Hikaru is honestly Supernanny level naughty 😂
Hikaru Majima : 7
Ren Majima : 5
This is short but I just wanted bedtime fiction with sensitive eyepatch man 💖
Sat at the table, Majima leant on his elbow and listened to you moan on about rising taxes or something like that. Your droning voice was sending him to sleep, despite it only being 4pm.
Suddenly, a soft little hand was patting him for his attention.
"Daddy... Daddy..."
Seems he'd actually fallen asleep, though for how long he was unsure. You weren't around him now. Ren's chubby little face was pink from tears, the sight sending a pang of fear through his chest.
"Haw... Whaddaya cryin' for?"
"Hikaru-kun bit me!"
"Ohh, man... Lemme see!"
Pulling the child onto his lap, he took his hand and inspected it. There were fresh bite marks, that would most likely bruise his pristine skin.
"Hikaru-kuuuun! Geddown these stairs, now!"
Surprisingly, he was being communicative today, actually showing himself instead of causing a fuss. Beneath the dark hair was a guilty scowl on his face.
"Look at this, why'd ya bite yer brother for, eh?"
"He's annoying me!"
"Yeah well, he may be annoyin' ya but yer've only got one brother in this world, so ya gotta be nice."
"He wouldn't leave me alone, Dad-"
"But ya don't gotta bite! Dogs bite. Are you a dog?"
"Naw. I ain't no dog."
"Exactly," he replied, unsure of where this was going. "So, stop yer bitin'. Now, say yer sorry."
"Sorry, Ren-kun," he mumbled, salty from being told off but gently patting his younger brother on his head anyway.
"It'll be alright," he promised, planting a kiss against it anyway for good measure. "Awright, c'mon you two, scram. Be nice."
It took literal minutes before he was causing havoc again. He'd answered you back, biting you, too.
Hikaru ran through the kitchen and onto the balcony, climbing up onto the fence. Majima's face dropped, but he followed him anyway.
Outside, his son was wearing his trademark scowl, leant against the column supporting the balcony with his favourite stuffed toy in his hand.
"Awright, whatcha done? Why's yer momma losin' her head, huh?"
Raking his fingers through Hikaru's unruly hair, the boy shook off his father's affections.
"I bit her."
"Ya bit Mom? After what I..." Sighing, the tired old dad pulled him from the bannister settling in a chair and snuggling the boy, who wasn't really fighting him.
"Hikaru-kun, y'know bitin's wrong, so why'd ya do it?" The kid was silent, unwilling to speak. "I'm talkin' to ya, ya bear. Why'd ya bite yer mom?"
"I just did."
"Ya don't... Bite the people ya love," He stammered, struggling to work through something so weird to say. Hikaru was obviously struggling with something, but it seemed he had indirectly come to Majima for comfort, which warmed his heart. His sons seemed to trust him an awful lot. "C'mon, let's go get some food before yer Mom starts her wailin', huh?"
Tea time was a success, evening rolling round. Goro had begun telling them one of his bullshit stories on the couch, the boys hanging onto every word in their pyjamas.
"Hon-la," Ren tried pronouncing, his baby teeth making him struggle.
"Hannya. Say it: Hann-ya."
"Han-dya."
"Close enough," the Mad Dog chuckled, making eye contact with you as you walked in. "Awright, Mommy's back, time to say yer g'nights." They leapt up, throwing their arms around your hips and awwing sadly. You smiled, bending over to kiss your little cherubs on their plump cheeks, their groaning making your heart swell even more.
"Well, that makes more kisses for Daddy, then," you said as you placed a gentle kiss on his blind side, the soft feel of your lips making his cheek tingle amidst a smile.
Growing impatient, your youngest son asked a question that had been burning in his mind.
"Mommy, why is Hangya on Daddy's back?"
Yakuza tradition and proving you're hard as nails wasn't the answer, especially when Majima could feel your stare from beside him, warning him.
"Oh, Ren-kun, she actually tried to eat me... But I ate her first!"
The small boy gasped, covering his mouth with his hand. Hikaru was being pulled in too by this revelation.
"You ate her?? A whole Handya?! Daddy, that's sooo greedy!"
"It is, ain't it," you chirped, smirking as you nudged an elbow into his shoulder. "Super greedy."
"W-Well... I had to! She was gonna eat me up, otherwise!"
"Why?" Hikaru yelped, genuinely concerned that there could be a woman inside his dad's stomach.
"'Cause Daddy misbehaves," you interrupted again, giggles leaving your mouth when you were pushed away playfully.
"Geddoutta here, or I'll eat you up, too!"
There was a silence, the boys absorbing this information.
"Why did she try and eat you, Daddy?"
"Uhh... Well... Say g'night to Mommy and I'll tell ya upstairs. It can be a bedtime story!"
Cheering, kisses and cuddles were exchanged before they trotted upstairs and awaited their story.
"Goro, I don't like you telling them these stories."
"I'm makin' it up, Doll. I ain't gonna tell 'em' bout a real hannya or nothin'. I'm tryna scare Hikaru-kun outta bitin'."
"Don't scare them too much will you? They won't sleep."
"Of course not," he replied, pecking your lips before yelling up the stairs. "Ya better be under those covers before Daddy gets ya!" Looking back at you, he promised not to scare them too much, running up the stairs to begin the story.
