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NOW I UNDERSTAND why the Mercer name had sounded so familiar to me the first time I had heard it.
It was because of Evan Mercer.
I stood there shocked and shook to the bones as I stared at him. It had been... so long. So long since I had seen him let alone speak.
He stared back at me with the same brown eyes and the same black styled hair. He was soo much more charismatic and softer then his brother. An academic boy with a love for things such as chess and reading.
"I'm so fucking lost right now." Aaron muttered shaking his head.
"Language." Evangeline scolded halfheartedly though as she and her husband watched the scene in front of them.
I could not begin to imagine the thoughts processing in their heads. In Aaron's. Quite frankly I do not think I ever want to know.
"How- You? You're dating my brother." Evan stated looking at Aaron and then at me. A hint of disappointment coated his face but it was soon washed away unsightly. He was never good at hiding his emotions. "I- I... need to go." He swallowed folding his coat in his hand and then pivoting on his heels.
I opened my mouth to say something. But what could I say?
I looked back at them all embarrassed and anxious. What did they think of me?
"Huh." Cole smirked. "Snagged both of the Mercer boys of their feet. Quiet an accomplishment." I felt my cheeks reddened as Evangeline elbowed her husband.
"I'm... tired." I muttered fast-walking out of the place and up the steps. I ran into Aaron's room shutting g the door behind me as I closed my eyes pressing my pal against the vanity.
The door opened quietly a few minutes later and I dreaded looking up at Aaron. What would he think? Oh god.
Ten minutes of silence probably had passed between us before he broke it. "Have you dated any of my cousins too?"
"What?" I choked looking up at him from the mirror.
"I just- how many exes do you have?"
I clenched my jaw tiredly. "Just two."
"And they keep coming in front of us don't they? Ironic really. First Liam then Evan. Who's next?" He scoffed as I whirled at him.
"Are you pining this on me?" I said a tinge of anger boiling at me. Maybe these emotions were coming from the bombshell just dropped but I felt an urge to be mad. To be angry. I felt irritated.
Aaron looked up at me but didn't answer. "This is not my fault. That's my ex. And if you have a bloody problem with it you can suck it up." I closed my eyes trying to contain my anger.
What was happening?
After a few shallow breaths I took my nightdress out of my suitcase and headed towards the large bathroom Aaron's room occupied. I locked the door behind me quickly turning on the hot water in the stand in shower and stripping off my dress. I gripped the granite sink counter and contained myself as much as I could.
It was not that I loved Evan but more so that the memories that came up with seeing him. I was frozen at that moment. I was scared what Evangeline and Cole would think of me. Taking both sons.
It did not matter to me that I dated people and hooked up but the very fact that people could confront me about it and shatter my self confidence. I deserved to hold some on.
Stepping into the shower I quickly cleansed myself before stepping out and drying myself. I pulled on my dress instead of my nightwear knowing well I would not be able to sleep and dried my hair.
I walked out the room to see Aaron on his side of the bed looking up at me as I closed the door and lights behind me.
Putting my things back into my suitcase I stopped as he said, "I'm sorry. I overreacted. I just got overwhelmed by the fact it was my brother."
I swallowed not turning around. "Does it matter if it was your brother or not?"
"No. No it doesn't. Evan was always the quiet one so I never thought he would date around and stuff. But-"
"He was quiet. I used to love that about him. And then I broke his heart. That's why I was so shocked. I broke up with him and left the next day. He was so pure and kind and perplexed- it hurt me in the worst way possible. I love him. But not the way I love you."
"You don't need to explain yourself to me." Aaron murmured. "I don't care about the past. Only the future." I sigh and turn around to him.
"I-I..." I press my lips together in agitation. How do I form words again? Why can't people just know what I want to say?
"Hey." Aaron murmured pushing off the bed and walking towards me. He held my shoulders and levelled down to look at me. "You don't need to talk if you don't want to."
"I want to." I confess. "But not right now." He nodded understandingly pulling me in a hug. I embrace him back basking in the feeling of him. Of being hugged.
"Whenever you're ready." He mumbled into my hair.
I close my eyes and exhale. "You can't be mad." I stated to him.
