.. ask her to clear things up for you instead of stressing yourself out over what's likely nothing."

I groaned, "did I mention I love her? Like even all of the things that make us so drastically different, and she pushes me out of my comfort zone and I love it. And then she's so like rounded and talented and every so often I remember she's smart as hell."

"Is that Nic?" Anita's voice startled me.

"Okay tell Anita I said hi, go enjoy your trip." Nic signed off "love you."

"Love you too." I hung up.

"Sorry if I scared you. Is Zoe alright?"

"Yeah it sounds like they're getting ready for lunch." I nodded.

"Ooh speaking of food, did ours come yet?"

"Not yet."

"Why don't you hop in the shower, I'll get dressed and finish waiting."

"How-how long were you out of the shower for?"

"Not long." She shook her head, "I only heard the part about the talented and smart as hell."

"Well you are."

She stepped to me and whispered in my ear, "so are you."

"I'm gonna shower."

"Okay."

After my shower, I got dressed and I found Anita in the dining room setting the table with our food while she spoke with someone on the phone.

"Okay I understand. But you need to understand that this is not the first time your department has contacted me about this and my answer is not changing.... Yes, exactly..... I really hope you find someone soon but in the meantime I'd really appreciate if you stopped contacting me... thank you, enjoy your day." She hung up and looked up at me, "hey, food's here."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, every year or so the FBI starts harassing me about working for them. Sometimes other agencies- but every time I turn them down but they're still stubborn and persistent."

"I guess they know what they're missing." I sat down.

"Its too high risk. And I really love what I do now." She shrugged as she sat across from me. "Especially now, I have you and the kids.. I don't want a job that could potentially jeopardize your safety. And I distinctly remember how upset and worried you were when that bullet grazed me- I don't need you all stressed everyday that I go into work and having to worry about if I'm going to come back home."

"I respect that." I nodded, "but if you did ever change your mind- I'd support you. You don't have to cater your career choices to whether or not I'm going to be worried. Honestly, I'm going to worry about you regardless"

"Well, my answers no, so there's no need to fret over the what ifs anyways." She ate her food.

After a few moments of us eating in semi silence I found myself smiling at her.

"What?"

"We should do this more often." I suggested.

She blushed and touched my hand across the table, "Definitely."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too babe." She squeezed my hand. After we ate we cleaned up and got ready to head out again.

We held hands during the uber ride without talking much besides expressing our excitement.

"Never in my life would I have imagined wearing a wetsuit twice in one day." I said once we were dressed.

She shook her head as she giggled.

I had to work up the nerves to get into the water as well as to touch the dolphin "Finny" but once I did it was quite an experience. We took some pictures and later found ourselves back at the airbnb. I showered first and was dressed and on facetime with OJ to say goodnight before Anita finished showering. OJ let Zoe borrow the ipad so we could say goodnight to her as well before hanging up. Anita got dressed and grabbed her hair brush and leave in conditioner.

I reached for the conditioner as I patted the edge of the bed- beckoning her to sit. We began working together to detangle her long wet curls slowly as we reflected on our day. About halfway through I built up the courage to mention what I spoke to Nic about earlier.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"Do you- I mean," I started, "ugh, I thought I knew how to word it best-"

"You don't have to worry about the best wording. Just start with whats on your mind, we can work through the rest together" she coached. "What do you want to ask me about?"

"The sex."

"The sex?"

"Like.. do you like it? Or is it bad or something?"

"You're unsure about your performance- or mine? Or just the frequency..?"

"Mine." I answered.

"Yours? Why?" She turned to face me.

"Its just- sometimes you do that thing with your hand on my back where you kind of guide or instruct me- which is really hot don't get me wrong- but I just I want to know if it's otherwise not good..." I bit my lip.

"Oh babe.. nooo noo. Its not that at all." She touched my face, "your way is perfect. Its- so sensual, and it maximizes the pleasure and its soo good."

"But it takes more time and when we don't really have time we have to skip all the good parts and that's not your specialty." She continued.

My face must've shown my slight confusion.

"Sometimes we only have time to fuck and not time to make love." She explained bluntly.

"Fair enough." I accepted.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel-"

"Don't apologize, I like when you do it."

"If anything about our relationship wasn't good- I'd tell you okay?" She kissed my cheek, "if I don't say it- in the most direct way possible, then you can safely assume I don't see anything wrong."

I nodded, "okay."

She paused and scrunched her eyebrows at me, "there's something else that's bothering you.."

"Babe, we're on vacation. I don't want to ruin this."

She took a breath and looked me in my eyes, "tell me what's bothering you."

