"Where are you going? You didn't have breakfast yet." Braxton's voice stopped me just before I could walk out the door.
I turned to face him. He was sitting at the table with his breakfast in front of him but he wasn't eating. He had his arms folded over his chest. "I already ate," I told him.
His lips parted and he looked down at the food. "Oh."
"It's just that there's only a few weeks left with Mr. Bennett so he wanted to extend the time. So I have to get there early," I rushed to add.
He nodded. "It's great that you're so dedicated."
"Yeah, I need to go now."
I felt bad for distancing myself from him but it was necessary. I didn't want to ruin any more friendships in his life and if our friendship was the price, then so be it.
So I had started with not eating with him. I ate my breakfast before him, lied to him that Mr. Bennett had extended the time, ate out after my shift to tell him that Jade or sometimes Jude or sometimes even my new friend Thwayya had invited me home for dinner. He never once questioned me about my excuses. He would just ask if I'd eaten and I'd say yes and then he'd try to talk about something else but then I tell him that Mr. Bennett told me to practice on my instruments or that I was tired and then he'd have no choice but to let me go.
When I got back home later that day, he had not returned. For once, I didn't have to come up with an excuse to not talk to him.
I immediately shut myself in my room where I began my nightly routine of searching for my mother and my potential twin sister who wasn't Juliet. I was sure it wasn't Juliet.
I had created accounts on every possible social media platform and had searched for both with the few clues that I had. I had also dug up old newspapers for the news about a baby who was found abandoned in a park. From that I got the name of the cop who had discovered me and who was assigned my case. I planned on talking to her, if she remembers anything from that night.
I had been doing this for days now but still had no luck with it. But I was hopeful and patient and I'd just have to look harder.
About half an hour later, there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Braxton even before I opened it a crack, just enough to see his form. He was standing outside, still in the clothes he'd left in. He was staring at me but he had a faraway look in his eyes. He was here but he wasn't.
"What's wrong?" I asked when a few seconds passed with none of us speaking.
He seemed to shake out of his daze because he blinked and looked down at his shoes.
"I just wanted to let you know that Imani and I..." he looked up and smiled for the first time in several days. "We're good now. We talked it out and are back to being good friends. Everything's fine now."
That was a relief. I was afraid I'd done some serious damage to their relationship but I was thankful it wasn't the case and they still cared about each other.
"That's great. I'm happy you two are back to normal."
"Yeah," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Have you eaten?"
"Yes, I have," I replied even before he could fully get his question out.
"Ah," he said, then took a step toward me. "May I come inside for a second?"
Without thinking, my response was to close the gap in the door until I could only see him from one eye. "I'm sorry. I'm just in the middle of something and it's a little messy in here. Did you want to tell me something?"
He tilted his head and took several steps back. "No, it's nothing. I just wanted to know how you were doing." I realized my actions had more or less hurt him. But it was too late to apologize. And I needed him to keep his distance from me and treat me as I was - a tenant.
"I'm fine. Thank you."
He nodded slowly then retreated away.
I wasn't prepared for how lonely I'd feel when I decided to do this. It pained me to turn away from him, to push him away and put up a wall in between us with no way for him to get to the other side.
When I felt like I was about to give in, ask for his forgiveness and beg him for us to go back to the way we were, I was reminded of why I had to do this in the first place.
I refused to let his relations with people he was closer to suffer because of me. His friends disliked me for good reason and the least I could do was not come in between them.
So I quashed down the loneliness – I had lived with it for years now because even if Eli and Frida were my best friends, sometimes even they couldn't take away my misery, especially when I was at home with only Dan, Harper and Mr. and Mrs. Sanders every night.
When I saw Braxton leave the next morning without a word to me, it felt like I'd been stabbed all over but I couldn't say anything because that would be hypocritical of me.
At the library, Jade snapped her fingers at my face. I looked up to see her looking at me with her narrowed gaze. "What's wrong? And don't bother to lie."
So I told her everything.
"That Imani girl needs to chill. It's not like you're stealing him away from them and no one is forcing him to help you. I never really liked her anyway. She's also like that with me."
"She's just protective of him. I am too. He's just too kind. Of course anyone would worry that someone would take advantage of him," I said. "She's just looking out for him."
"The others don't overdo it like her. She likes Braxton or something?" She wondered aloud and I stopped my work to stare at her. "She sure does behave like a jealous girlfriend." Jade goes on, oblivious to my rapt attention to her.
"You really think so?" I asked in a small voice. "If that's the case do you think Braxton might like her back?"
She shrugged. "I really don't know what his type is. They would make a good couple, I admit even though this is heartbreaking for me to say," she sighed. "I've accepted my fate with him."
"Why do you think she likes him?"
"I don't think she fusses over the others the way she does over him. She clearly doesn't like you living in his house and she's made it so obvious that she hates Braxton helping you out with your career. I understand her though." She put a hand on my shoulder. "Even I was jealous of you when you first told me but I know you're just too pure for me to hate you for that. That would be just unfair. And Imani must be worried that something might happen between you two."
"What?" I asked, surprised.
She raised an eyebrow at my bafflement. "Julia, you're telling me that you're living with a guy who looks as dreamy as he is, with a voice that can make panties drop and hands that work the drums that will make you want it on your body, and you've not even tried to seduce him?"
"What?" I spat. My cheeks start heating up and I couldn't help but imagine those hands on my skin and his delicious voice caressing my body. I slapped at my cheeks. "Jade!"
But she went on as if she couldn't see that I was freaking out because now I couldn't get that image out of my head. "And the fact that he's so nice and kind, how have you not tried to–", she made a pouncing gesture with her hands, "–jumped his bones yet?"
"Oh God, stop!" I hid my face behind my hands. I could feel the warmth of my face on my palms. "I shouldn't think of him that way!" I mumbled to myself. "I'm can't be so greedy."
I tried to block out her voice as she went on, ignoring my outburst. Despite my best efforts, her words still broke through. "How have you not fallen in love with him yet?"
"I am in love with him. Just like every fan out there," I stated.
She shook her head. "Not like that. I meant as in the love between two lovers."
"Love requires feelings to be reciprocated. You say you don't know his type and I know that I'm not."
"So you admit that at least you're in love with him like...romantically, like the rest of us?"
"I–", I didn't continue because even I didn't know if what I felt for him was the kind of love she was talking about.
I couldn't answer that question. Until that moment I hadn't even looked at him that way. But Jade was the reason I started to think of him in all the ways I shouldn't.
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