Pulling back he smiled. "I won't be. I overreacted back there and I shouldn't have, it was a complete shock to you and I let my shock come in front of me too. I was an ass back there for not being with you or here for talking shit. I'm messed in the head and I promise from now on if I do anything like that again I give you the guarantee to slap me." I laugh hugging him tightly once again.
"You are a fucking walking contradiction Aaron Mercer." I smiled. We made our way to the bed where I froze and looked at him. "I can't- not with him under the same roof." I swallowed.
Aaron laid down and grabbed me so I was cuddled under him as he muttered, "I don't fucking care. I want what you want. Everything else is second to that." I relax in his arms nodding as he pulls the black blankets up.
"Good. Because I really wasn't going to apologize and explain myself for that."
Aaron chuckled kissing my head. "I wouldn't expect you too. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. Sex doesn't matter to me. Half the time I mostly tempt you to get an arousal."
"Thank you for your confession." I blandly put out. "I'm glad to know you'd go full nun for me."
Aaron choked. "Not really. No." I laughed and settled the star projection to play up. Aaron closed the lights and came back as I stared at the blue and purple of the reflection. "I used to love being here. When dad would ground me I wouldn't care unless I had that projection."
My smile dimmed as I turned to him. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your dad is a total ass." He shrugged blowing his lips.
"Does it matter?" Aaron looked through his window at the cold night. I peered at his side profile from his arm and frowned.
"Of course it does." I looked at him nearly astonished. "Why would you think it doesn't?"
He shook his head slightly his lips turning down. "Experience."
Hate ignited in me for his father. He was an outright disgusting man insulting his son at the dinner table in front of me. What was the matter with him? If it were not for Aaron, Evangeline would be dead. But why does Cole overlook that fact? Does he not care for his family?
"You matter Aaron. And so does your option, thoughts, existence and everything. It matters if you are hurt or angry." I softly added, "It matters to me."
I crawled up onto his lap and stared down at him from the angle. My dress was in an awkward mess in front and behind me but I did not care. I held his strong jaw in my hands and made sure he heard me clearly. "What's wrong?"
Aaron but his lip tilting his head to the side and staring at the door. "I don't know. It rages me my father gave me no emotion. I wanted a fucking fight. A fucking 'You're back?' Or you know some shit. But he gave me nothing. It felt even more maddening that he gives me the silent or ghosted treatment." He continued adding, "And then this whole thing with my brother still being the prized award and stuff. It's bullshit. Why can't I just be noticed?" Aaron murmured blinking his glossy eyes. My heart dipped at the sight of him fighting of his tears. It only happened so rarely.
"Don't care about your father. It was his fault form the start. Get that into your head. You killed to save. Not kill to kill. And if your father can't see that then apparently he must be delusional because his wife sitting right next to him at dinner would not be there. Your brother would not have a mother. And quite possibly Tristan or Seth would have gone after your family. So you just eliminated the problem. You need to forgive yourself because I think - I know - you blame yourself. You have to let that guilt go because it is wrong and it is consuming you." I stated licking my lips.
He needed to see that. He had to see that.
"Can I ask you a question?" He asked looking slightly embarrassed. I nodded. "If- if you hadn't met me ever and you walked through the door for whatever reason and you saw my brother and I-" I smiled at his use of correct grammar. "Who-who'd you choose?" His face was stripped vulnerable as I stared down at him. A thought crossed my mind: he was insecure right now.
I took a deep breath and answered. "I don't know the whole multiverse fate thing. But if I were in that situation I would have looked at you a little more. Possibly choose you because I hope they whatever alternate universe there is we belong with each other forever" He traces my lips as I smile.
He looked at me questioningly. "Why?" His fingers dropped to my collarbone slowly.
"Because you look like you have a story to tell. And I like to listen. Plus you'd intrigue me more. The mysterious persona, scowls, and the look that says 'Either you fuck off or I fuck your face.'" Aaron burst out laughing and I joined him.
"So you'd choose me because I'm mysterious?" He asked.
"I'd choose you because of the great person you are. Bonus side is you are hot, great body, sexy hair, amazing fashion taste and because I love you." I leaned down and kissed him hard by the back of his head and he responded.
"I'd hope all our alternate universes are together too." Aaron pulled me impossibly closer on his lap creating a pleasurable friction between us that made him smirk onto my lips.
