ROSALIE'S POV ❁
"God, I haven't gone out and had a drink in forever. This is fun." I smile excitedly at James over the rim of my cup. The fruity drink tastes sweet going down my throat, especially when accompanied by the warm buzz of booze igniting my body with each sip.
"Yeah? I'm glad you find this fun. I take it going out for drinks must be really rare if you're enjoying just sitting here with me." James jokes back, grinning as he takes a sip from his bottle of beer.
His attractive features have increased even more as the night has progressed-- mostly from my alcohol consumption, but partially from my thoughts of Harry lessening since our immature so called 'talk' earlier.
I put more effort in than any woman ever should have to to catch the attention of a man who has loved her for years. I'm beginning to think most of my problem is rooted from me trying to make it happen when I really just need to allow it to naturally run it's course.
One of these days Harry will grow tired of chasing down girls and he'll be happy to come back and settle down with me. One of my most despicable flaws in my own opinion is constantly feeling like I need to stay pure and faithful to Harry while he's out doing anything and anyone he pleases. I should be having just as much- if not more- fun as he is with our open relationship agreement.
"I don't really ever drink with anyone besides myself or my sister, so trust me, this is fun." I shrug my shoulders and chew gently on the top of my straw in my mouth.
"Really? That surprises me. Harry seems to be crazy about you. I figured he'd be one of those guys that thrives on taking you out all the time to show you off as his girl." James comments back. I stare at him for a long moment and try to decide if his words sting or make me happy. Does Harry really seem crazy about me? If he does, I must be completely blind to it.
"We don't go out together very much. We get dinner sometimes, but that's it, really." I take a large sip of my drink, then look over at him again.
"We've been together for a lot of years. We kind of just do our own thing most of the time then hang out whenever we're not busy." I add after a few seconds of silence.
"A lot of years? Eight is not a lot of years. My grandparents just had their fiftieth anniversary in January and I've never seen two people more in love." He shakes his head at me, followed by soft chuckling.
"I don't think the two are really comparable. Harry and I got together when we were nineteen and... I don't know. You know how sometimes people just go through phases where they aren't as close as they used to be even though nothing really happened to initiate it? I think we're doing that." Why am I confiding in this man about my marriage? My original plan was to flirt with him a little and maybe have some fun with going out with Harry's cute friends without Harry, but of course I resort to this.
"Yeah, I understand what you mean. Maybe you guys need like a couples retreat or something." James shrugs his shoulders and I laugh back.
"We're not at that point yet."
"I've never been married. I'm honestly not even sure where to begin with advice for you." He glances over at me with a partially embarrassed expression and I giggle back.
"Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have gone off on some spiel about that." I chew my lip for a few seconds before resorting to sipping my drink again.
Before James or I can say anything else, a hand is on my shoulder and Darryl's loud voice enters our ears again. He cheers obnoxiously as he sets down shots of some brown liquid in front of us before stepping back with a wide grin. Some blonde is hanging on his shoulder with a clearly fake smile and watching as James and I look over at them questioningly.
"What's the occasion?" James asks cooly while reaching for his shot. I do the same and sniff the liquid before cringing slightly.
"Vegas!" Darryl shouts back. The blonde with him laughs far too loud and Darryl grins while lifting his glass to us. James and I both laugh softly and go along with his cheers, then lean back to down the bitter liquid. The drink burns my throat, but also ignites my body in an invigorating way.
"Christ, I definitely can't throw back like I used to." James jokes while passing off his cup to the bartender that's passing by us. I do the same, then look over at him again with a giddy grin.
"I forgot how fun it is." I respond, making him laugh. The bartender walks past again and he orders another round while smirking over at me.
"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I ask teasingly when she walks away again. James sits back in his seat and looks at me with his lip pulled between his teeth.
"No, not drunk necessarily. You said you never go out so I figured you should make the best of it the one time you get the chance." He reaches for his beer, but speaks again before taking a drink.
