♦Chapter 113: To Begin From Scratch♦
I f*cked up...!!
The regrets followed as soon as I completely finished shutting the door of the room that Lucian and I came from.
I didn't really have a single problem about the resolve that I showed to the duke, back in that stage. The issue was the clothes that I left behind in that place all because of my weak memory!
Thanks to the realization, my legs gave in as the toll of the pain that I felt from several, different parts got me at the same time. It was to be predicted for I've already endured my suffering since the duke's abuse begun. Not to mention, I've lost some blood along the process too.
It's not like I can go back there so lamely just to retrieve the item......
I prioritized my worries over the clothes rather than the wounds that sore and continued to consume my strength, being conscious of the fact that my garment at the moment was but a corset and a skirt.
I got too absorbed to the matter that I was brought back to reality by the young master's voice first, before I could realize that I couldn't even notice how the he's already started to worry about my condition, since I abruptly let go of his wrist and surrendered my legs to the floor.
"Sister, can you hang on? It must've hurt, right...?", he asked in an oddly sympathetic tone, taking off his long-sleeved, black coat in a rushed yet careful manner.
I was wondering about what he was trying to do with his clothes, but in a matter of time, I received the answer from the next actions that he performed beside me.
I could only be left speechless with slightly widened eyes.
The juvenile gently wrapped the coat around my upper body, bathing me with the warmth left on itself. Not long after, he turned his back to my sight while crouching and placing his arms on its appropriate places, waiting for the last step to be made.
"Hop on. I'll carry you to your room.", he uttered, all of a sudden.
I narrowed my eyes at the sight of him, openly expressing my disgust to the current twists of events. It was as if the sun would begin to set to the east, this afternoon.
"What's wrong with you today...? You're creeping me out.", I spoke out my honest feelings to the situation without reservations.
"How rude of you when I'm being friendly enough to lend a hand...!", he yelled, being offended.
I was all talk like that at first, but the next phrase that he said baited me to a course of action that even I couldn't have predicted.
"At least...! Let me act like a true older brother...... at times like these..."
I wonder what it was but I was magically carried away by some kind of hypnotism or sorcery that time. Afterward, I soon came to a realization that I already got myself hanging on his back, in a state where his firm, small hands carried my heavy body.
Fortunate or not, he went on the road without any sign of struggling from my weight, allowing me to get reminded of how Lucian also learned of swordsmanship as one of his duties as the heir to Shevaria. While I was a bit disturbed by how things went by till this moment, I temporarily shut my hostility toward Lucian inside an imaginary box, sealed with a lid.
As I rested my profile faced to the right, over his back, I gradually moved my lips according to the words that I ought to ask, precisely in this timing.
"What did you think you would get after pretending to be nice to me today?"
A second was all that it took for him to respond with his legs halted from continuing the delivery.
The worked-up emotions that affected his whole could be sensed from the sudden change of pace of his heartbeat. It was a nice ring in the ear, making me have the awareness that he was being genuine then.
"It's not a pretend...!!", the young master shouted to my brief laughter.
"You're too loud."
"......"
The silence lingered until I could take the initiative to continue the conversation, like the way I started it.
"...Let's suppose that you didn't lie at that part. But then, how long will that last? Did you think I wouldn't be so doubtful of this sudden change in many different ways?"
"Did you think I would just accept you, who once acted similarly to the person who just abused his authority to punish me abusively for my so-called sins that he was being very desperate about, a while ago?"
"...You, who likewise turned a blind eye to my despair?"
There was never a scent of reluctance to be sniffed from my consecutive sentences. In the same manner, I focused a stare made of wrath, right behind the juvenile's face.
This straightforwardness came from the confidence that I held from several of the facts that I spoke of. I, myself, have already noticed for long that I was only making use of this to push him away.
However, what could I have done to the lingering bitterness in my heart.
No matter the sincerity Lucian was capable of expressing to my side, I helplessly regard that as another mockery to what I've went through because of his father and himself.
