You're the sun,
you've never seen the night
But you hear its song
from the morning birds
Well, I'm not the moon,
I'm not even a star
But awake at night
I'll be singing to the birds
~Mitski, Your Best American Girl
New York City seemed like the most progressive place in the world to them. A place where they could chase their dreams and be who they want to be without fear of retribution. Or at least that's what it felt like compared to Ohio.
But they were quickly brought back to reality once news broke that one of Kurt and Rachel's neighbors was physically assaulted just because he was gay.
It felt barbaric to think about. In most of their minds, this shouldn't be happening. Gay marriage was being legalized everywhere. Hell, it was legalized in that very state in 2011. How could people still be this bigoted or at least still had the audacity to show it?
The friends walked along the sidewalk with candles and white roses in hand. Violet gripped Sam's hand, and she clenched her jaw, letting silence fill the air. The group was joined by the rest of the community for the candlelight vigil, and they all set something down for him, just hoping that he would be okay, but truly, they didn't know.
Once the vigil was over and everyone went home, Kurt and Rachel offered some coffee or tea before Sam, Blaine, and Violet went home for the night. The air in the apartment was thick, but no one said a word because no one knew what to say. The only sound was the whistle from the tea kettle.
Sam looked amongst his friends, "How are you guys?" Everyone knew who he was talking to. Rachel didn't even butt in this time because she knew that it wasn't her place even though she has gay dads. Sam was talking to the three queer people in that room.
"Honestly?" Kurt asked. "I'm pissed. I– I'm angry because I feel like as soon as we take a step forward to becoming a more accepting society, we're reminded of all of the people who are digging their heels in the dirt."
"I just can't believe this is happening," Blaine said sadly. "I know hate crimes are still a thing, but... it always felt so distant. It didn't feel real. I mean, Kurt and I, we both have had our fair share of verbal assault and bullying, but that was Lima, you know?"
Violet pursed her lips before speaking, "I'm not surprised. It sucks because I should be shocked, but no matter what, I know this city. I grew up in this city. I know this city like the back of my hand, but that means I also know how shitty it can be."
Rachel asked curiously, "What happened to make you think like this?"
Violet looked up and cleared her throat, "Look, I've never experienced anything as severe as what Russ went through– is going through, but um... back when I was living here, and I was in a relationship with Natasha... we were walking from a bodega to our studio, and, uh, we were holding hands, and we hadn't really thought about it because it was puppy love and we were young and naive..."
Violet bit her lip, "But then these guys started walking behind us. I think they were drunk or something because it was, like, a Saturday morning, but um, they wanted to talk to us. We ignored them, and we just kept walking faster, just hoping they'd leave us alone, but they kept saying shit. Ya know, trying to get us to kiss o-or wanting to make us straight and something about how we haven't had good dick yet or something."
"Weren't you 15?" Kurt asked, concerned.
Violet humorlessly chuckled, "14? 15? Something like that."
"What happened after that? Did you beat the shit out of them or something?" Blaine asked, aware of how deceivingly strong she really is.
"I was scared shitless, actually. I nearly froze in fear, but Natasha kept pulling me along. Towards the end of it, we had to sprint into the studio because of how aggressive they were being. That's, uh, that's actually why I stopped turning down fights. I hated feeling that weak, so I was determined to not be that way again... But for some reason, hearing about Russ? It made me feel like I was that 14-year-old girl again," Violet recalled.
Sam gripped her hand, "But hey, you're not 14 anymore. You've conquered your fears, and you tackle them head-on. You even took down those three football dudes who harassed Unique, and you weren't scared at all."
Violet smiled fondly at the memory, "Yeah. It's so nice kicking the shit out of bigots."
Sam then reminded her, "But it was reckless. They could've pressed charges, or worse, they could've hurt you. I know that not giving into your fears is something you really want, but be smart about it, okay?"
Kurt reassured Sam, "Violet's smart, Sam. Don't worry." Violet just kissed Sam's cheek without another word.
§ § §
After everything that had happened that weekend, everyone was reminded that they were still living in a big city. A place that was, arguably, more dangerous than the small town that they were so accustomed to. It put a lot of them more on edge than usual.