"Also, we're not referring to it as me getting you drunk because I don't want your husband to beat the shit out of me. I don't think he'd be very happy if I brought you back completely shit-faced."
"He wouldn't beat the shit out of you." I roll my eyes and nearly laugh at the thought of Harry fighting someone. There's been times where he's gotten protective over me, but he's never actually gotten physical with someone else in front of me-- whether it's about me or not.
"He seems scary but he's actually quite sweet." I add. James copies my eye roll and I playfully swat at him while laughing.
"I think your opinion is a bit bias."
"I think yours is, too. You're assuming the worst of him because typically a man doesn't react well to other men trying to be friends with their girl."
"Oh whatever. I think we both can just have bias opinions on the guy and stop arguing about it." He waves his hand at me then thanks the bartender when she returns with our new round of shots.
"Here's to being in love with someone and living in a shitty relationship just to be able to have them." James announces while holding up his shot to me. Our glass clinks together and I find myself unable to disagree.
"A-fucking-men to that." The strong liquid burns my throat as I pour it into my mouth, but it's never been more refreshing.
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HARRY'S POV
Around two-thirty in the morning, I'm awoken to the sound of the door handle being shaken. I immediately sigh in relief knowing it's likely no one but Rosie, but at the same time, dread that her inability to open the door is a telltale sign she's wasted off her ass.
"Harry?" her voice comes muffled through the door. My tired body aches with protest when I pry my eyelids open and sit up in the bed.
"Fuckin' ridiculous we're paying a fortune for this hotel but I can't even get into the damn room without my key." I hear her continue to mutter through the door. I find myself grinning at her words despite my exhaustion and her frustration.
As another moment passes of silence, accompanied by an annoyed huff from Rosie, I end up off the bed and pacing towards the door. The room glows with light the second the lamp beside the door is turned on, then I'm back to leaning against the wall and waiting patiently to hear Rosie's amusing grumbles of anger.
"Harry Harry Harry." She speaks again a moment later. Her voice is sad and I have to stop myself from opening the door immediately.
"Ugh, he's going to be so pissed." She continues on. Another huff of irritation emits from her, then I end her suffering by undoing the lock and opening the door.
"Harry-" she cuts herself off by clamping her mouth shut, clearly surprised by me opening the door.
"Hi." Her voice is slightly nervous and also embarrassed, making me chuckle again. Even though her makeup is smeared and she reeks of booze, she's still goddamn adorable.
"Hi Rosie." I greet back. She thanks me with a nod as I step back to allow her inside, neither of us saying anything about her episode of aggression from a moment ago.
"Forget your key?" I ask softly after a few seconds. She's already stripped off her purse and is working on undoing the strap of her shoe.
"Yeah, I thought I grabbed it earlier but I guess not. Sorry if I woke you." She says back. Her words aren't slurring as much as expected and don't match her appearance in any way.
"It's okay. I'm glad you're back." I reach my hand out to help balance her figure and she smiles back at me thankfully.
Once her shoes are off, she let's go of my hand without any hesitation and steps away. I follow behind her as she walks towards the bathroom and flicks on the light without bothering to acknowledge me.
"Everything okay? Did something happen while you were out?" I ask after another long moment of silence. She's begun wiping her makeup off with a washrag while keeping her eyes trained solely on the mirror.
"No, nothing happened. I'm just tired, is all." She shrugs back. I slip my hands into the pockets of my pajama pants and nod while continuing to watch her. I swear if that James guy tried something weird on her and that's why she's acting like this...
"Did you have fun? We're you able to handle Darryl for that many hours?" I press on once again. She finishes off removing her makeup and tosses away the now dirty wipe before reaching for her toothbrush.
"Yeah, I had fun. And Darryl was busy most of the night so I didn't really have to worry about him."
"That's good. Maybe we can all go out together tomorrow night or something. I'll probably be feeling a bit better after catching up on some sleep tonight." I find myself smiling at the thought of taking Rosie out and actually having some fun for once.