He traced my face with his hands, trailing down to my thighs and slipping them under my dress. Aaron gripped my waist running his thumb there as we broke apart with our lips swollen.
We breathed heavily looking at each other before a knock on the door interrupted. Aaron leaned his head against my chest and closed his eyes.
"There's someone out." I told him.
He shook his head. "You're imagining it."
The knock occurred again and I chuckled about to slide off his lap when he tightened his hold. "Just stay."
I pulled his face back and pecked his lips before pulling down and straightening my dress. I opened the door raising my eyebrows to see Evan standing there with his cheeks in pink. He was always like that. Shy at first.
"Hi." He said.
I smiled back. "Hey. How are you?"
"Good. How about you?" I responded the same as him as he nodded. "Are you busy?"
I looked back at Aaron who scowled at me and said, "Tell him to fuck off."
Evan thinned his lips and then glanced behind my shoulder. "Actually I was here to talk to you first, brother."
"I don't want to fucking talk." Aaron retorted. I gave him a look to which he sighed.
"I want to. Please." Evan tired again. I looked at his outfit and saw he was wearing a black casual suit with a white shawl around his neck that wasn't wrapped or tied. Just slung.
Aaron did not say anything but I got his answer. "I'll give you both some privacy." I mumbled walking out the room. I let myself think it was a good idea leaving the both of them there.
I know Aaron can be difficult... but I hoped he listens to what Evan has to say. Because at the end both of them have a lot to say. And both of them need to realize the other's situation.
I walked down the steps to the living room and wandered nervously into the living room. I felt like I was not supposed to be here. Or maybe I was feeling that way because it was all new to me.
"Couldn't sleep?" I jumped to see Evangeline standing with a silk robe wrapped around her petite frame and a mug of freshly brewed coffee clutched in her hand.
"No." I smiled, trying to lower my heartbeat. "Probably jet-lagged. What about you?" She took in a deep breath with a smile.
"I had a lot to think about. Would you mind accompanying me to one of the late bedrooms? It's too cold to walk outside at the moment." I nodded hesitantly as she led me to the third level of the house and onto the last room.
I entered after her in curtesy and marveled at the large space of grey, mirrors and crisp furniture of the place. It was stunning.
Evangeline sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her for me. I got there and sat down gingerly my eyes scouring around.
"You remind me of someone I knew." She commented making my attention divide to her.
"My parents?" I asked.
"Me." I raised my eyebrows curiously. Evangeline licked her lips and went on, "I wasn't always like this you know. I had a voice."
The atmosphere of the room changed making me feel uncomfortable. How do you talk with your boyfriend's mother? I was bound to say messed up shit.
"Anyway. Tell me about my son. How is he really?" I was going to lie to her until I saw the worry evidently in her eyes.
"He's been better." I answered honestly. I did not want to give her a pinpointed answer for the sake of Aaron. But I wanted her to know he was not alright.
She dipped her head down staring into her mug. "I could tell. I'm glad he has you though. With your own history and strength that really is a positive impact on Aaron. I know he suffers from mental pain and burdens but I just wish it would leave him. That he'd feel at peace."
"I do too. But what is the deal with Cole?" I blurted restraining myself to slapping a hand onto my mouth.
Evangeline chuckled tucking a lock behind her ear. "Ah... Cole has trouble dissecting the situation. To him he sees Aaron as a killer. Not anything else."
"And you support that?" I pushed on.
"I don't. But I also can't say anything because that makes me a hypocrite. My son shattered his soul because of me. And if I tell him he should have let me die then I'm lying because I would have killed that ass the moment he showed up." She spat.
"Tell him. Tell him you love him. That's all he needs." I tell her gently. "I know your husband thinks differently but at least let him know that there is one parent there for him."
Evangeline nodded swallowing as tears tipped in her eyes. "It gives me peace to know he has someone to love. Someone to love him back."
I could not find the response to that so I kept quiet. Evangeline pushed her black hair back and changed her mood quickly.
"Now let me tell you the time Aaron locked himself in the airport janitor room." I choked on laughter as she filled me in on his scandals.
Surpassing Evangeline felt motherly to me. We enjoyed each other's company and we had a bond.
