Please play the music above while reading this chapter. ⇧
"I-I write that you pass away at 2 a.m.?" My lips tremble as I ask for confirmation.
Erden nods hesitantly, breathing hardly. Listening to him, I scaringly write that he passed away in his sleep at 2 a.m. on the 29th June.
It's nearly 1 a.m. The 100th draft is ready. Erden and I spent the last 99th day saying goodbye. We did everything for a last time. A last surprise breakfast, a last dance, a last movie marathon, last sex, last candlelight dinner, last kisses and now, it's the last time we are seeing each other.
"Y-You can go to sleep, I will publish it." A cold shiver hits my back as I tell him so.
He raises a brow. "Are you sure?"
"Y-Yess I'm." I gulp, fiddling with my fingers.
"Oh, I want you to keep this." He says, removing his thick leather jacket. My eyes narrow in confusion. His arms are now at full exhibition. Huffing, I take a glance at his forearm. The tattoo has almost completely disappeared, only a few traces of the black and ruby-red ink is left. It renders me more sick.
"Whenever you miss me you can wear it, it will slightly make you feel that I'm hugging you." Erden winces as he places the jacket on the bed beside us.
My vision turns bleary on hearing him.
"S-some people usually tell their loved ones that they will see them again in the hereafter." I burst into tears, my heart aching. "I-I can't even say that to you, Erden!"
He immediately pulls me into a hug and embraces me tightly, burying his face in my neck. "I-I love you so much, Hazel." He cries out, sobbing loudly.
"I-I love you too, Erden." I wobble, my hand clasping firmly around his back. I don't want to let him go. "I still can't believe it."
"Hey, hey." He pulls out of the hug and holds my face between his hand. "You will be able to make it, don't give up on yourself." He is looking deeply into my eyes, searching for affirmation.
I slowly shake my head, attempting to heed his words.
"Live your life. Be happy. Don't stop writing. You are so talented." He says wholeheartedly, wiping my tears with his thumbs. "I'm pretty sure that you will become a successful author due to your hard work."
He succeeds to put a small smile on my face.
"Also, don't let any guy break your heart. Fall in love with someone who sees the gem you're." He states determinedly. I shake my head again, though I don't want anyone else but him.
He beams faintly, still weepy. "A-and don't forget my wish." He reminds me of naming my son after him one day.
I nod vigorously, tracing my finger on the sharp line of his jaw. "Count on me."
Pleased, he slowly pecks my lips. I close my eyes and kiss him back delicately, savoring a last time the taste of his lips. He steadily pulls out of the kiss and presses his forehead against mine, gazing into my eyes.
His magnetic turquoise-coloured eyes will always be engraved in my mind.
With that, he slowly wakes up from the bed and sluggishly makes his way out of the room. Everything has as if suddenly slowed down. A wave of sorrow is climbing up my throat as I watch him moving away from me. Before he passes through the door, he looks back at me a last time. My heart sinks. His lips stretch into a gloomy wide smile, his electrifying gaze penetrating my soul a last time. With all the strength left in me, I try to smile back at him. Glad that I responded, he then passes through the door and disappears. I remain frozen on the bed, staring blankly at the door.
I will never see him again.
As I feel all the emotions in my mouth, I squeeze my eyes shut to control myself.
I need to complete what I have to do.
With a quivering hand, I hold my phone and enter the draft. I gape at the screen for what seems an eternity. My thumb is hovering the publish option. It moves slightly to press on it, but instantly shrink. For multiple times, the same thing happens. My subconscious is not allowing me. Muttering some curses under my breath, I pelt my phone on the bed and rub my face.
I can't do it.
I can't.
I pull back my hair, inhaling and exhaling deeply to calm down my trembling body.
I will try again tomorrow.
Erden
My eyes snap wide. A white ceiling is facing me. My heartbeat begins to race.
Am I dead?
Breathing steadily, I look around the place. I immediately cool off when I realise that it's my room. Confused, I rapidly take my phone from the chest of drawers to check the time. My eyes shut briefly on seeing that it's 2:30 a.m.
She couldn't do it.
Ah, Hazel.