"Babe-"

"Lydia I'm serious." She said sternly.

I exhaled, "fine. I just don't want it to come off the wrong way or anything."

"What is it?"

I held her hands in mine but I didn't look up at her, "Are you going to miss being with a man? Like in the future..."

"You're scared that because I'm bi I'll leave you for a man one day, when I get bored with being with a woman or something?" She reiterated slowly in a soft tone.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't even-" I retracted but she stopped me.

"Your feelings are not something to be sorry for. And I will always respect you and your feelings- especially when you let them be known." She caressed my arms.

"I know you don't like.."

"I don't like being questioned about my sexuality obsessively by outsiders mostly- because its usually to judge or fetishize it. We have different sexualities babe, its one of the many things that make us different. We have different jobs, we're from different places, we have different backgrounds. And we talk about all of these things and we learn to understand each other better." She explained.

"I'm not judging you.. I mean if it comes up we can figure something out." I stuttered.

"Lydia, babe.. the fact that I am attracted to men and women does not mean that I'm going to leave you for a man. The same way I'm not going to leave you for another woman. It's me and you babe, we chose each other." She hugged me.

I nodded as I felt my tears wet her shoulder. After a few minutes we pulled away, "I'm sorry for ruining this and for being paranoid. That was silly- I'm sorry." I wiped my eyes.

She squeezed my hands and looked me in the eye again, "You were hurt more than you allow yourself to admit by how you and Nic's relationship ended. Your fears are validated, I understand babe- its like.. ptsd. You're worried that you're setting yourself up for the same heartbreak all over again."

"That was my fault, I caused that." I shook my head.

"That doesn't mean it didn't affect you."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I turned away.

"Okay, I understand that." She rubbed my leg, "All I'm going to say is that, I love you with all my heart and nothing will ever change that. I am here for you, you know that- and you're going to be my wife, til death do us part."

We sat in silence with her hand resting on my thigh and I kept my head down.

"You didn't hurt my feelings or offend me. And you didn't ruin this weekend." She broke the silence.

I looked up at her, confused.

"You apologized three times, and you don't do that unless you are truly sorry.. you didn't do anything wrong tonight."

I sighed, "it feels like the night is ruined."

"Never. You wanna change the subject?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Since you don't like flowers, what's something- small that I can get you anytime as a way to just say 'I was thinking of you today' or as apology gifts, celebration gifts all of that?"

"Anything."

"Babe"

"I'm serious. I loved the candle and the key chain and the stuffed animal last time. Its the idea of it that I like the most."

"I see."

"What about you?"

"Well.. for starters I do like flowers."

"Figured that much, whats your favorite kind?"

"Pink and white hibiscus. I love how the colors blend into each other."

"Noted, what else?"

"Chocolates or any sweets and desserts." She pushed her hair over her shoulder. "And candles."

Anita POV

We chatted some more until I was convinced she felt better. Then we laid under the covers cuddling mostly silently. Right as I was drifting off to sleep I got a phone call, I started to ignore it but something made me check the caller ID.

"Its late.." Lydia groaned as I sat up.

"Its the New York police department." I read aloud before answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello? Is this Anita Winslow" The man asked.

"Yes is everything alright?"

"I'm Officer Kelly, where are you right now?"

"I'm in Florida- what is this about?"

There was a very slight pause so I filled the space.

"You're triangulating my cell location, I have no reason to hide my location. Am I in some sort of danger or something?"

A woman's voice began speaking, "Ms Winslow this is SSA Santiago I'm with the FBI. We have a hospitalized Jane Doe with your phone number carved into her arm. Would you happen to know anything about that?"

"Is it self inflicted?"

"Does that change your answer?"

"Look- I'm sure you found my career information when you found my name from the phone number- I work with kids.. every kid I work with memorizes my phone number and they know to call me if anything was ever wrong. So if your Jane Doe did that to herself- she likely was hoping whoever found her would call me."

"Would you be willing to come into a station near you? We can have agents fly out to meet with you.."

"Now? I could just catch an earlier flight home, my tickets for noon anyways."

"I can find us a jet if you need." Lydia whispered. "Could be faster."

"Would you be able to make an ID of the victim if you saw her?" Agent Santiago asked.

"Most likely."

"We can be on our way back in 45 minutes." Lydia flashed me her phone.

"Do you have a phone number I can send my flight information to? I can be in the air within the hour, can you arrange for an escort from there?" I asked.

"Yes- yes we can do that."

I gave Lydia a nod.

"See you when you get here."

"Got it."