I liked that. It was refreshing.
...
"What happened?" I yawned basking in the release of stress from my body as I was cladded in silk bottom pants and top from Victoria's Secret.
Aaron frowned not saying anything as he switched the lights off and laid down next to me. "I don't want to deal with Evan."
"Why?"
"Because he fucking enrages me. I'm never the victim." He muttered playing with the material of his black shirt.
"Did he say anything that made you think this?" I asked.
"Yes. He said 'I'm also hurting. But we need to be there for each other'" Aaron mimicked in a mocking voice.
I sighed with a smile and blinked up at him. "Let him be. You both are in your own situations."
"What problem does he have?"
"I'll tell you in the morning if you relax." I made an agreement with him. Turning to my side do my back was to him I closed my eyes insanely tired.
"Fine." He defeatedly put out placing a hand on my stomach is pushing me into him. He placed one leg on top of me while his arm tightened at my waist.
"I'm not a fucking mattress." I muttered knowing damn well he would end up on top of me in the morning, shutting off my respiratory system.
"But you're comfy." He reasoned pressing a kiss to my neck. "You're my person."
"Exactly." I retorted sleepily.
"Am I your person?" Aaron asked quietly.
"Yes, smartass. Or you wouldn't be in the same bed as me." I turned around and wrapped my arm around his waist. "How may times do I need to reassure you to let you know that?"
He did not say anything just hugged me. "I don't know. I believe you but I just can't believe you're saying it to me."
I scowled up at him. "Stop thinking of yourself so low. I love you Aaron Mercer and that statement is no where near cheap." I rested my cheek on his heart and fell asleep, not before however hearing him speak.
"I'm not a bad person." I do not think it was directed to me at all. It made me immensely saddened to hear him say that to himself.
He was trying to convince himself.
...
"I don't actually." I said through a mouth full of toast. "I like Veracity better."
Aaron screwed his face. "Why? Evelyn Katz is a star but her best movie has to be Fallen."
I contemplated and weighed it in. "I love all her movies really. And she's only 17. So kudos to her. And her boyfriend Kyle Prince. Have you seen him? He's so hot." I gushed forking omelet into my mouth.
Evelyn Katz and Kyle Prince were good and no one could tell me otherwise.
"How can you compare when I'm just sitting here?" Aaron mused looking at me.
I shrugged. "Don't you have celebrity crushes?"
He furrowed his eyebrows thinking before pulling the side of my chair closer to him and placing his chin on my shoulder. "I do."
"Who is it?"
"Bryce Weston." He murmured with a smile as he stole a piece of toast from my plate.
I snorted breaking off another piece of omelet. "Real smooth."
Scruffy steps bounced around and I nearly squealed and jumped out my seat at the sight of Harley.
The Dalmatian ran right to me with her brown eyes and sloppy smile. I crouched down as she licked my face the tickling sensation making me laugh.
"Hey, girl." I murmured pulling back. "Its an honor to finally make your acquaintance."
"You realize she's a dog right?" Aaron snorted.
I smiled sweetly at Harley and then flipped him off earning a deep laugh. Petting her head as she circled around panting I straightened up. "You wanna play? Yeah?" I excitedly put out rubbing her head as she bounced around her tail wagging.
Aaron turned in his stool looking at us. "Funny. She always hated humans."
"Good thing I'm an alien then." I mused as Harley ran out. I followed her outside in their large frosty garden with snow covered around. Pulling on my coat and boots I ran through the back doors with her as she brought a ball to me. "Catch, huh? Guess your basic." I threw it a long shot and watched her run after, snow kicking under her paws softly as she thought it again.
We did the this for a couple of more minutes until I saw a shadow cast upon the pure snow. I turned to see Evan smiling at us his face relaxed as usual. "Hey." I said as Harley circled around my legs in swipes of fur pants.
"Hi." He gently put out. "Glad to see she accepts you." I chuckled nodding. I guess dogs like me then. I never had that effect with cats however. They always seemed to hate me.
"Aaron said the same thing."
Evan incline this head his eyes afar. "Can- Can we talk now? Just you and I?" I licked my lips feeling the cold air nip at me as I shook my head for a yes.
"Yeah. Yeah." I responded absent mindedly.