"You really don't have to walk me home," Violet told Jake that Monday night. She had just finished teaching her first class of the mini semester, and she was gonna pick up a tres leches cake before heading to the Monday night dinner.
"After what you told me about that one guy getting jumped, I'm not risking it. I know you're tough, but no matter what, you're still a girl, walking in New York City at night. It's dangerous. It's shitty, but more guys won't want to look your way if I'm here," Jake reasoned.
Violet rolled her eyes, "The sun just set. I'll be fine."
Jake returned the eye roll, "Why are you so stubborn about this?"
"I'm not being stubborn."
"See, this is you being stubborn. I don't get why you're being like this," Jake sighed.
Violet gave in, "Fine. Walk with me. Let's just stop talking about this, okay?"
"Fine," Jake replied. "You know, my mom's still asking for you to come over to dinner as a thank you."
Violet smiled, "Does she still love her job? I feel like I haven't heard about it since the first week."
Jake smiled proudly at the thought of his mom, "She still loves her job, and she's one of the best salesmen there. That's why she keeps asking if you're ever free to come over for dinner, but I keep telling that you don't have time."
"I can make time," Violet replied.
Jake chuckled, "No, you can't."
"Yes, I can! I'll have more time in, like, a month, and then I can shuffle around my schedule and have dinner with you two."
"Vi, you'll never not be busy, and that's okay. We get it, so don't sweat it. Plus, I feel like if you add another thing to your schedule, you'll actually combust," Jake mentioned.
Violet refuted this, "Jake, I was a child Broadway star. I can manage."
Jake wasn't convinced, "Yeah, but I feel like that's different because it's like if you just went to your classes, right? Now, you have classes, performing, teaching..."
"That's basically all that I do?" Violet questioned. "Besides, all of that minus the teaching was a part of my life back then too."
"No, but you also have other stuff. You have relationships and friendships now that aren't conveniently at school or the studio. And you're the type of person who will go out of your way to help someone even if you don't have time, so it's different," Jake reasoned.
Violet didn't really believe Jake either, to be fair. She just agreed, and they moved on. She picked up the cake, and then he dropped her off at Kurt and Rachel's apartment where she was probably the last one to arrive.
Sam walked up to Violet and gave her a quick kiss, "Did you get here okay?"
"Yes. Not that I needed it, but Jake brought me here. He left as soon as we got to the front of the building. You guys need to stop coddling me."
Sam huffed silently, not wanting to argue with her. Rachel then walked up to Vi and hugged her, "Oh, gosh, I'm so excited that we're all together for our weekly potluck dinner." Rachel took the cake out of Violet's hands and handed it to Sam to put away.
"Well, it is only week number two," Artie pointed out. "The tradition will be falling apart in no time."
Mercedes then noticed a flyer on one of the countertops, "Hey, um, who's this?"
Rachel explained sadly, "That was our, um, neighbor. He got beat up last week."
"That's a nice way of saying he was gay-bashed," Kurt said bluntly.
Blaine added, "Apparently, he was just walking down Bleecker Street and these guys jumped out of a pickup truck and just decided to beat him up. He's lucky to be alive."
Violet helped Mercedes and Sam finish setting the table while the others made their way to their seats, talking about the incident.
Artie shook his head, "It's so depressing. Like, hate crimes in America keep decreasing, but in New York, they're actually increasing."
"Yeah, why?" Rachel asked in disbelief.
Violet pursed her lips and set her napkin in her lap, "Well, it's simple really. Bigots hate change. They hate that we're being accepted, they hate that same-sex couples are marrying, and they hate that they have to see it because we're in their neighborhoods. It's less nationally, maybe because more people accept it, but I really think it's because people are less vocal about it."
Sam asked, "Why would they be quiet about that kind of stuff if they weren't before? What changed?"
She explained, "Being ourselves is more socially acceptable in the media now, so more people are more concerned about not appearing like a bigot even though they are one. They want to be socially acceptable. But the people who commit hate crimes are just so bothered by all of this change and don't care about social acceptability that they just lash out by trying to kill us."
Mercedes nodded, "I hate all of this, but I can't say I'm not surprised."
Kurt tried to lift the somber mood, "Okay, well, let's change the subject before we all get so bummed we can't eat."
