a/n: so i watched the doc. I'm going to be a mess for the next week. but after watching and actually seeing how Billie acts in a relationship high key fucked me up, both good and bad. hahaha, anyway I'm probably gonna go live later today to talk about the doc.
TW: Talk of drug-use and brief mentions of suicide.
Over the next couple of weeks, I spent a lot of time with Skylar and Dallas. Sky agreed to see a therapist about her problem with cocaine. Dallas and I took shifts being at the apartment, I know we were suffocating her a little, but that's what we had to do to make sure she was staying clean. My heart broke into a million pieces every time she had a craving. It was terrifying, she would either break down crying and threaten to kill herself or she'd get psychotically mad. I didn't know how to help her other than being with her. It's a lot of work to babysit a grown person who's having symptoms of withdrawal. Her mood would change in a blink of an eye, she was irritated, dizzy and always felt sick. Her comments were rude and cruel. As far as her having feelings for Billie, neither of us has brought it up again. She was basically always high off weed now but I'd rather that than a cocaine high.
Billie was extremely busy during this time, with meetings, shoots, and interviews. She wanted to get that done so she could have a short break before leaving for the tour.
Skylar is mostly past the withdrawal stage at this point, luckily she hadn't been using for too long. The doctor told us she was lucky she stopped now because the withdrawal would have been ten times worse if she had been using for a long period of time. She still isn't eating much but the doctor said her appetite will come back soon. She isn't as skinny but definitely isn't back to a healthy weight yet. Other than that, she's mostly back to her bubbly old self who just smokes a lot of weed.
I'm fucking exhausted. All I want to do is cuddle up with Billie, smoke some weed, and sleep for days on end. Which is exactly what I'm about to do. No one else is home but Billie and I, so Billie agreed that I could smoke. In fact, she almost encouraged it this time, she said I "deserved it after watching Sky."
We were currently laying down on the grass in her backyard as I slowly smoked a joint I had gotten from Sky.
"You do look kinda hot smoking that," Billie smirked as I exhaled the smooth smoke through my nose.
"I bet you would too," I smiled back, holding out the joint for her.
She looked at it for a brief second before shaking her head 'no', so I shrugged and took another hit.
"Oooooow I'm gonna try blowing O's," I cheesed, excited to maybe learn some tricks. I held the joint to my lips, inhaling, holding for a few seconds and exhaling, holding my mouth into an 'O' shape.
Billie burst out laughing at my failed attempt, making me laugh as well; which obviously led to me coughing.
"Wait wait, I can do it," I insisted, my words becoming slower the higher I got.
I took another hit and actually managed to blow out a few solid 'O's'.
"Wow, look how talented my baby is," Billie chucked, making fun of me.
After finishing the joint, Billie and I went back into her room where I immediately flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, enjoying my high. Billie laid next to me on her side, propped up on her elbow and I could feel her stare which made my lips upturn into a smirk.
"Why are you staring at me?" I giggled, still staring at the ceiling.
"You're kinda cute when you're high," she muttered seductively.
Honestly, basically, anything Billie has done today has been turning me on. It's been a few weeks since we've been intimate, due to me spending so much time at Dallas and Sky's place.
"And you're kinda hot when you're staring at me," I chuckled, glancing over at her.
Her hand stroked my cheek as she leaned down and attached her lips to mine. She tried to pull away after a bit but I grabbed the back of her head, keeping her in place as I deepened the kiss. She gave in quickly, swinging one of her legs over my waist to straddle my body.
I hadn't even realized music was playing until I heard the beginning of 'Do I Wanna Know?' by Arctic Monkeys started playing, making me smirk into the kiss.
I was in pure bliss as Billie began kissing down my neck, instantly finding my spot. A soft moan escaped the back of my throat as she started sucking on the spot, her hands exploring my body. I felt my clit begin to throb as her hands brushed over my boobs.
"Fuck me," I whispered, out of breath.
"You're high," She mumbled onto my neck, making goosebumps coat my entire body.
"And I want you to fuck me," I husked lowly.
"Are you sure?" She questioned, moving back to my face and staring deep into my eyes.
