Incorrect quotes (from other sources like Pinterest, I just used these characters for them)
—-
Raven: Is there a word that's between angry and sad?
Christine: Malcontent, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.
James: Smad.
Albus: There's two types of people.
—-
Scorpius: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Christine: I almost died.
Scorpius: That was my fondest memory.
—
Ashton: Why is there blood everywhere?
Raven: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Ashton: YOU STABBED SOMEONE?
Raven: No, no. Aggressively poked them with a knife.
—-
Scorpius: I didn't drink that much last night.
Raven: You were flirting with Albus.
Scorpius: So what? He's my boyfriend.
Christine: You asked if he was single... and cried when he said he wasn't.
—-
Albus: Fight me!
Orion: Ha! Look at your size. What are you going to do? Kick me in the ankle?
(Later)
Scorpius: Why is Orion quivering on the floor and crying?
Raven: Albus kicked him really hard in the ankle.
—-
Aries: Why does everyone always assume the worst of me?
Scorpius: It saves time.
—-
James: Hey, do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Christine: You're a hazard to society.
Dinah: And a coward. Do twenty.
—-
Ashton: Can you recommend me any books that made you cry?
Raven: Advanced Potion Making.
—-
Christine: I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I forgot something.
James: You left me in Diagon Alley like two weeks ago.
Christine: I did that on purpose, try again.
—-
Christine: Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit.
Raven: Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
Orion: Philosophy is wondering whether that makes ketchup a smoothie.
Albus: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a fucking smoothie.
—-
Harry Potter (rhetorically): How many children do you have?
Draco Malfoy: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.
—-
Albus: You read my journal?
Lily: At first I didn't know it was your journal... I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
—-
Albus: I'm cold.
Scorpius: Here, take my jacket.
Ashton: I'm cold too.
Raven: *sets the world on fire*
—-
Scorpius: I need to get something off my chest.
Orion: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.
—-
Christine: FOUR MONTHS-
Raven: What's wrong with her?
Scorpius: It's nothing really-
Christine: THAT'S HOW LONG YOU STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT?!
—-
Scorpius: I think you have PTSD.
Orion: Yeah I have PTSD. Proficient Talent for Sucking Dick.
Scorpius: I think we also need to talk about your use of humor as a coping mechanism.
Orion: I don't think you understand how clever that was.
—-
Orion: Rose, I have feelings for you.
Rose: You do?
Orion: Yes. I feel you're a little annoying.
—-
Albus: How does Raven and Scorpius usually get out of these messes?
Christine: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.
—-
Scorpius: Okay, so you're driving and Rose and Dinah walk onto the road. What do you hit?
Raven: Oh, definitely Rose.
Scorpius:
Scorpius: The brakes, Raven!
—-
Raven: I have an idea.
Christine: No murder.
Raven: I no longer have an idea.
—-
Raven: Do you think when butterflies are in love, they feel humans in their stomach?
Ashton: Raven, darling, love of my life, what the fuck?
—-
Anyone: You're violent.
Raven: Yeah, but I'm short. So it's adorable.
—-
Albus: I'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual.
—-
Orion: Are you two posing?
Raven/Scorpius: Google Earth is always taking pics.
—-
Christine: I like that we say "Oh, man" to express disappointment, because men are disappointing.
—-
Raven: I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
—-
Albus: You're blocking the view.
Scorpius: I am the view.
—-
Orion: Girls are hot... guys are hot. Why is everyone so hot?
Dinah: Global Warming?
—-
Aries: How come whenever I have fun, it's considered wrong?
Scorpius: People die when you have fun.
—-
Raven: You're like a cloud.
Rose: What?
Raven: When you disappear it's a beautiful day.
—-
Scorpius: I have this urge to do something stupid.
Orion: I'm stupid. Do me.
Raven:
Dinah:
James:
Christine:
Orion: Did I say that out loud.
—-
Scorpius: What's this? *holds paper*
Orion: My To-Do list.
Scorpius: This has just my name.
—-
*twins in the Great hall*
Ashton: *sitting down* How's the most beautiful person on earth doing?
Scorpius: *sarcastically* I'm great, thanks.