Snuggled in their beds, the yakuza was lounging on a beanbag as he made up his tall tale.
"Okay, so... Mommy and I were walkin' 'round Kamurocho... Before ya were born... And... Uncle Kazzy was there too... Ooh! Even Uncle Taiga!"
"You were all there?"
"We were all there. All four of us. Mommy fancied a picnic, so, we took our picnic basket and walked aaaaaall 'round Kamurocho lookin' for the perfect spot. We found a nice park and sat there, eatin' barbecue chicken and tripe and... Chocolate buttons and pancakes." His list of foods wasn't the best, but it caught their attention.
"Wow, chocolate buttons and pancakes, yummy!"
"What has this got to do with Hannya, Dad-?"
"Oi oi, I'm gettin' there! Keep it together, Hikaru-kun."
The boy quietened down, awaiting the next part. "Uuuh, Mommy had to go to the bathroom, yer Uncle Kazzy got a phone call and... Uncle Taiga was... Fishin'. Yeah. Anyway, the point was, I was left all by myself. Uncle Kazzy had brought cookies with him and left them when he went to answer the phone. Now Daddy was starvin', so he ate all the cookies even though they weren't even mine!"
Gasps left their little throats.
"But, those were Uncle Kazzy's cookies!"
"Yer right, Ren-kun, they were. Uncle Kazzy had no cookies left 'cause I ate 'em all. Every single one. I knew it was bad but... Those cookies just looked so delicious! Anyway... A lady came over to me and said 'Hey, Daddy. Those weren't yer cookies. Ya shouldn't have eaten 'em! Now, Uncle Kazzy's gonna be all sad and cry 'cause ya ate his cookies when ya weren't s'posed to.'"
"Who was the lady? Ya didn't tell us."
"Didn't I? She was Hannya... But I didn't know that yet. She just looked like a normal girl."
"Aww, did Uncle Kazzy get sad?"
"Yeah... He was cryin' for literal... Days." Making this up was so much harder than he had anticipated.
"But never mind that! Hannya gave me a biiig pizza, the size of Hikaru-kun, and she said : 'Daddy, ya can eat as much as ya like, but ya can't open the box 'til I go fetch Mommy from the bathroom.'"
"What did you do?"
"Well, I waited fer a while first. 'Cause ya know how Mommy feels when she tells us to do somethin' and ya don't do it..." Looking at Hikaru, his eldest was embarrassed, but listened on. "But, I really wanted to know what kinda pizza was in there so, I took a peek... And there were..."
They were hanging onto every word.
"ZOMBIES! On the pizza! Inside the box! Zombie eyes! Zombie teeth! Zombie guts! It was disgustin'! I had to save the town from zombies, bustin' heads open and stompin' 'em all. But Hannya sees everythin' naughty that ya do, and she saw me eat Uncle Kazzy's cookies, so she came out and chased me all around Kamurocho with a big stick." His fingers gestured running, followed by his kids' huge brown peepers. You peered in through the doorway, Majima's racket intriguing you. He noticed, leaping back and grabbing your waist and throwing you over his shoulder to make you squeal. "She said, 'I'm gonna eat Mommy!' She had huge sharp teeth and angry eyes, and started chompin' all over!" He put you down, leaping around their dimly lit bedroom. "She said she was gonna eat all the naughty l'il boys in Kamurocho and they'd be trapped in her tummy forever! So... I gobbled her up. All in one go. And now... She watches you l'il monkeys. Better watch out, or she might eat ya."
There was a stunned silence. Perhaps Majima had gone a little too far with his zombie trope.
Hours later, you and Majima had retired to bed, fast asleep. Your door creaked a little, disturbing your husband but not you, in a deep slumber inside his arms. Opening his eye, he listened for a moment, trying to gauge who's footsteps were outside his door. Judging by the footfalls, it was the older son, out of bed.
"Mommyyy," it wailed, his suspicions confirmed as Hikaru. Before Majima could reply, a scream rung out, followed by tears. You literally flew out of bed, kneeling and grabbing your son whilst his father switched on the lamp.
"Baby, what's the matter?" you asked, noticibly distressed. "Are you hurt?"
He could barely speak, throat clamping down from fear but allowing him to sob something about a nightmare. You bundled him in your dressing gown, picking him up to bring him to bed with you. Majima sat up, trying to speak to him as you rocked his tears away.
"Why the tears, li'l bear, huh?" Hikaru responded to his father, climbing over into his muscular arms instead. "Tell Daddy what yer bad dream was about."
Your look could have killed. Turns out he'd had a nightmare about zombies trying to eat him, then he'd seen Majima's back in the dim light and gotten frightened.
It took an hour, but eventually the man managed to soothe his son back into a slumber, allowing him to lie between you both.
"You're a bad man!" you hissed, folding your arms as you slouched in bed.
"I didn't think it would actually scare 'em!"
"Majima, you were screaming about zombies ripping heads off! No wonder he's so scared. Oh, my poor little boy."
"Guess I was," he mumbled guiltily, rubbing the back of his neck. "Maybe he'll stop bitin' now, though."
You shook your head, trying not to laugh. It was funny, really.