I hung up and buried my head in my arms for a moment. I could feel Lydia rub my back.

"Are you alright? That sounded bad."

"One of my kids.. someone I've worked with was hospitalized and she- she had my phone number carved into her arm... they want to see if I can identify her. But if she's still a Jane Doe- she's either too traumatized to speak, or unconscious or just that hurt." I explained.

"Why don't you go get a drink of water, I'll start packing." She nodded as she got up.

We packed quickly and made coffee while we waited for our uber. I gave the police our eta and they met us at the airport. They put us in separate cars, one took Lydia to the station for an interview, another took me to the hospital.

I was greeted outside her hospital room by an agent, "Hi I'm Agent Ferguson, you must be Anita." She shook my hand.

"Is she alright?"

"She's badly injured but recently regained consciousness, she won't talk to us the only thing she says is, well she just keeps reciting your phone number." She explained. "Maybe she'll talk to you."

I nodded, "I deal with abused and neglected kids, or high risk ones. I teach them to repeat my number to themselves if anything happens to remind them I'm always in their corner."

"Thats really amazing of you."

"All kids deserve to feel safe and to have someone that's there for them no matter what."

"You ready to go see her?" She asked.

I nodded.

She walked me into the room and I recognized the little girl immediately.

"Ken are you okay?" My eyes watered.

Her eyes lit up when she saw me, "you came!"

"I did hun. The police called me, you put my phone number on your arm, do you remember doing that?"

She nodded, "I was too tired from running and I couldn't stay awake anymore.. but I wanted if someone finds me to know your number."

"Do you think you can answer some questions for Agent Ferguson to help her find out what happened and how they can help?" I asked her.

"Can you stay here?" She squeezed my hand.

I looked at Agent Ferguson, she nodded, "if you're alright to stay, you look extremely tired you may want to get some rest."

"There'll be plenty of time to rest later." I shook my head.

"I'll have someone bring in coffee and maybe a juice or hot chocolate for you."

I looked over at Kennedy knowing the prospect of hot chocolate would excite her.

"Kennedy could never turn down hot chocolate." I tapped her nose.

"Is it okay if we start now or we can wait for the drinks to come?"

Ken looked down for a second.

"Okay, why don't we start with some easy questions?"

"Okay" Ken nodded.

"Your name's Kennedy?"

She nodded, "Kennedy Ann Fields."

"Thats a pretty name. You know I have a daughter named Kendall so its kind of close, what do you think?" Agent Ferguson made eye contact with her, "how old are you?"

"8 and a half."

"8 and a half? Hmm is that third grade or fourth grade?"

"Fourth."

"Wow. So what's your favorite thing to learn about in school?"

"I like all of the subjects, but not gym."

"What? Even math?" Agent Ferguson exaggerated her voice.

Ken nodded.

By the time the drinks got here, Kennedy was warmed up to Agent Ferguson.

"Okay, now I'm going to ask some harder questions, about what happened. And sometimes remembering these kinds of things can be scary again but you have Anita here and I'm here- so you're safe okay?" She came and sat on the other side of her bed. "Everything you tell us, will help us to find who hurt you and make sure they can't hurt you or anyone else ever again."

I watched her reach for something in her bag but changed her mind.

"If recording this interview will be helpful for your team, then you should."

"She's a minor-"

"I'm her legal guardian." I stated.

"Right.." she pulled out her phone and started dialing as she spoke to Kennedy, "Kennedy I'm going to have the rest of my team listen to our interview okay? That way hopefully you won't have to answer more questions later. Alright?"

"Okay."

She placed her phone on the table close to Ken's head, it was on speaker.

"Hey guys you're on speaker. I'm here with Kennedy Fields and her guardian Anita Winslow. We're going to conduct an interview with Kennedy shortly."

"Would it be possible to do this with video, a lot of visual clues prove to be helpful for certain details in this kind of interview."

Agent Ferguson looked at me, I looked at Ken and then nodded, "Yes, whatever helps."

She pulled out a laptop from her bag soon they were on a video call with some agents and officers. They introduced themselves to us and made sure Ken was comfortable before starting the interview.

"Do you know who did this to you?"

Ken nodded, "Tyler and his friends."

"Who's Tyler?"

"He's a teenager at the new family's house." She said sadly.

"Is this the first time Tyler hurt you?"

"No. But usually he gets in trouble but his parents weren't home."

"His parents don't let him hurt you?"

Ken shook her head slowly, "they say I have to look perfect for the pictures." I felt her squeeze my hand and tense up.

"What pictures? Family pictures?"