"Yes the fuck I'm sure," I rolled my eyes, ready to fuck myself if she didn't touch me.
"I just don't know if you're thinking straight an-"
I cut her off, grabbing the back of her head and smashing our lips together desperately. I opened my mouth as she slid her tongue into my mouth. I sucked on it for a second before it danced around mine.
'Still Don't Know My Name,' began playing as her hand slid down my body and into my pants, making me zone into a state of euphoria. She teases my soaking clit, making a peace sign with two fingers and spreading my lips. Her free hand slid under my shirt, easily having access to my nipples as I wasn't wearing a bra.
"Billie," I whined in agony as the throbbing became more intense. Her lips reconnected to the sensitive spot on my neck. Her cool fingertips circling my left nipple. My breathing got heavier as she flicked her finger once on my clit.
"Hmm?" Billie hummed onto my neck, sending a warm shock through my body.
I grabbed onto her arm that was in my pants and pressed her hand against myself, beginning to grind my hips to create friction on my clit. "Eager," she chuckled, watching me with dazed eyes.
She sat up making me pout with an eye-roll. As she sat up and wrapped her fingers into my waistband I realized what she was doing. She slipped my pants and thong down my legs in one swift motion. I watched her as she threw them to the side carelessly and spread my legs apart. That one motion alone, making me feel ready to bust.
Her hypnotizing blue eyes stared into mine; she leaned down, her ass sticking up in the air as she stayed on her knees. My back involuntarily arched as her soft warm tongue attached to my twitching bud. 'Desire-slowed' by Hucci played over the speaker, blending into my moans.
She stuck her tongue out into a point, flicking my clit over and over, getting faster and faster. I clenched my teeth together in an attempt to quiet my moans. My body jolting slightly as I felt two of her fingers curl into me; instantly hitting my spot.
I feel her tongue flatten, putting pressure on my dripping bud as she moves it slowly back and forth. I sink into the feeling while her fingers curl up and down. My mouth drops open as my breath catches in my throat; unable to make a sound as my legs tense up, coming to my orgasm.
One more curl of her fingers and the tensing turns into violent shaking; my firsts grasp the sheets, balling them into fists as screams of pure ecstasy leave my mouth. Billie slows the pace down as the orgasm washes over my entire body. Her free hand grasps over one of mine and squeezes it to help ground me as she pulls her fingers out.
"oh my god," I moan, still out of breath.
"Still feeling it?" Billie smirks with a little chuckle as I nod my head.
She sits back up, placing two of her fingers in front of my mouth. I open up and she sticks them into my mouth; I wrap my lips around them and suck them clean. Her fingertips lightly brush a strand of hair that was stuck to my sweaty forehead. "I'm gonna run you a bath," she smiles before walking out of the room, leaving me in post-orgasm bliss.
I ran a hand through my hair and stood up but instantly my knees buckled under me. Apparently, my legs were still too shaky for me to walk.
Billie ran back into the room and giggled at me before lending me a hand. She held onto my shoulders, steadying me and helping me walk to the bathroom. I sat down on the ledge of the bath, lifting my shirt over my head tiredly. Slowly I slid into the warm water and sighed contently. Billie sat on the ledge of the bath pulling my hair into a messy bun.
"Get in with me?" I whispered. She nodded her head and I couldn't help but stare at every move she made as she stripped down to nothing.
She tapped my back and I moved forward slightly as she climbed in behind me, pulling me back so I was pressed against her front. She wrapped her arms around my waist and placed a hand on my stomach comfortingly. I laid my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying being in the company of Billie.
"I love you," She breathed out into my ear.
My mind went blank. Of course, she loves me.... but love love me?
"Like, more than a friend?" I stuttered out in almost a whisper.
"M, I love you in every possible way there is to love somebody. I love your personality, I love the stupid jokes you make, I love you when you're sad and I love you when you're happy. I love your body and the way your mouth slightly parts when you're sleeping. I love the way your dark hair naturally curls when you get out of the shower. I love to way your so selfless and take care of the people you love. I love the small little passions that not a lot of people know about you... I love you," she ranted, making my cheeks glow red as a huge smile tugged on my lips.
"I love you," I smiled, turning around to place a kiss on her lips.