JENNIE's POV
"Jen, are you sure you're okay to be left here alone? I mean, you can join us to Jeju if you want." Irene insisted for the fifth time. She looked upstairs, waiting for Lisa to come down. Her sad gaze then shifted on me and speak again.
"You know it shouldn't be this way Jen."
"You and Lisa need each other in times like this. It's not only her who lost her family Jen.."
"You lost them too."
"It's never wrong to acknowledge that you're also hurting and you need her presence in your life Jen-Jen."
"Although you guys have already ended your relationship, that doesn't change the fact that she's your best friend. You need her Jen, as much as she needs you, so why do you guys keep on ignoring that." Irene said disappointedly.
"You know I can't Unnie." I uttered sadly at her.
"Lisa needs her space and I have to give her that."
" She needs a breather, away from here and away from me." I answered, avoiding her gaze, leaving Irene with no choice but to agree.
Ever since Unnie told me about the incident where she saw Lisa had her meltdown in front of her house days ago, I can't help but cry about it every night.
It's hard.
You feel so helpless cause as much as you wanted to comfort and and be there for her, you just can't.
Because deep down you know that somehow, you are part of the reason why she's hurting in the first place.
Sometimes I wonder how everything changed in just a just a blink of an eye.
We used to be so happy... and in love.
I wonder where did all of those memories have gone? Cause it feels like we're both completely different person now. Too different from the people who we used to know and love.
I heaved a deep breath and gave my cousin a forced smile.
"I'm just glad that you agreed to accompany her to Jeju Unnie."
"You know it worries me too much knowing that she will have to be away again with out anyone with her." I said sadly.
"Yeah, Jen I will not allow that either. " Irene uttered seriously.
Glad that you talked about that to Eemo and she came up with this idea. Don't worry Jen-Jen I'll take care of her for you." she agreed and flashed an encouraging smile.
"Thank you Unnie. I wouldn't know what our lives would be with out you." I mumbled gratefully but Irene just smiled and hugged me warmly.
"No need for such words. You're my family Jen and I'll do anything for you and the people that you love." she said in her most dignified tone and my eyes instantly welled up with tears. She chuckled softly and caressed my back and pulled away.
"Don't worry about us okay? We'll be back after three days. Good thing it's holiday on Monday, we'll have a long weekend."
" I'll update you from time to time. Just always take care while we're away okay?"
"I mean it Jen'Jen. Call me when something happens. We'll drop everything and go back home to you in an instant." she said seriously and I nodded with a heartfelt smile. Our moment was suddenly cut off when Lisa finally went down with her duffel bag on her right shoulder. She removed her cap on her head and meekly walked towards me.
"Hey..." Lisa mumbled sheepishly looking down..
"Hey..." I responded smiling at her. My eyes turned to meet her brown sad eyes and even with out talking, we knew that this is what's for the best.
"You take care there okay? And enjoy your stay there Lili." I mumbled flashing her a faint smile while I stare at the person who I once knew so well, but now I don't seem to know anymore.
I always thought that our relationship would return to normal since we we're able to salvage what's left for us. That being her family and friend would suffice for the emptiness she feels inside but I guess I was wrong.
Her traumas were too painful that no amount of comfort and love can ever take it away.
It's a wound that I guess will never heal.
And this thought breaks my heart even more, knowing how Lisa used to be the person with the lowest tolerance for pain.
A simple heat, or a small ant bite is all it takes and Lisa would instantly cry out of pain.
That's how much of a whiner she is back then.
And it scares me..
Cause now I stand in front of a completely different person.
A person with a storm raging inside her chest.
A person who had lost a family, a home and a part of her soul but here she is, never shedding even a single fuckin tear.
She's dead inside but she's barely holding on because of me, the person she loves the most.
And it kills me inside cause I am supposed to love her fully no matter what....
But here I am, standing in front of her, too guilty of the fact that I can never look at her same way again.
And my heart reeks with so much guilt cause I fell for someone else, right when she needed me the most.
Tell me? what could be more painful than that?
"Hey, Jen-Jen, don't cry please?"
"It's breaking my heart leaving you like this." I heard Lisa whispered softly as she wrap me in her arms.
"I'm so sorry..For everything." I mumbled almost choking from the sobs that continued to escape my lips.
"Sssshhhhhhh. Don't say that Babe." Lisa whispered sadly.
"It was never your fault." she said softly and cupped my cheeks while she stares at me with such love that I know I can never deserve.
"I'm sorry that we have to go through this Jen. I know it doesn't make sense today but I know someday it will." she said sincerely as she flash a sweet smile, trying to look so brave.
I snuggled closer to her and let myself melt into her arms again while Irene just watched us sadly from behind.
"Let's go back to where we were before Lisa."
"You know I'll take you back anytime."
"Just come back to me Babe. We don't have to live like this."
" Life has been so hard for you, and I don't want you to keep going on like this all by yourself." I mumbled tearing up and I can feel Lisa's arms tightened and her body starts to shake from the emotions she can no longer contain.