She shook her head adamantly, "no no."

"Okay lets take a step back.. what did Tyler and his friends do?"

She detailed everything from being pushed down the stairs, having her head held under water in a bath tub, being cut, to being beaten by the kids. She took frequent breaks to close her eyes in between details. She held my hand to her cheek as she continued.

"How'd you get away?"

"They tied me to a tree in the woods.. when they left I was able to get loose so I ran away. I ran and ran and ran until I was too tired."

"What made you write Anita's phone number on your arm?"

"I was so tired I didn't know if I would remember it. I hoped someone would find me and call her.. I don't want to go back to that house." She started crying.

"Do you know what Tyler looks like? Would you be able to describe him."

"I guess so."

"What about his friends and family? Do you remember their names or faces?"

"I think some."

"Okay, we'll have a sketch artist come in very soon so you can describe whoever you remember."

"Are you done?" I asked Agent Ferguson.

"Yes, for now."

"Okay, I have a few questions for her that may help."

"By all means.."

"Ken, why'd you stop writing me letters?" I asked her softly, "remember we used to send each other letters all the time? You were telling me that you liked your new family and your school."

She pouted, "the new family doesn't let me write letters or go to school."

"What new family?"

"The new family! The old one gave me away." She cried.

"Ken... when was this?- do you remember the last letter from me that you read before you left? Anything it said?"

She wiped her eyes and nodded, "you said for your birthday your girlfriend got you a bunch of gifts but your favorite was a key.. but I forget what the key was for."

I hugged her and looked up at Agent Ferguson, "that was about a year ago. I did not authorize nor was I notified about a transfer."

A nurse entered the room, "she needs more testing done."

We nodded and I kissed Ken's forehead, "I'm going to be right outside and I'll come right back, I promise."

"Come right back." She said sternly.

I walked into the hallway with Agent Ferguson.

"You need to find both families- that was an unauthorized transfer which means her real foster family are guilty as well." I said through my teeth.

"Yeah we will. You've been extremely helpful, she's glad to have you." She touched my arm.

She walked away to make a call so I took the moment to make some of my own.

"Hey, mom it's me.. I think I need to call in another favor." I explained everything to her and when she hung up she promised to do a secondary investigation as well.

I called Lydia, "hey are you alright?"

"Yeah are you? Is the girl okay?"

"She's stable and talking. I actually haven't been briefed about the specifics of her condition but from the details she gave- I can't imagine its very good. Do you think you can come here?" I answered.

"Yeah I'll call an uber."

I called my office and gave them an update on the situation. They officially granted me guardianship over Kennedy until further notice which after a faxed confirmation, allowed the doctor's to update me on her condition.

"She had alcohol in her system when she arrived. Another drink and we would've had to pump her stomach or worse. Because of that we delayed medications and treatments until we could lower her BAC. She has a concussion, fractured left arm, broken rib, significant bruising and nearly a dozen knife wounds. She has evidence of water in her lungs consistent with a near drowning experience which thankfully didn't cause her to dry drown." He explained.

"Everything is fresh?"

"She has a few injuries that haven't healed properly, broken fingers and a fractured ankle."

"Sexual assault?" I asked.

"There's no recent evidence at least."

"Ok." I nodded slowly.

After her testing was complete I went back in the room with her.

"Hey brave girl." I kissed her forehead.

"Did you write me a lot more letters?"

"I did. And eventually I stopped because I thought maybe I must be bothering you. Since you said everything was going good I thought you didn't need me anymore." I told her truthfully.

"Can you tell me more about what happened next?" She asked.

"Oh you want updates?" I teased.

"Yeah!" She giggled.

I started filling her in with everything from the engagement and told her about the kids and the prospect of us having a baby.

"You're the best mommy ever." She told me.

"I appreciate that." I tapped her nose.

"Do you think that I will be able to meet her one day?"

"If you want you may be able to meet her today. She's coming here." I winked.

Her eyes widened, "yay! When?"

Agent Ferguson knocked on the door gently, "looks like someone's spirits are up."

"She always feels better when she gets to learn more about other people." I explained.

"Oh really? Why's that?"

Ken played with her fingers, "because then I can think about what it would be like to be that person when I dream."

"That's impressive. And what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"A police woman.. so I can help people and stop bad guys. Or like Nee Nee so I can help kids."

"Did you know a big part of our jobs is doing what you do? We learn about people and think about what its like to be them. We think about all the things they do to find out why and how they do them. And my team uses all of that to find the bad guys and catch them." Agent Ferguson explained.

"Really?"