We used to go out all the time and nowadays I'm wondering if we did it so much that it's just unappealing for us now. It's been ages since her and I have gotten drunk together. I at least recall that she's an affectionate drunk and will probably be all over me in front of James. He seems harmless but Rosie's far too beautiful for him to be having friendly thoughts about her-- especially since I let them go out drinking together which gave them the opportunity to get to know each other better verbally and god knows how else.
"Really?" Rosie glances up at me in surprise.
"Yeah, really. Why do you seem so surprised?" I slip my hands from my pockets and cross my arms over my chest instead. Rosie moves on to brushing her hair while looking back at me skeptically.
"You never want to go out with me, especially when there's other people there." She shrugs again, then brushes past me to walk out of the bathroom. I turn off the light behind her and purse my lips while continuing to watch her movements.
"I don't have, like, something against taking you out when there's other people there. We just don't go out together very often in general." I take a seat on the bed and try to suppress my grin when Rosie opens my suitcase and pulls out a t-shirt to sleep in without even bothering to glance in my direction to ask permission.
Of all the things we've quit doing over the years, I'm happy to see her sleeping in my clothes hasn't stopped. I never would have guessed enjoyable things like us going out together would have come to a halt, though.
"Yeah..." Rosie seems at a loss for words as she continues undressing herself and redressing in my clothing. I try not to make my staring obvious when she strips out of her dress and bra, but her skimpy lace thong makes it too difficult to keep my eyes in a respectable area.
If she had stayed in tonight that would probably be torn on the ground and we'd both be sleeping off our post-orgasm high rather than carrying on an uncomfortable conversation while she's giving me the unexplained cold shoulder.
"Sorry again for waking you. You can go back to sleep now." She speaks again once she's done changing. I'm surprised when she slips off her knickers and kicks them into her pile of clothes on the floor, then paces over to the bed without bothering to put anything on below the waist.
"It's alright, babe. Like I said, I'm happy that you're back and that you're safe." I reach out for her as she walks past me to her side of the bed, but my gesture is ignored. She pulls back the fluffy comforter on the bed and slips into it without even glancing back at me.
"What's wrong, Rosie? I expected you to come in here and be stumbling around and annoying the hell out of me from laughing too loud because you drank too much. You're acting completely opposite of that, though." I finally speak up about her attitude while scooting myself backwards on the mattress to lay beside her. I keep myself propped up on one of my elbows to look down at her and she stares back at me indifferently.
"Nothing's wrong. I already told you I'm just tired." She groans back, sounding like a teenager annoyed with her parents constant pestering.
"Well you being tired isn't an excuse for you to be rude to me." I snap back. Her brows knit together and her lips part as if she wants to speak, but she doesn't. Instead, her expression falls to clear annoyance and a huff leaves her mouth as she shuts her eyes and cuddles closer into the blankets covering her body.
"I'm absolutely not in the mood to argue with you, so let's just get some sleep." She says after a few seconds.
"Fine." I remove myself from the bed, then immediately miss the comfort of having her so close the second I'm up. My feet carry me over to my suitcase, despite my lack of motivation to walk away from her when clearly something's wrong. I pull out one of my sweatshirts from the bag to lay on the bed for Rosie incase she gets cold, then pace towards the door to shut off the lamp.
"No, Harry, please don't go. I didn't mean to be rude." Rosie sits up quickly in the bed when I turn back to her and our eyes lock again. My brows furrow together while she tucks her legs up to her chest and hugs herself in a ball like she's a frightened child.
"I wasn't going anywhere. I was just going to turn this light off." I flick the switch on the lamp and walk slowly back towards the bed. I can faintly see Rosie in the illumination of the city lights outside of our room.
"What's going on with you, baby? You're acting like you don't even want to talk to me then the second you think I'm leaving you freak out." I sit down on my side of the bed and scoot over towards Rosie, not sure if she wants me near her or not.
"I don't know. I'm just in a weird mood." She scoots herself closer to me and I sigh in relief when she tucks herself under my arm and nuzzles her face into my neck.
