hey, it's me. author-nim. you may be wondering why i'm writing a note in 2021 when this book was written in 2015.
well, i've grown quite a lot since i was fourteen. and i now cringe when i read my older books. i recently started re-reading some of them, including this one and i just wanted to say this:
chapter nineteen is controversial. it has been and it still is. a lot of people mistook it for me romanticizing mental illness back then and some people still do.
i completely understand why anyone would think that. the intentions behind that chapter were good but i didn't write it properly as a dumb 14 year old back then.
the scene where jungkook kisses jimin while he's bleeding in the bath is completely and utterly fucked. i wasn't able to provide proof back then that people are fucked up as jungkook in real life. all i could say was that, "i wanted to portray jungkook as someone fucked up!!! but a little subtle!!!"
well, i'm 20 now. i lived with a boyfriend for a while who got off to me self-harming, crying, and overall having a full-on breakdown. he would get hard when i cried and talked about how suicidal i am. he would literally fuck me after crying.
i guess what i wanna say is...
PEOPLE LIKE YP-JK DO EXIST.
fucked up people get off to shit like that. i know, i know. obviously everyone knows about the dark web and all and how others literally pay to watch snuff films. but it's kinda hard to really think about that when you're not in it.
actually meeting a monster like that in real life and dating them is absolutely fucked. a part of me feels like this book was a whole self-fulfilling prophecy.
anyways, i regret having written YP in the way that i wrote it. i don't hate it. i just wish i did better explaining why that scene was important.
i continue to strive to write better and i hope to whoever is reading this, that you also strive to be a better reader.
don't attack authors for something a character did that you don't like. give constructive criticism in their dms instead of blatantly hating in the comments. there's a difference.
hating will rarely get us to do better. we'll just get defensive instead of understanding. i even stopped reading my comments years ago. i probably read only twice a year now. it wasn't fun to receive hate when i used to read the comments everyday.
it would be so much better if we built a community here where both writers and readers can grow.
so yeah, this is 20 year old nico apologizing for 14 year old nico's bad writing.
(credits to the artist @/_toki_s on twitter)
she has a lot of cute matching pfps
i chose this even tho i dont have anyone to match with just cause it looks exactly like me kekw
anyways bye ♡