"Yes. That's why I ask you so many questions about the people who hurt you and about what they did and how they hurt you. So my team and I can think like them and find them." She nodded.

"Did you find them?"

"Not yet. I have to ask you some more questions so that we can understand them a little better. Do you think you can help me with that?"

Ken nodded.

Agent Ferguson looked at me, "is it alright if I ask her some more difficult questions?"

I nodded, "as long as you respect her boundaries."

"Okay, Kennedy.. earlier you mentioned something about pictures being taken of you. Can you tell me more about them?" She pulled out a notebook.

"S-sometimes it was just Tyler's dad.. but sometimes he would have his friends come watch him take pictures of me."

"What kind of pictures?"

"Sometimes with a white or a different color background.. sometimes with playing pretend with some toys or something like a pretend bathtub."

"What kind of clothes did you wear?"

Kennedy paused and shied away for a second. I rubbed her hand for support.

"Take a breath, you're safe okay?" I instructed.

She took a deep breath and spoke quietly, "I couldn't wear any clothes."

I laid my forehead on her arm. Agent Ferguson had her tell her some more details about her life with the family and it turned out each member was awful to her. A nurse came in to check on Kennedy as the conversation ended. Agent Ferguson thanked Ken for her bravery and promised to find both of the families.

I got a phone call from my boss so I excused myself from the room to take the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I just heard about Kennedy Fields, you're there with her now?"

"Yes, I've been helping her through her police statements and just trying to keep her spirits up so far." I explained.

"Do you know how long she'll be in the hospital?"

"They haven't said, most of her treatments just started. I'd say at least overnight maybe longer."

"You recently moved in with your fiancée correct?"

"Yes.."

"And you have custody of your niece as well?"

"Correct. All of this was in my recent HR forms. My fiancée also coparents her two kids one teenaged daughter and 7 year old son."

"Okay. If its possible we can send a team over to do an inspection of the home and conduct interviews with your fiancée and the kids- that way when Kennedy is released, she can be released into your care until we find her another family placement."

"I came directly here from the airport, we haven't had a moment to check in with the kids or each other for that matter. I'll have her call over to the house and see how best we can set that up." I leaned on the counter.

"Alright, I'll need an update by the end of the night or we'll have to place her with someone else- but I'd much rather it be you since she already knows you."

"I know."

"We'll be sending her a basket in the morning as well."

"She'd like that."

He continued through logistical reminders for a bit longer and eventually we hung up the phone. Before I could find the nurse for an update Lydia had arrived.

"Hey, how is she?" She hugged me.

"She's pretty shaken up but she's a trooper. She shouldn't have to be, she's just a kid- but she is." I put my hands in my pockets. "She could've died.."

"But she's here now, and she has you." She rubbed my back.

I pulled her down the hallway a bit so we were out of Ken's line of sight.

"Babe." She squeezed my hand.

"I placed her with that family.. I vetted them myself, I told her she'd be safe and happy with them... and they gave her away to those monsters." My voice cracked as I started crying.

"There's no way you could've known.. people are deceiving and most times they really suck. Or maybe they were fine until something changed. You can't predict the future babe." She pulled me into a hug again.

"I let her down. She's an angel, the sweetest, funniest little girl I've ever met and she deserves the world but everything keeps blowing up in her face." I wiped my eyes.

"Well she's lucky to have you in her corner. She knows you'll fight for her until she gets her happy ending."

While I got myself together I had her call Nic and have her prepare the kids for the interviews. Once they were all on board I texted my boss the update.

I checked my face in my phone camera once more, "do you want to meet her now?"

"Of course."

"Come on."

I walked her back over to Ken's room, she was staring up at the tv that was playing something on Disney channel.

"Hey Ken, I have someone I want you to meet." I announced softly as I entered the room.

"Who?" She sat up a little.

I waved Lydia into the room, "this is my fiancée-"

"Lydia." Ken finished my sentence.

"Exactly." I nodded, "I figured since you heard all about her maybe you'd like to meet her."

"Nice to meet you." Ken smiled at Lydia.

"Nice to meet you too Kennedy." Lydia grinned.

Ken looked at me with a smirk and whispered, "you were right- she is super pretty."

I bit my lip and peered over at Lydia.

"Do you mind if I sit next to you?" Lydia asked, pretending she didn't hear her comment.

Ken nodded. We both sat by her bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't like it here." Her smile dropped.

"What don't you like?" I asked.

"It hurts when I move my arms." She groaned, nodding towards the IV and the blood tubes both stuck into her arms.

"Aw honey I know. But its only to help you feel better later. You'll be playing soccer and doing flips again in no time." I rubbed her hand.