"I'm sorry for being rude." She adds after a few seconds. We both maneuver around to lay down on the bed and I sigh contently when Rosie rolls half of her body on top of mine and holds my arm around her waist to tuck herself in closer to me.
"It's okay. You've got to break your nasty habit though of being mean to me when you really just want to be babied a bit." I murmur back while gently kissing her forehead.
"It's not babying. Don't say it like that. Sometimes it's just nice to be snuggled by my man."
"Yeah? I like it when you call me your man." I pull my lip between my teeth and sigh when Rosie turns her head up towards me.
"Can I tell you something kind of embarrassing?" She whispers softly, clearly nervous to tell me whatever is on her mind.
"Of course you can. Isn't that why we got married? So that the law could bind us together even in our incredibly embarrassing moments?" I joke back. She giggles while rolling her eyes, then moves to prop herself up on her elbows so that she can look down at me.
"I'm being serious, Harry."
"I know, babe. I was just teasing you. Go on about what you were going to tell me." I brush some hair away from her face, then tuck my arms behind my head to prop myself up a bit.
"When I was out earlier with James and Darryl, we had had a lot to drink, and there was this couple sitting at the bar by us and they kept kissing and laughing and... And I was kind of emotional about it because they reminded me of you and I." She pauses and chews gently on her lip.
"What's the embarrassing part?" I bring my hand up under her chin to angle her head towards mine and she sighs lowly.
"You'll laugh at me." She mumbles back. I smile a bit at her embarrassed tone making her look adorable.
"Yeah, probably for a minute. Then I'll comfort you and we can laugh about it later." I tease back. She swats at me while giggling, then finally continues.
"I went into the bathroom and cried for a few minutes because I was so envious of them and how in love they looked. I know it sounds so stupid and childish of me, but I miss you so much sometimes." She leans forward and presses her forehead to cover her face out of embarrassment. I purse my lips and try not to imagine Rosie in the bathroom of some bar, crying off her makeup over me not being there with her. The image appears in my mind though and hits me like a ton of bricks.
"Rosalie, you are so goddamn sweet." I chuckle softly to myself, even though I find no amusement in the situation. It seems like it happens far too often where she's trying to act tough and independent, then she does something unbelievably sweet or cute and ruins it for herself.
"I'm not sweet. It's pathetic. There's a lot of worse off couples than us in the world but I act like we never see each other or talk or anything." She lifts her head to unbury her face from my shoulder and I immediately cup her cheeks with my hands.
"Rosie, you don't have to compare us to other couples. You can feel shitty sometimes about our relationship and you don't have to justify it with saying others have it worse."
"It makes me feel better about it though when I compare us to other couples. I'm half of our relationship so if everything has really gone to shit I can't exactly blame it all on you." She playfully pinches my shoulder while grinning up at me. I can tell she's serious but trying to play it off as a joke.
"Things haven't gone completely to shit, have they? I think we're doing alright." I ask back. We seem like an average couple to me. We both have our own lives but manage to bring them together when we need to. I'm still crazy about her and I assume it's mutual between us. I don't really see where all of these 'issues' are.
"I mean, we're not... I don't know how to word it. We're still happy together but I wouldn't say we're perfect since my drunken escapades involve me crying in the bathroom over missing you." Her smile turns into a sweet pout and I find myself tempted to touch her lips while watching her.
"You could have just come back and told me you were sad rather than crying over me." My thumb grazes over her bottom lip and she ruins the serious mood by parting her lips and sucking gently on the tip of my thumb while looking up at me. I chuckle softly from her actions in attempt to not work myself up beings she's only teasing me.
"I'm not an emotional fourteen year old girl, Harry. The last thing I wanted to do was admit to you that I spent half the night pretending James was you so that I'd have a better night." She speaks exasperatedly, then widens her eyes seconds later after realizing what she said.
"But I guess that was no use since I just did anyways." She adds, grumbling now. I pull my hand away from her mouth and instead begin brushing he hair back behind her ears. I can tell she's exhausted and still a bit drunk.