"I know Jen.. But we clearly know it's not the same anymore."
"Things will never be the same."
"That's why I am doing this. I have to keep my distance so you can't make mistakes that you'll only regret in the future." she said sadly and I can already feel her tears as she buries her face in my neck.
"I want you to be happy and we both know it's not me anymore." she whispered sadly making me cry even more but Lisa pulled away and she lovingly wipe my tears.
"Jen, I love you and I want you to be happy. Please never stop pursuing your happiness even if it doesn't include me anymore, okay?"
"As long as you're happy, I'll be happy."
"Please never ever feel bad about choosing your happiness." she said sincerely as she place a soft kiss in my cheeks.
"I'll be back soon. And don't worry, I will always come home to you cause you are my family Jen."
"And that will never change." she finally said and left.
The next morning, I woke up still dazed from the lights of the sun that slowly peaked through my window, hurting my still exhausted eyes. I lazily opened my eyes and stretched my arms while I blankly stare at the ceiling, contemplating about how I am going to spend the following days alone.
I heaved a deep breath and finally got up. This is going to be a long boring day.
I spent the entire day aimlessly wandering around the mall with out any specific plan or place to go. It was near afternoon and I found myself inside the cinema, watching a movie I am not familiar with, only to end up just staring at the screen with out understanding any of it. The movie finally ended and I head towards the nearest bookstore to buy books that I could read for the following days to kill time.
I finally let myself be immersed from the wide range of books that the store could offer and scanned the whole place like a kid buying her toy during Christmas. That's how I always felt, whenever I'm inside the library and bookstore.
I was lost in deep awe, just enjoying the book I was holding when I suddenly heard a familiar voice called me.
And by just simply hearing her beautiful deep voice as it calls my name, my heart suddenly had a mind of it's own.
God knows how much I restrained myself from thinking about her these past few weeks cause it doesn't feel right but I guess fate must be playing tricks on me.
Cause now I found myself running into her arms again, with out hesitations and second thoughts.
She's like a powerful force that I can never repel or fight against, and I always find myself so drawn to her that I don't need to think anymore.
All I know is that everything feels great with Jisoo's warmth, may it be her smile, or her hugs or her hands. Her warmth is so overwhelming that it instantly calms me and make me feel safe.
"Chu." I mumbled softly feeling so relieved making the latter smiled warmly the moment she heard what I said. She loves it whenever I call her that way.
"Hey. What are you doing here? " she asked smiling, just enjoying being hugged warmly. She snaked her arms around my waist and hugged me back never minding the people around us.
"Are you alone? where's Lisa-yah by the way?" she asked innocently as she excitedly scans around looking for her.
"Oh, she's in Jeju with Irene Unnie. She said she asked you days ago, but sadly you can't go since you have work." I answered shortly avoiding her gaze making her eyebrows furrowed.
"Oh yeah I remember now. Is that today? Hang on, why are you here by the way? You should have come with them Jen." she said sounding quite confused but I suddenly changed the topic and asked her instead.
"By the way, what are you doing here Chu?" I asked. Good thing she didn't press the question again.
"I bought new textbooks from my other subjects. It's kinda late to be honest since I have to save for it." she said grinning and showed me a couple of books she's holding.
"Now I can finally write notes in it since it's mine. I just borrowed the one I was using the other week and it's really hard for me not to write all the important notes in." she said smiling.
"Chu, do you have work after this?" I braved asking, hoping that she doesn't have any work tonight so I could ask her out for dinner. And to my utter joy, she shook her head and smiled sweetly, making me at lost again, just staring at how such a heavenly sight her heart-shaped lips are.
"I don't have work tonight Jen. I just finished my last shift an hour ago." she answered smiling stupidly cause I'm still hugging her which I have no intention of breaking away.
"Why, Jen?"
"Are you going to ask me out?" she asked flashing that toothy smile again that always makes me all flustered. I nod eagerly, still staring at her like a shy kid. Jisoo chuckled softly and wrapped her arms around me again.
"Where do you want to go then?" she asked lovingly as she carefully tucked my hair at the back of my ear.
"In your arms." I mumbled inaudibly low as I let myself melt in her arms.
"Where? Sorry I didn't catch that." she said chuckling.
"I said anywhere. As long as it's with you." I answered, and I saw Jisoo smiled even more.
Oh God how I wish we could always be like this.
"Okay, I know a place." she said excitedly as she gently held my hand and we finally left the store. She insisted of buying the food for the two of us which I gave in that moment she flashed that cute toothy grin again that I always love about her.
"Let me drive for you Jen." She insisted the moment we reached where my car was parked. She courteously opened the passenger seat for me and finally head to the driver's seat.
"Rivalry is not dead." she recited it in heavy accent making me chuckle hard.
"Chu, it's chivalry. Not rivalry."
