I just didn't get it people. Why did they think they had a right to tell me what to do about my relationship with my man? Like I seriously didn't get it. They did their own stuff and I never intervened, I let them be and supported them. Then, what's so hard for them to do the same for me? Even if they thought that I was making a mistake by being with the giant, they should let me make that mistake since it was my choice and life. Them being like this really hurt me, and for Fiona to trick me like this hurt even more. An intervention? Seriously?! They made it seem like I was sick and an addict or something. On the other side, I was seriously pissed off. I wanted so badly to lash out at them and tell them where to get off but I just couldn't. I've always been like this. The words just get stuck in my mouth. I think I'm not bold enough to say everything I wanted to say out loud. Yes, I was a coward. I was seriously afraid of confrontation.
Andy: "Don't blame us for doing things like this. It's your own fault. You weren't answering any of my calls and texts." She said sitting down next to Fiona. Was she being serious right now? I didn't owe them a fucken thing. I just wanted the giant to get here so that I could leave. That had been the message I had sent to the giant a few minutes ago – to come and fetch me. I didn't need to tell him where I was, because the giant tracked my phone. Yes, I was also shocked and uncomfortable when I had found out but he had explained that since I nearly died two times, he wanted to find me anywhere I was in case I was in danger, so I let it go since it made sense... "so we have been noticing that you've been distancing yourself from us ever since you've started dating that man of yours." I kept quiet. I had decided that I wasn't going to say anything. I would let them talk all they wanted, and then when the giant arrived, I would leave... "then we heard that you've moved in with him without even telling us your friends! Come on, you've been with this guy for how long? 4 or 5 months?" She looked at me to confirm. I just looked at her with a bored face. I was just done guys.
Fiona: "Busi we're your friends, we care about you. We're trying to help you." I didn't need any help. I said on the inside... "how could you just decide to move in with a guy you just met? What happens when he gets tired of you? Where will you go?"
Andy: "Especially when you have a mother that's cruel like yours. She won't take you back when that man throws you away." Wow! Did she just say that? Did she have to bring my mother into this? And to even say my mom was cruel, she has no right.
Me: "Don't." I warned in a cold voice. Their eyes widened a bit. I've never in my life used this tone of voice, so of course they would be shocked... "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that. She might be not the world's best mother, but you don't have the right to speak of her like that."
Andy: "I wasn't-."
Me: "I don't fucken care!" I said hitting the table... "just don't talk about my mother like that ever again. You hear me?" I raised my voice. Some other people on the other tables looked our way. Both of their eyes were bugged out... "I said, do you hear me?" She nodded her head quickly. I was boiling with anger! She really touched a nerve when she mentioned my mother. I was still dealing with my own mother disowning me so my mother was still a sensitive issue... "good. Now let's go back to the part about my relationship with my man." I was on fire people. It was like the floodgates had opened. Once I started I couldn't stop... "I don't know where you think you enter with what I have with my man, but whatever the case, please back off!"
Fiona: "Busi-."
Me: "I'm not finished talking." I said cutting her off. She shut her mouth swallowing... "I don't have to tell you anything about my life if I don't want to. You understand? I also don't have to explain why I do the things I do that concern my life. It's my choice and it's my life." I saw the giant entering Spur. I felt so much relief on the inside. He got here so fast. I'm sure he broke a lot of traffic rules rushing here.
Andy: "We-."
Me: "I have to go. My ride is here." I said taking my bag and standing up. The giant reached our table.
Zano: "Let's go." To say he was pissed was an understatement. He looked scary even to me.
Andy: "But-." The giant got into her face and she gasped shrinking away.
Zano: "You should count your lucky stars that I don't touch women, because if I did, you and your ugly friend here would be dead." He said in the scariest voice I've ever heard... "you got me?" They nodded their heads quickly... "good." He said backing off. We were about to go when Andy reached out her hands and grabbed the giant's arm.
Andy: "Zano..."
Zano: "Don't fucking touch me!" He growled roughly pulling his arm away from her grasp... "what the fuck did I tell you about touching me woman?" Wait...what? I was still trying to process Andy grabbing the giant's arm the way she did...and now this? What did he mean about him telling her not to touch him? That question insinuated that Andisiwe had touched the giant before.
Andy: "You said I shouldn't touch you or I would regret it." She said in a weak voice.
Zano: "Get it through that thick and stupid head of yours. I don't want you. I didn't want you back then when you offered to jump my dick, I still don't." After that delivery he walked away pulling me with him.
To say I was confused and shocked was an understatement. What the hell had happened back then?
Me: "Zano...what-what was that all about?" I asked him stopping. We were standing by the car now. He grunted.
Zano: "Get in the car and I'll tell you."
Me: "No. I want you to tell me now. What-what the hell is going on Zanoxolo?" It felt like I was going to have a break down. He grunted.
Zanoxolo: "It's not what you're thinking woman."
Me: "Then tell me what the fuck is going on!" I shouted. I was on the roll bethuna. This was the second time I had sworn today. He sighed rubbing his face.