—-
Raven: Apparently "spite" is not an appropriate answer to "what motivates you?"
—-
Raven/Scorpius: Father, were we adopted?
Draco: No, why the fuck would I pick you two?
—-
Aries: If you ever feel safe, please remember that I'm out there. :)
—-
Raven: She died of natural causes.
Christine: You pushed her off a roof.
Raven: Gravity is natural.
—-
Orion: Would you slap Albus for a million galleons?
James: I would roundhouse kick him in the face for free.
—-
Scorpius: How's it going?
Albus: Well, I have this headache that comes and goes.
Orion: Hey guys!
Albus: There it is again.
—-
Scorpius: I really want to kiss you.
Albus: What?
Scorpius: I said if you die, I won't miss you.
—-
Raven: You ever wonder if you're the bad guy in someone else's story?
Scorpius: Raven, I'm the bad guy in MY OWN story.
—-
Raven: I have flaws. What are they? My family comes first. Sometimes I ignore my texts. Occasionally I'll curse someone. Sue me.
—-
Raven: I don't dress to impress. I dress to depress. I look so good I make people hate themselves.
—-
Albus: Must you always attack me with words?
Scorpius: You want me to use rocks?
—-
Scorpius: What if "It's raining men" and "Let the bodies hit the floor" are both about the same event, but from different perspectives?
Albus: I am begging you to stop.
—-
Christine: I am, as the Gryffindors say, awake.
Dinah: Do you mean woke?
Christine: Yes, but that is grammatically incorrect.
—-
Christine: I'm a miserable failure.
Scorpius: yes you are.
Christine: I've failed my mission.
Scorpius: yes you have.
Christine: I could use words of encouragement.
Scorpius: Yes you could.
—-
Orion: Did it hurt?
Scorpius: Did what hurt?
Orion: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Albus, sliding beside Scorpius: No but I bandaged his knees when he crawled from hell.
—-
Raven: You shouldn't be using a straw.
Michael: I know, it's bad for the environment or whatever.
Raven: No, it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti.
—-
Ashton: Why would someone want to hurt Raven?
Rose: Maybe because they met her.
—-
Scorpius: I would rather bleed out than talk about my feelings for ten hours.
—-
Scorpius: Wait, are you flirting with me?
Albus: Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.
—-
Raven: I was born for politics. I have great hair, and I love lying.
—-
Draco: I hope you two have an explanation for this.
Scorpius: Actually, we have three.
Raven: Pick your favorite.
—-
Albus: Can I tell you a secret?
Raven: I wouldn't recommend it, no.
—-
James: If Rose and I were drowning, who would you save?
Albus: You idiots can't even swim?
James: It's a hypothetical question, who would you save?
Albus: My time and effort.
—-
Scorpius: Hey buddy, I got us friendship bracelets.
Raven: Oh that's nice of you, Where are they?
Scorpius: *handcuffs himself to Raven*
—-
Michael: Hey do you have a bag I could borrow?
Scorpius: the only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they're specifically designed to to carry the burden of my existence.
Michael: literally all you had to do was say no.
—-
Albus: Describe yourself in one word.
Scorpius: indescribable.
—-
Draco: When you work in law for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.
Harry: *Walking past Draco* Blue is not your color.
Draco: Blue brINGS OUT MY EYES, YOU PRICK!
—-
Christine: Okay code names. I'm eagle one.
Christine: Scorpius is "Been there, done that"
Christine: James is "Currently doing that"
Christine: Raven is "It happened once in a dream"
Christine: Orion is "If I had to pick a Darkside"
Christine: And Albus is Eagle two.
Albus: Thank merlin.
—-
Raven: I'll take the right, you take the left.
Rose: But there's twice as many on the left.
Raven: I know. I can count.
—-
Dinah: I'm quick at math.
Orion: Okay what's 29 x 63?
Dinah: 37
Orion: What? That's not even close.
Dinah: But it was quick.
—-
Albus: I had a dream we got into a fight.
Scorpius: Who won?
Albus: Me.
Scorpius: Yup, definitely a dream.
—-
Orion: Why is blood so hard to wash off your hands?