"Rivalry means competition." I uttered softly while squishing her cheeks which she responded with a toothy grin and laughed hard.
"Aist, this English is killing me." She uttered whining and laughing making me so whipped at her for being so effortlessly funny and charming at the same time.
"I can teach you English if you want, since I'm a Language Major student."
"Just come to my house and I'll teach you more English phrases." I offered, trying to sound so casual but my lips were betraying me as it flash an excited smile.
"Really? Gosh that would really help me on my essays and other paper works." she mumbled sounding quite relieved and I have never been more happy knowing that there's more reason for us to meet from now on.
"Yeah I'm serious Chu. I can teach you. I want to help you study too." I said sincerely. We finally arrived at the Park and settled at the huge grass field. It's after sunset and the sky was already dim. Jisoo carefully laid her spare clothes that she took inside her bag and gestured me to sit there.
"The grass can stain your dress Jen." she explained the moment she saw my confused look the moment she laid her spare clothes at the ground.
"What about your clothes Chu, it might get stained or dirty." I said worriedly but she insisted. She took off her jacket and covered my legs the moment I sat on the ground, making me all flustered and whipped at her sweet gestures.
"Thank you. I mumbled coyly which she responded with a bright smile.
We ate and talked and laughed and lie down as we watch the night sky. It's finally evening but the sky was not as fascinating as we had expected since it only has few stars visible.
"Ryujin and I used to hang out here, back when we're just bunch of young kids." Jisoo suddenly spoke smiling. I turned to her side and she intuitively offered her arm as my pillow which I took happily. I scooted closer to her and hugged her seeking for warmth making her release a heartfelt and contented smile.
"Go on Chu. I'm listening." I mumbled smiling as I bury my face in her neck. Her sweet scent and her warmth was so overwhelming that it almost made me tear up cause I have never felt this safe and happy and complete, all my life.
"Ever since I was a kid, there has always been a hole in my heart that I have desperately tried to fill up but can't. But when I'm with her, that hole in my heart would instantly be filled with such contentment and security.
There's something missing in her that only Jisoo could fill.
It doesn't make sense, but ever since she met her, it has always been like that.
She's her safe haven.
"Ryujin would always look for the brightest star and then would wish on it." I heard Jisoo narrated which brought me from my reverie."
"She would always tell me what her wish and dreams are and I would tell her mine."
"I always love how my sister smiles whenever I include her in all of my dreams." Jisoo mumbled with a reminiscent smile.
"My dream and my wish was always about her, and Halmi." she continued as she stare at the empty sky.
"What about now Jisoo-yah?"
"What's your wish?" I asked intently. It took her a moment to finally answer.
"Happiness." she mumbled softly. A comfortable silence suddenly filled us when I asked her again.
"Are you happy Jisoo-yah?" I braved asking, never taking my eyes off her. Jisoo finally turned to face me, her eyes fixed on me, never minding how our lips were almost inches away.
"Right now, I am."
"I have never been this happy, Jen." she husked in her deep voice as she stares intently at me. Her gaze then shifted on my lips and I can hear how she gulped so hard the moment she realized that we were just a breath away from kissing. I saw how Jisoo closed her eyes as she leans closer and I can almost feel the warmth of her lips. I closed my eyes, as her lips almost touched mine when suddenly, with out warning, heavy raindrops fell from the sky making us both jolt in surprise. Thunder roared in the evening sky which scared me like hell and heavy rained poured down which caused Jisoo to panic. She intuitively got up and covered me with her jacket and held my hand. She was about to pull me towards the car when I stopped her.
"Come on, you'll get sick Jen." Jisoo uttered worriedly but I shook my head and smiled at her.
"I never experienced playing in the rain Chu." I said almost yelling since the rain was splattering on the ground so hard.
"Seriously?" Jisoo uttered in disbelief which I responded with nods almost laughing.
"Yeah. And I want to experience it for the first time with you Chu." I yelled making her smile stupidly.
" Can you run fast? She asked smiling evilly making me all confused.
"Why?" I asked, as the coldness of the rain starts to numb my now wet and soaked body.
"Because I'm coming for you." Jisoo yelled pretending to be a zombie which made me to instinctively run away from her while she laughs hard chasing after me.
"Jisoo-yah stop that!" I screamed half-laughing and panicking.
"Noooooo. I'm going to eeeaaat youuu!" Jisoo screamed sounding and looking like a zombie. She slipped her foot on the wet and slippery grass which caused her to stumble down.
"Oh Gosh what happened to you? Are you hurt Chu?" I asked panicking the moment I reached her but Jisoo pulled me closer to her making me fall down as I lie on top of her. She lovingly cupped my face and kissed me on my cheeks making me all flustered and happy.
"Gotchu Jendeuk." she whispered smiling and finally wrapped me in tight hug and I can't help but smile too.
It was raining so hard and the coldness of the rain starts to numb our now frail bodies but we don't care anymore.
For as long as I am in her arms, I know I am home.