He sat down on the porch and I mimicked him with Harley sitting at our feet. It did not feel odd however. It felt... like a memory.
A few presence of silence sheeted between us before he spoke up with a breathy laugh. "I don't know what to say." He muttered running a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry." I blurted and clenched my jaw. It was the first thing that came in to my mind. The first thing that cycled in me since I saw him. I felt utterly horrible. The truth is I felt immensely narrowed at the fact it was my fault. Not his.
Evan shook his head pressing his lips together. "I just want closure. I want to know what I did wrong. To make the pain go away."
My guilt submerged me even more. I broke his heart. I left him with no explanation and yet he is being so nice and calm about it. I owed him this much.
Taking a few breath and watching them void in front of me I let out my truth. "You did nothing wrong. It was me."
"Are you giving me that speech?" Evan mused as I rolled my eyes. "Go on."
"Evan we both had different places to go. You were working towards Yale and I was a distraction. I wanted you to put your whole best into it but we couldn't do that with me in the equation. After your first deduction in the quiz I understood that. I was the problem." He remained silent as I went on. "I loved you a lot enough to let you go Evan."
He rubbed his hands slowly in front of him processing the information. I waited anxiously for him to understand. "But that's not the whole thing is it?"
I opened my mouth and the closed it staring at Harley's fur. The white contrasted towards the black which gave a beautiful portrait. "No. It isn't." I swallowed staring intently at my hands. "My father got ill."
"I'm so sorry." Evan immediately sympathized squeezing my hand. I gave him a meaningless smile and sighed.
"He's dead anyway so it doesn't matter. But with my dad having heart attacks it scared me. Still does. People leave everyday. I just witness a lot of it." It was the truest truth I have known. It would always stay with me no matter what. I guess that was one limb of me now. "My dad was dying. In front of me. And he kept smiling like- like it was okay. He was so keen on getting better and I was stupid enough to believe that. Until I was at the hospital with his hand in mine. His grip turned so so cold. And his heart monitor- Evan his heart monitor turned unresponsive. He died. Right there. And I never got to stay goodbye. He died without saying anything. Without saying goodbye." I choked biting my lips. "And just like that the nurses ripped me away and kept repeating one thing whilst I watched my family tear and cry. He was gone. That's what they said. I didn't believe it until they buried his body and then I never got to hear his voice again." Evan wrapped his arm around me as I sobbed and hiccupped.
"That's how that chapter ended." I murmured breathing heavily. "With him home and me breaking your heart. But I was soo deep in alcohol and smoking that I was a bad effect on you. I was ruining your life."
"I never wanted to go to Yale." Evan started calming me down. "I don't want to have my father's business. I don't want to be an heir. I didn't want my brother sent away. I don't want my dad to be so cold and heartless. I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want any of that." I stated in front of us packing my head on his shoulder. "I want to own my own business. About journalism. I want to do reports and make newspaper articles. But I can't do that."
"Do it Evan. Don't make the same mistake as me in giving up." I advised him solemnly. "I love you, you know that right?"
He sighed with a smile. "I know you don't mean it in the way I wish you did but yeah. I know. I love you too and I'd rather have you as my best friend then anything else. And I'm glad you are with my brother. Aaron deserves you." I chuckled stroking Harley's neck.
"I don't deserve him. But thank you." I also added, "Tell Aaron the truth. You both need to know that. Because whatever your dues on each other is, is false. So talk to him. Please." I looked up at him pleadingly as he slowly indicated a yes with his nod.
That was the difference with him and Liam. Evan was always the one with the heart of gold. Always there for you when you needed him and beyond understanding. It's what made him so Evan.
And he was exactly the brother Aaron deserved. And I would fix this broken tattered family before I leave because Aaron has done so much for me. Now it is my turn to return the favor.
He clicked his fingers and brought Harley to him as the cold whipped at us. "I will. I will. I love my brother, though he may not realize it."
"Thank you so much Evan. I really appreciate it." I murmured to him honestly. "And he does." I firmly stated. He ignored the last part and stayed silent.
"It's the right thing to do." Was all he said as we watched another layer of snowflakes fall out of the endless sky and onto the horizon as we watched the sun hide behind the thickest clouds.