Zanoxolo: "Two years ago, your friend was fucking Mcebisi."
Me: "Mr. MC?" I asked shocked. That's how they called him. He nodded sighing. Okaaaay... "and then how does that have to do with you and her?" He growled.
Zanoxolo: "There's no me and her woman. There never was and there never will be." He stated strongly... "Mcebisi back then was bringing her to every gathering we had since he was fucking her. But that woman turned her sights on me. She started coming on to me and I told her to fuck off. When I told MC what happened, he cut ties with her and that was it."
Me: "That was it?" I asked wanting to be sure. He growled.
Zanoxolo: "Woman." He warned.
Me: "Then why didn't you tell me? You knew she was my friend when we met. I mean you knew all about her, so why didn't you tell me Zanoxolo?"
Zanoxolo: "I didn't think it mattered."
Me: "You didn't think it mattered?" I exclaimed.
Zanoxolo: "Yes woman. Nothing happened so it didn't matter. I just didn't think she would fucking pull that stunt in front of you." I kept quiet. I was feeling a lot right now...my emotions were all over the place.
Me: "But she had called him a monster." I muttered to myself. It just didn't make sense. I knew the giant wouldn't lie to me and I saw how Andy had grabbed his arm like he was the last man on earth. Her eyes had revealed want and longing. I shook my head. Wow! Like, I just couldn't wrap my head around this whole thing.
Zanoxolo: "Let's go baby." He opened the car and we entered and he drove off.
I was looking out my window trying to process things. Well, no matter how I thought about it, it just didn't make sense. I mean she had hated him, right guys? Was that all an act? I don't know man but I felt so betrayed by Andy and also by the giant...even though the giant didn't do anything wrong per se...but he could've told me. I mean he knew that we were friends. Besides feeling betrayed, also my insecurities were rising on the surface again. I mean Andy was way more beautiful, sexier and thinner than me...any man would choose her over me any day. Now knowing that she wanted my man – the fact that she had tried in the past to make him hers and had also had the audacity to make moves on him in front of me – made me feel so lacking...so incompetent. I couldn't compete with her. Yes, I knew the giant didn't like her and all but what worried me was for how long? Maybe he'll end up wanting her in the future when he realizes that I'm actually not worthy. I know I know some of you will say that I was being stupid. But this is how I felt and I couldn't help it. Remember I told you at the beginning that I had issues? Yeah, so this is what I was talking about. My insecurities ran deep people. So all of this was going on inside my mind on the ride back home. I felt so defeated. I wanted to cry so badly. What a day it had been! Who would've thought?!
We got home and I went straight to the bathroom and I locked myself in. Yes, I know. I had a thing with the bathroom. The thing is, I wanted to be alone and the bathroom was the only place in the whole apartment that I could be alone in. I needed to sort my head. The giant wasn't the only person who had demons people. I battled with my mind on a daily basis but I was just good at hiding it and my demons were not as bad as the giant's, but demons were demons. I leaned against the door and banged my head against it. Stop thinking like this Busi. The giant loves you. He won't leave you for her. I banged my head against the door harder. But what if he does leave me for her? She's way more better than me in everything. I released a groan full of pain and misery clutching my chest. My heart actually hurt.
Zanoxolo: "Busi open the door." His voice sounded worried and a little panicked. If this were under different circumstances I would've snorted. The giant has never sounded panicked before.
Me: "Just leave me alone Zano." I said my voice breaking.
Zanoxolo: "Woman, don't do this. Open the fucken door." He commanded forcibly.
Me: "I-I need time to-to myself." I was close to breaking apart. I was thinking about all the negative stuff that had been said to me in the past. Why was I like this? Please please go away. I hit my forehead with my fist.
Zanoxolo: "Nothing happened between me and that woman baby. I swear. I don't fucken want her." The door handle rattled... "you fucken own my heart and cock, there's no space for anybody else. Now stop this and open the door Busi...please. You're worrying me." He confessed.
Me: "Make it stop Zano...please. There's so many voices...please Zano" I cried brokenly.
Zanoxolo: "Open the door baby...now!" The door handle rattled urgently. I unlocked the door and it was pulled opened immediately... "fuck...Busi what's happening baby?" He lifted me up in his arms and went to the bedroom. He sat on the bed with me on his lap. You're not good enough. He will leave you. You're fat and disgusting. You're useless and worthless. Even your own mother disowned you... "Busi...baby...talk to me!" He said shaking me. He sounded so far away, the voices in my head were so loud. I covered my ears to try and block them but it didn't help... "come back to me baby...please. You're fucken scaring me. Things were not supposed to be like this for you...only me." He said rocking me gently against his chest like I was a baby... "tell me what I can do for you baby. I will do anything. Just come back to me." His voice was shaky. Was my giant crying?
Me: "Zano..." I said clutching his t-shirt for dear life and trying to make myself small on his lap... "hold me please. Don't leave me. Love me Zano...please.".............................................................