"Honestly, baby, I think we spend too much time together. We should be thankful that we get to live in the same home together with no distractions like kids or anything. There's a shit ton of couples in the world who would kill for an hour alone or apart but you seem to be unhappy when we do either."
"Why are you turning this around on me? And, didn't you just get on me for comparing us to other people? I'm not unhappy whether we're together or apart, I just think we don't utilize our time together in an appropriate way." She seems pissed as she speaks and I bite my tongue in attempt to not say anything that will get me in too much trouble with her.
"I think that after nearly ten years of being together, it's okay if we want to have some independence every now and then. It's sweet that you missed me tonight but you never go out and I was happy that you got to go hang out with someone other than me for once. I hang out with other people all the time and I want you to do the same. It's refreshing for us to not always be together." I admit back, but feel like a dick while doing it.
I really do enjoy having the freedom of being able to spend time with other people besides Rosie all the time, but she's never felt the same. She always wants to go out on dates or spend the night in together just watching movies. I like doing those things every now and then too, but we spent too many years at each other's side every second of the day when we were still dating to continue doing it now into our marriage.
"I guess we're not very much alike when it comes to stuff like that, then." She responds, clearly still upset, but also sounding defeated.
We settle back into the bed with the blankets pulled up to our chins and Rosie's head laying next to mine on the pillow. Her hands are wrapped around my bicep and her legs are tangled with mine, which is confusing beings I can tell she's beyond pissed off at me.
"You were never really going to reconsider moving out, we're you?" She asks after a long moment. Her voice is low and her grip on me is tightening as seconds of silence pass.
"I don't think we should rule out the idea all together, y'know? Maybe when we get back to New York we can get together for coffee and have a civilized conversation about it for a change." My hand finds her bare legs and I gently squeeze her thigh as assurance. She stays silent, though.
"Are you asleep or just ignoring me?" I add after another few moments. She still doesn't speak, even when I turn my head up to look at her. Her eyes are wide open and a small smile plays on her lips when she looks down at me.
"I know you're awake." My nose nudges against her chin when I lean up further, making her smile a bit more. I don't know what caused her smile, but I won't complain. I feel like we only ever talk about heavy topics lately-- it's kind of nice to see her smile for no reason.
"You're creeping me out. Why are you smiling?" I continue to press on. My hand is still resting on her thigh and I grin when I feel her shiver a bit when my fingers creep up higher on her legs.
"I just find it amusing how everything changes so fast. On our anniversary last year we were talking about when we thought would be a good time to get our vows renewed, now we're less than a month away from our next anniversary and we're talking about you moving out. Like, what the hell happened to us this year? We really screwed up without either of us noticing." She shifts in her spot and ends up flat on her back with her arm still linked with mine.
"Your mood is so up and down right now. How much did you have to drink?" I lean up on my elbow to look down at her and she playfully rolls her eyes back at me.
"Not near enough for us to be talking about you moving out." Her hand grabs for my shirt and I fall forward towards her to press our lips together.
"Why'd we spend a shit ton of money on a wedding so that you could leave me anyways?" She continues to speak while we continue to kiss every few seconds. Her lips are soft but taste like bitter alcohol.
"I'm not leaving you, baby. Don't be so damn dramatic." I mumble back.
"If I was trying to move out you would act the same way."
"Probably not. I'd respect it if you needed some space and I wouldn't try constantly to guilt you into sticking around." My lips press firmly against her own once again while she huffs in annoyance.
"We're never going to agree on the same thing. I'll start looking into divorce lawyers." She responds while leaning back to look at me. Her lips are slightly pinker from me kissing them, making her pout even more sad.
"What makes you so sure that we're on track for a divorce?" I ask back, genuinely curious. Nothing pisses me off more than when she brings up divorce, but I guess it wouldn't kill me to listen to her reasoning for a change.