Nods and agreements filled the air, so Kurt continued, "Well, NYADA Midwinter Critiques are upon us and our fearless leader, Madame Tibideaux has tightened her turban and given us the ultimate musical theatre challenge."
"Sondheim," Kurt, Rachel, Blaine, and Violet said altogether.
"Oh, my God. But how are we gonna pick? It's so hard!" Rachel exclaimed.
"We should do a duet!" Blaine suggested to Rachel.
Violet raised an eyebrow at them, and she just hoped they were joking since that wasn't what Madame Tibideaux assigned. "Well, I'm doing Into the Woods, 'No One is Alone.' It felt personally fitting to me," Violet chuckled slightly.
"Wait, hold up," Artie stopped all conversation. "Mercedes is breaking our no phones at the table rule."
Mercedes tried to shake off whatever she was feeling at that moment, "Sorry. It's my label."
Violet noticed how upset she looked, "Do you wanna talk about it?
She looked around, and she nodded, "My label wants me to get into a fake relationship with this guy. They think that it'll boost promo for my songs especially because I haven't been in a relationship since that whole headache with Sam and Shane. They think that it'll make my songs more convincing or something."
Sam, with his mouth full, said, "And I bet that gave you a bunch of writing material."
Violet chuckled at his antics before turning to Mercedes, "They're being ridiculous. Your songs speak for themselves, and you don't need a guy or a relationship to make everyone believe in them."
"I just don't want my career to be revolved around who I'm dating o-or the drama around it because you just know that everyone's gonna do everything in their power to discredit my work, and I don't want this type of publicity to fuel that," Mercedes expressed.
Violet rubbed Mercedes's arm comfortingly, "Just talk to them. Stand your ground. Be true to who you are. They'll listen especially because you have leverage."
"I hope so."
§ § §
"Why do you always get an iced drink when it's freezing outside?" Sam asked Violet as he walked her to her morning class.
"I don't always get an iced drink," Violet protested.
He rolled his eyes, "Fine, why do you always get an iced drink if it's not hot green tea or cocoa?"
"Don't forget oolong tea." Violet then replied, "Iced drinks are just better."
He jokingly scoffed, "New Yorkers."
Violet chuckled, "Hey! You're a New Yorker now too."
"Am I? I've only been here for, like, 6 months."
"People have called themselves a New Yorker in less time," Violet replied.
"I think I'll stick with being a simple small-town guy." A comfortable quiet befell the couple. Sam gazed at his girlfriend, admiring how the wind nipped at her cheeks, making them pinker than usual.
She's been different lately. She's been different since she started school at NYADA. Sam knew that she was busy, and he didn't resent her for it. He didn't want to hold her back. But he felt like she was doing too much, spreading herself too thin, and it worried him.
Violet did this thing where she would forget about herself if she got too busy, and she wouldn't even notice. And he knew how much it takes a toll on her. Truly, he didn't know why she was still minoring in musical theatre. Rachel wouldn't want Violet's help even if she offered, so there was no point, but Violet didn't see that.
"So, uh, are you worried about your performance for class today?" Sam looked down at his feet.
"I mean, of course, I am. I'm singing a song– Bernadette Peters' version of a Sondheim song mind you– about my me and mother, and how I had to grow up on my own, but also now, I have you and all of our friends," Violet replied.
Sam added, "But didn't you tell me that this is a song about reflection and forgiveness? Are you sure you want to forgive your mother? Are you sure you're ready?"
She stayed silent. It's been almost a year since her mother left once and for all, and all Violet wanted was to get her mother out of her life and finally forget about her. But it seemed like everything she did revolved around her, so she wondered if the solution was to just forgive Anastasia Anthony and get some closure in her life.
That's what she thought about when she sang her assignment in a room full of people. Violet thought about her mother's mistakes and how much they hurt her, but then she thought about why her mother made the choices she did. After all, she's made similar mistakes in her past.
"Honor their mistakes. Everybody makes. One another's terrible mistakes. Witches can be right, Giants can be good. You decide what's right you decide what's good. Just remember: Someone is on your side. Someone else is not. While you're seeing your side, maybe you forgot."