Orion: I just realized how bad that sounds. For the record, I HAD A NOSE BLEED. IM NOT A SERIAL KILLER.
Scorpius: But we both know that's not quite true.
Raven: Hydrogen Peroxide Dissolves blood, just FYI.
Scorpius: Do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?
Michael: This house is filled with Serial Killers.
—-
Aries: I invited you out to the woods because I crave the most dangerous game.
Raven/Scorpius, nodding: Knife Monopoly.
Aries: I was actually going to hunt you for sport but now I'm interested in whatever the fuck knife monopoly is.
—-
Scorpius: Being tired isn't even a mood anymore, it's my entire personality.
—-
Scorpius: *rolling down the car window* What seems to be the problem, officer?
Cop: Get the FUCK out of my car!
—-
Harry: Can you describe the guy who shot you?
Scorpius: Yes. He wasn't very friendly.
—-
Scorpius: Some people are like slinkies. Relatively useless but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
Aries: Don't push me down the stairs.
Scorpius: You can't stop me.
—-
Raven: You need to react when people cry!
Scorpius: I did. I rolled my eyes.
—-
Christine: I mean yeah, we're besties, but I'd still fuck you if you asked.
Raven: What?
Christine: What?
Dinah: You said you'd fuck her if she asked.
*Scorpius has left the chat*
*Orion has joined the chat*
—-
Ashton: Raven is an Angel that fell from Heaven.
Rose: Yeah, so was Lucifer.
—-
Raven: All in all, a 100% successful trip.
Albus: We lost Rose.
Raven:
Raven: All in all, a 100% successful trip.
—-
Scorpius: Am I in trouble?
Harry: Take a guess.
Scorpius: No.
Harry: Take another guess.
—-
Interviewer: There's seven chairs and ten people. What do you do?
Albus: Have everyone stand.
Christine: Get three more chairs!
Raven: The best seven of the lot can sit down.
Aries: Kill three.
—-
Dinah: Are you still upset?
Raven: Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like Chapman to work?
—-
Raven: He looked at me the way all women want to be looked at...
Christine: Awww.
Raven: With fear in his eyes.
Christine:
Aries: Awww.
—-
Michael: You know what? I blame Scorpius for all this. And Raven too. I blame her.
Raven: What did I do?
Michael: I'm sure you did something.
—-
Orion: What scares you the most?
Raven: Losing a loved one.
Albus: Failure.
Scorpius: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.
Ashton: ... Scorpius.
—-
Harry: You can't apparate without a license.
Scorpius: Not to worry, I have a permit.
Harry: This is just a piece of paper that says 'I do what I want.'
—-
Scorpius: There's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way, and the Scorpius way.
Albus: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Scorpius: Yeah, but it's faster.
—-
Scorpius: You know those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea-
Albus: And then I ignore you? Yeah.
—-
Scorpius: Come on guys, don't be dumb. Orion does not have a crush on me.
Albus: He does.
Christine: He does.
James: He does.
Rose: He does.
Oliver: He does.
Dinah: He does.
Normani: He does.
Orion: He does.
—-
Rose: You are an awful person.
Raven: Maybe. But I'm rich and I'm pretty so it doesn't really matter.
—-
Scorpius: I want to wake up with you the rest of my life.
Albus: I wake up at 4 am.
Scorpius:
Scorpius: Never mind.
—-
Raven: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.
Scorpius: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me at 3am to look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.
—-
Scorpius: You're cute when you're angry.
Albus: Then I'm about to get really fucking adorable.
—-
Daniel: I'm going to kill you.
Scorpius:
Daniel: What? Aren't you scared?
Scorpius: That threat was so empty it had an echo.
—-
Rose: I wish I had the ability to make boys nervous.
Aries: Hold a knife to their throat, usually works for me.
—-
Christine: So what's it like dating Albus?
Scorpius: Once I asked him to bring me a water while he was mad at me and he brought me a glass full of ice and said 'wait.'
—-
Aries: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeves.
Scorpius: I think you mean cards.
Aries, pulling three knives from her sleeves: I do not.
—-
Enjoy these while I try to finish the next chapter whoops.