Estella
He's kissing me so passionately I feel I'm gonna run out of breath and pass out from the interaction. He pulls me closer with his hands on my hips, and I hadn't realized we could get closer than we were. He leaves my lips and a small whimper escapes me until he places kisses along the bruises on my neck. The bruises he gave me.
What am I doing? I can't keep giving in, I can't keep letting him walk all over me. Isn't he the one who told me to stop letting my sister bitch at me?
I pull away from him. Stepping back as far as I can before he can say anything.
"What's wrong princess?" A small look of concern appears beneath his eyes. It's all fake though, he told me that.
"This is fake right?" My voice chokes as I say the words. Realizing my mistake again was believing anything with him to be real. His eyebrows furrow at my question, just answer it. For the sake of my sanity please Cade put me out of this misery.
"I don't understand what you're asking princess." Don't play dumb with me now.
"You said before, it was all a plan. So this is fake? Just like everything else?" Oh god, his apologies. He was lying. It's what he does.
"The apologies, the hug. It was all f- fake." I whisper mainly to myself but loud enough that I'm sure he can hear.
He drops his head to the ground, answering my question without using his words.
"I'm gonna go find a ride home." I say quietly, my voice felt so small compared to him. I felt so small.
"Estella let me take you home." The desperation in his voice made me want to deny that it was all a fantasy. He made me want to believe in the fairy tales I had come so accustom to hating. He made me want to go back to the treehouse in a princess dress and continue my make believe story. He made me want to believe in the lies of the world, to believe that there was happiness for me somewhere out there.
"Please." I had forgotten he was there. Still awaiting my answer.
"Okay." Is all I say before climbing back into the car. This would be a quiet ride, one I wasn't truly prepared for.
He climbs into the driver side keeping his head hung low. Maybe he regretted it, the lying. Maybe it was real. No, I can't do that to myself. I can't continue to live in the fantasy world created by my own sorrows.
"Do you want to turn on music?" His deep voice pulls me from my thoughts.
"No. I'm okay." I turn my head back to the window and continue watching the leaves as we drive past them. It was a starry night out, unlike usual. It should be raining— after all we're in Seattle. But no, as if the universe was telling me it didn't support my emotions- the sky was clear tonight.
I used to think the stars were so beautiful when I was a kid, I would stare at them from the backyard lying there with my sister and brother. Dylan always said he'd become an astronomer when he grew up, he would buy me a star and fly me there in a space ship. I never took the promise seriously, but I think it was the first promise someone broke in my life.
When he went missing, I would trail out to the backyard and pray to the stars, I would look to them and wait for an answer. I'd search for him in them, I'd search for a sign that he was out there and he'd come back for me. I never told anyone of the times I'd sneak into the woods behind the house hoping whatever took him would do me the mercy of taking me too.
I continue staring at the stars as Cade stays silent beside me. We would be home shortly, maybe another five minutes at most. And god I couldn't wait to get in my bed and just lay there. The thought actually causes a slight smile to spread to my lips, thinking of how at peace I will be when I'm no longer next to Cade.
We pull up to my driveway and I waste no time getting out of the car, slamming the door behind me just a little bit too loud.
"Estella, we have plans tomorrow. I'm sure you saw my text." He says in a monotone voice, I continue walking. I have nothing to say to him. He pulls my arm back and faces me.
"Are you ever going to speak again?" No. Not to you. At least that's what I wish I could say.
"Not unless I absolutely have to." I mumble out as I turn to walk again. But once again I'm stopped, this time by him jumping in front of me.
"Estella Josette, hm you were easier to break than I thought." Is he really mocking me right now?
"You are so-" I stop myself. He wants a reaction and I am not giving him one.
"I guess I am." I say as I turn my eyes to meet his.
"Not even gonna fight back anymore? I gotta say babygirl, I'm a bit disappointed." He tsks at me. But I stay silent. Waiting for him to move so I can pass.
"Aw poor Estella, broken by so many men." He pouts as he continues. "No one left to listen to her pitiful cries." I bring my hand up on instinct and slap him.
It's a hard slap, harder than the one from the alley. He shakes his head at me and I can see his eyes darken further. But I egg him on.
"Wanna keep going?" I challenge.
He laughs at me, a deep chuckle erupting from the back of his throat. Combing through the lips that were on mine such a short time ago. I have to remind myself it was fake, a plot to control me more.
"Sweetheart you never fucking learn." He steps closer to me, causing me to drag my feet back towards the truck. So close— I was so close to just going to bed.
"I don't do well with disobedience." He leans closer to me nearly spitting in my face.
"Well that seems to put us in a predicament because I don't do well with being told what to do." I've always hated being told what to do or who I can be. He raises his hand and it feels like slow motion as his fingers wrap around my neck again. Covering the bruises originally leftover.