The problem was, Violet learned from her mistakes, but she doesn't think that her mother truly sees her decisions as mistakes. She looked into the audience, but she still felt like the only person in the room. She still felt alone just like how she felt her entire life, and she hated it. She hated how much power her mother still had over her.
"They are not alone. No one is alone... Hard to see the light now. Just don't let it go. Things will turn out right now. We can make it so. Someone is on your side. No one is alone."
But she couldn't do it. She couldn't forgive her mother.
The audience that filled with her classmates applauded for the performance, and Carmen Tibideaux looked pleased with it too.
"Good job, Violet. You dug deep, and it really showed through your performance."
Violet forced a smile and nodded before taking her seat next to Kurt just as Rachel made her way to the floor. He whispered to her, "Are you okay?"
Violet breathed out, "Yeah."
Kurt looked at her expression, and he knew that she was lying, but he didn't pry because the next number was starting.
Rachel sat on the piano, and the pianist started to play "Broadway Baby." It was a fun number to counteract Violet's performance, but the air in the room soon changed as Blaine joined Rachel.
Violet gaped slightly because she fully thought their duet was a joke. She couldn't believe that they didn't follow Madame Tibideaux's directions, and she knew that they would suffer the consequences. Violet was behind Carmen Tibidaux, but she could still feel her glare on the duo.
The room clapped for the duet, but they were soon silenced when Carmen made her comments, "Excellent performance. Or it would've been, had the assignment been a duet. Apparently, you both feel that you are above this class and all that governs it."
"No, not– not at all, Madame Tibideaux..." Rachel refuted, scared of the department head.
"I'm flunking you both. Next!" Carmen said definitively, but she reconsidered. "Wait. It was a good performance, so I'm going to give you the opportunity to give me what I asked for originally. I want you to do it as individuals. Reschedule this week, it's fine."
Rachel hopped off of the piano, "Um, I'm sorry, Madame Tibideaux. I'm just... I'm in the middle of tech rehearsals for my show right now–"
"Ms. Berry, I've said everything I have to say to you. Either you do it this week, or you fail. That's it. Next! Please get off my stage."
§ § §
Violet was struggling with planning a pointe unit, so she went to Cassandra for help. Once Cassandra surprisingly helped her organize a concise lesson plan, she looked Violet in the eyes.
"Your main goal is to avoid a lawsuit," Cassandra said plainly. "You don't want them to sue you because they broke their own ankles."
Violet looked at her questioningly, "Are you speaking from personal experience?"
She deadpanned, "What do you think?"
"Violet, you will not believe what Rachel just told me," Kurt angrily walked into the room. It seemed that he didn't even notice that she was in there working or that Cassandra July was there either.
He started pacing, "She just quit! She dropped out of NYADA!"
"What?"
"Oh, Schwimmer."
Kurt looked up and realized what was happening, "Oh shoot, I didn't realize you guys were in the middle of something. I-I'm so sorry. I can come back–"
Cassandra stopped him, "Don't worry about it. We were wrapping up, but is Schwimmer really quitting?"
"That's the thing, she already did. I didn't even hear it from her. I heard it from some guy who was waiting outside of her office. Apparently, after Carmen couldn't accommodate for Funny Girl, Rachel blew up and then Carmen told her that she wasn't as good as she thought she was and then Rachel just said that she was quitting."
Violet shook her head, "First of all, it was Rachel's fault for not listening to Madame Tibideaux's assignment, and second of all, she's not! Sure, she got one role, but that doesn't mean that she's a God."
Violet was frustrated– no, she was angry. She has spent so much time and energy trying to make sure that Rachel was on the path that she set out for herself. NYADA and Broadway. Violet knew that Rachel was impulsive and that she functioned off of her ego, but she was doing so well. But now? She threw everything that she's worked for away.
"I don't know what to do. She's been on this Funny Girl rampage since last year, and I thought it got better, but she's lost it!" Kurt mentioned, biting his thumb nail worriedly.
Cassandra July sighed, and she actually seemed genuine, "You should hold an intervention."
"Ms. July, I thought you hated her?" Kurt questioned hesitantly.
"I don't hate her. She just needed someone to cut her ego in half. Actually, maybe more than half... but still, I didn't hate her. She just needed guidance, and I guess I failed her. I thought she changed, but I guess she's the same," she explained.