"Soccer and flips? Maybe once you're better you can show me one of your flips." Lydia added.

Ken smiled but it quickly faded and she looked up at me, "do you have to find a new family for me again?"

"I will, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure its a family that will love and appreciate you- forever." I kissed her knuckles.

"You said that last time." She mumbled.

"I know sweet girl. And I'm so sorry this happened. But I am so glad you remembered you could trust me." I spoke softly, "in the meantime, I do have some good news."

"I can stay with you again?" Her eyes lit up.

"How'd you guess?" I giggled.

"Thats the only good news." She shrugged.

"Well, you'll have to stay in the hospital for a bit longer first then you'll come home with us."

"Will you stay here with me?"

"If you want me to."

"Both of you?" She looked at Lydia.

"Lydia may have to go to work, but I'll be here."

"Would you feel more comfortable with both of us?" Lydia asked.

Ken nodded.

"Then I'll be here." Lydia nodded.

I looked at the monitors she was hooked to and up at her blood transfusion, "luckily you should be able to get one of these needles out by morning time, and if you're strong enough to eat and drink some water and juice in the morning maybe the other will be out too."

"What are they for?"

"Well, this one is called an IV and this is to make sure you are hydrated. And this one is blood but its not your blood, its someone else's because when you cut yourself you had a lot of blood right?"

"Yeah, it was bleeding so so much." She nodded.

"So nice people donate their blood so that when people like you are hurt and lose too much blood you can use it."

"They don't need their own blood?" She asked.

"You see this number and that line right here on the monitor?" I pointed, "that's your heart beat. Your heart beats because it is pumping blood all through your body so that you keep having it. So most healthy people have extra they can share."

"So your heart makes the blood?"

"No, but it helps to cycle it. In school did you ever learn about the water cycle?"

"Mhmm. Water comes from the clouds to the ground called preci- precipitation.. and then evaporates to the sky and then in the clouds again all new."

"Right. So your heart is part of a cycle. And the heart has to take in the blood you used up and make it all new again so you can use it again and again."

"So I don't have anymore of my blood?" She furrowed her eyebrows.

"You do, and you will have more. But its a slower process, so you borrow some blood to hold you over until your body makes more."

"Where does it come from?"

I giggled as I realized this was getting deeper than anticipated, "well you know how we have lots of bones in our bodies?"

"Yeah."

"So our bones have squishy insides called bone marrow and thats where our blood comes from." I summarized.

"Really?"

"That's right." A voice startled me. "Hi, I'm Nurse Frankie, I'm taking over for Nurse Joy. And you must be Kennedy."

"Hi." Ken waved with just a few fingers.

"Anita Winslow, I'm Kennedy's law guardian. And this is my fiancée Lydia." I stood and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you all. I expected you to have some sort of medical background."

"I'm qualified but I chose not to practice."

"So Doctor or Nurse Winslow?"

"Doctor.. but just Anita is fine."

"You wouldn't happen to have a brother who's a doctor would you?" She tapped her clipboard.

I nodded, "twin, pediatric neurosurgeon. Thankfully we did not have to visit him tonight."

"Thought so." She turned her attention back to Kennedy, "So Ms Kennedy, did Nurse Joy give you some medicine to try?"

"Yes." She nodded slowly.

"Are they helping with the pain at all?"

She nodded.

"Did they make your tummy feel sick or make you feel dizzy?"

She shook her head.

"Thats all good signs. Do you need anything or want anything at all?"

She shook her head.

"Okay. Well, Dr Rojas will be in very soon to talk to you again." Nurse Frankie smiled. She then turned to me and motioned for me to follow her outside. I excused myself from the room.

Dr Rojas was waiting by the reception desk, Nurse Frankie walked me over to him.

The receptionist interfered before I got to him, "excuse me, are you Ms Fields' guardian?"

"Yes." I turned to her.

"I can't seem to locate her insurance do you know her provider?"

"She probably doesn't have any. You can send the bills to me, I'll cover it."

"Are you sure? We can search.."

"Here-" I grabbed a paper and noted my information for her and slid it to her.

"Okay.. thank you."

"No problem."

"Ms Winslow, as you know- Kennedy has a lot of healing to do. For her internal injuries she will just need to rest and let them heal on their own and be careful not to make them worse. We can of course offer some medications to ease her pain. This will also be the case for her concussion. Some of her cuts were less severe than others and will heal on their own but will remain covered to keep from infecting. The larger lacerations have already been stitched. As for her fractured arm- the difficulty there is since her self-inflicted cuts were done on top of the fracture, treating one or the other will affect the other's healing."