"Because we... Well, it's self explanatory, really. You'll move out, we'll call each other every day claiming we miss each other's voices, then we'll get together a few times a week to do something boring that's really not bringing us closer together at all. I'll start coming over less, you'll start calling less, we'll forget easy things about each other like how nice it is to be told that the other loves you. Eventually we'll be like old friends and only call one another when we need something rather than to just chat. You'll forget what my chapstick tastes like, I'll forget what it's like to fall asleep to the sound of you snoring next to me. We'll go months without kissing-- just like we have without making love." She pauses and sits up, but doesn't look at me.
"Eventually we'll both meet someone else that makes our distant memories of each other seem less empty. I've seen it happen to too many couples to think that we'll be the ones that don't end up like that. It all starts with you wanting to opt out of doing your part as my husband, my companion, the love of my life, my best friend..." She chews harshly on her bottom lip, then sinks back down onto the mattress again.
"Can you at least wait until our anniversary passes to move out? I don't want to do that awkward dinner date thing where we feel obligated to try to celebrate even though our marriage might as well be nonexistent." She doesn't wait for me to respond before continuing to speak. I listen with a closed mouth and a whirlwind of thoughts caught in my mind. I thought she was just giving me hell for wanting to move out because she was scared of having to move on. I didn't realize she had put so much thought into it.
"Yeah, if you want me to wait, of course I'll wait." I lay down beside her and copy her chewing inquisitively on her lip. We both flip around so that we're laying facing each other. My hand creeps up to cup her own that's resting beside her head on the pillow, then she's smiling a bit from the gesture.
"When did you realize it?" She whispers softly across to me. We both lean in at the same time and connect our lips gently in a sweet kiss.
"Realize what?" I whisper back. I know what she's talking about, but I want to hear her clarify it.
"That we were shifting in opposite directions?" Her lips continue to press against my skin and work down from my mouth to my collarbones. Her pecks against my neck aren't sensual, instead, they're soft and comforting. I feel as though it's been years since we've just laid in bed and had a heart to heart, even though we did it only last night.
"It was... You know, it never really had a certain point of clarity. It felt like things did when I was falling in love with you. I questioned it for months on end until one day I woke up and suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe because I was so goddamn crazy about you. It was the opposite this time, though. I woke up a few months ago and walked out into the kitchen and you were cooking breakfast, and I guess I realized I couldn't breathe again, but this time because I needed space." I admit back. My words feel harsh, but Rosie stays straight faced.
"Am I too clingy? Is that why you want out?" She whispers in return. Our hands are still clutched together by our heads and I can feel her palms becoming sweaty as the seconds of worry pass.
"I want time away so that I can have that same moment of clarity again one day where I wake up and realize I can't live without you." My words are followed by our lips brushing together. Rosie takes a moment of silence, and after waiting for a response, I eventually realize one isn't coming. She understands, even though I know she doesn't want to.
After another few minutes, Rosie pulls the blankets up to our chins, kisses my lips one last time, then wraps her body around mine. Her legs tangle between my own while her thin arms link like a rope around my shoulders. She falls asleep with her head tucked under my chin and leaves me questioning her sudden change in mood. She hasn't had me hold her like this since the first night we ever stayed together.
Jane had been admitted into the hospital earlier that day and she ended up at my house laying in my bed with a runny nose and an exhausted mind. She laughed, cried, kissed me, then fell asleep while holding me impossibly close as if she was trying to make up for being on the brink of allowing another loved one to slip away from her.
I suppose by leaving the comfort of our home and marriage to be on my own, I'm practically screwing her over the same way her mothers cancer did. It came unexpected and lingered around even when everything else was going alright for her. My own thoughts are ruining us both. Why am I so damn indecisive?
"I love you, Rosalie. We might have some bad days, but I'm always by your side, baby. Please remember I'll try to never hurt you if I can help it." I whisper into her hair while she continues to breath heavily with her head nuzzled into my chest. The way her arms tighten around me- even while I'm speaking to her in her sleep- lets me know that nothing could ever ruin what we have.
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