Violet knew that, at this point, they had to do something, "Kurt, I think Cassandra's right. We have to hold an intervention or something."
"We should do it. Tonight. She'll just think we're going out to dinner together, and then we'll tell her."
Thus, the plan went into action. Violet booked the restaurant, and Kurt told Rachel. She agreed to meet them there at 6:00, but it was already 6:30pm. Violet and Kurt felt their frustration rising at their friend.
Rachel walked in, seeming like she didn't care much that the two waited on her, "Sorry that I'm late."
Kurt and Violet looked at each other and Violet started, "We know what you did."
Kurt looked at her seriously, "You're crazy."
Rachel groaned, "Oh, my God. Are you serious? You two really already heard about that?"
"Seriously?" Kurt asked. "The gossip chain at NYADA is the most efficient part of the school."
"Okay, look, don't judge me. It was the right thing to do," Rachel defended herself.
Violet furrowed her eyebrows, "How can you say that? You literally did everything humanly possible in order to get into NYADA two years ago."
Kurt furiously nodded, "And now you're just gonna quit?"
Rachel grew frustrated, "Oh, my God, that was before Fanny, okay? Everything changed from that moment on."
Kurt sighed, "I understand that–"
"I don't!" Violet interjected.
Kurt continued, "But an education from NYADA will give you options in the future. Okay? Broadway is a fickle business. What if this is the last role you ever get?"
Rachel was taken aback, "'Last role'? Really? Wow. You are worse than Carmen. What? Do you agree with him too, Violet?"
Violet pursed her lips, "If you keep up with your entitlement, it might be."
"Wow!" Rachel scoffed.
Kurt tried to calm the two down, and looked at Rachel, "We don't think it'll be your last role. What we're saying is that you need to be smart about this."
"Okay, look. I'm just not interested in spending huge sums of money on a school whose classes I can barely even attend and a dean that doesn't like me or support me," Rachel explained.
Kurt tried to refute, "Okay that's not what it is. She's just–"
"We can play the what-if game all day long. But the point is, I have the opportunity of a lifetime staring at me in the face, and I can't let anything, whether i-it's school or Carmen or the diner or, you know, even my friends stop me from accomplishing my dreams."
Violet had enough. She slammed her hand on the table, "And who do you think got you the role?"
Rachel was silent.
"Who do you think even got Carmen to give you a second chance?"
Rachel's jaw tightened, "Me. I earned it."
"Oh, c'mon Rachel! Get your head out of your ass!" Violet yelled loud enough so only their table could hear. "I called Carmen to convince her to give you a second chance. I told her that you would work hard to prove to her that you weren't some entitled brat and that you'd buckle down and work hard!"
"But I earned Fanny. That was all me!" Rachel argued.
"And who do you think Sidney offered the role to? Who do you think gave it up? Who do you think could take that role from you with one phone call, leaving you with nothing?"
Rachel started to see red.
Violet continued, "Face it, Rachel. Every piece of success you found in New York is because of me. If it weren't for me, you'd still be back in Ohio because you aren't as good as you think you are. You need NYADA because you don't have the proper foundation to stand on."
Surprisingly, Rachel didn't blow up at Violet. In a quiet anger, she got up from her seat and replied, "You're wrong. I don't need you. I don't need you or Carmen or Kurt."
Rachel stared down Kurt, "I can't believe that you're on their side. I thought you were my best friend."
Kurt felt like there was no hope, "I am! I'm both of your best friends! I'm on your side, Rachel."
She shook her head, "No, you're afraid. You're afraid to venture out. You need a place like NYADA where it's just one big safe group, and no one takes any risks. Especially not washed-up Broadway stars with no real future because they're still plagued with mommy issues. You guys can just avoid the fact of actually having to grow up and be an adult."
Kurt clenched his jaw, "Screw you, Rachel."
"Wow. Okay," she scoffed before storming out of the restaurant.
The two friends didn't even look at each other. Kurt mentioned, "You really had to mention all of that?"
"She deserves to know," Violet stood her ground.
Despite everything that happened, the two friends still got dinner together, trying to get rid of the bad taste that Rachel left in their mouths.