I nodded, "She needs a cast for the fracture but a cast doesn't allow for the daily changing of the dressing over the cuts that would prevent infection and allow air flow. But without the cast it'll be harder to maintain the necessary immobilization for the fracture to properly heal."

"Precisely."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, "how severe are the cuts?"

He checked his chart, "some parts are worse than others. But they are pretty deep."

"What's your intended course of action?"

"I would recommend prioritizing the cuts to minimize the risk of infection."

"An improperly healed fracture could have a lifetime of side effects." I shook my head.

"So could a nasty infection." He stated, "The other option would be to keep her here until she's in the clear where she'd be monitored and in bed thus decreasing risk of further injury."

"While decreasing her quality of life for the time being. Not an option." I shook my head as I looked down to think. I pushed my hair back and looked up at him, "what about a middle ground?"

"Which would be?"

"A brace would keep her arm immobilized. And she'll be in my care so I can remove the brace and change the dressings on her arm underneath each day. I'll also be there to monitor her. We just need to get past the initial stages of the healing for the cuts and then put the cast on within the next few weeks." I explained.

He paused, "I'll run that plan by our team and just verify that its the best course of action."

"Alright."

I walked back to Ken's room where she and Lydia were talking ecstatically about the beach and different animals there. They welcomed me into the conversation until Dr Rojas returned.

"Okay Ms Winslow after consulting with my team it appears your proposal does pan out and I was also informed that you failed to mention that you're a doctor." He tapped his clipboard.

"I don't practice."

"Right, you leave that to your brother." He stated then he checked his watch, "he'll be stopping by in the morning by the way."

"What? Why? I thought her concussion was fine?"

He chuckled, "Dr Winslow comes bright and early to visit all the overnight or extended stay kids."

I nodded, "yeah that sounds like my brother."

"And Ms Kennedy, you're our newest patient which makes you his first stop." Dr Rojas told her.

"Your brother?" Ken looked at me.

"Twin brother." Lydia added.

"Woah thats cool." Ken smiled.

"That being said, Kennedy you will have to stay here overnight- hopefully if all goes well not another night. In any case, when you are released you'll be taken care of by Ms Winslow. She'll make sure you are getting a lot of rest so your body can heal properly."

Ken nodded with a shimmer in her eye, "Nee Nee's the best."

"I bet she is." He chuckled.

After he left Kennedy and Lydia continued to get to know each other and eventually nurses brought in some blankets and little pillows for us to get semi comfortable. I don't know when I fell asleep but I woke up to someone tapping on my head annoyingly. I lifted my head and my first view was of Lydia holding a cup of coffee while she drew on a clipboard that was in her lap. Ken was asleep still but the tapping persisted. I looked up to find Niko standing over me with a malicious grin.

"Seriously Niko?" I groaned.

"Hey. I come bearing gifts." He pointed to the table that had 3 other cups and a box of donuts. "There's hot chocolate for Kennedy." He handed me a cup.

I took a sip of the coffee as I sat up straight, "what time is it?"

"8:20" he stated.

I looked at Lydia, "you should be at work."

"I took the day off." She shrugged, "if they need me they can reach me."

"Are you sure?" I verified.

"I'm sure babe don't worry."

I looked up at Niko. He put his hands up, "hey my shift starts at 9 and my first consult isn't until 10:30 anyways. Don't look at me."

"Okay." I exhaled.

Niko and Lydia got to know each other while we ate donuts and drank coffee until Ken woke up. Niko introduced himself to her and she immediately took to him. He gave her a cup of hot chocolate and a donut which Lydia and I helped her with since she still couldn't move her arms. Niko did a few magic tricks for her and told some jokes. He agreed to watch Ken while Lydia and I stepped into the hall for a moment.

"You alright." Lydia asked once we were out of the room.

I nodded, "I just need to walk around for a bit." We walked down the hall with our coffees. "Good morning, by the way. I'm sorry I didn't greet you properly earlier-"

"Babe. You're fine. Good morning." She touched my shoulder.

"Its just-"

"How many times have you come to my office and I was too busy to properly greet you right away?" She made me look into her eyes.

"A few I guess- I don't know." I shrugged.

"A lot. So I get it.. you're working- you know I respect that more than anything. I don't expect to have your full attention at all right now. I'm here for emotional support and anything else you may need from me."

"I appreciate you being here." I told her, "my head's still kinda spinning so I can't quite put it into words. But I really truly appreciate it."

"Well I'm here for you- always." She held my free hand.