No one would know how hateful I was to my very own existence for acting no better than the duke, who poured his obsession to the past. Right here, right now... my selfishness could only be described at the same way to how I saw the duke's foolishness as.
It made me loathe the least idea of thinking about things as deeply as before. For the more I reflected upon my emotions, the further contradictions evolved within the boundary of my thoughts.
"I know it well enough that apologizing wouldn't be as fulfilling to hear. If I did something as half-hearted as that, it would only seem like I was expecting to be forgiven with a simple word or two."
"But that doesn't mean I'm giving up either.", saying the statement, he proceeded to move his legs along the hallway again.
I clenched my hands that hung on Lucian's broad shoulders with my lower lip trapped in a bitten state. And when I was about to offer him a reply, he got to take the lead on speaking of what was in his mind before I could.
"From now on, I'll be doing as I please to obtain your approval of myself as your brother. That's all there is to it."
I was irked by the detestable determination that he was trying to impress before my eyes.
"I am utterly disgusted!"
"Why, thank you for your compliment."
"I can't understand why you're doing this, still!"
"You don't have to if you desire so."
"I...!!- I......", my voice wavered at the end of my unfinished phrase.
Soon, this trembling affected my arms as it gathered a fuzzy sensation below my eyes.
"I... don't need... any more of you people's false kindness...!!"
Salty droplets of water fell down my cheeks and dragged along the blood that dripped around the fresh cut on my face.
I once swore that I would no longer cry for anything, but that oath was now declined. No... That promise has been broken for long......
After all, I have been crying in every passing moment from the bottom of my heart.
Crying for hope. Longing for salvation. And craving for genuine love and happiness.
I never threw away my expectations about this family. All I did was lie to myself, in order to cover my inner desires which bore a very low possibility to happen in reality.
In truth, I wanted to be recognized; to be accepted in this place. I still yearned for the old days where I would sit on my usual spot in the garden as I giggle while I enjoy my time with my father, who would draw a smile on his face so tenderly.
I lusted for an everyday which would be fine even without my mother's existence, as long as a kind father and brother would stay by my side forevermore. Of course, I would've preferred it better if the Duchess was also in that picture.
I wanted to stay here.
But reality was just far apart from my ideals. What stayed was a different gaze; different words; different treatment.
Different. Different... All of it were different...!!! So different as though it has been decided from the beginning that I was destined to get betrayed that way.
That's why, just stop it, at this point...... Don't give me unnecessary, and useless-
"......daydreams."
That's right! I must be daydreaming again right now! Because in the first place, Lucian would never spout such nice words tagged along with a gentle treatment toward myself!
There was once a time that I had such disapproving thoughts about the situation. However, it didn't last as much as I thought it would do.
Gasp...?!
When I came to my consciousness, I was too late to realize that I directly fell into a deep slumber in the middle of my conversation with my half-brother.
Taking the fact that I must've been enveloped by the fatigue into account, it could've been inevitable for me to reach the state of being asleep during the time.
As soon as I woke up, I quickly had the upper part of my body to rise from the bed, only to observe how it was already nighttime as I was really sent back to my room with propriety.
I emptied my mind to prevent the stress from assaulting me once more, although temporarily. But then, in a blink of an eye, another piece of landmine has been triggered right by my side, all because I perceived its presence only after a second later.
"Lady Melissa!!", a familiar voice of a youthful man reached my ears in an instant.
I forgot......
There was still this guy...!! I thought, referring to the little bodyguard with the black hair and purple irises, whom I also didn't expect to be right next to my awakening moments.
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♣I sincerely apologize for the delay!!!! TwT ) Several health issues and other circumstances arose, thus last week's update has been posted alongside today's chapter. I am terribly sorry to have tested the reader's patience w/o posting a single notice beforehand, at the time!!! q~q;
♣I hope for everyone's kind consideration toward this matter as they continue to support this novel. >~< )/ May everyone have a nice day!!!
-MishaBonnellac-