I jump out of my bed, dazed. I knew that's exactly what would have had happened. And this will keep recurring. She won't have the courage to let me go. I can't allow this. She needs to live a beautiful life, with someone who can grow old by her side.
I swallow hard. I will have to do it myself.
Mustering some courage, I walk to her room. My heart softens on entering there. The blanket is warmly covering Hazel as she is peacefully sleeping on, knowing that I'm still alive. I tiptoe in the room, making sure not to wake her up. I proceed closer to the bed to get a better sight of her. I smile at the view. She seems like an angel. Her curly eyelashes are casting shadows on her flushed cheeks, her rosy lips pouting like a baby. Tears flood my eyes. This time, it's really the last moment I'm seeing her. Holding myself from weeping, I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and brush slightly, the back of my hand on the side of her soft cheek. I close my eyes, appreciating the feel of her smooth skin a last time.
I sniff, coming back to my senses. With some bravery, I take her phone from the chest of drawers. My hand tightens around it, a cold shiver running through me. I need to do it. For her. For them. Maintaining this spirit, I open the draft and change the time to 2:40 a.m., my fingers shaking as I type further.
When I finish, I start to hyperventilate. It feels impossible to breathe properly again. My hand clenches into a fist, squeezing it vigorously as I prepare myself to do it.
And then, without thinking, I shut my eyes and press on the 'publish'.
My head is throbbing.
I made it.
With my heart pounding inside my chest, my eyes flutter opened. As I look down at the screen, it's showing me that I've successfully published the chapter. A tear rolls down my cheek.
I fucking made it.
I don't know for how long I've been standing like a lifeless body. When I return to reason, I place back the phone on the drawer.
I then take an ultimate look at the woman I love so much. My reason to breathe, to smile and to wince. "G-goodbye, my life." Whispering, I place a soft kiss on her forehead a last time. A tear drops from my eyes and falls on her cheek.
Uncontrollably, tears begin to stream down my face. I walk out of the room after my eyes have admired her a final time.
I get in my bed and check the time on my phone.
It's 2:38.
Only two minutes left.
I'm sweating excessively, my heart beating so fast that it feels as if my chest will soon explode. Shutting my eyes in fear, blurry memories of Hazel and I start to play in my head. Our first meeting when I was captivated by her beauty and her divine scent, her laughs which got me cracking up as well, her smile causing my dimples to pop out as well, our incredible memories that could be the next famous fairy tale...and without forgetting our last moments which gets my heart aching. The flashback in my mind is immediately followed by a blinding black and ruby-red whirlwind, similar to the color my tattoo was. My body begins to shudder unstoppably, along with the bed. I'm abruptly freezing. Though how much I'm trying to open my eyes, I can't. The dazzling light is depriving me of my vision. It's as if I'm no longer controlling my body. The black and ruby-red flares are soon mixed with a tornado of orangey and white luminescence, before everything fades to;
Total Darkness.
Hazel
The flickering sunshine caresses my face as it passes through the drapes, urging me to open my eyes. Relieved that Erden is still here with me, I spread my arms out and rapidly reach for my phone from the chest of drawers.
As I unlock my phone, it promptly displays my list of chapters on Wattpad. Baffled, I scroll down slightly and my eyes go out of their sockets.
I blast off from my bed, clogging my mouth to refrain myself from screaming.
The last chapter was published at 2:36 a.m.
No, no, no.
That's not possible!
Blood is gushing to my brain as I swiftly open the chapter.
And at that moment, my world shatters to pieces.
The death time was edited to 2:40. There is even a note.
Note: My life, you would have never be able to do it. Years would have passed, and you would have continued to live this unrealistic life for the sake of not losing me.
I did it myself, for you and for everyone to have a beautiful life ahead. It's good for you as well. You will never have to live with the weight of having deleted me on your shoulder till your last breath.
I love you with all my heart. I will always be near you, remember that. ;)
My phone slips from my hand and falls down on the floor.
Erden is gone.
(´-')
It was the hardest chapter to write. I can't even describe how this makes me feel to write such a sad ending. I love Erden so much. And he is one of the best characters I've ever written. He will always remain in my heart.❤❤❤