I pulled her hand to my face and kissed it. She bit her lip and we stood there staring into each other's eyes for a bit. She looked away and cleared her throat, she started walking down the hall, still holding my hand so I kept up beside her.

"So Kennedy's gonna stay with us after she's released?" She asked and sipped her coffee.

"Yeah, if you're comfortable with that.. I can definitely take her and Zoe back to-"

"We already talked about this.. I knew what your job entailed- in this sense- before we started dating. I do not have a problem with any of this. And if that changes- I'll tell you." She assured me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"There's one thing we didn't really talk about though.." she paused.

"What's that?"

"What's my role? Like- do I just let you do your thing and I focus on OJ, Zoe and Rory- or are we just one big family each time." She asked.

"Well I personally am more of a family-approach person but-"

"Okay then its settled." She offered a smile. "One more thing.."

"Okay..." I gave her a strange look.

"What do I say when your job interviews me?"

I looked her up and down, realizing her uncharacteristic jittery composure was due to the prospect of the interview. I tried to hide the slight laugh that bubbled inside of me, I never would've pinned her as someone who gets anxious for an interview.

"Babe thats the least of your worries. It'll be almost exactly like when I interviewed you for OJ's case." I assured her.

"I don't want to ruin this.."

"Ruin what babe? This is just logistics- I technically already vetted you not once but twice- they're just gonna wanna know that you can handle damaged- for lack of a better word- kids. And your experience with Nic, Rory and Zoe already shows that you can." I touched her cheek, "absolute worst case scenario: whenever a kid is placed with me, I stay at my place with them for a few days. This does not effect my job, or our relationship at all."

"I think I just need some air." She wiped her eyes.

"Me too- we still have time before Niko has to do his actual job."

"Yeah he's like freakishly great with kids." She giggled as we walked to the elevator.

I pressed the button to call the elevator, "our siblings used to joke and say that Niko and I were so similar that we ended up with the same job. Fixing kids' brains- he just works from the inside and I work from the outside. He saves them from illnesses and injuries, I save them from the outside world."

"Making the world a better place, one kid at a time." She smiled. There was a nurse on the elevator with us so we didn't speak, we kept glancing at each other out the corners of our eyes as we sipped our coffees. The awkwardness sent us into a fit of laughter when we finally got off the elevator. We found a bench outside to sit on that overlooked a field of grass and a few trees.

"Like 24 hours ago we were having brunch with a beautiful view of the ocean." I said as she laid her head in my lap. "It kinda feels like forever ago now."

"I feel kind of guilty about it now though- if we're being honest." She exhaled.

I played in her hair gently, "what do you mean?"

"I can't help but think what was happening to Kennedy while we were enjoying a view."

I took a deep breath, "I wouldn't call it guilt."

"What would you call it?"

"Balance. I'd like to think that its good- that everyone doesn't suffer at the same time. Everyone has their times of joy and their times of sorrow." I explained. "Like, every time I look at Zoe and OJ together - I remember that balance.. I was still mourning my babies when both of them were born and you and Nic and Annie were all happy and celebrating becoming new parents. If there wasn't that balance back then- I wouldn't be able to enjoy them as much as I do now."

She didn't respond right away so we sat in silence for a while watching the birds, the squirrels and the people move around. Eventually she spoke softly, "I'm sorry I freaked out upstairs."

"I thought you only apologized when you-"

She looked up at me, "I do really mean it. I'm supposed to be your emotional support- not the other way around."

"And you are. You being anxious about an interview is a lot lighter than emotional toll Kennedy's situation is taking. For a few minutes there was just a perfectly manageable problem in front of me and not this whole web of mess that I should've been able to prevent and now theres layers and layers of guck on top of the web of mess and stuck in the midst of it all is a sweet little girl who I was supposed to keep safe." I described.

"It wasn't your fault. The only thing you did was give her something to hold on to that fueled her escape. You're the reason she's alive and safe right now, knowing you is what allowed her to know that life didn't have to be that way- that she could be happy. She didn't give up on you- she still trusts and adores you." She maintained eye contact as she spoke. "I know first hand because you helped me.. and you helped Nic several times."

"Thank you." I continued caressing her cheek, "I love you so much."

"I love you too babe." She snuggled her head into my stomach, mimicking a hug.

QOTD:
- How are we feeling about Lydia x Anita and the Dricki relationships?

Also poor Kennedy🥺

I tried to make this chapter not so long but the Lydia x Anita conversations were too important to hold back and I didn't want to leave you guys with the cliff hanger of the police call (that was the initial plan haha)