"Cade you're hurting me." I calmly get out. His fingers lighten, but he continues holding his place.
"If you want to stop being hurt then maybe start fucking listening." He seethes.
"I'm sorry." I shouldn't be apologizing to him. I have nothing to apologize for, I've done nothing wrong. But when his hands drop from my neck completely, I realize I'll do anything to avoid his pain.
"Good girl. Now go inside and go the fuck to sleep."
"And if I don't?" Why am I challenging him again? Why can't I just quit?
"Then I guess we'll find out how easy it is to kill you." Oh. He turned around and headed towards the entry way.
"Where were you tonight?" I piped up before he could get to the door.
"What do you mean?"
"Before I- before you got my call." Remembering that call caused embarrassment to flood my cheeks once again. He chuckled lightly at me.
"I was out." Is all he says.
"Where?" I probably don't want to know.
"I was at a business meeting." He's lying, I can tell by the way his eye twitches so subtly every time he lies to me. Something anyone normal wouldn't notice, but when you're obsessed with ones every feature it's hard to not notice.
"In Seattle? How do you have company here?"
"It's not really your business who my company is or where they locate themselves, now is it?" I hate this side of him, I hate the way he carries himself.
"You're lying. You weren't at a business meeting." I state clearly, furrowing my brows together and scowling at him.
"I was at a meeting place where business occurs."
"Just tell me."
"Why should I?" He has a point, he owes me nothing.
"You've basically claimed me as your slave, you tell me everything I can and cannot do. I think I deserve an explanation for where you went after you tried to frame me for the murder of an innocent man." I'm proud of the confidence in my voice, proud that I refuse to let him walk all over me any longer.
"You're cute. I went to a strip club." My eyes grow wide at him. "It's a place where hot girls-"
"I know what it is Cade." He chuckles lightly at the redness flushing my cheeks.
"Well I guess babygirl isn't as innocent as we thought." He steps closer to me and continues. My breath is hitched in the back of my throat and I can't seem to find words for him.
"But I think I knew that after you came for me so many times." He leans into my ear letting his hot breath coast over the side of my face.
My chest rises up and down at an unimaginable pace.
"Cade stop." Simple words that cause him to pull away from me.
"There she is." He says matter of factly.
"I told you before. If it's fake then stop. Please just leave me alone, I'll do what you want." I say defeated. The confidence I had a few minutes ago has disintegrated completely.
"Right. Afraid of a little no strings attached fun?" He smirks at me.
"More like afraid of being another one of your sluts." I say softly, I'm done playing this game with him. I'm done going back and forth between confidence and fear. I'm done.
"You'd be less of a slut, more of a student. I have so many things I could do to you if you'd let me." His voice was husky and he was once again stepping towards me.
I feel like if someone were to be watching us they would think we were insane. Continuously seeing him step back and forth as if he's doing some sort of waltz. I couldn't help but laugh internally at the thought of him ever dancing. But this wasn't a time for jokes, not when he's speaking to me in a dark tone that has my body igniting for him.
Against my every thought, my body has decided to do what it wants. And so I step towards him, closing the inches between us and I kiss him. However, I'm smart enough to have a plan.
I give him a passionate and intimate kiss, hungry for him, needing him. And I let myself enjoy it for a few seconds too. His tongue finds mine autonomously, leaving no space in my mouth untouched. I savor this moment, I clutch onto it knowing it will be the last one. And I pull away.
He almost looks desperate, stuck wanting more.
"Why'd you stop babygirl?" His dark tone is back, hiding the cracks of need underneath his voice.
"I needed that one more time. I needed to show you just once more that I'm not ever going to be the equivalent to a slut like you think. I'll never bow down to you, let you have your way with me. I'm not afraid of you or what you'll do, but I know myself better than to let my heart believe there's any good in you at all." My words are like a punch to him, it's evident the way his smirk fades and his fists ball up. I can only hope I hurt him even a fraction of the amount he's hurt me.
I move to the side to walk past him, finally ready to climb into my bed. And as I reach the front door I hear one more sentence fall from his mouth for the night.
"It was never fake." It's barely above a whisper coming from his lips, defeat hiding behind it. Defeat in the fact that I will never be his slave. My heart clenches at the words, thoughts swarming my mind. Did he mean this? If he did, what did it mean? Why was he telling me this?
I open the door without another word and walk to my room as fast as I can without waking my mother or sister. I climb in bed and pull the covers atop me. My thoughts are too loud for me to get any sleep tonight, but I refuse to go downstairs for anything until morning.
I refuse to face him. I refuse to give in to the make believe any more.
~~
[ woah this was a rollercoaster of emotions. And I think I'm gonna stick with chapters around 2,000 words mainly. Although, it's possible there will be longer chapters sometimes but I don't wanna pressure myself and get stressed out. Thank you so much for reading! <3 ]