As they were finishing up with dinner and waiting for the check, Violet mentioned, "You know, she was saying stuff that my mother used to when she was arguing with my dad."
"I thought that they were on the same page and it was you versus them?" Kurt questioned.
"It wasn't always like that. When I was really little, my dad tried to get her to spend more time with me, and she'd always argue that she wouldn't let anyone get in the way of her career anymore. He gave up arguing with her when I was 6," Violet explained.
Kurt chuckled humorlessly, "I guess you were right about Rachel being like your mother."
"I hate that I was right," Violet bit her lip. "And now, I can't stop thinking about how I broke Finn's promise. I couldn't protect her. Not even from herself."
Kurt sighed and placed his hand on top of hers, "He'd get that you tried as hard as you could."
The check came, and Violet paid as they continued to talk, "Even then... I don't know... Maybe I'm just feeling bad about myself because I feel like a failure right now. I mean, couldn't fulfill Finn's promise of protecting the people he loved. I'm still haunted by Anastasia Anthony. Everything is just crumbling in front of my eyes, and I'm just left feeling like a helpless and terrified little kid again."
Kurt breathed out, "You're telling me. Rachel said I was a coward for taking the safe route, something that has been screwing me over since my first NYADA audition." He paused, "Am I being too safe though?"
"I mean, not more than before," Violet shrugged.
"But Vi, I was definitely a risk taker back in high school," Kurt refuted.
"That was because your entire existence back in Ohio was a risk, Kurt. You were the first openly gay kid at McKinley. You were a risk taker because you were fighting for a purpose and that was to just exist. And now, you're still fighting for yourself, but it's just less of a risk here. That doesn't mean you're playing it safe though," Violet explained as they started to get up to leave.
Kurt considered Violet's words before also mentioning, "You know, you're not as helpless as you feel right? Yeah, what just happened sucks, but you have more agency over your life than you've ever had and you're thriving."
Violet hugged the boy, "I'm so glad I have you."
"I'm glad to have you too," Kurt squeezed her back.
"Shit!" Violet then remembered, "I forgot the tip. Um, let me go back to the table and add it in. You start walking and I'll catch up, okay?"
Kurt nodded, and he walked out of the Italian restaurant's double doors. Once she left the tip, she jogged out of the restaurant to catch up with Kurt, but she couldn't see him.
She furrowed her eyebrows and started to walk in the direction he would've walked in, trying to look for him. Violet then heard Kurt's voice, "What decade are you from, huh? I'm not afraid of you!"
She quickly looked down the nearby alley where she saw a guy bash a brick over Kurt's head. Violet froze in fear, and she was automatically brought back to when she was 14. The same guys who hit Kurt reminded her of those guys who chased down her and Natasha. She knew that it wasn't them, but they still instilled the same fear that the other two guys did.
But Violet was done being scared, so as one guy got on top of Kurt, attaching his fists to his face, Violet sprinted as fast as she could and launched herself onto his back. She had a grip on him, so when he got up and tried to shake her off, she was still latched onto his face.
She tried to do as much damage as she could, but he was different from the, frankly, more uncoordinated football players she's dealt with before. But she still clawed at his face and drew blood.
She wouldn't let go, and she was determined to see him pay, but then the other guy came out of the truck and pulled her off of the other guy. She took this opportunity to try and incapacitate the two, but no matter what, these two large, and from the stench of their breath, drunk men could easily overpower her. Sure, she landed a few solid punches and kicks, but they managed to punch her a few times too, splitting her lip open and giving her what felt like a black eye and several other bruises in the process.
Violet then realized that Kurt was on the ground with his face battered, and he was unconscious. She stopped for a moment, and the two men took the opportunity to stun Violet with a punch before they drove away in their truck and left the scene.
Violet didn't even bother chasing after the truck. She was tired. She wasn't sure if it was because of the concussion that she definitely had now or because of all of the energy she exerted. So she just watched as the truck got further and further away, calling 911 as she did so.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
I'm trying to limit 2-parters as much as possible and I can guarantee that the next two episodes won't be 2-parters
also I totally didn't realize that I'm almost done with season 5 which means I need to start outlining season 6 soon (I know generally what's gonna happen but I have to outline specific episodes)!